Things You Can Do While Justin Bieber Finds God

There are conflicting stories as to why Justin Bieber decided to cancel the last 14 dates of his world tour. On one hand his management claims he is simply burnt out after two years of touring, while TMZ claims he’s having a “spiritual awakening” after spending too much time with a guy who looks like he runs the Cult of Pac Sun. Whichever reason you want to buy into, there’s no need to fret – let’s try and turn a positive into a bigger positive! Here are a couple things that are more productive than attending a Justin Bieber concert…

Beetle Fighting

beetle fighting

Beetle fighting is the biggest animal craze to hit Asia since Hello Kitty. It’s kind of like Pokemon in that you and your beetle train and go on adventures to seedy back alleys in Kuala Lumpur to fight other beetle trainers for cigarettes. Ever wonder why we never hear from disgraced NFL legend Mike Vick? I have my hunches as to what he might be up to…

Study Canada

canada

What better way to get your maple fix than drinking knowledge straight from the moose’s mouth! Take a power play into the rich cultural history of the nation that birthed the Beebs himself! Reccommended jumping off points: Strange Brew DVD box set, that episode of Diners Drive-Ins and Dives where Guy Fierri skips the french fries and goes straight for the gravy, and Rick Moranis’ country album. “Canada Studies” is even offered as a major at Duke University uh-huh, you betcha!

Hone Your Hoggin’


If there were ever a time to work on your hogbody, this is it.

Bring Back Parkour

Parkour

Parkour was the predecessor to fidget spinning and I think it’s about time for it to become obnoxiously in vogue again. For now just go for little feats like the car hood in your drive way, car hoods across parking lots, and car hoods across busy freeways! Don’t forget your Beats by Dre earbuds blast your favorite P.O.D. jams at their fullest sonic capacity.

Hibernate

sleeping bear

Bears do it, groundhogs do it, snakes do it – why not you? What better way to pass the time than a temporary comatose? Sure you might have a couple bad dreams, like that reoccurring one where Justin Bieber keeps yelling at you for spoiling his ice cream, but they’ll sort themselves out in time.