Tiger Woods banged those women

December 2nd, 2009 // 86 Comments

With more allegations surfacing about Tiger Woods sticking in his penis in something besides his Swedish model wife, the golf legend issued the standard boilerplate “I’ve let my family down” statement on his website this morning:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.
Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.
I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Whether this means Tiger actually did occupy Rachel Uchitel’s vagina whenever David Boreanaz wasn’t cheating on his wife in it, remains to be seen. But I think we can all agree Elin Woods definitely kicked his ass before the crash. You don’t look like Tiger Woods then cheat on a smoking hot model without getting a 9-iron to the mouth. That’s just simple physics.

Thanks to Dave Conroy for the pic.

UPDATE: Included the voicemail after the jump of Tiger Woods asking Jaime Grubbs to remove her name from her outgoing message because his wife went through his phone and might be calling her. Jesus. Billions of dollars and he can’t pay a bodyguard to hold his phone while he’s in the shower? That’s what you get, cheapskate.

superficial

  1. dawson1488

    @40-

    Money has nothing to do with evolution or nature moron. Some people place a little too much emphasis on $ and seem to think there is a correlation showing that if you have more money then you are a better/smarter person. Sorry to tell you, but an “evolved billionaire” as you speak of can still be killed by a switchblade toting hobo.

  2. #23 is a sweet fan of Tiger

    What does the ape do to make him worth a fucking billion dollars? How is that fucking fair? I know I know fuck fairness and morality anymore. yeah I hate the little chipmunk faced monkey. Take it however you want, just like his kind he found himself a trohpy blonde.
    I hope she takes him for half of his fortune. Then she can have sex with her own kind and maybe have a couple human children. How’s that? And I stand by what I say fucker.

  3. dianne

    i am a woman, but what the fuck, just goes to show that men are fucked up all around. tiger just wanted a different playing field, he maybe was fed up of one hole and plus his wife aint all that , and another thing hally berry got cheated on, so who the hell she think she is (the wife of tiger woods) that aint say shit.

  4. dumbass stupidass's cousin

    #52… how lovely for you to be able to type so soon after your brain surgery, obviously there were some complications.

  5. Jimbo

    Why doesn’t Oprah have him on her show for more domestic abuse issues? It’s the same thing with Chris Brown and Rehanna. He cheated and got beat with his own golf clubs. He needs to be strong and step forward for all the men abused and over looked. There is no shame in reporting abuse Tiger! And Shame on Oprah for not going to his aid. Then again this just adds to the lesbian theory.

  6. 54?

    You $poor$ pathetic loser, I make money with my pc and make fun of losers like you for sport! I also bet you are a flabby golf player that thinks Tiger is a hero. Faggots like you never played hard core sports with the real guys. You would have been broken. Tiger spends all his time lifting weights and his puny frame is still deteriorating in the prime of his life. From playing golf?

  7. @Everyone.
    Are you serious? What woman on earth would refuse to be with someone like Tiger? he’s good looking and rich, and some say funny. yes hes married but this is his fault not those chicks.

    Hey guys, would you have sex with Hallie Berry if you could get away with it and even though shes married? hmmmm, umm…. yea you would, and don’t say you wouldn’t because you would be a complete liar.

    Hey Tiger you might need to visit this website http://getyourexbackresource.com cause you’re going to need it big time bro…..

  8. Courtyardpigeon

    I am going to guess by the actions of Mrs. Woods, that ol’ Tiger there is lucky he actually crashed his SUV and had the police come. Sounds like he was about to get that club to the head.

  9. “I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves, but to my dick and the behavior it enjoys.”

  10. wanks

    @6…..his name is Booth on Bones

  11. Oh...So...Personal

    Face it, nigger/thi Woods, boy, you done wrong!!! Let’s stone him w/golf balls.

    It’s not worth saying anything else.

  12. testington

    Oh hell no! What the FUCK does David Boreanaz have to do with this story? Did you just pick his name at random? Fuck that shit! David is talented and charming, and according to my BF’s brother a good tipper in restaurants so what the fuck are you putting him in this shit storm for?!?

    Fuck that!

  13. adaa

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  14. Hugh Gentry

    he doesn’t play TaylorMade…I guess I’m one of the only ones that would actually notice the club.

  15. Jibbly Biggins

    “I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. ”

    Um, that only works with a one – night stand. Not creeps who fuck the same person 20 additional times then sneak around to hide the voice mail.

    Random, one – time sex is probably forgivable. Nobody cares about porn or jacking off, either. But staring a new relationship with a cheap whore while being continually dishonest to the other half is not ok.

    Kick him to the curb, lady! You’re still too hot for him!

  16. hhdhghd

    She does the two fisted tango across the dance floor of his face and its a joke?

  17. branty

    I found a HOTTEST interracial club = MixedConnect–*__*–C O M = for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

  18. Jeanne

    This Scumbag F***K (Tiger Woods – of course) is definitely going to learn what LOSING is all about now. What a deceitful scum – I don’t care how much money this piece of sh*t has to offer he’s not worth staying with – I hope that his wife loses him real fast, if she actually stays for a payoff she’s a fool. She can get that payoff without staying – I wouldn’t go through a second of counseling with that road whore (thinking of the disease that he’s inducing into her life) She better rid herself of that lowlife piece of crap and forget about the money it’s not worth it. Hopefully his wife WILL leave and literally expose every single thing about him that humiliates him – outside of what all the other lowlife sluts have already exposed. Elin is far too classy to associate with a bunch of filthy whores – she should set herself apart from that and move on, class doesn’t take payoffs and I don’t expect her to buy into his bullsh*t at this point. Even 55 Million in two days wouldn’t be enough money for my silence that dog is nothing but a loser he might as well kiss his golf clubs goodbye or stick them up his own ass because he WON’T live this ordeal down. What an IDIOT…. Those other women look like dogs – yet they are compatible to his own characteristics …. All the American people see now is that ugly face of his
    while they envision him f*cking two desperate dogs … WEAK … Really WEAK , Amazing how such a wealthy man has turned into such a pathetic, lowdown worthless scum who lacks in morals and values. His poor kids, His wife is better off now, but his poor children have to realize that he didn’t even care enough to spare them the grief. LOSER

  19. Jeanne

    This Scumbag F***K (Tiger Woods – of course) is definitely going to learn what LOSING is all about now. What a deceitful scum – I don’t care how much money this piece of sh*t has to offer he’s not worth staying with – I hope that his wife loses him real fast, if she actually stays for a payoff she’s a fool. She can get that payoff without staying – I wouldn’t go through a second of counseling with that road whore (thinking of the disease that he’s inducing into her life) She better rid herself of that lowlife piece of crap and forget about the money it’s not worth it. Hopefully his wife WILL leave and literally expose every single thing about him that humiliates him – outside of what all the other lowlife sluts have already exposed. Elin is far too classy to associate with a bunch of filthy whores – she should set herself apart from that and move on, class doesn’t take payoffs and I don’t expect her to buy into his bullsh*t at this point. Even 55 Million in two days wouldn’t be enough money for my silence that dog is nothing but a loser he might as well kiss his golf clubs goodbye or stick them up his own ass because he WON’T live this ordeal down. What an IDIOT…. Those other women look like dogs – yet they are compatible to his own characteristics …. All the American people see now is that ugly face of his
    while they envision him f*cking two desperate dogs … WEAK … Really WEAK , Amazing how such a wealthy man has turned into such a pathetic, lowdown worthless scum who lacks in morals and values. His poor kids, His wife is better off now, but his poor children have to realize that he didn’t even care enough to spare them the grief. LOSER

  20. Jeanne

    Oh yes… We all want to see the text messages that this LOSER sent to the skanks outside his marriage. Oh … yes we definitely want to hear the voicemail messages of him pleading with these skanks to stay quiet…or hide the truth from his wife. We also want to hear from these skanks just how many lies he’s told to cover up his affairs, we want the gut wrenching truth and all the disgusting details so that we can take sides with his classy, sexy, intelligent wife and dawg this scumbag into the ground. Get out the stones… let the stories begin. By the way… all you idiot males who honestly think that males have this innate desire to cheat with another woman simply due to the fact that you need fresh stuff – I will make this clear one time, those of you that think along those lines are absolute idiots – let it be known that for everyone of you cheating men … there’s a woman out there laying down with him. Seriously boys… when you walk out that door thinking that you are going to get some strange… some dude is getting some strange from YOUR female so don’t delude yourselves with such idiotic mentality – you are as interesting to you’re wife / girlfriend as she is to you… REMEMBER THAT, and once that newness has worn off you better start workin on that relationship because here’s a hint… when a woman is trying to catch you doing something she’s already done with you and moved along to something better – so she’s just putting the final touches on what you didn’t know. Now… who’s smart big boy. Wake up you idiots … because if you don’t start realizing that one dick is no different then another … YOU are sadly mistaken. Tigers wife won’t take a payoff in the end…. you just watch, she’s going to show everyone how to rip the guts out of a worthless PUSSY (tiger) Yep … good ol Elin is going to show the American Athlete who has the balls now. Oh… and did I mention that he just handed her a ticket to her first free f*ck night? That piddly tiger is gonna find out what it’s like now to have another males penis in his wife. Tiger doesn’t know it but he’s just granted permission for his wife to have sex with whatever male she chooses!!! Imagine that. You see boys, you just don’t know if she did it first though… now do you? No you don’t, but we do all know for a fact what idiot got caught first now don’t we??? I wonder how he’s gonna like that? Yep… he just set the record straight…. oh.. how sweet… Elin is going too certainly have a blast with this moron!!! I’m sure Tiger will understand, he’s been through it. HA HA HA!!!!

  21. flaky

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  22. sweets

    there is no PING without PONG
    come on dont kiss and tell you slags

  23. PAULSTARR

    JENNA, IS A LADY LOVER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  24. Larson

    Tiger’s wife mistook Thanksgiving for Festivus and began the “Airing of Grievances” portion of the holiday.

  25. Read Entoit

    Tiger a typical Scumbag? Not sure, but we all see were the audio tape leads to believe as such. The x-poor girl wife should take the money and run. She could ship to the little creatures to boarding school in Madascar and party like a rock star for the next 3 decades on a few hundred mill.

    Nike keeping him as a spokesperson of their company… why is the world not surprized @ Nike lol.

    Hey at least he can still hit a ball with a stick, he’s PRO!

  26. That tape is bullshit.

  27. Simply Bohemian

    What a total and complete asshole. I am just really glad his kids don’t have to deal with this crap in school yet. I hope she divorces’ him gets complete custody and his prized dick in the divorce. She can bronze it and shove it up his ass once his head is removed!

  28. ami

    why are people making racial comments. Its about a man and his wife. Has nothing to do with colour. I think they need time sort out their problems and move on with their lives together or otherwise

  29. WO WO WO WO WO! I found a HOTTEST interracial club__M i x e d C o n n e c t -*.*- c_O_M_on line for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

  30. JayD

    These women are all whore and homewreckers. No doubt Tiger made a mistake but these whores knew he was married and they were willing to sleep with Tiger even though they knew they were only a simple piece of assss to Tiger. These hookers have no respect for themselves and at the end of the day the joke is on them.
    Good job ladies, you just proved to the entire world that you are a whore.
    White women will Suk anyones dick for a buck and is it no surprise that all these whores are white………. LMAO

  31. r4i

    hello,
    I guess I’m one of the only ones that would actually notice the club.

  32. its great that she is still rockin’ the bod but it is just too damn old and dusty, put it away Pam

  33. its great that she is still rockin’ the bod but it is just too damn old and dusty, put it away Pam

  34. Tiger is an I-D-I-O-T!! He may be great at golf, but its now quite obvious he lacks in common sense. After Tiger got married, what did he expect? — Elin to put out to a monkey faced howdie doodie type of guy! haha… Elin was too hot for Tiger from the very start, so she probably got sick of him! Yeah, the losers he screwed looked like crap. It’s unforturnate he didn’t seek professional high class escorts. There is no reason he should of married anyone.

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