Despite covering celebrities for years on here, I never once looked at Johnny Depp‘s long-time girlfriend Vanessa Paradis because I just assumed she was some sort of crazy hot model. And then I saw these. At this time I’d like to apologize to you, the reader, for not making enough jokes about Johnny Depp being the world’s largest heroin addict because clearly that’s the case. I almost feel like I should resign, but then I remembered this is the Internet where such concepts as shame and integrity have no place or meaning. On that note, Jennifer Aniston is up next. Stick around. *spins penis like a propeller*
Photos: Pacific Coast News
chuck | February 3, 2011 at 1:43 pm
first.. thats lindsey lohan…………..
gogo | February 3, 2011 at 4:51 pm
HA HA HA no, that’s Willem Dafoe..
http://estb.msn.com/i/65/32F79156AE2E9E9F68BC196C38C6C.jpg
g! | February 3, 2011 at 4:57 pm
jaajjja this is funny they look like twins
Ally | February 3, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Um yeah – that chick looks weird. She seems to be pretty smug that she bagged Johnny Depp.
Rough City, U.S.A. | February 3, 2011 at 1:47 pm
The more reason to buy JD a round of beer. My concern is why is Bill Murray s her tour guide.
phil | February 3, 2011 at 1:49 pm
kill it with fire =/
Rough City, U.S.A. | February 3, 2011 at 1:50 pm
win
Rough City, U.S.A. | February 3, 2011 at 1:50 pm
And I mean it.
Lisa | February 3, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Okay, dude… it’s not possible that you’re just now seeing Vanessa Paradis for the first time.
Bringbackbabalu | February 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I have never seen her or heard of her before! Give the guy a break though, if he has a happy marriage good for him. Better than being with any of these superficial Jeniffer Aniston or Angelina Jolie types.
McFeeky Smackup | February 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Oh sure – because banging Aniston and Jolie would be like worse than banging this fugly-assed snaggle-toothed broad. And I use the term broad loosely. Hell, snaggled-toothed as well.
MourningTheDeathOfMusic | February 4, 2011 at 1:02 pm
They’ve never married. Just been in a solid relationship for over 12 years.
V | February 3, 2011 at 1:50 pm
and these aren’t even her worst pictures. her entire mouth area is so disgusting. she wasn’t a bad looking chick during her days, especially when she met johnny, she was actually kinda hot, but she’s been looking all sorts of awful after she gave birth to their spawn. the main issue has always been her mouth.
I just can’t imagine why someone wouldn’t go to the dentist. I think Golden Voice Ted Williams has a nicer grill.
testington | February 3, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Seriously, the whole gap tooth being fashionable thing is sooooo annoying it isn’t sexy at all. You’re rich, pay to have your damn teeth fixed.
On the VERY FEW women where it does look good, it only looks good while they are young it just looks worse and worse with age. Like Madonna and Lauren Hutton, that looked cute on them in the 70′s and early 80′s but after 30 you need to get that shit fixed.
dudeatdudedotdude | February 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm
then again, ernest borgnine always has the warmest smile..
McFeeky Smackup | February 3, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Ernest Borgnine was wayyy more fuckable than Depp’s beast ever was.
jojo | February 3, 2011 at 1:50 pm
If you go through the pics fast enough you can see her tongue flicker out.
Komodo | February 3, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Honestly I thought that was Kate Moss when I first saw the pic.
dudeatdudedotdude | February 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm
me too. both women hit the wall pretty damn hard
Tonyboy | February 3, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Why is Madonna on the picture with Depp’s girlfriend???
Amy | February 3, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Well she WAS a crazy hot model.
testington | February 3, 2011 at 1:58 pm
she actually is pretty, that’s just a bad pic…sure he could do better but they’ve been together a long time. I’m sure she was much hotter 10 years and 3 kids ago.
babooda | February 3, 2011 at 2:44 pm
So was he…So was he! At least that is what my wife said. Personally, I think that Capt Jack Sparrow is the closest to the real J.Depp as you are going to get!
Amy | February 3, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Watch her in 1999′s The Girl on the Bridge (La Fille sur le Pont) and try not to fall in love.
Snooki's Taint | February 3, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Relax. Vanessa used to be crazy hot, now she is the mother of his children.
http://www.portwallpaper.com/imgcel/Vanessa_Paradis/Vanessa-Paradis-2.JPG
McFeeky Smackup | February 3, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Bullshit – Paradis has all the appeal of a young Christina Ricci minus the charming bulbous forehead but added wannabe heroine junky.
Bowman | February 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I know Depp is an Anglophile, but dating nanny McPhee seems a bit overboard.
Jon | February 3, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Your, sir, win today’s internet.
hmna | February 3, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Bowman is disqualified from winning for confusing Francophile with Anglophile.
Little Richard | February 3, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Are you sure he didn’t mean “necrophile”?
c'est de la foutaise | February 9, 2011 at 3:18 am
She’s French. Not English.
Also, she is actually very pretty. It’s just a terrible few pictures. Watch L’Arnacoeur (on DVD in US as “Heartbreaker”) from 2010. Or just Google Image search her.
Cock Dr | February 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm
If I recall his interview correctly Mr Depp saw this fine French singer garbed in a low backed dress & fell in love with her spine.
That must be some spine.
Andriiya | February 3, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Odd, I read an interview with some actress (I forget who, I don’t think she’s well known at all) that had back surgery resulting in a large scar running down her back. Depp saw her at the beach and stopped to comment on it. This is starting to explain why he likes ‘em so thin…. gotta see that spine sticking out.
Mortimer Duke | February 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Oh Shit! Susan Boyle finally had that gastric bypass.
krutboo | February 3, 2011 at 3:08 pm
my vote for “win” goes to Mort
Mortimer Duke | February 3, 2011 at 4:34 pm
If I win @ krut, im going to thank you before giving praise to the Almighty as I hold my keyboard towards the heavens.
Twanner | February 3, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Johnny Depp is Shacking up with Nanny McPhee?
Meh | February 3, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Lol
Meh | February 3, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Her lips look awful chap in these pictures and her front teeth have always looked strange. She’s set though, got herself a money making machine for life.
Colin | February 3, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Everybody ages dip-shit. Plus this is a bad picture.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lwthVtaocc
stinky mcpoop | February 3, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Based on previous hilarious comments, I now dub thee ‘Nanny McSpineFucker’. Carry on.
Zob | February 3, 2011 at 2:28 pm
But more importantly why is she stepping out with Bill Murray!
babooda | February 3, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Is that Robin Williams’ twin she is with?
babooda | February 3, 2011 at 2:51 pm
After careful inspection I have determined it is Bill Murray, portraying Robin Williams on a date with the aforementioned Nanny McPhee. Or some dumb French guy who mistook her for a real nanny. You decide!
Lady Blah Blah | February 3, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Which one?
stinky mcpoop | February 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Why are we looking at Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver? And why are they dressed like detectives?
Colin | February 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Get a job loser.
stinky mcpoop | February 3, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Your mom just gave me a job.
Xtina | February 3, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Like most women, she is much more attractive when she keeps her mouth shut.
kai | February 3, 2011 at 2:58 pm
+1
Deacon Jones | February 3, 2011 at 2:58 pm
“E.T. phone Depp.”
mikehunt | February 3, 2011 at 3:12 pm
And that was when I found out that Johnny Depp is an ass man.
jackie5000 | February 3, 2011 at 3:28 pm
srsly, she’s pretty hot w/her mouth shut and decent makeup.
http://www.google.com/images?q=vanessa+paradis&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=vg9LTdioDoL58AbX9bCwDg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CDYQsAQwAA&biw=1440&bih=785
McFeeky Smackup | February 3, 2011 at 8:12 pm
srsly, she’s nt.
Selma | February 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm
For cryong out loud, she is a pretty woman. This is just a bad picture. And no she isn’t fake and plastic, she doesn’t live in LA or is a Real Housewife. Leave her alone, these are just cheap shots.
Iveski | February 3, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Mercy… she used to look a hell of a lot better than these pictures would lead you to believe. She’s got kind of a “Quasimodo” thing going on here.
liv | February 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm
I love the assumption that because he is a big star, that he should naturally be selecting the best looking woman he can find. Not smartest, funniest, sexiest, most interesting, or best partner/mother, but best looking. No matter that he’s looking pretty threadbare himself. Also, so dismissive to call her his girlfriend, as compared with partner, mate, live-in-lover, longtime companion, whatever.
Well, at least the author is living up to this site’s name.
Mortimer Duke | February 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Look. He shacking up with the hoe and wont marry her. Thats a GIRLFRIEND. Get over it already.
doodles | February 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Fish has been doing this for some time. It’s cause he can’t compete with Perez so he’s got to take cheap shots.
Hey Fish, just post more of your scantily clad women. I give it less than a year before Fish starts posting porn so he can get more hits.
Bun | February 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm
It’s funny because she’s a supermodel.
sunshine | February 3, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Time is nobody’s friend except the plastic surgeons.
Benny | February 3, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Johnny can’t afford to take her to the dentist?
gogo | February 3, 2011 at 4:53 pm
“here lady, let me help you cross the street”
Pat C | February 3, 2011 at 4:54 pm
She used to be very hot – I collected a lot of photos of her. She started out as a cute 15 year old singer / actress, and then blossomed.
Time isn’t our friend.
Denise | February 3, 2011 at 6:08 pm
She was unbelievably hot and is a well respected singer and actress. And don’t be such a dick, or a tit, whoever writes this thing. True, she is looking not so great here and she smokes so her teeth aren’t pearly white (don’t mind the gap) but they have a real non-fame whoring relationship and two children they protect vigilantly. Remember, Johnny Depp will be 48 this year and Vanessa is in her late 30s. And she doesn’t do surgery. She’s out with her dad, obviously, give her a break.
Danie | February 3, 2011 at 6:10 pm
The way Americans dump on her (and others) for having their own identity and being lovely while she is at it, and not all running out to buy the same nose, lips, chin, personal trainer and style is so sad.
Mary | February 3, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Has you can see here, Vanessa just don’t give a damn about what you think about her, she’s powerful – just not in your superficial kind of way:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1353264/And-Jonathan-Ross-snubbed-Vanessa-Paradis-asks-photo-London-show.html
welldoneson | February 3, 2011 at 7:57 pm
I would like to interview her with the sole aim of making her say as many words including the letter “S” as possible.
McFeeky Smackup | February 3, 2011 at 8:14 pm
FTW!!
TehWinner | February 3, 2011 at 8:16 pm
She has a fucked up mouth?!! Shit, I haven’t gotten passed that crooked lazy eye!! Now we know why Depp bought an island on which to hide her!
Mortimer Duke | February 3, 2011 at 9:49 pm
She’ll fit right in with all of Dr. Moreau’s other creatures.
ghost | February 3, 2011 at 8:39 pm
There might be a valuable lesson here.
DogBoy | February 3, 2011 at 8:58 pm
I’m hetero, and I’d rather do Johnny.
Little Richard | February 3, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Once again, this is what children will do to you.
Tweety | February 3, 2011 at 11:29 pm
You know Kate Moss has to be loving this. Come to think of it, she (or Angelina) probably tipped off the paps.
Cameron | February 4, 2011 at 4:06 am
She used to look like this: http://eil.com/shop/moreinfo.asp?catalogid=135762
I’m sure she still can with the right makeup, etc. At least she’s natural…
molz | February 4, 2011 at 6:39 am
vanessa paradis is nearing 40. in her youth she was incredibly hot and i bet she is still a lot hotter than most of you sitting behind you computer screens and writing nasty comments. we all age little ones. johnny depp is also getting on and not quite as gorgeous as he used to be at 25. and one more thing, not everyone finds huge, uniform chiclet teeth attractive. they can look pretty scary too.
hi-o | February 4, 2011 at 6:59 am
Lauren Hutton she ain’t.
wim | February 4, 2011 at 8:21 am
…………ofcourse not.
THIS IS A TRANSEXUAL, folks!!
mamamiasweetpeaches | February 4, 2011 at 8:26 am
I wasnt even aware she supposedly sings until I recently started getting concert updates for a place near me where Ive seen Donna Summer and Chaka Kahn perform. Im sorry. I just cant imagine “Johnny Depps Girlfriend” performing on the same stage those two fabulous icons have been on!