“I love you, Tiger.”
“And I love you, Malin Aker- Lindsey, Lindsey.”
Apparently someone told Tiger Woods that perhaps relating to the common man might improve his golf game because here he is posing with Lindsey Vonn for a Facebook photo album announcing their committed, non-marital sex to the world despite the fact he’s always been intensely private. Although, in his defense, when you’re fucking the entire world behind your supernaturally hot wife‘s back, you tend to play things close to your chest. I’m amazed he didn’t wear a mask in public. Anyway, here’s the new open and friendly Tiger’s Facebook announcement:
This season has been great so far and I’m happy with my wins at Torrey and Doral. Something nice that’s happened off the course was meeting Lindsey Vonn. Lindsey and I have been friends for some time, but over the last few months we have become very close and are now dating. We thank you for your support and for respecting our privacy. We want to continue our relationship, privately, as an ordinary couple and continue to compete as athletes.
Translation: “There. We smiled like a normal, happy couple who doesn’t have sex in Subway parking lots because that’s the only way I can get off. Are you happy now? Good.. Now shut the fuck up and stop booing me when I’m trying to putt. (Unless I banged your sister then, okay, I had that coming.)”
Photos: Tiger Woods/Lindsey Vonn
Yep, this’ll totally make Elin Nordegren jealous.
Vonn is already looking ahead to the hundreds of millions the court will award her.
“I’m so down with the bitches.”
Tiger definitely has a type. And money, and success, and a reason to live… that reminds me, I have to retie my noose or the warranty expires.
Another blonde white chick, color me shocked. This dude has a serious complex.
The only thing shocking here, is that you’re actually surprised that guys have preferences when it comes to whom they find attractive.
This is disregarding the common stereotype that black guys like white girls, just like white guys like asian girls (calm your tits, they’re generalizations, but there’s truth to them).
Except that is not true. When he was banging random chicks he banged all sorts of chicks, however when it comes to the ones he is seen with publicly or marries, they are blonde white chicks. He has a complex.
Apparently the overture he made to Elin, offering her hundreds of millions of dollars to reconcile, didn’t go over too terribly well. Either that or he woke up the next day and thought I offered her WHAT?”
Nope, that’s not contrived at all.
Good luck Lindsey. Make sure he wears TWO condoms unless this is just an arranged media relationship stunt.
Tiger’s baby in her uterus = tiger’s $$ in her bank account. I’d bet she keeps a nice sharp needle in the condom drawer.
So, we’ve established that when she wiped out she fucked up her knee and scattered her brains.
I thought at first it was Lindsey Lohan. Would have made a much better story.
Woods continued, “I’d also like you to respect my privacy when you see me trolling biker bars, tattoo shops, strip clubs, and all of Idaho for skanky white women to cheat with while I’m dating Lindsay. I mean, how am I supposed to get the thrill of cheat sex if I’m not betraying someone gullible enough to publicly trust me? Plus, I’m a golfer, and if I don’t get my balls in 18 holes a day I feel like I’m not doing my job, hahahaha! And lastly, don’t give me grief about them being all white, I’m a minority of some sort so its a ‘preference’, not racism. Fore!”
Even when she stands behind him, her head still looks one and a half times the size of his.
Duh. Black is slimming.
Hahaha, point to Bob!
Tiger likes him some white bitches. He’s so fucking strung out on “Becky’s” he makes O.J. look like Louis Farrakahn.
Why would she be with him when she knows all the stuff he did? Is she another idiot athelete? In it for the fame? The money? Or cuz her career might be over due to her knee injury?
How dare you! Women are delicate creatures seeking their soulmates who make them whole and they can build a meaning… Hahahahahaha… Sorry, I thought I could finish. It’s the money!
women are whores for money and attention.
Sodo n have the greenlight to assume that Lindsey Vonn keepsall ports open?
f’n typos. Sorry.
Who’d they hire to do these pics? The guy who shoots stock photos for Walmart picture frames?
A fair percentage of Walmart’s clientele would flip shit at black and white folk intermingling.
Does this mean she does anal?
I hope she doesn’t take Tiger for his word when he says he is going to hit a few into the holes.
I think most women would take him at his word….and that ain’t good.
She looks like a weird, less-attractive Christie Brinkley… and he looks like a chode. Barf.
has anyone ever noticed Tiger Woods is really ugly? Put a wig on him and he’s a middle-aged woman.
Don’t insult middle-aged women like that.
She could be Malin Akerman’s twin sister.
Of course he has a type but it looks like he is playing better so I guess he’s happy. So why yall mad? Check me out http://submergedlife.com
Why do those lucky enough to be non-white associate with white women? Don’t you know why white men are so cranky and world-abusing? Guys, guys. Please. Continue to hang with these angels of doom, and it will be YOU paying US for past wrongs. Be told!
Soooo….recovering sex addict that’s going to have a “normal” sex life now, hmmmm
Isn’t that like being an alcoholic, and telling your wife you’re just going to drink moderately?
the chemistry is out of control! also my gaydar is all tingly over her… interesting.
he certainly stays ‘on brand’…
They don’t look connected, do they?
ALIENS
Tiger is seriously dorky!