Tiger Woods Played Golf With Trump, It Was Swell, Mister!

If my memory serves me correctly, Tiger Woods is the guy who once payed a pornstar in chicken wraps to bang her in a Subway parking lot while he was married to one of the most gorgeous women on the planet, so he’s exactly the type of person we need our President-elect clearing his schedule to spend an entire day with. But you’ll be glad to know that when Tiger Woods played golf with Donald Trump, not only did they get along great, but our Pussy-grabber-in-chief demonstrated his ability to project a tiny ball a great distance across a hugely misused expanse of land that’s not only a detriment to the environment, but also a giant “fuck you” to every homeless person alive. Have I mentioned I hate golf? Golf is for assholes. TMZ reports:

“I recently played with President-elect Donald Trump. What most impressed me was how far he hits the ball at 70 years old. He takes a pretty good lash.”
So, what did they talk about?
“Our discussion topics were wide-ranging; it was fun. We both enjoyed the bantering, bickering and needling. I also shared my vision for golf and what I’m trying to do.”

The conversation didn’t end there. The Superficial has obtained these exclusive photos of their match, which don’t suspiciously not include Tiger Woods because they’re really from 2012, haha…why would you even suggest that?

Donald Trump Golfing 1

“Oof, shanked it. Sad! We should get hookers after this, but not American ones. They laugh at penis size. Not nice!”

Donald Trump Golfing 2

“You don’t think those photographers will use this picture of me touching my gut, do you? Not flattering! Much better photos of me on Fox News!”

Donald Trump Golfing 3

“You see this stone work? Beautiful. The subcontractor who built it was Mexican. Some of them are good! After he finished, I didn’t pay him for months until he sued me and we settled for a fraction of his initial bid. Smart deal!”

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Photo: Getty