This Baby’s Already Costing Kim Kardashian Money

May 3rd, 2013 // 31 Comments
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Posted by Photo Boy

Despite conducting what was assuredly an intense cost/benefit analysis of abortion, Kim Kardashian decided to no longer promote Midori liquor and has been replaced by Candice Accola as the brand’s spokesperson. Page Six reports:

…Kim Kardashian has been forced to hand back the monstrous mermaid costume she wore to promote Midori, now that she is with Kanye West’s child.

Everybody in the entire world, with the exception of Dina Lohan, believes that pregancy and booze don’t mix, although I’m sure this didn’t matter at all to Kim’s pimp. Having the family motto of “CONSUME THE IMMORTAL SOULS OF THE LIVING MUAHAHAHAHA!” “Fuck Everything, Because MONEY!” probably put a damper on this otherwise sensible decision.

KIM: Mom, I just don’t think it’s responsible.
KRIS: Fine, but you need to sign this release so I can license North’s birth video to some German porn sites.
KIM: Already locked that down months ago AND THE STUDENT BECOMES THE MASTER!

Photo:Fame/Flynet, INF, Splash News


  1. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    where’s the baby in this one?

    • BlackWidow

      That’s her double , Myla Sinanaj . [K paid/ no let her arrive at 1 of the gates to ensure all photographers had a shot]

  2. KIM K, SUPERSTAR (divorice ed.)

    I am 32 years old, but act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess. Instead I became an anal porn star, but I still think I’m a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, azz, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, hair, facelift etc., were all bought from a plastic surgeon. I use to idolized Paris Hilton and I would hang on her like a koala bear all the time just to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. I was very jealous of Paris; so on my mother’s advise we put out a SEX TAPE too. When we first shot the video I had my partner (William ‘RayJ Norwood) urinate on me. Golden showers really turn me on, and I figured that would be enough ‘shock’ to get the ball rolling. Mom didn’t think it was vile enough, so we re-shot the video. In the retake I suck my own shit that’s been smeared on my partner’s dick right after he finished reaming out my black stink hole.

    Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Steve Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment. They paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. RayJ had nothing to do with the leaked sex tape. Mom and me tricked him into making a porno with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows exactly what happened. He’s one of the people I screwed over and refused to pay after our contract was up. Money and fame is all I live for. I am just waiting for him (and many, many more) to come out and reveal how I really am. I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack elegance, class, dignity, self-respect, intelligence, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman, both inside and out.

    My pimp mother, Kris Jenner (who in most ways is a bigger whore than me), fcuked her hairdresser and the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. Dad was an ambulance chaser, and helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole by hiding much of the blood evidence from the police. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake. I have no personality at all!

    My ex husband Damon Thomas, whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas, publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber, and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. If you see me in public it’s either because someone is paying me to be there, or I know the paps will be there to take my picture. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all attending. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but unlike Paris I’m too cheap to buy them lunch like she does.

    I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I’m in very bad shape. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my sad performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like a tone deaf four year old with a nasal monotone voice; very unfortunate. Recently I made a video to go with the song. In it I shove my HUGE azz into the camera like a baboon in heat waiting to get mounted.

    Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous. We, the Kardashian’s, call each other dolls; and I alone have tainted the Pussycat Dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could not care less. If I’m at a charity event you can bet I’m either getting paid to be there, or I’m there because I called the paps and want to get my picture taken. If you read the fine print you’ll see I keep 90% of the proceeds from my charity auction. The only person I really care about is myself. I tried to fcuk over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. Unfortunately it was taken off the market after one week under the threat of legal action in several States. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids, with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

    I stole $120k from Sonja Norwood’s (Ray J and Brandy’s mother) credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. Neither my sisters nor I know how to sew on a button or sketch anything, but we call ourselves fashion designers. Much of our clothing line is made by underage Chinese children. I pay them a dollar a day to work an 18-hour shift in one of my sweatshops. The logo on my perfumes are a complete rip-off from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin, and Chroma Makeup co-owner Michael Rey.

    For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M. I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by billionaire pharmaceutical entrepreneur Stewart Rahr who wanted to spare me any further shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me. Not that it really bothers me all that much. Most of my fans are just ignorant working-class insecure teen girls. Most of them will be lucky if they get a GED. I’m doing them a favor by letting them see what it’s like to be one of the wealthy that can shop at stores they only get to read about. The biggest purchase most of my «fans» will ever make will be a used double-wide that has running water.

    I have never been single because I am too scared to spend time with myself. Recently I started popping pills to help myself feel better. Valium, Vicoden, Antenex, and Benzodiazepine really do make a girl feel better; you should try them. Until 2007 I did cocaine with Paris. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny forever that I drink or have used drugs.

    I am very much looking forward to the day when my grand children can sit on my lap. Even though they will ask me if I am an anal porn star, because I know that’s what everybody in kindergarten will tell them. I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo azz. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Bow Wow, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) and my husband of 72 days Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fcuked me, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash, and that I will bring their reputations down into the gutter with mine. I will fcuk anyone for publicity. Currently I’m bearding for a racist hip-hop artist (Kanye West). He accused the President of not liking black people during a telethon for the people of New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

    I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I am 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

    I am Kim Kardashian… Superstar

  3. ThisWillHurt

    I read the headline and just assumed that she spent a massive amount of money for some new age procedure that would ensure I safe delivery. What the hell was I thinking?

  4. Now that Kanye’s dumped her, taking bets on the late-term abortion but claiming a “miscarriage”

    • Cock Dr

      R U crazy? Abort what would be 18 years of child support payments from a very rich man? She can pay people to raise that kid AND have a lot left over for shoes and blood facials.
      Of course that won’t recover her waistline but she’ll be liposuctioning the hell out of her torso right after the birth. Watch for it on your television.

  5. cc

    Costing a Kardashian money?! If the Right to Lifers weren’t worried before, they should be now.

  6. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Pregnant
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Everyone looks to gauge it’s growing size.

  7. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dammit, I said I wanted something from a deli, not New Delhi! Oh well . . . hey, did you see that video where the guy peed on me?”

  8. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:


  9. Hey, Kim, once your boobs are fully engorged with milk, I would gladly give you $100 for naked pictures of them. I know that’s not a large amount of money, but I’m a senior citizen living on Social Security. So, what do you say…???

  10. AnitaC24

    Still confused over Midori using a teetotaler as a rep for their shit-ass product. A total disconnect — but everything with these pigs makes no sense.

  11. Still lol-ing over “had to return the MONSTROUS MERMAID COSTUME” that Kim wore for the Midori ad…

    Oh, and wouldn’t it be sweet poetic justice if the baby wasn’t Kanyes’s? “Eighteen years, eighteen years, and on its eighteenth birthday found out it wasn’t his…”? That right there is worth living another 18 yrs just to see, all my suicidal friends…

  12. anonymous

    They couldn’t just dye it black and white and call it an orca costume?

  13. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Enter the “Cow with Duck Lips + Claws”

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