Tiger Woods Got WASTED

It was then, at that moment, that Tiger Woods realized Lindsey Vonn wasn’t Elin Nordegren this whole time.

So remember how Tiger Woods made an uncharacteristically public appearance with Lindsey Vonn at the MET Gala because he’s trying not to be a withdrawn, secretive hooker banging machine hell-bent on golf and fucking? Turns out he was so uncomfortable he got shit-hammered drunk and she had to carry him out. Us Magazine reports:

At one point in the evening, the once-divorced golfer got up to dance awkwardly, bopping from side to side and grabbing Vonn’s butt affectionately as she giggled.
When it was time to go, around 2 a.m., a seemingly tipsy Woods fell while walking up a small flight of stairs — and didn’t move from the spot until Vonn, clenching her teeth and looking embarrassed, helped him up and guided him (swaying a bit as he walked) to the exit, according to a witness.

In Tiger Woods’ defense, at least he didn’t marry her, have kids, and then plow no less than a thousand women behind her back making her look like a doormat gold-digger to the entire world. In fact, by comparison, this is probably the most romantic thing he’s ever done for a woman. He probably wept afterward he was so overcome with emotion. “I’m sorry.. *wipes tears* I’ve just.. I’ve just never felt comfortable enough to be this nice in a relationship before, you know? *pukes on her shoes* Okay, you can blow me now.”

Photo: Splash News