Tiger Woods Cheated On Lindsey Vonn? That Can’t Be Right

“Wait a minute. I’ve been having sex with the same vagina for how long?!” *runs off into the night tearing off clothes*

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn announced their breakup over a week ago, so it’s nothing short of a miracle that it’s taken this long for rumors about him cheating on her to start because literally everyone would believe it. Even if the primary source is the Daily Mail (Great read, by the way.) and one of the stories involves him putting lipstick on a turtle and fucking it right on the deli counter at Subway. And if that seems ridiculous, Elin Nordegren’s body wasn’t enough for him, so literally everything’s on the table. And yes, I’m implying Tiger Woods had sex with a dining room table. He still owes three of the chairs child support.

‘He had a relapse in the sex department,’ a close friend reveals to Daily Mail Online. ‘Lindsey found out about women again. Always while he’s on the road. Just like when he was with Elin.’
It was after Tiger was eliminated from the San Diego-based Farmers Insurance Open in February, somewhere near his old stomping grounds in Southern California,that Tiger had a one night stand, the friend divulged.

But this time he was spotted with the woman.
‘When Tiger realized he was seen, he became concerned and eventually he decided to confess to Lindsey. Something he didn’t do with Elin. He came clean and I give him credit for that.
‘Yes, Tiger cheated again. But it wasn’t with anyone special. He really wanted Lindsey to be the one. But he blew it again. He can’t help himself. He’s got an addiction. He relapsed,’ says the friend.
‘Knowing Tiger, he doesn’t even see it as cheating because there’s no romance or feeling there. It’s just a stress reliever, like a high-ball or two after a bad day.’

“In fact,” the source added, “he literally has a humongous scotch bottle filled with women that he pours into a giant glass after losing a match. I don’t know how Lindsey never saw it. It was right there in the living room. And the screams. My God, the screams…”

Photos: Splash News