This Post Was About Kate Winslet Getting Married, Then This Happened

December 27th, 2012 // 36 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Kate Winslet secretly wed something called ‘Ned Rocknroll’ earlier this month, so let’s all go ahead and assume that’s just a hairdoll made from Leonardo DiCaprio‘s beard trimmings and move on to a much more pressing matter. That pic up there. Yep, that’s Jessica Simpson‘s husband, Eric Johnson, gazing at his sister-in-law’s bikini-clad ass. And did I mention he’s drunk? Because he’s probably also drunk. I used to wonder if Eric Johnson might be the smartest man in the world, but now I’m positive of it. Not only did he manage to permanently link his DNA with Little Debbie’s fashion empire, but he also doubled down on that shit as soon as he realized Weight Watchers was onto their $3 million design plan to convert their pool into a deep fryer. “What? Your sister’s butt? No, no honey, she sat on a bag of Cheetos in the car and I was just trying to brush off the crumbs for he– AHH, MY FINGERS, SHE BIT MY GODDAMN FINGERS OFF!!” (They were chocolate decoys. See above: Man in The Word, Smartest)

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily

superficial

  1. FattyFatty2X4

    Will she turn him gay too?

  2. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    michelle
    Commented on this photo:

    ewwwwww

  3. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Leather Balls
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is that? Bag lady.

  4. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Gary Grant
    Commented on this photo:

    poundable

  5. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Sandoucheky
    Commented on this photo:

    O HAI DERE

  6. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at how closely their assistant is shadowing this nutjob.

    Like at any second she could snap and drown that kid in the ocean.

    (OK, did Ashley take 4 Adderall today, or only 3?)

  7. While the rest of us are staring at her ass, he’s actually just looking at the little girl…wait, that doesn’t sound better.

  8. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Ashlee Simpson’s Thought Bubble: “Is he looking? Is he checking me out and wanting my ass? Screw my idiot sister…if she can’t hang on to her men it’s not MY fault!”

    • Schmidtler

      idk but I’d wager that Ashlee could find her own batman trucker hat wearing unkempt doofus without bothering to mess with her sister’s. then again, she’s retarded, so maybe she hasn’t figured this out yet.

  9. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ashlee, get your hand out of my pocket. For christsake, I’m trying to stay flacid here…”

  10. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    cocoa
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF AM I LOOKING AT

  11. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, hello there. This is the best I’ve ever seen her look. That’s a nice Christmas ham.

  12. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    diego
    Commented on this photo:

    Jessica must be out breaching with her pod

  13. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    bewbs
    Commented on this photo:

    The squid blew its ink sack again.

  14. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    Ashlee’s face looks great from this angle.

  15. adm.fookbar

    not to spoil the fun, but he’s looking at the child or something in that general direction. however, due to the effect of a long focal length lens, you get what’s called “compression” making everything look like its on the same plane and duder’s checking out her ass.

    i wish i could somehow randal this response up, but i’m not that smrt.

  16. Cock Dr

    Everyone here is vacationing on Jess’s Weight Watchers dime.
    If doofus cowboy fucks that up, and right after successfully implanting another Simpson fetus in the primary Simpson moneymaking womb, he’s even dumber than I thought.

  17. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Ajmal Ahmed Abdul Rafiq
    Commented on this photo:

    Where her burka go?

  18. ace11

    Ashlee has a very nice ass

  19. judgingyou

    This just looks like Ashlee (Ashley?) Simpson looking to see if anyone is looking at her ass….. whatshisface isn’t though….. story of her life really.

  20. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    JustWalkingMyUnicorn
    Commented on this photo:

    Kesha?

  21. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Toe Jame
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like Ted Nugents retarded brother…and thats relative to Ted being pretty retarded himself.

  22. Is he looking? I’m looking. It’s no Meester-level ass, but I’ll check out anything if it’s bent over like that.

  23. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    You know you’re fucked when they appoint Bertneh in her 2007 wig to watch over you watching over your kid.

  24. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    ITOLDYOU
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice view!!

  25. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s not looking at Ashlee’s ass. He’s trying to determine if Ashlee and her son would buy him enough time should Oahu run out of cheese and barbeque sauce. Jessica gets kind mean when places run out of cheese and barbeque sauce.

  26. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Ashlee in her natural form. “Neigh! Neigh!”

  27. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess I’m the only one who likes Ashlee

  28. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Perfect position

  29. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Throb the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    My damm husband is queer, my daughter named her son after cartoon characters, and my other daughter’s babies daddy is staring at her tight ass.
    My life sucks officially.
    Tina

  30. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Tinka
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you blind? He’s not even looking at dat ass.

  31. Ashley Simpson Butt Bikini Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re trying to create a story that isn’t there. He’s not looking at her ass, he’s smelling her fart and liking it.

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