This is What Slash’s Wife Kicked

Just when you thought performing with the Black Eyed Peas last night was the most offensive thing Slash could ever do, it turns out Samantha Slopes (above) is the woman his wife Perla Ferrar decided to kick in the stomach backstage at an Ozzy concert thus defying all laws of logic and physics. TMZ reports:

Sources close to Slopes tell us … the model claims she and Slash had interacted online multiple times in the past year and she went to the Ozzy concert to watch Slash perform.
Slopes has told friends she was watching the show in the crowd when Slash and his wife Perla suddenly approached her … and Slash told her, “You caused a lot of trouble.”
Slopes claims Perla suddenly kicked her in the stomach — and had to be dragged away by security.

I’ve been sitting here trying to wrap my head around the logistics of how an attack like this is even physically possible, but all I keep coming up with is Slash forgoing rock star ass to talk to fat chicks on the Internet all day when his wife’s not around, which is just messed up. I’ve read stories about kids with cancers that are less depressing. I’m not saying someone needs to take Slash out to the shed and put him down, but I’m also not saying Ted Nugent wouldn’t be into it. We should feel him out.