Tiger Woods admits affairs, announces ‘indefinite break’ from golf

December 11th, 2009 // 91 Comments

In light of having sex with basically every single woman in the history of time (Looking at you, Mary Todd Lincoln), Tiger Woods has announced he’ll be taking an “indefinite break” from golf to try and be happy with just Elin Woods’ vagina:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

So that last line means he’s having whores FedEx’d to the house isn’t he? HA! Being rich is awesome.

Photo: Getty
superficial

  1. Greenie65

    Time to bust out the Wii Golf, Tiger. You know you can’t stay away!

  2. BlackDaddy

    GOOD… Get control and show these MF’s… Remember Golf would not be Golf without Tiger… In fact, golf shoulf change it’s name to…. Tiger… You know, Tiger Club, Tiger Cart, Tiger Course…etc…

  3. BlackDaddy

    GOOD… Get control and show these MF’s… Remember Golf would not be Golf without Tiger… In fact, golf should change it’s name to…. Tiger… You know, Tiger Club, Tiger Cart, Tiger Course…etc…

  4. Mr.Mr.

    Ha. Well… at least he didnt beat them.

    So we cant say forgiveness is totally off the map.

  5. ghost

    I’ve been following this story since the car accident. I really don’t care who he’s been sleeping with. What fascinates me is why someone with the whole world at his feet would risk it in such a stupid manner. The rest of it should really be between him and his wife.

  6. dave

    thank you awful society for vilifying someone who is the best at something for cheating on his run of the mill wife. protip: every guy wants side pussy. that’s how guys are.

    now, thanks to you whiny self righteous faggots golf fans aren’t going to be seeing the best in the business play for most likely a long time. good think i’m a phil mickelson fan. still fuck all of you nerds that shit talk people better than you.

    bye

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  8. But of course Tiger knew this would hurt his wife. Which is why he tried to keep it secret.

    His shame is that he did it, not that he was caught. His wife WILL kick him to the curb and leave, ala Jenny Sanford 6 months later.

    How sad. He’s destroyed his brand, his future earnings, and for what? Some skank hos.

  9. Get ready for the ‘Tiger Woods’ sex tape in 3… 2.. 1..

  10. blandine

    Why the fuck did he have to decide to take a drive after being yelled at by his 50 kg wife? If only he had skipped that the damage would have been 0.1% of what it’s bound to become.

  11. I'm just sayin'

    Hey, Tiger, here’s a thought: Why don’t you announce an indefinite break from skanky-ass ho’s & concentrate on golf instead? I mean, do what you do best, and IMHO you’re a better golf player than a playa, no wat um sayin’?

    And @10….

    I think he concocted the post-accident story, deliberately driving his can into a tree, to cover up the fact that his trophy wife beat his ass w/ a golf club.

  12. Turd da Third

    hmmm the tiger woods dichotomy:

    Behind the green jacket vs. Behind the green door

  13. Turd da Third

    From what I have seen posted I guess at thanksgiving dinner Tiger was only interested in the turkey’s white meat.

  14. Turd da Third

    I noticed that when Tiger got in the ill-fated car accident he was playing both his iron game (fire hydrant) and his woods (the tree)….typical golfer…

    On a happier note I’ve got a spare can of roofing cement that might help you repair your marriage

  15. Turd da Third

    Well, I heard that Tiger may have lost Gatorade as a sponsor but I heard that he picked up Trojans Condoms in its place

  16. Turd da Third

    Give it a few more weeks of women that he fucked coming out of the closet (or golf back maybe) and he may be working on Wilt The Stilt’s record….

  17. Turd da Third

    I guess Tiger is taking a break from golf to let his wife have a chance to play with his balls and putter…..but I think a whole in one is definately out of the question for the next while at least

  18. Tiger Woods has name changed to Cheetah Irons amidst scandal.

    Click the link and check it out!

  19. Turd da Third

    If there was a Tiger Woods Wii golf game it would have to use the controller for the club swing and have a computer plugin loose pussy and plugin set of jigglin titties to be as realistic as possible…

  20. The hurt & disappointment is mainly between him & his wife.

    No need to keep airing the dirty laundry every day. He needs a break and I’m sure his poor wife does too…

  21. It’s funny how people think this is the end of Tiger Woods. Bullshit!

    All of Tiger’s followers are GUYS. Guys look up to him for his game. On the golf course, and now… in the bedroom. haha.

    Half of the guys playing golf are having affairs. If those companies he has endorsements with know anything about men, they know they’ll be even better customers after this.

    Tiger just needs to say, “Fuck it” and keep playing golf. It’s not like he was a Oprah or Dr. Phil, he’s a professional athlete.

  22. AZrock

    Yes, Like all black men who cheat on their hot Thor-like wives with Waffle House skanks, yes go to Sweden to relax…I understand this, I can empathize….
    This is what I would do…run away, little bitch!

  23. So finally he has admitted that he has so so many affairs. Why does he have to take a break from golf.

  24. Mal Carne

    Too little too late, Tig. You are officially a punch line now. Nice handlers you’re paying millions to. Even when you eventually break Jack Nicklaus’s record, everyone will say, “yeah, but…”

  25. Hey Tiger, isn’t 18 holes enough?

  26. joho777

    Sure, sure. Tiger trained himself to become addicted to cheap obvious white whores. Now he announces he is going to quit cold turkey. Fat chance.

    Just wait for the relapse, it won’t take long.

    Besides, with his money, he’ll be able to get a really nice apartment for the times he isn’t on tour sinking his putter in strange holes.

  27. Insatiable Peter

    The only thing that offends me is his taste. He has more money than Bruce Wayne yet treated himself to haggises when he could’ve had filets.

  28. Megan Fox's stubby thumbs

    I don’t care for Golf and I thought Tiger was a boring individual, but after all this, I have to say at least the man’s isn’t a homo! The only thing is, these girls are all ugly tramps.

    I agree with what poster # Insatiable Peter comments.

  29. mjisdead?

    Once ya go white ya know there is gonna be fight, if he would have went black Elin would have laughed all the way to da bank and NEVER looked back !

  30. mjisdead?

    If it has tires or tits it is going to give ya trouble, his Escalade had ,two in da front and four more counting what was in the the rear view mirror coming up behind him, I’M JUST SAYIN’!

  31. stu

    what a p ussy!
    you don’t walk away from being the best in your sport just cause you where caught bangin hos. wilt chamberlain is rolling over in grave right now

  32. stupidass

    geez, i hope this doesn’t change the way i ignore golf

  33. Megan

    What a fucking idiot. “Soul searching,” my ass. Soul searching MIGHT be plausible if this happened once, not after 15 fucking times. Translation: “After I got caught and everyone knew of my deep love for fucking cheap, average whore to while we listen to show tunes, I’ve decided that after completely fucking my wife’s and children’s family lives up, I should probably try to not be such a dick. But only because Letterman makes fun of me.”

    I hope he has syphilis not. The Asian part can’t fucking drive and the black part is well… you know.

  34. Megan

    What a fucking idiot. “Soul searching,” my ass. Soul searching MIGHT be plausible if this happened once, not after 15 fucking times. Translation: “After I got caught and everyone knew of my deep love for fucking cheap, average whores while we listen to show tunes, I’ve decided that after completely fucking my wife’s and children’s family lives up, I should probably try to not be such a dick. But only because Letterman makes fun of me.”

    I hope he has syphilis not. The Asian part can’t fucking drive and the black part is well… you know.

  35. Megan

    Pfft double post edit. Fuck you, anyway.

  36. GG1000

    These people amaze me. He creates an image, hires publicists, sucks up as much money as he can from idiots marketing stuff to idiots who will buy it because a guy who’s very good at hitting a little white ball with a stick into a hole says to buy it, and basically earns his entire living from being known by the public and now that he’s (*&^ed it all up with stupidity and sexual greed, he asks for “privacy.” Sorry dude, that goes firmly into the living by the sword category. You chose to make yourself into Tiger Woods, Inc. Mktg and PR and now you can’t put the genie back into the bottle and be a private citizen.

    Why the (*&^ is he giving up golf? So he can concentrate on whoring? Yo, dude, it’s the only thing you do well, you might as well keep working on it!

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  38. Bacardie

    He has the right thing. He needs rest more than anything else.

    EverBright Smiles

  39. He need rest to settle his life.

  40. Darth

    He has way too much energy left! He should do a real sport!

  41. Galtacticus

    When someone with a beer belly is called an athlete.Then it must be a professional golfer.

  42. Gando

    He’d like white pussies like a fat boy likes cake.

  43. Nero

    Overpaid black dudes and (white) hookers. They have this magnetic attraction…

  44. Rhialto

    He should get BFF with Jon Gosselin,

  45. Tiger,in nigeria you are entitled to 2 or more wives/mistress. please come and take our citizenship

  46. Rough 360

    Thats right! lay low tiger till someone else fucks up…remember last month it was Letterman!

  47. Earl Woods

    Earl Woods is turning is his grave…

  48. Earl Woods

    Earl Woods is turning is his grave…

  49. sherimoonfirefly

    u know wut….?>?
    fuk tiger..fuk hiz wife….
    da part that botherz
    me..iz dat he’d rather
    zpend hiz time with
    zome painted up ..dizeazed
    hohozzzz…than thoze
    beautiful babeez of hiz….
    didn’t y’r parentz teach u anythang?>?
    NOTING DECENT ABOUT Y’R AZZHOLE…
    U PIECE OF FUKIN ZHIT…
    NOW …wut u gonna do?…digg ditchez…
    with a ho…it haz a long handle for y’r
    pumping azzhole…piggg…u make me zick///?

  50. Earl Woods

    Earl Woods is turning is his grave…

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