Things I Learned From Courtney Stodden’s Valentine’s Day Bikini Photos

February 15th, 2012 // 257 Comments

Because the world needs a new Heidi & Spencer-esque couple with a hint of statutory rape now more than ever, here’s Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson posing for a Valentine’s Day-themed photo shoot that is not only disgustingly hilarious, but probably the most insightful look into their relationship since he banged her in a pumpkin patch making your moms all jelly. No longer is their love a mystery wrapped in an enigma, but instead, it’s blossomed before our very eyes into the kind of romance Shakespeare would’ve written himself had his testicles actually dropped, that doily-wearing poof.

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Photos: Coleman-Rayner

superficial

  1. hmna

    It’s only a hint of statutory rape, since Courtney is 32 years old.

  2. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    mickey B
    Commented on this photo:

    Unless it’s called ‘Lady is the Tramp’ I’m really mixed up how this is supposed to work.

  3. JC

    Courtney demonstrates how to make an expensive boob job irrelevant by showing off her nasty, blotchy legs.

  4. argleblargle

    I was actually thinking last night that it had been awhile since I had heard of this beast. And I was desperately hoping we were over her. Guess not.

    • Same. Seriously, leave this shit on the Celebuzz site.

      The only way this twat will be relevant is if she goes into the Porn business which seems to be where she learned how to make “O” faces.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Were you thinking her name while looking in a mirror? Dare you to do that three times.

  5. EricLr

    Looks like someone’s mother didn’t teach him that strippers are for throwing $1 bills at, not for marrying.

  6. CNN

    Olivia Wilde has dissapeared. Did Jason Sudekis eat her?

  7. YoMamma

    I need you to hide my tantelizingly seductively streaky orange feet under your pasty white leg. XOXO. I love Jesus ~ Courtney

  8. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    LRonHoover
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are NOT the thighs of a 17 year old.

    • Rissa

      I know, right? She wears those damn classless heels all the time. you’d think her legs would be very toned!

  9. I Complain A Lot

    I’d bang that 40yo stripper, yeah I said it

  10. Melbot

    Totally looks like she is doing the ol’ “lift ass/thigh/leg and let fart escape” routine…

  11. Bonky

    I still don’t know who the target audience is for these photo shoots they keep making. Is it for gay dads who are fantasizing having sex with their daughters from their failed heterosexual marriage ? Because Doug comes off as a total queen. I’m confused.

    • It’s for whoever will look. I don’t think either one of these pathetic losers has the intelligence to create or follow any sort of actual plan for success. At this point, it’s all about “Look at me! Look at me!” and hope that someone, anyone, pays attention. “Target audience” is beside the point.

    • max

      Look At Me Everyone! = LAME

  12. mrsmass

    she looks like she’s straight out of David Lee Roth’s California Girls video.

  13. I’m still not convinced that this isn’t a giant Andy Kaufman-esque joke that Damon Lindelof is pulling on us.

  14. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    suck it
    Commented on this photo:

    “Courtney honey, if I don’t pick up after you the city will give me a fine. They have strict doggie poop laws”

  15. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    suck it
    Commented on this photo:

    oh boo!.. I just read the caption.. it seems Fish already had the same idea!

  16. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    CJ
    Commented on this photo:

    it concerns me that this was conducted so close to my home…

  17. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    The Winchester
    Commented on this photo:

    They’re gonna pull an M Night twist on us and reveal that everything they’ve been doing has been some bizarre performance art piece, and that she’s really 36 and he’s hasn’t become the incarnation of his Looney Bin Jim character from Punisher War Zone, and by doing so they’ve pulled back the curtain upon humanity’s obsession with youth, superficiality, pseudo celebrity, and everything that these pictures represent.

    Right?

    Because they can’t just be about a moron and a horny old man, can they?

  18. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    I had no idea that someone could give strawberries VD.

  19. Deacon Jones

    I beat she’s a total freak in bed. Like, insatiable.

    And I’d love every second of it. I admit it.

  20. Anon

    Wow…glad to see Jennifer Aniston is still with her man.

  21. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    isn’t that supposed to be predigested and regurgitated for her? Or at least squeezed from his prostate?

  22. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone needs to giver her “sexy face” lessons. Because what she thinks is a sexy expression is somewhere between “high on ecstasy” and “extra chromosome”

  23. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Ewwwww
    Commented on this photo:

    What the FUCK is she doing???

  24. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Because bimbo is always better with a side of garlic.

  25. Am I the only one who loves these two because they’re so mind-bogglingly ridiculous? They seriously crack me up.

    • No, there are more shallow minded idiots out there who will keep them coming back. Seriously, go to the zoo and watch a couple apes have sex; it’s the same thing.

    • Colostomy Bag

      I hear you, Lucy. They’re the replacement couple for Speidi. God knows who is going to replace these 2 when their time is up – going to be very hard to top the act that topped Speidi.

  26. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Doctor Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the Special Olympics have finally graduated from just giving hugs at the finish line.

  27. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Eugene
    Commented on this photo:

    Cankles and Skankles …

  28. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Doctor Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    “Courtney, quit trying to get out of the high chair or Daddy won’t make the choo-choo sound.”

  29. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    Get used to that view, darlin’

  30. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeebus, talk about low rent. 70s decor, beat-up tables and chairs, scratched floor, and a whole lot of empty tables and chairs for an audience. You can see the parking lot in the background; they’re obviously at some strip mall joint. Not a bad thing per se — I’ve had some great food at hole-in-the-wall places — but if they’re determined to market themselves (or Courtney, at least) as “classy,” they’re going to have to make more of an effort.

  31. Son of a Dude

    Im pretty sure you can catch herpes simply commenting on these pics. Goddamnit…

  32. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Doctor Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    “See Courtney, all you have to do is vigorously rub the neck of this thing and it shoots all over. Now let me get Mr. Happy out and you can show Daddy how you do it.”

  33. AteIsEnough

    OK – this isn’t creeping me out any less now then it did the first time I saw the “story”. They are both freaky I think, and what’s with the “I’m psycotic” glare all the time?

  34. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Photo taken two minutes before the owner of the boat showed up and screamed at them to get back to work: “Those barnacles aren’t going to scrape themselves!”

  35. AteIsEnough

    oops – psychotic. You frickin’ knew what I meant anyway!

  36. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s also where she keeps the boat anchor.

  37. rican

    That pose makes me think of anal sex

  38. that guy from lost

    What bullshit from the superficial: everyone knows you can’t rape your own wife.

  39. Blech

    Ew. Generic famewhore.

  40. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Doctor Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    Dingy in a Dinghy.

  41. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the frozen Walt Disney would probably spin in his cryogenic capsule over this.

  42. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Katnip
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, that girl better keep wearing those playbot t-shirts ’cause that’s the only actual gigs she’ll ever get once she turns 18…

  43. Confusus

    Courtney is sitting like that so we can’t see Doug’s complete and utter lack of any sexual arousal whatsoever.

    You know, because he’s obviously gay.

  44. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    DD
    Commented on this photo:

    Doug is a little bit of a pansy, but I don’t think it’s fair to call him a “lady.”

  45. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Never saw someone eat spaghetti doggy-style. Maybe they eat sausage & cannoli 69 style.

  46. stratacat

    i will follow this story until the mystery of the armband until is solved.

  47. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Caroline
    Commented on this photo:

    So I guess he’s the lady, then?

  48. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    theweatherman
    Commented on this photo:

    At first I thought she only had one shoe on. Then I realized that I had just mistaken his leg for her leg and that he wasn’t wearing shoes. Then I realized that I couldn’t tell the difference between 70 year old man leg and supposed 17 year old girl leg. Ahoy polloi

  49. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Ell
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s confused to see so much clothing on her.

  50. Courtney Stodden Bikini Valentine's Day
    Derp
    Commented on this photo:

    Tommy Lee already did this. Originality please.

    • “Ohmygod, remember when that video came out? I went right online and—I mean, Tommy Lee? Who is that? Sex tape? I was in diapers when that all happened!”

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