Tiger Woods is playing in the Masters to the surprise of absolutely no one even remotely familiar with golf. ESPN reports:
“The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta,” Woods said in a statement.
“The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it’s been a while since I last played.”
“I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy and I am continuing my treatment,” Woods said in his statement. “Although I’m returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life.”
In Tiger Woods’ defense, pretending to be sorry all day is fucking boring. No, really, you can’t even relax and play Xbox without having to look remorseful for banging 27 hookers in one night. I mean, Christ, there’s not even breasts in this game! Women.