Obviously not one to let Jesse James steal his poon thunder, Tiger Woods granted ESPN a five-minute-only interview Sunday night for the sole purpose of repeating his press conference verbatim while making sure everybody knows he banged every single one of those women:
Rinaldi: You’ve said you’ve made transgressions. How would you, in your own words, describe the depth of your infidelity?
Woods: Well, just one is, is enough. And obviously that wasn’t the case, and I’ve made my mistakes. And as I’ve said, I’ve hurt so many people, and so many people I have to make an amends to, and that’s living a life of amends.
Of course, judging by his monotone speaking voice the entire time, this could all just be a clever PR ruse to trick the Masters’ audience into believing Tiger Woods is a robot incapable of human emotions. “He can’t help his heart is nothing but a mass of futuristic diamonds and whore magnets. Let the android man play golf!”