Tiger Woods: Prelude to Bullshit

February 19th, 2010 // 64 Comments

Not even the Teabag Terrorist can stop the Tiger Woods media circus that’s about to unfold shortly. Here’s what we know going in:

- Tiger is on a “vacation” from sex rehab and will return next week.
- Elin was decked out in head-to-toe Nike yesterday and was actually in the same house as Tiger last night.
- Their nanny took the children to school this morning, freeing up Elin to attend the press conference should she remember she loves money.

So basically a room full of hand-picked reporters are about to spend five painfully-scripted minutes with a non-rehabilitated sex addict and a Nordic killing machine. Haha! Nice try, golf, you’re still boring.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Rough break his silence: part deux

    uh oh its 11 am King tooth must be having his press conference.

  2. I Teabagged Your Mom

    fuck you and your politics. i don’t come here for politics asshole

  3. Lipton

    Teabag Terrorist?

    Did you read his “Manifesto?” Left-wing bullshit, wrapped in a nice bow.

    Conservatives don’t write manifesto’s.

  4. Tucker Jay

    “Left-wing bullshit, wrapped in a nice bow.”

    :D

  5. Truthsayer

    To be fair, the manifesto reads more like the rant of a left leaning centrist. Definitely not right wing and not far left…

    Except for the last part about the Communist creed and his disdain for capitalism. That reads far left.

    But on the whole, as I said, left leaning centrist.

    Kind of like Tim Mcveigh’s Libertarian ideals, per se.

  6. Brian

    “Teabag Terrorist”? You ignoramus. Stick to what you know, buddy. Nobody clicks your site to gauge your political feelings. You forte is to be snarky about Heidi Montag and Lindsay Lohan, nothing more. Ya gotta remember that.

  7. God of Thunder

    Yesterday gold digger looked like Sebastian Bach, today she looks like Axl Rose.

  8. God of Thunder

    BTW “Teabag Terrorist”. Brilliant!

    Don’t listen to post #6 Brian.

    He probably complains to TV networks when they use the word “Shit” or “Damn” because it offends him.

    Go fly a kite Brian, and don’t forget to put your helmet on when doing it.

  9. helirdt

    Really the superficial is slipping fast, Teabag Terrorist… time to find a better site for this kind of stuff you IDIOT!

  10. cutesy

    Wow…. so this is how it’s done.
    Tiger for President!!

  11. Jethro

    You guys need to stick to K-fed’s antics and raiding KFC.

    We’ll see if he is true to his word. Until then it’s up to Tiger to man up.

    Remember, he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.

  12. Jade

    I would have had more respect for her is she packed her shit and rolled out. He is a pig and he will never change, he will just be much more careful. If she stays she is just as dirty and low as him.

  13. helirdt

    Yeah like God of Thunder is someone to dish out the political information. Thunder you and the author both need to learn how to read and how to tell the differance between left and right… still Idiots.

  14. Truthsayer

    @ 11,

    So nina, how’s that spamming working out for ya? Agh, you’re probably Russian or Chinese so you don’t comprehend English. Only money.

  15. Matt

    Plenty have beat me to it, but seriously: his suicide note bashed Bush, the health care system, insurance companies, and capitalism. If you must include politics – which you shouldn’t since it alienates some fraction of your readership – at least try to let it have some vague connection to reality.

  16. Ego

    I’m disappointed in Tiger. I was hoping he’d come out and say “I’m addicted to bitches, hoes, and porn stars. This isn’t my fault, it’s God’s, after all he made them. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got someone waiting for me and she charges by the hour. Peace!”

    Wow yesterday religion to politics. Awesome. But for all of you who think that terroist wasn’t a “tea bagger”, well you need to have a look a find out what the “tea party” is all about. It’s a bunch of angry people at the government. both left & right. Their common thread is that they’re crazy and scared.

  17. Right wingnuts

    You Sarah Palin luvin’ retards sure are as sensitive as you are traitorous and stupid! Please leave this country that you hate so much. You have done enough damage to it already. Real men and women need to find a way to save it before it’s too late, which it may be.

  18. Truthsayer

    Ego, read his entire manifesto again, for the first time. :)

  19. Rach

    Ego, read the manifesto, it goes down the checklist of communist (literally, not the “I hate Obama so I call him a commie” kind, but the bona-fide kind) ideology, and idiots like the new SW only read the Washington Post– which spliced the manifesto to bits without so much as an elipses to indicate editing– and are choosing to paint the guy as being of the opposite political affiliation.

    Stick to the bolt-on tits comments, SW. I don’t mind political commentary, but you aren’t even remotely accurate.

  20. Brian

    Oh, God of Thunder, you simple little boy. First off, I always wear my helmet when flying my kite. It’s just common sense.

    Secondly, you need to put $2 in the swear jar before study hall ends and you have to go back to class. Does your teacher know you’re messing around on a gossip site when you should be doing your Biology homework? Tsk tsk tsk.

  21. Brian

    Oh, God of Thunder, you simple little boy. First off, I always wear my helmet when flying my kite. It’s just common sense.

    Secondly, you need to put $2 in the swear jar before study hall ends and you have to go back to class. Does your teacher know you’re messing around on a gossip site when you should be doing your Biology homework? Tsk tsk tsk.

  22. Ego's been teabagged

    Teabag terrorist? I guess you don’t need a highschool education to write for The Superficial. Those crazy and scary “tea baggers” just don’t want the government running their lives… wow…that is crazy.

  23. Dread not

    The day Tiger Woods tees off, then has to retrieve his ball on the fairway by stiff arming Greg Norman, putting a spin move with some jukes on Veejay Singh, then runs full steam over Jon Daily to retrieve his ball. After picking it up, runs full bore to the green and dives past an angry, Phil Mickelson to slam dunk the ball in the cup, and does the like for 18 holes with a shot clock ticking down, who gives a shit.

  24. ToQuote

    TO QUOTE THE EDITOR

    “Haha! Nice try, golf, you’re still boring.”

    THANK YOU!

  25. Ego

    I really think all of you have said you’ve read his manifesto need to re-read it. It’s not filled with “communist” proppganda. It’s all about what he’s gone through in life to reach his views on government and big business. Everything that the “tea baggers” want to change. Now I suggest everyone take off their ideological goggles and read what he’s saying for what it is. Disillusionment and distrust of our society.

    Now bring on the ass parade!

  26. Looks like Nike is paying her a nice chunk of change to stick with beaver boy.

  27. minglepig

    Teabag terrorist? Is that why his manifesto is a gigantic left-wing rant, capped off with a quote from Marx and another one condemning capitalism?

    I knew the media would try to shift the blame for who was responsible for this.

  28. Hi,

    My name is Elin and I have the self-esteem of an earthworm.

    Either that or I’m a gold-digging whore.

    Goddamn it, I just realized that either of these implications sucks for me.

    Oh well, I’m going back to pleasuring myself with this gold-plated dildo that I purchased with all this cash that Niger is throwing at me.

  29. The Laughing G-d

    Jesus is gay.

    Teabag Terrorist

    WIN.

  30. word

    “My name is Elin and I have the self-esteem of an earthworm.

    Either that or I’m a gold-digging whore.”

    The two go together, more often than not. They sure as hell apply to Elin. I am going to make myself unpopular with women here, but what the fuck is it with women marrying rich guys who are douchebags, just because they are rich?

    Spending 5 minutes giving a blowjob is not that much different than staying married for 3 years to walk away with millions. It’s a merely a difference between asking price (for your ass) and staying power (how long you can stomach poking someone you don’t like). Haven’t you heard, women can make money now too! Your own money! Oh yes, I forgot, selling your ass is a lot easier, and that’s what’s important. Don’t forget to shave your privates…these days you can’t get a rich guy with a hairy bush!

  31. SO RIGHT

    “nice try golf, you’re still boring”

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAHA HAHAHAHA!

  32. SO RIGHT

    “Nice try golf, you’re still boring”

    HA HA HA HA HA HHH HAH HAHAH HA HA HAH!

  33. brooklyn

    Normally the Superficial is outstanding.

    But this is sophistry, “Teabag Terrorist”.

    Uh, bright one, the recent nut who crashed a plane into an IRS building comes from the left side of the political spectrum.

    He not only hated Reagan’s tax cuts, hated GW Bush, he actually expressed his desire for COMMUNISM.

    Tea Party Protesters are the opposite, they don’t want communism.

    I have never seen the Superficial, knowing the liberal Democrat lean, get it so upside down.

    Time to do a little more study on issues beyond pop Celebrity.

  34. brooklyn

    Normally the Superficial is outstanding.

    But this is sophistry, “Teabag Terrorist”.

    Uh, bright one, the recent nut who crashed a plane into an IRS building comes from the left side of the political spectrum.

    He not only hated Reagan’s tax cuts, hated GW Bush, he actually expressed his desire for COMMUNISM.

    Tea Party Protesters are the opposite, they don’t want communism.

    I have never seen the Superficial, knowing the liberal Democrat lean, get it so upside down.

    Time to do a little more study on issues beyond pop Celebrity.

  35. Expel Rightwing nuts

    Yes you stupid motherfucker I am certain that you read what the guy wrote. He got totally fucked over by the system Obama wants to try to rebuild this nation and you scum sucking liberal with reality Repugnicans only want to do everything you can to stand in our President’s way.\
    Tea bagging Degenerates. Go stand behind your dumb fuck brain damaged retard baby momma quitter!

    Seriously, what do you characters have to offer this nation? Your hero – the other idiot Dubya – did everything he could to bring this nation financially to it’s kness at the mercy of the Banking Establishment. Argue that one.Never mind, like Sarah Palin you aren’t able to argue anything like an adult.

  36. cc

    Please everyone, no more politics. I am begging you.

  37. Truthsayer

    @#35,

    Sarah Palin made an exception and went ahead and called you retarded.

    Well, OK, not in so many words.

    She actually said, “who is this guy? Trig’s twin? I knew I was carrying twins! Hospital mixups these days. Like Obama-care would’ve fixed that?!”

  38. $800 Billion

    That’s what we spend on military every year now. NASA get’s $6 Billion.
    Fuck helping humans, let’s hurt them! (Steal their resources)

  39. John

    His final comments in the manifesto:

    “Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well.

    The communist creed: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

    The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed.

    Joe Stack (1956-2010)

    02/18/2010″

    You nailed is, superficial. Those “tea baggers” sure love quoting Marx and trashing capitalism.

  40. JAW

    I started reading this site after getting sick of putting up with political commentary on other light hearted gossip sites. Am I going to have to stop visiting the Superficial now, too?!! STOP WITH THE SNIDE POLITICAL CHEAP SHOTS.

  41. truth doctor

    Agreed with the above. The only people who think he’s a teaparty terrorist are the liberals, and that’s just because they’re sticking up for one of their own.

    Obvious fact was obvious. At least, I thought so.

  42. gtht

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  43. sam

    tea bag, why don’t you get your facts right , you f-cken loser, if I wanted to hear or read liberal bullshit, I would be watching MSNBC or John Stewart, if anything this “tea bag” was a left wing nutcase, his manifesto railed against every liberal boogyman.

    Watch your biased fuckery, your blog ani’t that good that people won’t stop coming to it if you persist in your political biased bullshit.

  44. tom

    who works at Anti-clown Media, the people behind this blog, what do they get 8 dollars an hour , and are bitter because they sit at a computer righting crap about people they wish they could live like, that they think the incompetent jokes that are Obama/Peolsi/Reid will bring some kind of redistribution of income which is the Obama administrations plan, to get Americans dependent on government, just like they did to blacks 4 decades ago and get voted onto power for the next decade until it comes crashing down with debt, turning America into Greece in a 10 years………. enough with the lies and biased political agenda.

  45. Jeff

    gimme a friggin break all guys are sex addicts, unless your trekkies or some shit and have never had it, but once you have it, we are all addicted, cry me a river tiger, your only mistake was getting married!

  46. Jeff

    AND I AGREE FUCK OFF WITH YOUR LIBERAL, NON-FACT BASED SHIT! GOD YOU LIBERALS ARE ALL THE SAME. I CANT WAIT FOR OSAMAS WHOLE ADMINISTRATION TO CRASH BUT THAT ALSO MEANS THIS COUNTRY WILL PROB BE CLOSE BEHIND IT BUT OH WELL THATS WHAT YOU FAGS GET FOR VOTING FOR A SOCIALIST MUSLIM

  47. doobly woobly

    “teabag terrorist”

    Sorry loser, the guy who crashed the plane in Texas quoted capitalism as greed, and regarded this statement as the economic ideal: “from each according to his ability to each according to his need” (from Marx’s Communist Mannifesto). Please double check the next time you assume leftist losers are right-wing. That guy who shot up a Holocaust museum was also a left – wing racist loser who went out to protest neoconservatives and the Bush administration. Not all hate comes from the right.

    As for teabagging…

    Imagine if conservatives on tv called Democrats fudge packers, as there is a tendency on the left and even among reporters to call the tea parties “tea baggers” as in gay fucking, but that would be like a toddler throwing shit wouldn’t it ? Guess you losers can’t make an argument eh?

    P.s. I like the Daily Show. I just see through a lot of bullshit too.

    As for Elin, poor girl. And deluded if she stays on. C’mon, 13 women ? Guy was playing the field with no shame. And that’s only a problem if she married him for love, not money.

  48. captain america

    black women & latina’s in general are smarter in america than white ones.
    ………………………HOW COME, folks?

  49. This is the key distinction for me. It’s like the difference between someone smoking a joint (don’t care), and someone smoking a joint and getting behind the wheel of a car (okay, that’s a potential problem for other people, so I care).I feel the same sort of difference between a serial adulterer who cheats on his wife, and a serial adulterer who cheats on his wife by coercing women in his employment to sleep with him.

  50. Larrythefatcat

    Is it just me, or does she look a LOT like Billie Piper in the banner pic?

    The other ones not so much, but I definitely see some resemblance in that one photo!

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