Thor’s A Woman And Captain America’s Probably Black #ThanksObama

July 16th, 2014 // 81 Comments
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In the same week that saw Archie gunned down in a mall shooting saving his gay best friend from a right-wing nut, Marvel announced on The View yesterday that Thor‘s a woman now. And according to writer Jason Aaron, “she’s not She-Thor or Lady Thor. She’s not Thorika. She is Thor. This is the new Thor.” So there you have it, and from a man whose first Thor arc was a goddamn masterpiece (I’d almost say it’s his magnum opus, but Southern Bastards only just started.) On top of that, Joe Quesada is making another big Marvel announcement on The Colbert Report tonight, and all signs are pointing to that being a Black Captain America, so somewhere a KKK candy kitchen just exploded. Now how do I, a long-time comic reader with his virginal penis tucked safely in a Mylar bag, feel about this? Exactly like I did when Wallace became The Human Torch: I don’t give a shit as long as the story is good. You could make Spider-Man a transgender koala bear who smacks gossip bloggers in the face with his 25 dicks, and I’d go, “Great. Awesome. How’s the story?” after suing you for stealing my fan-fiction. Just stealing it so hard. These characters were created in a time when they had to be predominantly white, straight males or else they wouldn’t sell because the golden, white picket fence age of America that Obama clearly stole from us with his nigger-knife was racist as shit and crazy misogynistic. Not only could you beat and maritally rape your wife with abandon, but you could divorce her, take the kids and leave her dirt poor while a judge politely offers you a smooth Pall Mall for the drive over to your mistress’ place. And some of you just teared up reading that, didn’t you? Goddammit.

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Photo: Esad Ribic/Marvel

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  1. Ah. Those were simpler times.

  2. You think that’s Thor? I’d make her so thor she couldn’t walk thraight.

  3. Cock Dr

    I want a hammer like that. Never seen that at Home Depot….maybe Ace Hardware?

  4. Short Round

    To translate Marvel’s message “We do whatever we want nerds because we can and, oh yeah, we’re also stinkin’ rich! Suck it!” – I have no problem with all sorts of superheros. Just come up with new ones for the politically correct ones. But they can’t because imagination died a long time ago in the entertainment world. So, they have to trample on the old ones.

    • Maybe we should have an iconic 70+ year old comic book character die for his gay friend. Oh yeah, its been done already.

    • Exactly. Marvel’s doing the same shit to their movies that they did to their comic books; mass produced, poorly executed.

    • If you want the same old crap shitted out to you over and over maybe see if CBS has a comics division. Lord knows DC is happy to reboot and tell the same stories every ten or so years. So Marvel is letting one of their best writers go in a new direction? Good. There can’t be much story left to tell with a character that’s been around for 50+ years. “Giant good-hearted lunk solves his problems by hitting them really hard with a magic hammer” might be losing some traction at this point.

      And honestly, when is the last time any of you guys spent money on a comic? Do you guys even read them or are you just taking a position because it’s something to have an opinion about?

      • …as a loyal comic book reader/collector since the age of 9, allow me:
        …like a guy below said; thor was based on the actual norse god, not a character that lee & kirby cooked up in a cigar-smoke filled room …and i’m just sick of comic book characters not getting the same kind of respect as any other literary character …would everyone be so nonplussed if they suddenly & randomly made fundamental changes to harry potter’s sex or race? or katniss’s? …i understand that old school comic book superheroes are a product of their time (like briefs worn on top of tights), but changing (certain) established characters just for the sake of change (or to appeal to some potential new demographic) is not “interesting writing” in my opinion …it’s just hack …silver surfer is a good example; instead of gender-bending norrin rad into a female, simply create new heralds that reflect the sensibilities of the time! (the new ms. marvel is another good example)

        …now, having said all that, i read a comment on another site that i think nailed it …the press release said; thor can no longer wield mjolnir, so, there is a new thor …ie: the son of odin is still around, he just can’t wield the hammer anymore, so, a woman (valkyrie?) steps up to “possess the power of thor” and play the role for a little while (until his inevitable return, which, c’mon, we all know is going to happen) …which, i gotta admit, could be interesting if written well …plus, if i remember correctly, has’nt this been done before? …kevin masterson, aka: thunderstrike?

  5. cc

    If the new Thor has Kelly Brook breasts and uses them to beat her opponents into submission, I’m all for it.

  6. And the actress born to play this character in the Marvel reboot? “Thora” Birch. Sorry Hemsworth.

    • I wouldn’t mind seeing that at all. But she’d have to hit gym hard.

      • According to Wikipedia, she’s 32 years old. Perfect age. And I wouldn’t mind seeing those succulent ta-ta’s American Beauty style.

      • JC

        I wondered what happened to her after American Beauty, Ghost World, etc. Looked her up, and it turns out she’s another one who uses her parents as managers. Except her parents are both former porn stars, and her dad is a rage-monster who threatens to beat people up on set. She and her glorious boobs aren’t getting a lot of work because of it.

      • I’m surprised she didn’t turn out to be a washed up like Lindsay Lohan. Given her parental background, that’s definitely a credit to her.

    • Well, Wonder Woman was such a success!

      I definitely see their core demographic going to see the new Thor movie! In fact, it will probably be better than the previous ones!
      (goes back to listening to “All Things Considered”)

  7. buzz

    Thor must have really screwed up in the comics if the gods took his dick away.

    Still not as stupid as Johnny Storm being black in the next FF movie when his “sister” Susan is a ginger.

  8. “Feeble mortals! Tremble in fear of the Goddess of Thunder! Behold Mjolnir, a weapon of such immense power with three vibration settings, a swivel neck, and rabbit ears! FOR ASGARD!”

  9. It would be awesome if they make a movie with female Thor and chose Elsa Pataky to play her.

  10. That is a strange vibrator she’s holding.

  11. Bishop

    Thor comes from Norse Mythology, not some writer working at a comic book company; so this is nothing more than a bunch of women-fearing pussies wanting to say, “See, me do good, right? Will you accept me? Can I touch a boob now?”

  12. Bishop

    Addendum: Instead of giving Thor a vagina, how about taking an already established strong female character, like, oh I don’t know, LADY SIF, and giving her a solo book.

  13. Walter Peck

    As if a woman knows how to use a hammer. /eyeroll

  14. Only thing I care about: what happen to Beta Ray Bill while all this mess is happening?

  15. JBJJ

    What a bunch of horse manure this is. Do they really think anyone is going to buy this shit? Marvel has to just keep fucking with us all until we’re so pissed that we all move to DC, wait, that’s even gay’er. Here I come Archie Comics! I think I just threw up in my mouth….

  16. Sorry, but this is just wrong. By making Thor a woman, you lose the “whirling his hammer” and “pounding the anvil” metaphors. Based on the illustration, I guess we’ll have to make due with Thor “strapping on the hammer,” so I’m thinking an Asgard may be in order.

  17. ultra

    she could always use the hammer backwards. i’d read that storyline.

  18. RexSeven

    Captain America will be Colombian or Guatemalan thanks to Frank Marshall Obama. Get it right D.A.

    I know you’re busy being condescending and superior to all the little people who don’t deserve to keep their own money, but you might want to hold his highness accountable for the pain and suffering his idiocy (or grand plan) is causing to all of the Central Americans trying to get in here for free stuff.

    • I hate to burst your bubble, but the guy running the show now hasn’t really made too many fundamental changes the the policies that were in place with the previous administration. The citizenry is still being sold out to corporate America, we’re still holding undesirables without due process, the cores of the Patriot Act were even renewed by the POTUS a few years ago. “Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.”

      Stop pretending that one party has all the answers and the other is completely wrong. Politics isn’t sports and has more sides than “us and them.”

      • RexSeven

        First, even Dumb Ass himself said that his Executive Action suspending deportation of minors contributed to the massive increase in child illegals (aka future voters).

        Second, I never said that establishment republicans are much better. Entrenched D.C. greed and corruption isn’t much better than America hating socialists that want to control every aspect of life.

        third,

        I don’t watch Fox News. Or much of any TV for that matter.

        Fuck off to every commie on the planet.

    • Bet you think President Obama is a socialist to right…
      Fox rots the brain jr go buy a clue.

  19. I think this is an important move in the right direction for feminism and right thinking people. Also I hope they give crazy-big titties.

  20. alex

    Before you all get yourselves into fits….this is nothing new.

    Thor from norse mythology is a BASIS for the character but the Marvel character has his own mythology from 50+ years of storytelling. In the 80′s Thor was an alient named Beta Ray Bill. And I think there was even a frog thor. Yes, literally a frog. (look up Throg)

    Anyone that is worthy to wield the power and holds the hammer (or it’s stick disguise) can become Thor.

    • Just like who ever can pull Excalibur from the stone becomes King of England.

    • Do you not even see the fallacy of your own argument…
      Is Beta Ray Bill named Thor…
      Nope he sure isn’t, he is worthy to wield the power and it didn’t require a name change.
      Thor is his name.
      They should have just made a Thor’s daughter comic since he has 3….

    • That’s just not correct. Beta Ray Bill wielded Mjolnir and took on Thor’s costume, but he didn’t “become” Thor, or even use the name. He was Beta Ray Bill with Mjolnir.

      Thor is his name…not a title or a costume. This is like saying Tony Stark is now female.

      This is just a transparent attempt to get more girls to read comics. And I’m sure it’ll work just great…yeah, this will be the thing that finally gets chicks interested in comics.

      • I can’t even get girls to check out my crudely drawn pictures of dicks, no way are they going to check out stuff with words.

      • Let’s give Jason Aaron a little credit because he’s fucking phenomenal. It’ll probably make a lot more sense when reading it in context.

        And the more people that start reading comics the better. Who cares why they start? Companies try to expand their customer base all the time.

        Marvel has figured out that more than just sexually-repressed 20 to 50 year old white guys have disposable income and would like to get at some of that. Yes it does mean that some of our characters may be retconned or replaced, but life is change. Nothing stays static. Things either adapt or die and publishers are feeling that. If you can’t handle pretend change on a comic book page, how do you even function in the real actual world? Fish had it right; if the book is good, I’ll read the damn thing.

      • …all i’m saying is; there are ways to do all of that without fucking with established characters …that shit is just lazy and cheap, and you never want to infuriate your loyal fanbase in hopes of attracting hypothetical new fans who will go away once their interest is no longer piqued …this is why comic book sales have dipped so sharply since the 90′s …if they keep pulling shit like this, thor will get cancelled again, the same way he was back in 2005.

      • While it is lazy, lame, and predictable…it’s a well established comic trope. Take a popular character, totally screw him/her up, then fix it again in a few issues. Nobody stays dead, nobody stays powerless, nothing is permanent…which means nothing is ever truly spectacular.

        How many times has Phoenix died? Spider-man? Wolverine lost both his adamantium skeleton and healing factor…how’s he doing now. Is Steve Rogers still dead? I don’t even know, and don’t care…because I know it’s not permanent.

      • …you raise another excellent point:
        quit doing this kind of shit because it kills the special-ness!!!
        …when jean grey committed suicide at the end of the original phoenix saga, that shit blew our minds!!! when bullseye killed electra, that shit shocked the shit out of us!!! when steve rogers gave up being cap to become nomad, when beta ray bill defeated thor and got his own hammer/powers, that shit became iconic! …but now, we have hacks like brian michael bendis killing characters simply because they can, or swapping identities because it’s “fresh and creative” …joe quesada is the worst thing to happen to the comic industry since fredric wertham.

      • emma watson's Vagina

        well a lot of girls are excited about this and they are reading this. actually one woman’s husband got mad about this. but I am digressing. this will spark it.

    • emma watson's Vagina

      I actually have a partial script of frog Thor. wouldn’t have known about it until someone gave me the script.

  21. Ryan

    For those of us that live in Suburbia, could someone please explain to me what a “nigger-knife” is?

  22. The God Butcher arc was some of the best stuff I’ve ever read. Esad Ribic is the perfect artist for that book.

  23. I hope this doesn’t sound too stereotypical, but I wanna see her tits. And ass. Yeah, that too. Legs. Upskirt. Downblouse. I wanna know her myriad thoughts and dreams, her fears, and what hand she wipes with.

  24. Should have just made books based off Thor’s daughters.
    Thor notoriously has sales issues and this change will not garner as many new fans as it will lose existing ones who will just pick up the new unworthy Thor title

  25. Oh well, one less comic I won’t be reading. Not that I read any of the current stuff anyway.

    Though, at first I thought Angela (from Spawn, who is now in Marvel because of a lawsuit) would be the new Thor. She is going to be retconned as Thor’s sister. But she’s got red hair, and this one is blond. Which begs the question, do the carpet match the drapes?

  26. I bet the next move that marvel does to jump on the PC bandwagon is to make quicksliver, Scarlett witch and Iron man hispanic, i can just see it: ” Antonia stark and his amigos fantasicos!, I mean come on! i see this as a marketing stunt, if you want to make your character female, by all means, change Captain America black? ( rumor has it, its gonna be the falcon and he’s not gonna do a very good job at it, alot of people die) go for it, Archie dies protecting his gay friend? now thats a marketing stunt, seriously if he died saving a non gay friend would it be as big of a impact? nope

  27. MZ MIZRY

    what?
    no AGENTS OF S.H.A.R.I.A. -?

  28. I blame the gayening of society for female Thor. I never did trust that Rainbow Bridge.

  29. Voice of Reisling
    Commented on this photo:

    I love coming to The Supes to quench my insatiable political thirst for straw men.

  30. Let’s not forget there’s already been a black Captain America, in the canonical story Truth. Hell of story.

  31. If you’re wondering if I just sit back and lick my fingers reading all the butthurt on posts like this, don’t insult me.

    That’s what I pay Photo Boy for. (You missed a spot.)

  32. Thor has been turned into a woman before. In the Earth X story line written by the great Alex Ross Thor was turned into a woman as punishment by Odin. That was a good storyline that I enjoyed so if this is half as good as that I will be okay with that.

  33. man that Odin dude is one creepy dad. wtf.

  34. whatever

    Thor has a sex change, becomes a woman, it is a sign of the times. He-She still kicks ass though. And turns back into a man through her steroid use. Watch Thor grow new balls!

  35. AtomicMountain

    One of these days, all of these groups will realize that being pandered to like this is insulting. (Fortunately, some people have figured it out already.)

    Shame on these condescending bigots at Marvel.

  36. Bringbackbabalu

    I didn’t sign up for progressive superheroes…

    IT IS SO FUCKING SEXIST/RACIST/BIGOTIST ETC TO DO THIS!!!

    TO CHANGE THE SEX/RACE/ETC IS SEXIST/RACIST

    If the world ends today it would be such a bonus, look at what we have become?

  37. Greenbat

    I’m still surprised by how many people missed the point completely. They’re not making Thor, himself, into a woman. Some of you actually correctly stated that he just loses his powers and someone else takes up Mjolnir. They’re not going back in time and saying, “Oh, Thor was always a woman”.

    On the second note about Cap, he may be black now, but that’s because it’s Sam Wilson, aka Falcon, who takes over for him. I guess Steve got the Super Soldier serum removed (again), so Sam takes over for him. Cap and Falcon were always close comrades in the books, so it makes some sense.
    So again, not actually making the actual Captain America black. Just passing the shield along.

  38. Thora

    If Thor’s a woman now, you better replace that hammer with a vacuum cleaner, cuz this is gonna suck.

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