Tiger Woods admits affairs, announces ‘indefinite break’ from golf

December 11th, 2009 // 91 Comments

In light of having sex with basically every single woman in the history of time (Looking at you, Mary Todd Lincoln), Tiger Woods has announced he’ll be taking an “indefinite break” from golf to try and be happy with just Elin Woods’ vagina:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

So that last line means he’s having whores FedEx’d to the house isn’t he? HA! Being rich is awesome.

Photo: Getty
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  1. ESPAÑOL

    Grandísimo putero!

  2. El Tigre

    Things to do list: 1. Repair my ballwasher. 2. Get my STD test (and get Elin one too). 4. Set up online banking to Switzerland . 4. Change my name to TIAGRA!

  3. Fred Garvin

    Take a break from golf? really? You’re taking a break from golf…

    Take a break from fucking skanks without protection you self-indulged, egotistical bitch. Btw, your kids really respect you

  4. Nicole

    I give it 2 years…he will play again. They all do. They all cheat again as well…so I give that 2 years and a month.

  5. RtSS

    Go, Tiger, GO!!!

    So, please let me know, how many women out there are surprised?

    He’s got a georgeous wife. I’d scrogg her 24×7 until my schlong was ripped raw.

    Ladies, I’d like to hear from you. Men cheat. Even if you have a georgeous blonde wife. The Schlong wants to do, what the schlong wants to do. Are you surprised? A man, has been a man since time began. Cheating has been cheating since time began. T.Woods have at least a bazillion dollars, which is attractive to so many women. He has access, he has the ability, WTF, are you ladies out there surprised?

  6. freddiegirl

    Rtss..ok, you wanted to hear from some ladies. No, I’m not surprised and yes, I’m aware that most men cheat. It’s why I’m single and have no plans to change that. If a guy can’t respect me enough to a) not cheat or b) cut me loose so I don’t have to be hurt later than they don’t deserve to have me. That’s that. I hope Elin leaves him but like most women in this situation she probably won’t. It’s a shame because unlike most women she has the resources to leave and not suffer any financial loss.

  7. freddiegirl

    Rtss..ok, you wanted to hear from some ladies. No, I’m not surprised and yes, I’m aware that most men cheat. It’s why I’m single and have no plans to change that. If a guy can’t respect me enough to a) not cheat or b) cut me loose so I don’t have to be hurt later than they don’t deserve to have me. That’s that. I hope Elin leaves him but like most women in this situation she probably won’t. It’s a shame because unlike most women she has the resources to leave and not suffer any financial loss.

  8. freddiegirl

    Rtss..ok, you wanted to hear from some ladies. No, I’m not surprised and yes, I’m aware that most men cheat. It’s why I’m single and have no plans to change that. If a guy can’t respect me enough to a) not cheat or b) cut me loose so I don’t have to be hurt later than they don’t deserve to have me. That’s that. I hope Elin leaves him but like most women in this situation she probably won’t. It’s a shame because unlike most women she has the resources to leave and not suffer any financial loss.

  9. freddiegirl

    Sorry about the triple posts, my post wouldn’t go through and then when it did it did it three times..not sure why.

  10. jaco

    I gonna miss him~~If any of u wants to talk about this further, you may want to talk about it at ageromance.com. There might be your other half waiting for you after registering.

  11. jaco

    i am gonna miss him~~If any of u wants to talk about this further, you may want to talk about it at ageromance.com. There might be your other half waiting for you after registering.

  12. my comment

    A sex fiend is taking a break in… Sweden?

    That’s like sending a raging alcoholic to a distillery.

  13. oh boy

    I can only assume that he wanted to get caught. Somewhere deep inside he is glad its all over, both the sex and golf( who knew sex & golf?). . .

    he’s made more money than God, and now with his dad gone he can finally exhale.

    Some people lie down on the couch, others have a drink to unwind, he had sex, a lot of it. I can only assume that being forced to maintain this image was weighing heavily on him, and finally he indulged his pleasures.

    Something ‘regular people’ do everyday.

    He never had a chance to enjoy his life because he was busy living the life his dad chose for him. Golf. He at breathed and slept golf. Is it any wonder that he cracked? The guy just flaked off with anything in his path, because he was finally let out of the gates, freedom, so he just took it.

    This too shall pass…

  14. oh boy

    I can only assume that he wanted to get caught. Somewhere deep inside he is glad its all over, both the sex and golf( who knew sex & golf?). . .

    he’s made more money than God, and now with his dad gone he can finally exhale.

    Some people lie down on the couch, others have a drink to unwind, he had sex, a lot of it. I can only assume that being forced to maintain this image was weighing heavily on him, and finally he indulged his pleasures.

    Something ‘regular people’ do everyday.

    He never had a chance to enjoy his life because he was busy living the life his dad chose for him. Golf. He ate breathed and slept golf. Is it any wonder that he cracked? The guy just flaked off with anything in his path, because he was finally let out of the gates, freedom, so he just took it.

    This too shall pass…

  15. Sparky

    Tiger is a real pussy craving cat. F**K all rich black sportmen,they’re so fucking stupid,such as Mike Tyson,Kobe ,jeez they can’t keep their dicks safe in one pussy.Fucking apes.

  16. Rabbit

    Wow! He must be a changed man if he’s giving up 18 holes! ;) Rofl

  17. Heather

    Um, it wasn’t golf that was pissing off your wife. You obviously weren’t playing golf all the time considering all the pussy you were getting.
    And hmm, she DEFINITELY should not stay with him. He will probably give her and STI or something.

  18. The Realisticer

    @60 then stay off the feed until you do figure it out

  19. Googler

    His wife is s dumb kunt if she stays with him. He COMPLETELY humiliated her. Take the money and run Elin.

  20. steph

    Why would so many woman have sex with an UGLY married man? Sure he may be famous or whatever and rich.. but seriously? I don’t think Tiger is very good looking at all, and he plays a boring sport.

    I’d also like to know why all these famous males these days are starting to have affairs with multiple woman… seriously, are their wifes not giving them ANYTHING or are they just all horny bastards who have nothing better to do than find random no name woman to fuck and cause scandal? I’m getting sick of this story and Jon Gosselin (though I love Kate and the kids and I miss the show…) and I’m already sick of whoever else is gunna be next.

    These men need to learn to keep it in their pants if they really do want to try and save their pathetic marriages.

  21. blakmandown

    Thats how they gotta keep the black man down http://l.yimg.com/a/i/ww/news/2009/12/12/tiger-pd.jpg

    i have no clue what im talking about

    bottom up!

  22. H_Chick

    Is Tiger getting man boobs?

  23. marshal

    Oh noes! He had teh sex0rs!

  24. chickenshit

    Tiger, you are a chickenshit. You did the crime and now poor you can’t handle the heat on the golf course. Good, I’m sick of looking at your glassy fukedup eyes and now I’d be thinking of nothing but STD’S when I look at you. Thought your shit didn’t stink, huh?
    WHO DID YOU THINK YOU WERE: TONY SOPRANO?

  25. Ice

    Here is a great place ——- Cougarmatching.com ——- It’s a premiere cougar dating community for older women seeking younger men and men seeking older womem. Come in, post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the hot photo galleries. You will find someone you like here…

  26. whose your daddy

    Earl Woods is turning in his grave…what a waste…

  27. Nero

    Sodom amd Gomorrah. . .

  28. His Huge Greatness Himself

    If he does manage to crawl through an needle’s eye then everything will be forgiven.

  29. Gando

    @80
    He should make a serious attempt without his 24h boner.

  30. Leave Tiger Aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeee………….yeah right, haha!

  31. That’s a good spirit to start a new life, I do not like infidelity. Just as you think, it can hurt all parties even ourselves.

  32. Hi Guy’s,
    Get control and show these MF’s. Remember Golf would not be Golf without Tiger…..

  33. At least, we aren’t announcing an indefinite break from making Dipstix !

  34. FACE

    Tiger is not black but he is finding out how it feels to be treated like he is. Believe me – if he was married to a black woman, all of this would not matter to the media. Just like it would not have mattered to white foilks if OJ’s dead wife was black.

  35. @86

    this is true…because white media believes that all black people beat each other up, drink malt liquor and fry chicken by the buckets. We do not see the black lawyers/doctors married to equally successful black women(not white) raising scholastically gifted children .

    Media does not know what to do with the black man/woman who are happily married have 2 kids and drive 2 cars, it’s scarier than getting mugged by a black guy in the subway.

    What would corporate America do if the black man wore pants that fit properly drove cars without grills and Run DMC passengers, and had enough money to send their kids to Ivy League schools?

    Now that is fucked up shit…The ambitious black man coming to a neighbourhood near yours.

  36. elizaloves

    haven’t had A perfect date!!

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    Thousands of single members with real photos are here waiting for you. If you want- know more sexy single fri-ends, even l-over, please have a try. you will be ple surprised after you join it. ;)

  37. Sparky

    Tiger,what a fucked loser you’ve turned out to be.I wish your beautiful honest wife drove that club up your balls.Why are you hiding?Shame on you muthafucker!!

  38. RICK L

    Hey–all you Mom’s and Dad’s who force your children into startdom at age 3–to make the big bucks (that’s all it;s really for isn’t it–for the whole families benefit) Well once you make the big bucks–then you think you are all untouchable and above the law–the real law and the moralaity laws. Then when you get caught–you expect everyone to foregive you?? You want Privacy?? Hey–you must be given the same amount of air time when you screw up as when you are God to all the networks and magazines out there.
    We were all forced to have you in our face on the golf networks–and they didn’t give fair time to other talented golfers—so lets even it out now. The other golfer out there are having their desert now.
    Money and fame do not make you a man–Tiger–you have proven that along with every other famous person out there. And by the way—”NOT ALL MEN ARE CHEATS” I never did or ever will and I have a lot of friends who don’t either. You just have to be around te right crowd–I’m in a happy place in my life. Tiger can never forget this–nor his wife–children–and Mother.
    Extreme wealth??? How many really achieve it without screwing someone–literally and business wise.
    Tiger’s records mean nothing to anyone who has any substance—-sports fanatics like those who support him in the comments—you are just like him.
    Elin ?? Please take him for the wonder ride he has coming to him. You will be just fine—and go find yourself a real man.

  39. Sparky

    Elin,grab all you can from this loser and start a happy life with a white guy.BTW have more white children as well,they’re good for the superior race.

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