Tiger Woods reportedly paid Mistress #1 of 8,500 Rachel Uchitel $10 million to stop her from going through with a tell-all press conference, and obviously she didn’t spend on her appearance because she looks like hell. TMZ reports:
But our sources — and they are good — tell TMZ Tiger was so concerned with the depth and detail of information from Alleged Mistress #1 that they folded like a cheap suit, and offered the huge $10 million sum in return for an ironclad confidentiality agreement.
TMZ has learned the actual settlement could fluctuate $1 million either way, depending on future circumstances. But the baseline is $10 mil.
Compare Rachel’s settlement with what other A.M’s received, if they got anything at all. We’re told several mistresses got several hundred thousand dollars, and others got nothing. That speaks volumes about how much Rachel knows.
Considering it was pretty much a given Tiger was harpooning porn stars any chance he could get, the sex with Rachel must’ve been the most deviant shit ever if he paid $10 mil to keep it silent. Or he just laid in the fetal position crying the whole time about how much he hates golf, Nike, EA Sports, America and letting his dad whittle down his penis just to add a few yards to his drive.
What? Even Earl Woods’ ghost just went “Damn, why didn’t I think of that?”