Things Getting Ugly for Nick & Jessica

November 30th, 2005 // 28 Comments

simpson_lachey_split.jpgIf you thought that Nick & Jessica stories were over just because they’ve split up, think again. Apparently the two were so sure they’d be together forever that they didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement. And since Jessica made most of the money, with around $35 million just last year, she could end up paying Nick a mountain of cash. Therefore she’s hired divorce lawyer Laura Wasser, who handled Angelina Jolie’s divorce from Billy Bob Thornton.

I have a feeling that Jessica had a lot less to do with hiring this lawyer than Joe Simpson, the Lex Luthor to Jessica’s Otis. Things are going to get very ugly. If Joe enjoys tormenting Nick as much as he enjoys ogling his daughters, then it’s only a matter of time before Nick ends up dead in a dumpster with a throng of Malaysian boy prostitutes.



  1. Can she even spell Prenuptial Agreement? I liked her better when she was chubby w/ massive boobs…

    I think she needs to start dating Bam…or one of the Jackass guys…I can picture the new TV Show… “JackAss meets DumbAss”

  2. Brittany

    Maybe Nick isn’t as stupid as we all thought. Even though he realized he made the single largest mistake of his life besides joining a gay boy band, he dealt with her until she reached the pinnacle of her success (Dukes of Hazard – as sad as that may be) and now he splits with her. This way he can get half of the money before she blows it on purses and underwear.

  3. MadelBlue

    hahahahahhahahahahahahaha I cant wait till this happens to Britney. Take that Joe now she’s not only damaged goods, divorced and a stupid slut- she’s going to be 50% less rich. hahahahahahahahahahahhaha

    Karma Comeupits

  4. MrPloppy

    Wow women getting screwed in the divorce courts.

    Lets hear it for equality. :)

  5. SoCalGal420

    S.Starr- no, considering that while actually eating tuna fish she asked if it was chicken, so I’m guessing spelling isn’t a secret talent of hers. What’s dumb is that Nick Lachey is the one being treated like “K-Fed” when he had a lucrative career when this dumb broad was like 10! I realize it was a “gay ass boy band” but hell, if you’re the best one out there is it that bad? And at least he can sing, her voice is bland like fat free mayo, just like her look, blah!

  6. ElFurbe

    Just the guarantee that I won’t have to see any Newlyweds spinoffs or reunions or reflection specials makes my day. Good riddance to bad rubbish, says I. After suffering through a few forced viewings of that horrid show, I honestly feel for Nick Lachey, and I’ve decided that for enduring Jessica as long as he did, I forgive him for 98 Degrees. I’m sure he thought Jessica was cutely clueless at the start, little did he know that she would remain that way forever. Lets all just be thankful they didn’t reproduce.

  7. One step closer to Jessica getting naked.

  8. drowningfool

    The Age of the Male Gold Digger has officially commenced……it’s about time us men realized we could get millions of dollars without doing any work except putting up with an annoying bimbo….let’s have the women work for our money from this day forward

  9. drowningfool

    The Age of the Male Gold Digger has officially commenced, it’s about time us men realized we could get millions of dollars without doing any work except putting up with an annoying blonde. let’s have the women work for our money from this day forward

  10. KikiLala

    I hope Nick gets all that money because he deserves it for putting up with her stupid ass.

  11. tori

    hahah what a silly ho! no prenup is pretty much the worst idea ever if you’re famous.

  12. derekd

    Let’s not fool ourselves, even though Lachey was making some decent dough, 98 degrees was living in the shadow of N’Sync and The Backstreet Boys. So I have to disagree with the comment earlier that “He was in the best gay ass boy band.” If you mean best as being the most successful I think your wrong. Lachey knew that he had a cash cow on his hands with this broad and he went for it. I mean seriously who would stick around after bopping her unless there was something worth sticking around for? She’s probably a lame ass lay. I’m sure that in their bedroom the phrase, “EWWWWW!!” was uttered from her retarded mouth on numerous occasions.

  13. derekd


  14. BadassFred

    Dude, that’s such a stupid thing to do. Never assume that you’re gonna be together forever. Forever is a looong time.

    I hope he doesn’t get all her money though. I like Jessica Simpson. It’ll be fun to read all those magazines specualting who she’s dating next.

    I don’t know why people keep acting like she’s such a whore, though. She stayed married to the same guy for three years. That’s a lot longer than many couples stay togethr for.

  15. What did I tell you all??!

    I told you that Papa Joe would bring his righteous(and incestious) wrath down upon Nick’s head!!

  16. carrie bradshaw

    I feel bad for Nick. He seems like a nice, normal guy who has his head on straight while Jessica went and bought into her fame way too much. In addition to creepy Papa Joe who never stayed out of their marriage. You know that scene from Sex and the City where Charlotte walked in the bathroom to see Trey taking a bath while his mother was sitting on the stool right next to him? I can see that happening at the Simpson/Lachey household all the time – Nick walking in to find daddy-in-law “keeping an eye on” his pretty little daughter. It was always disturbing to me the way Joe would talk about Jessica.

  17. hafaball

    I know! As I was reading this I was thinking, what the hells makes him think he’s not going to just end up dead. Who’d ever think it was her? I mean with that devilish smile, and those satan worshipping eyes, and those horse teeth…I just wanted to add that.

  18. clitcommander

    I think we can all agree that while Jessica was busy adding up the thousands she spent on underwear alone- her husband was counting on the one hand how many times he actually saw her in her underwear.

    And yes, I am a girl….so therefore, I am the CLITCOMMANDER. Get it right, Jay.

    Anyhoo…this was doomed from the start. Unless you are retarded, you could not miss that it was HER who made the show and the money.

    However, since I am not some feminist nazi- I must say. NICK- GET YOUR 50% and move on!

    CLITCOMMANDER, over and out….

  19. cat_taylor

    I don’t think Nick would be smart enough to realize that he was marrying a cash cow back then. She was nothing before Newlyweds. A C list Britney wannabe trying to break in by playing the celebacy card. He just won the lotto.

    It is also good to know that looks don’t count for everything.

  20. slinkhard

    Don’t hate on feminism, then you look as dumb as Jessica.

  21. derekd

    How people have selective memory. Even though Jessica Simpson was not a mega star like Spears and Aguilerra per say, her star was definately on the rise while 98 degrees had already blown thier load. So Nick did not have to be a business guru to figure out that marrying this broad would definately be profitable. And who knows, maybe he actually loved the bitch. That would be a surprise ending wouldn’t it? And as the trend with Hollywood movies dictates:Americans love twist endings. A little life imitating art perhaps? Ask Robert Downey Jr. about that.

  22. alteaon

    I agree w/ whoever mentioned Jessica’s face in this pic. What is she doing with her mouth? Is she trying to look seductive?

    They are both dolts, but she annoys me more, because she’s everywhere. SHe may have a nice body, but her face has a rather manly, tranny like look to it. I’m sure she could be have way decent looking if she’d stop trying so hard. Use some of that concentration on atleast breaking out of elementary level education.

    True, one can make fun of me for how I look, or how I’m imagined to look, but I am not on TV, I do not have handlers whose sole job is to make me look good. If that’s the best they can do, either she needs to hire different people, or it says something about what they have to work with.

  23. Michael Corleone

    Well played Nick. He made her run things and make money these past years whilst he was getting some pornstars under his belt. Now, he’s 15mill richer for tolerating her stupidity. Game. Set. Match.

  24. Michael Corleone

    Well played Nick. He made her run things and make money these past years whilst he was getting some pornstars under his belt. Now, he’s 15mill richer for tolerating her stupidity. Game. Set. Match.

  25. Michael Corleone

    Well played Nick. He made her do her thing and make alot of cash these past years while he was knee deep in pornstars. Now, he’s 15mill richer for tolerating that vacant airhead. Game. Set. Match.

  26. easilyamused

    I have a feeling that Nick wanted to get married because he was authentically looking to settle down.. and Jessica wanted to get married because she wanted to have sex. How Nick decided on Jessica was because obviously they were highly attracted to each other, and the the sexual frustration must’ve raged enough to blind each other to the reality that Jessica is a dumb cheap floosey and Nick is jerk cheap floosey. What they thought was love was really just lust. Now that’s gone and they have nothing else to keep them going. I bet Nick would want to work it out… but Jessica is too much of an attention whore and has discovered sex and that she doesn’t want to have it with just one guy.

  27. TheLuciousDeluxe

    What a shame.

  28. i really like this i think it pretty cool!!!!!!!!!!

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