Tiger Woods & Lindsey Vonn Announced They’re Dating On Facebook With A Couples Photo Shoot
“I love you, Tiger.”
“And I love you, Malin Aker- Lindsey, Lindsey.”
Apparently someone told Tiger Woods that perhaps relating to the common man might improve his golf game because here he is posing with Lindsey Vonn for a Facebook photo album announcing their committed, non-marital sex to the world despite the fact he’s always been intensely private. Although, in his defense, when you’re fucking the entire world behind your supernaturally hot wife’s back, you tend to play things close to your chest. I’m amazed he didn’t wear a mask in public. Anyway, here’s the new open and friendly Tiger’s Facebook announcement:
This season has been great so far and I’m happy with my wins at Torrey and Doral. Something nice that’s happened off the course was meeting Lindsey Vonn. Lindsey and I have been friends for some time, but over the last few months we have become very close and are now dating. We thank you for your support and for respecting our privacy. We want to continue our relationship, privately, as an ordinary couple and continue to compete as athletes.
Translation: “There. We smiled like a normal, happy couple who doesn’t have sex in Subway parking lots because that’s the only way I can get off. Are you happy now? Good. Now shut the fuck up and stop booing me when I’m trying to putt. (Unless I banged your sister then, okay, I had that coming.)”
Photos: Tiger Woods/Lindsey Vonn