Tiger Woods is an Idiot

March 21st, 2011 // 84 Comments

What you’re looking at is the October 2010 mug shot of Alyse Lahti Johnson after she was pulled over for DUI. Turns out she’s Tiger Woods‘ new girlfriend proving God really does have a sense of humor after all. (Those nuclear reactors in Japan? Two days away from launching a fuel rod into a scientist’s groin. Now that’s comedy!) So not only has Tiger significantly downgraded from Elin Nordegren who he epically cheated on, but he’s dating a Faces of Meth candidate who’s already blabbing to friends how’s she using him. RadarOnline reports:

“She sent a BBM to a mutual friend of ours saying she didn’t consider herself Tiger’s girlfriend. They were just having a good time hooking up,” the source tells us.
“That’s in keeping with Alyse’s personality, the source says. “She is a really nice girl, smart and super friendly. And she’s also a bit of a wild child. She definitely likes to have fun.”

Shorter version: She does anal.

Alright, look, I understand Tiger probably doesn’t want anything serious either, but you’d think with his money he’d be able to buy any woman he wants, starting with one who doesn’t look like she steals pills from the elderly during her shift at an Arkansas nursing home. If I were him, I’d be chasing my ex-wife’s twin sister with a sack full of diamonds and yacht keys, but that’s just me and my fear of change coupled with a deep appreciation for Swedish models. Did I mention she’s also white? Just tossing that out there.

Photos: Fame, INF, WENN


  1. Alyse Lahti Johnson Tiger Woods New Girlfriend
    Dino Spumoni
    Commented on this photo:

    Send this foul beast into the abyss! Please?

  2. Jupiter

    I didn’t read any of the comments or even the story itself. But I’m liking my skin 10 times more today :)

  3. RandiM

    Haha this is not going to help his public profile. Good to see he’s back in the dating game but he probably could have picked a better girl. She does look pretty rough in that mug shot. If she was to Make Soap At Home she’d probably be a lot better off.

  4. Alyse Lahti Johnson Tiger Woods New Girlfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she a meth addict?

  5. Alyse Lahti Johnson Tiger Woods New Girlfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus H Christ in a Chicken Basket, what’s that? Always hated Tiger Woods! He was arrogant when he was 10 years old!! A total Narcissistic creep!!

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