Things I Learned From Courtney Stodden’s Valentine’s Day Bikini Photos

February 15th, 2012 // 259 Comments

Because the world needs a new Heidi & Spencer-esque couple with a hint of statutory rape now more than ever, here’s Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson posing for a Valentine’s Day-themed photo shoot that is not only disgustingly hilarious, but probably the most insightful look into their relationship since he banged her in a pumpkin patch making your moms all jelly. No longer is their love a mystery wrapped in an enigma, but instead, it’s blossomed before our very eyes into the kind of romance Shakespeare would’ve written himself had his testicles actually dropped, that doily-wearing poof.

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Coleman-Rayner

superficial

  1. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Pfff. She’s not old enough to drive.

  2. I learned that I want desperately to smack that jaw so hard she bites off that tongue that’s always sticking the fuck out of her gob.

  3. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    HC66
    Commented on this photo:

    If they really ate that way in Europe, or at least where I live in Belgium, I’d go out to eat a lot more often…

  4. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    A rose by any other name is a slut.

  5. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate it when pets beg for food at the table.

  6. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    a short haired girl
    Commented on this photo:

    all they could afford was the one bowl of spaghetti, so they doubled up on the free bread.

  7. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Arpie
    Commented on this photo:

    And that’s her carb allowance for the week…

  8. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Ooops! Premature again!

  9. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it possible to put your hand on a woman’s bottom in a way that conveys neither affection nor sensuality? Yes, yes it is.

  10. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t wait for the part where he nudges a meatball her way with this nose.

    • TurkusMaximus

      ahhahaha! thanks for that. The Lady and the Tramp references above were great but you added the touch that says “I care” with that visual.

  11. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I just thought for a moment what it must be like to be one of her parents and see this pic…and not have a rope and a chair handy.

  12. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    I really hope they stay together for a while, they are quit entertaining. Every picture gave me a good laugh!

  13. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    He said ‘just get comfortable’ and that’s the first thing she did.

  14. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Jimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m starting to notice a pattern here

  15. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s captain of the SS Minnow. The boats is called Summer Breeze.

  16. Tom

    Sweet boat. Must be all of 27 feet and early 70′s vintage. The blue tape from the varnish job on the handrails is a sweet touch. The cheap plastic tarps over the neighbors boat is really nice too.

    Seriously though, didn’t the know anyone in the higher rent part of the marina?

  17. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    on a side note, it’s averaging about 58-degree highs in so cal with snow in the mountains and a biting wind… great bikini weather. Maybe whatever she’s on makes her impervious to the cold.

  18. ET Phone Home

    on a side note, it’s averaging about 58-degree highs in so cal with snow in the mountains and a biting wind… great bikini weather. Maybe whatever she’s on makes her impervious to the cold.

  19. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    why is she unable to feed herself?

  20. vgirl

    Where’s the black history month photoshoot/

  21. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    I just don’t get why everything they do is so sexual. I mean be sexual fuck all you want but if they’re “so in love” why are there never any sweet pictures of them (eg, a cute kiss), even if she does look like a sleaze? In every picture she looks like she’s starving for a gang bang. I like to think one day they can look back and wonder what they were thinking, but let’s not kid ourselves here.

  22. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish, your photo captions are WIN today

  23. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    RobN
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s just too easy; making fun of this isn’t even sporting.

    • mook57

      seriously, this reached the “..it would be funny if it wasnt so fucking sad..” realm about, oh i dont know, the second time i layed eyes on them and figured out they were serious…kinda like the spice girls, back in the day……

  24. Pat C.

    Glad there’s no quotes from her, She looks good (in a slutty way) but she says/writes the most annoying sub-Penthouse/Harlequin crap imaginable.

  25. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Snack pack
    Commented on this photo:

    Just fucking nasty.

  26. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Snack pack
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, she’s looking even more unhealthy. I’m not a death-pool guy, but if I were . . .

  27. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Jill Ess
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this her asking Hugh if she can do playboy or her 18th birthday?

  28. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    InternetRocketScientist
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know how I can possibly watch those two episodes of Lost he was in the same way as before.

  29. Not the first time she’s been full of seamen. Or semen. Or probably even seamen’s semen.

  30. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    “She saw ‘Lady and the Tramp’ once”…. in the mirror.

  31. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s the only one at the table who knows what to do with the balls.

  32. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Where the hell is Dexter when you need him?

  33. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    “Her vagina can hide a boat.”

    There, now it’s right.

  34. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    A note to whatever upstanding citizen decides to take matters into his own hands and kill these two:

    When you go to dump the bodies in the water to dispose of them, remember to slit their bellies open so that the decomposition gases won’t float their corpses back to the surface.

    No, no… don’t thank me…

  35. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    undercover
    Commented on this photo:

    Those shows are idiotic looking.

  36. Terry

    If the word “STANK” had to be associated with a picture then that hoe would be its poster child.

  37. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    BAHAH
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve noticed now she’s started wearinf more open bikini tops. I think she got her boobs “checked” to prove she had any implants and THEN got them. It was SO goddamn obvious before she was over stuffing and padding, now I think she got them to she can say they’re “rweal”. Goddamn skank.

  38. Boob listing to starboard! Bugger abaft! Abandon ship!

  39. Kat

    Gilligan and the Stripper

  40. that broad is so gross. those scrawny, bony and shapeless legs of hers are disgusting.
    i wouldn’t screw her if i lost a bet.

  41. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    pretty vacant
    Commented on this photo:

    so basically these are pics of him feeding her all nice and full before he eats her liver right?

  42. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    ej
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope that’s not alcoholic !!! she’s still got 4 years to go!!

  43. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    julia_grey
    Commented on this photo:

    wow! who knew that farting on someone could look so hot!

  44. Um, no

    With all the money she must be saving by wearing underwear everyday instead of donning a shirt or, oh, I don’t know, some pants, you would think she could at least buy a second pair of shoes. Does she even own another pair? I guess it all goes to spray tan and hair bleach.

  45. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Twanners
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s standing on the champagne glasses.

  46. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    downwithmuffins
    Commented on this photo:

    doug: ‘so do you wanna have our once a month sex when we get home?’
    gutter troll sailor barbie:”dont be gross! you know i get off enough from having my picture taken.. MEN’

  47. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Melissa
    Commented on this photo:

    Zoom in on her feet. Just do it.

    • splashsos

      Oh god WHY did I zoom!?!?! Those are the feet of an expired stripper/streetwalker…..or a zombie……..

  48. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    NVT
    Commented on this photo:

    In other pictures she is wearing a PETA shirt that says “vegetarian”, yet here she is eating spaghetti bolognese. Weird.

  49. Michael

    Oh, THANK GOD! I was shitting my Jockey’s wondering if Courtney Stodden was gonna toss some Twitpics.

  50. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Frank The Duck
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF size sailboat can you cover the whole cabin width with a 50 year old legspread ? Is this in a bathtub?

Leave A Comment