Tiger Woods made love children and sex tapes. Of course.

December 9th, 2009 // 117 Comments

Based on his new hobby of banging 800 cocktail waitresses and porn stars without a condom, it was inevitable Tiger Woods would be caught on tape not only doing one but fertilizing her eggs with his magic golf sperm. The National Enquirer reports:

“That would be the final straw for his wife – AND Tiger knows it,” said an insider. “But there is definitely more than one woman out there who could come forward to say she had his babies.”
To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.

Tiger’s plan so far has been to buy these women’s silence, but since he’s a poon-thirsty idiot, he probably never even planned for this scenario:

ELIN: Honey, come look at this cute kid golfing on Leno. He just sank a 20 yard pu– Wait a minute….
TIGER: *locks panic room door*

superficial

  1. jennifer Hammond

    #15, face it no one, not even you “brutha’s” want black pussy anymore. Its foul and nasty and your obviously jealous because you can’t get the white pussy.

  2. Jimmy

    Non-white women are noticeably absent. Can’t wait for a round of 18 holes to be ID’d.

  3. Type

    He certainly likes them surgically-enhanced, doesn’t he? The one in pink, I thought was either Mariah Carey or LaToya Jackson at first.

  4. Type

    He certainly likes them surgically-enhanced, doesn’t he? The one in pink, I thought was either Mariah Carey or LaToya Jackson at first.

  5. lily

    “that would be the final straw” OMFG are you kidding me, i think he hit the final straw about a week ago. get fucking serious.

  6. Deacon Jones

    @51

    Well said Jen. Plus they’re fucking psychotic.
    I heard on the radio that the black community is all pissed off and backing off supporting him because they’re all white chicks.

    Oh, and first on calling out the herpes scar on Slut So and So in the final pic! Nice Tiger! Now you have “Da Clap” and Herpes! Must make your wife proud!

  7. AZrock

    #51 wow, my fiance is a black woman, med-student, gorgeous…
    grow up.

  8. MonkeyMan777

    Whoa! What’s whith chick #1′s face?????
    Her and MJ must have had the same plastic surgeon.

    She’s looks happy with her whore-fame.

  9. KG

    Stupid moves:

    1) Getting married when he’s not ready to put his tool away
    2) Having unprotected sex

    If he’d remained single and if he’d worn a condom, there’s be absolutely no story here. WHY he got married seems pretty much the $1,000,000 question. Or should that be the $1,000,000,000 question?

  10. MokeyMan777

    Oops!
    Looks lick chick #2 goes to the same plastic surgeon as #1, they ahev the same lopped off nose…..but chick #2 also opted fort he duck-lip look.

    Dang, man……with how rich you are (were?) you could have gotten hot trim (look at your wife!) but you settled on fast-food hollywood plastic-whore types….

    Man, I’ve lost all resepct for you.

  11. Amber

    The woman in the first photo looks like a cross between Dina Lohan and Mariah Carey.

  12. Bud

    All the chicks Tiger’s banged look freaking nasty as hell. What the hell is wrong with him. Couldn’t he consolidate all of these broads into one hot supermodel at least?

  13. Truth

    @62

    If you’ve banged a lot of girls then you know the hottest looking ones are merely average or suck in bed. Average looking girls fuck hard and good. Nasty looking girls let you do crazy shit to them.

  14. Suzy Ethan

    Oh please. Are we really expected to believe that Tiger is stupid enough to sleep with tons of reality-tv/porn star wannabes and not wear a condom or ask if they’re on birth control? I have trouble believing that anyone could convince himself that that wouldn’t lead to a buttload of child support payments.

  15. Did Tiger never want to be a golfer at all and it was his Dad pushing him. Maybe Tiger did the golf thing to gain his Dad’s respect. The marriage, again to show his Dad what a nice man he is. Then Dad dies and Tiger goes wild! Like he never grew up or knew who he was as a person before. He was out of his depth without his Father there in the background. All his life his Dad was his anchor. He is totally screwed up as a person.

  16. threeringcircus

    Man, this guy just keeps sinking deeper and deeper every single day, how much worse can this get? does he have families scattered throughout the world? Does he have Herpes and then gave it to his wife? I can’t believe any woman would not want to take him to the cleaners via the court system after this. The bimbos were bad enough, but now at least 2 porn stars as well, and apparently he was still contacting bimbo #1 even after all this crap broke. This guy may never recover from this, and can you imagine the reception he will get on the links from women after this train-wreck? I’ve been to several PGA events and let me tell you there are plenty of women who go to these tourneys. If they stay together will she have ten dudes watching him every waking hour and probably while he “sleeps” as well.

  17. Hilarious

    #63 true dat. An average or slightly homely chick (like a butterface) will let you rape her asshole all night long. Also, cougars will let you do anything. They know they have to in order to compete.

  18. cfdgdfdfrfdfgfdfgdtdfgfdf

    I really don’t see the problem with him being a spokesmodel. Now his products say “Be like Tiger Woods… not only marry a model trophy wife, but sleep with any ho you desire, who will go on to then become millionaires/celebs from the mere fact that they can tie themselves to you.” This guy is a friggin god.

  19. my comment

    I guess the ‘black community’ would be okay with all this if only Tiger was screwing and abusing black women of color.

  20. my comment

    Come to think of it, that Jamie Grubbs looks like she’s got a little black in her. Just look under the plastic surgery.

    And WTF kind of boots is she wearing?

  21. I think Tiger is probably an alcoholic and a pill addict which in turn led him into doing stupid decisions. He was alledgedly drunk and high on pills the night of the car crash which would indicate that he has some sort of problem and all the women report him using prescription drugs and drinking heavily at night clubs. His best bet, would be to go to rehab people will always have more sympathy for an alcholic than a scumbag.

  22. AZrock

    I am black, but don’t speak for the “black community” I speak for myself as a man of color, law student, veteran etc. Tiger never claimed he was black, society deemed him black, even his dad claimed he was everything but black so fuck em both to be honest. Self hatred runs deep in this cat, and he got that from his daddy. So if we the “black community” are all womanizing sex addicts, animals, base humans…then what does this say about white women?

    This is the society we live in, to bad his black ass does not realize that the same people, white, that build you up and bring you down as well. But I blame his ass for this, hell maybe if he were “blacker” his pimp game would be tighter…..

  23. AZrock

    I am black, but don’t speak for the “black community” I speak for myself as a man of color, law student, veteran etc. Tiger never claimed he was black, society deemed him black, even his dad claimed he was everything but black so fuck em both to be honest. Self hatred runs deep in this cat, and he got that from his daddy. So if we the “black community” are all womanizing sex addicts, animals, base humans…then what does this say about white women?

    This is the society we live in, to bad his black ass does not realize that the same people, white, that build you up and bring you down as well. But I blame his ass for this, hell maybe if he were “blacker” his pimp game would be tighter…..

  24. Tire Swing

    Duncan said: “The sex tape would never be released unless Tiger signed off on it and that will obviously never happen”

    Not true. If he knew it was being made, he can’t stop it. He might be entitled to a share of the profits, however.

  25. My comment too

    #14 and #69 what the fuck do you know about the black community? You stupid fucks.

    And you self identifying “men of color” STFU! Nobody want’s to read your dissertation. This is a gossip site. Jeebus!

  26. AZrock

    #75 Thanx wow, ignorant Ni$$as running rampant, yes it’s a gossip site, if you don’t want to read it then shove on…

  27. AZrock

    #75 Thanx wow, ignorant Ni$$as running rampant, yes it’s a gossip site, if you don’t want to read it then shove on…

  28. aprilstp

    Those women are as vile as Tiger…he’s rich so they don’t give a damn about his wife and babies at home.

  29. Tiger is the Asian Obama!

    Too bad not a single one of them were better looking than what he started with.

    Elin Nordgren is smoking hot.

    Washed up 80′s porn stars? Not so much.

  30. ml dyrna

    hey! wait a minute, give the guy a break, you all would do the same. so knock it off go tiger, by the way you missed me come on over to my house love, i’m a little old , but you can double bag it. turn us all upside down and all that p—–, is the same—except i do have a lot of experience, or does that matter? OH! WELL , GO TIGER GO!!!!! TENNESSEE -OL COUNTRY GAL

  31. ml dyrna

    hey! wait a minute, give the guy a break, you all would do the same. so knock it off go tiger, by the way you missed me come on over to my house love, i’m a little old , but you can double bag it. turn us all upside down and all that p—–, is the same—except i do have a lot of experience, or does that matter? OH! WELL , GO TIGER GO!!!!! TENNESSEE -OL COUNTRY GAL

  32. puhleez

    A prostitute is just like any other woman; they all trade something for sex and they do it well.

  33. Donk Donkerson

    Not sure why he even bothered getting married. He should just role single so he can bang whoever he wants without any consequences, like George Clooney.

    Still, can’t really blame him though. When you travel all of the world and have pussy thrown at you constantly (as Tiger surely does) you can only hold out for so long.

  34. my comment

    #75… uh… some folks from the ‘black community’ actually came out and said that Tiger should be banging black broads. Take it up with them.

    PS: The use/overuse of the ‘F’ word is a clear indicator of your lack of vocabulary.

  35. cc

    Deacon Jones @56…what herpes scar? (I am not disagreeing, I just don’t see it.) It wouldn’t come as a great shock.

  36. kerri

    I thought the first couple of girls were average looking – not great but not horrible either but these last well, 11 are we at?, are getting uglier and uglier. Could he have picked worse looking trashy chicks to sleep with? Honestly – gross. I hope Elin leaves him. Once you have lost trust, there is nothing left.

  37. Oh please

    I don’t get the fascination. Celebrity has sex with groupies. Wow, shocker!!! Elin was probably one of them too – wake up people.

  38. Ice

    Here is a great place——-Cougarmatching.com ——- It’s a premiere cougar dating community for older women seeking younger men and men seeking older womem. Come in, post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the hot photo galleries. You will find someone you like here…

  39. Hoax & Change

    Its all George Bush’s fault.

  40. My comment too

    #85 The point is shit for brains, is that nobody speaks for the black community. No community is homogenous. Who speaks for the white community etc…You sound like a fucking idiot taking a few people’s opinion (probably your idiot friends) and saying that it’s representative of a whole community.

    Furthermore, don’t worry about my vocabulary you fucking fuck. Worry about your logic or lack thereof.

  41. gigi

    I thought Jamie was mixed [e.g. black enough]…. eh who cares — loving that old hag’s boots behind her in the banner shot! how’d she manage to work that out?? looks like she’s stepping gingerly tho — perhaps she’s not accustomed… hahaaaaaaa

  42. gena

    @ #65

    I agree, though maybe not in the same vein. I think he found himself with grief he maybe didn’t recognize, and never acted this way prior to his dad’s death. I’m not sure if I were Elin that I’d believe that. But this guy has been a celebrity since he was a kid. There’s no real reason for us to believe he had a normal life.

  43. spicy

    AZ Rock speaks the truth, i like that

  44. Good Lord

    The final straw would be having sex with all these women WITHOUT A CONDOM and then coming home to your wife and having sex with her. It’s one thing to cheat but, its entirely another to expose someone you love to AIDS, Herp, etc.

    What an a**hole.

  45. Chrissy Hines

    This is absolutely crazy

  46. Snotty

    Why would Tiger put her through this???

  47. azriel

    Tiger is pretty much done (As far as being a Role model, Father, Husband and Athlete). This will blow over and all Tiger will be is a lot less richer and will be a joke for years to come. I don’t think he will ever be able to live this down!!

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