This is What Slash’s Wife Kicked

February 7th, 2011 // 276 Comments

Just when you thought performing with the Black Eyed Peas last night was the most offensive thing Slash could ever do, it turns out Samantha Slopes (above) is the woman his wife Perla Ferrar decided to kick in the stomach backstage at an Ozzy concert thus defying all laws of logic and physics. TMZ reports:

Sources close to Slopes tell us … the model claims she and Slash had interacted online multiple times in the past year and she went to the Ozzy concert to watch Slash perform.
Slopes has told friends she was watching the show in the crowd when Slash and his wife Perla suddenly approached her … and Slash told her, “You caused a lot of trouble.”
Slopes claims Perla suddenly kicked her in the stomach — and had to be dragged away by security.

I’ve been sitting here trying to wrap my head around the logistics of how an attack like this is even physically possible, but all I keep coming up with is Slash forgoing rock star ass to talk to fat chicks on the Internet all day when his wife’s not around, which is just messed up. I’ve read stories about kids with cancers that are less depressing. I’m not saying someone needs to take Slash out to the shed and put him down, but I’m also not saying Ted Nugent wouldn’t be into it. We should feel him out.

superficial

  1. Why do fat chick posts get triple the comments of other posts.

    (Rhetorical question.)

  2. DaveyH

    Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. A fat chick has more goin’ on in life than you? Sucks, I bet.

    • Mortimer Duke

      Like what? Getting kicked in the stomach by some old dudes droopy tittied wife? Yeah. Thats exactly what I want going for me. GTFOH!

  3. burton

    HOLY HELL THAT IS THE MOST DISTGUSTING THING EVER….those are gross “boobs” make me appreciate my wifes perky little 34bs!!!!! that is the grossest thing ever!!!! her vag must have toilet paper bits stuck in it…nom nom.

  4. The Listener

    Comparing an overweight person to a manatee has been done to death. It’s not that clever and not that funny.

  5. Bucky Barnes

    Samantha Slopes: “Thank-you, Poppin’ Fresh… I owe my robust physique to your tubes of triple-bleached goo!”

  6. She was actually kicked in the gunt, but the editor didn’t know what that was and wrote “stomach”.

    • Gunt

      What is a “gunt”?

      • Can Can

        A gunt is a word made up from two other nice words, being ‘Gut and C-unt’ And where does that saggy titted junkie verion of J-LO get off kicking fatties in their gunts? she should kick herself in the gunt. Perla, stop blaming it on having kids, you got a gunt too. And your shaped like a brick.

  7. seth rogen's vagina

    wow, I’m disappointed in Slash – messing around with a huge fatass broad when he’s already married. I always thought Slash was a classy dude – maybe it was his top hat that had me fooled. that top hat he wears just screams ‘classy!’

  8. Larry

    Kool-Aid Man, meet Kool-Aid Woman…

    Kook-AId Man says “OH NOOOO!!!”, repairs wall quickly, and runs away…

  9. Samantha Slopes
    BigJim
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if Jimmy Hoffa is hiding in there somewhere.

  10. Samantha Slopes
    kkat
    Commented on this photo:

    Thats over a foot of cleavage.

    • Cock Dr

      Maybe 30 or 40 pounds per breast. I’m thinking she tops 350.
      Slash must like plumpers. OK, fair enough, but I strongly suggest that he NEVER let her get on top.

  11. Seebs

    Well I guess it’s back to Lane Bryant for Samantha Slopes.

  12. Blah

    Maybe Samantha is a cool person and his wife is a horrible shrew. Considering she runs around and kicks people in the stomach out of jealous rage, I’m going to have to agree with myself.

    I know this site is called The Superficial but with all of the projecting going on I shudder to think of what half of you idiots look like.

    • Blah indeed

      Good thing you agreed with yourself, although your post would have been at least somewhat interesting had you disagreed with yourself.

  13. argleblargle

    What is she a model for exactly? Lane Bryant? The Dress Barn?

  14. Samantha Slopes
    Commented on this photo:

    It took a whole leopard just to cover her left tit!

  15. Samantha Slopes
    Commented on this photo:

    So confused! So grossed out and yet I’m quietly hoping for a nipple slip.

  16. argleblargle

    Oh I see… XL Girls… I think it’s missing a few X’s. Seriously need to lay off the french fries when you have more fat folds than a manatee.

  17. Samantha Slopes
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m afraid that if i click on the “View Full Size Link” my computer monitor will topple over.

  18. Samantha Slopes
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus! And this is afted her stint on “The Biggest Loser”

  19. Eatmycookie

    im on the fat chick side, no not slash’s wife. if you are married to a rock star and get jealous of fat horny chicks, you are one dumb controlling O.J. style bitch.

  20. RandaI

    Lap band, good.

    Lap dance, bad.

    • Montgomery Brewster

      I wanna hear the story BEHIND the story on this one. TMZ says that “she (Slopes) and Slash had interacted online multiple times in the past year”. I’m thinking cybersex, maybe? And if it was anonymous cybersex, can you imagine the look on Slash’s face when they first decided to meet in person (at the concert, maybe)? It was probably like something outta “Curb Your Enthusiasm”…a big smile on Slash’s face quickly turning into a look of alarm. Or perhaps even horror…

      When his wife kicked her in the gut, Slash was probably thinking “YEAH! THAT’LL TEACH YA…”

  21. Ladies and gentleman, the real Katie Holmes. Not the Katie-Bot that Tom Cruise has been parading around with.

    Now I see why.

  22. California Red

    slash used to be awesome. Now he wears sequined top hats, plays lame Axl-era songs that Fegie can’t sing, and has resorted to hog farming to supplant his income. So sad.

  23. RichPort

    It probably took a team of very strong men to dislodge the offending foot…

  24. Samantha Slopes
    shanaram
    Commented on this photo:

    First she poses for Aerosmith’s “Get a Grip” album cover and now she’s just a Myspace Model?oh how the mighty have fallen.

  25. Samantha Slopes
    banan
    Commented on this photo:

    “Orcas are usually nice and smart. Samantha Slopes is stupid and nasty”

  26. HackSaw

    I’d hit it.

  27. jjsss2234234

    The picture for this post should have a Star all over her entire body and say NSFW!!!!!!!

    Who wants to see this in the middle of the afternoon, If i wanted to throw up i would look at the tara reid post,

    By they way, Fat people should not be embraced, there is a reason children mock fat children, Is unhealthy, is lazy, it shows a lot about a person, Why is it so hard to work out 30 minutes a day and eat balanced meals, I dont mean become vegetarians but NOT SHOVING 40 Burgers in their face at once,

    This, this is disgusting, Just because there is a fetish doesnt make it okay, There is also a fetish for Burned victims, and people with no legs, There are men that find children sexually Just because guys find Children sexy Doesnt mean is okay
    Same thing here, Just because guys are into morbidly obese women doesnt mean thats okay either

  28. Briantehpirate

    What the hell Superficial…you posted 4 pictures of a manatee and only one of her…

  29. Samantha Slopes
    ad nasuem
    Commented on this photo:

    Definitely NOT built for speed. You can’t motor boat those, you have to cruise ship them.

  30. Samantha Slopes
    pauly
    Commented on this photo:

    OH, THE HUGE MANATEE!

  31. jamie

    I didnt know Slash was into bestiality, He probably gets a boner everytime he goes to the Zoo, I would hide my cows and my pigs,

  32. Gary T

    Slopes looks like a bigger version of Slash’s wife, I think he likes um big!

  33. Samantha Slopes
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Next, on an all new Whale Wars…

  34. Samantha Slopes
    Commented on this photo:

    come on, this is an insult to the manatee.

  35. WOW….LOL

    I was watching Behind The Music years ago and Slash was being interviewed. He stated that he either wrote or co-wrote the lyrics to “PARADISE CITY”. The lyrics in the hook were:

    “Take me down to the paradise city
    Where the grass is green
    And the girls are pretty
    Take me home (Oh, won’t you please take me home)”

    The ORIGINAL lyrics (before some smart producer had the good sense to change them) in the hook (written by Slash) were:

    “Take me down to the paradise city
    Where the GIRLS ARE FAT
    AND THEY GOT BIG TITTIES
    Take me home (Oh, won’t you please take me home)”

    …I guess someone likes fat chicks w/ big tits.

    And on another note I saw Perla interviewed on Rock Star Wives and she comes across as an insecure manipulator. She said something to like “I told Slash if we ever came to the point where we desired and are attracted to other people, the marriage is over.”

    EXCUSE ME????

    Just because two people are married does NOT mean they can’t find other people attractive. Attraction is harmless unless acted upon in the wrong way. She seems like such a silly woman.

  36. Monty83

    The harpoons, man them.

  37. I went to her website, but there were like 8 places that might have been “Enter Here” buttons so I just rolled the site in flour and looked for the wet spot.

  38. hahaha

    I wish she kicked Fergie.

  39. Well, he definitely has a “type”.

  40. Samantha Slopes
    Commented on this photo:

    They really are graceful creatures. I always get kind of sad when I hear about them getting caught under motorboats… I guess evolution does weed out the fat ones.

  41. That Guy

    Relax people. Let’s all go out for some Frosty Chocolate Milkshakes.

  42. Steve

    If I may…

    *ahem*

    BRRRRRRRUMBSKI!!!

  43. Evil

    I’d fuck her, I’d fuck her and brag about it. I don’t know what’s wrong with you people.

  44. ntlj

    Miss, please wait until the rescue team lowers the harness.

  45. Samantha Slopes
    Yip yip
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah okay, but can she cook?

  46. Cardinal Fang

    She’s cute, and could probably lose the weight. Many of you are stupid and or ugly, and probably couldn’t do a thing about either.

  47. Gretchen

    If my man was flirting with that, I would laugh, and laugh and laugh. And then take half, take half, take half.

  48. if someone said there she blows, you all know it wouldn’t be about her giving oral sex.

  49. Samantha Slopes
    Lisa
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow Slash, you go from being married to this; http://www.fanpix.net/picture-gallery/renee-suran-picture-14794230.htm to being married to and chasing fatties? What happened?

    • RC

      Well face a lot of pretty girls are stuck up and that renders guys to turn either gay or settle for less for fatties (no offense).

  50. Samantha Slopes
    GravyLeg
    Commented on this photo:

    This group of pictures is a perfect example of how to make a manatee look sexy.

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