Tiger Woods gets slap on the wrist and case closed

December 1st, 2009 // 73 Comments

Tiger Woods will be cited for careless driving for his car accident early Friday morning, and despite a golf club-wielding wife allegedly beating the fuck out of him, that pretty much wraps things up. People reports:

“The investigation has concluded that Mr. Woods is at fault in the crash,” a Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman said Tuesday afternoon at a press conference, saying that they found that Woods, 33, had not driven in a “careful and prudent manner” when he was hurt in a one-car crash outside his Orlando home.
Police said there were no claims of domestic violence in the case and “there was insufficient evidence available to issue a subpoena for additional medical information that may exist.”

In related news, Tiger Woods owns the state of Florida now but will grant interstate travel to and from Disney World provided everyone stops saying his wife kicked his ass. Officials in Washington will urge compliance, but only if Tiger permits the elderly to vote in general elections because, seriously, who else is going to?

NOTE: Added old modeling photos of Tiger’s wife and a crazy Chinese video recreating the night of the crash after the jump.

Photo: Getty, INFdaily
superficial

  1. He doesn’t have a job, he just plays golf all day.

  2. Doc Laura's Twat (pinch your nose)

    Tiger Fag is a weasel. He is ugly as fuck and couldn’t get laid with his looks if he was not uber wealthy. Elin should have smashed his hideous face in. She is the mother of his children, one of which is a baby.
    In the white culture, which has been engineered to deteriorate (tv is the new one), such behavior is pathological. He is a pathetic excuse, self indulgent, and useless other than playing fucking golf. He is not an athlete any more than a ping pong player is. Yeah he can go to bed at 9 (how can an intellect shut itself down so early?) to get up and run to keep his skinny over-muscled little ass pumped and primed for his ego’s sake. You don’t need tone for golf. He does it for himself.
    His little fans disgust me.
    Doctor Laura let her mother die without checking on her. Nice. Worthless cunt. Another counter cultural agent of our demise – listen to a pig not of our own!

  3. Where the heck is he going to come up with that kind of money? He doesn’t have a real job, he just plays golf all day.

    http://www.goarticles.com/cgi-bin/showa.cgi?C=2290105

  4. Schwarzenegger / Ventura 2012 Commitee

    Before he looked odd.
    Now he looks creepy.

  5. adam

    I’ve just received word that Tiger has lost all his endorsements. Nike, Wheaties, Amex, Tag Heuer, the whole shebang-a-bang. Well, tough break, nigga. There’s always FUBU.

  6. adam

    I’ve just received word that Tiger has lost all his endorsements. Nike, Wheaties, Amex, Tag Heuer, the whole shebang-a-bang. Well, tough break, nigga. There’s always FUBU!

  7. Turd da Third

    Methinks that the Tiger has a problem with his tail ……………..!

  8. Ego

    This just proves, the hotter the chick the crazier she is. You can’t argue with science.

    Also, if you have someone that looks like that as a wife, WTF are you doing with a busted stripper?

  9. flaky

    I found a HOTTEST interracial club ===”MixedConnect C om”===for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

  10. @ 44 – “Does anyone else think it’s a crying shame that his exceptional athletic genes are now diluted by her genes?”
    Yeah, shoulda married one of those Williams sisters.

    @ 49 – Finally, something for the “tall lifestyle”.

    @ 50 – “that is the most average Swedish chick I have ever seen. Live in Stockholm, you’ll discover she’s really very plain.”
    *packing for Stockholm*

  11. pappysmeary

    ZOMFG…

    This is the start of Helter Skelter, the apocolyptic race war that charles manson,was talking about it…

    We need the beatles to write a song now to tell us what to do… YOKOOOO YOU BLEW IT

  12. FACE

    Tiger has been living all the white can live but he better ask OJ how fast this American society can make him that nigg*r who beat his white woman and lock him up.

  13. cc

    @ 50 – “that is the most average Swedish chick I have ever seen. Live in Stockholm, you’ll discover she’s really very plain.”

    That IS true. I have relatives in Sweden and have visited Stockholm and other parts of the country. It really is amazing. My niece is in high school in Stockholm and there is hardly a girl in her class picture that isn’t as least as good looking as Tiger’s wife. Going to a club is life altering experience.

  14. NL

    #4 and 8: let a woman slap you then a man punch you, you’ll see the different.

  15. JustJess

    Both look like they would suck in bed. Nothing sexy about either one of them. Next!

  16. Sunshine

    She should have beaten him up. Hope someone would do that for me if I were cheating. Tiger is lucky to have such a loyal wife that is also beautiful. Wake up fool you cheated, you fucked up Big-Time. You’re an idiot, where are your morals.
    THAT IS NOT SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR YOUR AUDIENCE OF YOUNG CHILDREN WHO LOOKED UP TO YOU AND ADMIRED YOU. Wealth and money has turned you into a sleezeball whore.
    I’m sure when his wife found out she was upset with feeling of betrayal plus finding out about it from reading the paper who came not help the feeling of national embarrassment

  17. flaky

    I found a HOTTEST interracial club =MixedConnect *.* C0M=for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

  18. Tiger Woods Photo Emerges after Counseling Session with Wife…
    Shocking…I feel bad for him. This pic is ridiculous.

    http://doodiepants.com/2009/12/06/tiger-woods-photo-counseling-wife/

  19. ugly wife of tiger

    He married one fugly FIVEHEAD girl, she looks like Frankenstine in that yellow bikini, meaning Frankenstine Fivehead and face. Pure Fugly. Tiger is Super Fuggly as well, but with his money he could have done a lot better.

    And some of those girls he had affairs with….hooo…weeeee….GoD Damn!!!….talk about Residents of FUGG Valley, USA.

  20. The animated dramatization was too too good. I guess it was better than the original also. :)

  21. and money has turned you into a sleezeball whore.
    I’m sure when his wife found out she was upset with feeling of betrayal plus finding out about it from reading the paper who came not help the feeling of national embarrassment

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