The ‘Uncut Rihanna Sex Tape’ Some Jackass Just Sent Me: An Open Letter

June 22nd, 2009 // 34 Comments

Dear HyptroniQ Music,

Today you sent me a video of the “RIHANNA FULL SEX TAPE” that you claim is “NOT lavish styles !! look at it” when, let’s be frank, it’s definitely Lavish Styles. That said, I applaud your attempts in this new version to touch up her forehead then cover it up with a night-vision filter making it slightly more believable than last week’s “teaser.” Good effort.

Now, level with me, what the hell is the point of all this? The first five minutes is a guy walking around in a bathrobe while Arnold Schwarzenegger does a voiceover about Rihanna stealing his wallet and iPod forcing him to seek revenge by posting her “sex tape.” Later, text on the screen encourages viewers to go to Koko Fresh Killa’s website to see the rest of the video which, surprise, is not there. So, obviously, it’s a publicity stunt. I just have one thing to say:

NOBODY GO TO KOKO’S SITE. THERE IS NO NEW RIHANNA SEX TAPE.

Thanks for the tip and I hope you get your cock sued off,

The Superficial

NOTE: Video is extremely NSFW and not Rihanna. Also, don’t go to Koko’s site in case I forgot to mention that before.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. the guy is a douche

  2. Danny

    Right. So this is newsworthy.

  3. pirhan

    Thanks for the heads up. Not that I visit any Myspace page, but just in case my judgments become cloudy today.

  4. the guy is a totally douche

  5. It's Me Fuckers

    Perez only got a taste of what he deserves. Why is it that a known Homosexual can call a straight person a FAG and it’s okay? But if you turn it around and have the straight guy call Perez a FAG, it is racist? I’d call Perez a cunt but I highly doubt he has the warmth OR depth to live up to the name.

  6. It's Me Fuckers

    Perez only got a taste of what he deserves. Why is it that a known Homosexual can call a straight person a FAG and it’s okay? But if you turn it around and have the straight guy call Perez a FAG, it is racist? I’d call Perez a cunt but I highly doubt he has the warmth OR depth to live up to the name.

  7. Superevil

    5 & 6: Sexual orientation isn’t a race dumbass therefore it can’t be racist

  8. Jeezy

    @5: Gay people can call others “fags” just like blacks can use the “n-word”. The world isn’t fair, but that’s the way it is.

  9. Andy

    What the hell is this? Why are you posting this? This site is falling apart.

    • jacksaas69254

      hey wasup did u knwo there no rihanna sex video trust me it doesnt egsist ur wasting ur time bye bye now

  10. uh

    Why does anyone care about a fake Rihanna sex tape when there’s a REAL celebrity sex tape that just came out?

  11. emmy

    What is going on? Who cares? I don’t understand this at all…not that most celebrity stuff is newsworthy, but I am so at a loss as to the point or purpose of this rant.

    Getting fired up like that only draws attention to the instigator (and said MySpace)…you would have done better to have said nothing at all. You pretty much just gave this guy a wicked amount of free publicity!

  12. Danklin24

    Rofl this is hilarious and might i add koko fresh killa is the GAYEST pseudo name ever! I guess its okay if you’re a male stripper that enjoys being tea bagged by other dudes.

  13. WTF

    Since when did the Superfish become mean & nasty in place of funny?! Sad

  14. cash

    Nah, I like the new Fish.

  15. kerplunk

    This “The Superficial” post is… out of character and not The Superficial that we all know and love. This writer should be fired.

  16. Those hips are getting wider by the minute.

  17. Spoonman

    I’ve seen clearer video of both Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster. Perhaps it was recorded with the very first video camera ever made?

  18. James

    The video is not working. WTF?

  19. safarijoe

    I’m a racist douche with a small penis.

  20. K

    To ‘It’s Me Fuckers’: Calling someone a ‘fag’ isn’t racist, since, let’s see, it’s NOT A RACE. Dumbass.

  21. oh K

    K, it’s still a hate crime to call someone a fag stupid.

  22. Rupert

    So I went to that site, but that doesn’t seem like Rihanna. Why would it be someone else?

  23. mizzty

    I think comments are jacked, I’m not the Uncut Rihanna story and all comments are about perez.

    Also WTF is thr Rihanna story saying? Its like it isn’t even in english, are those sentences? What part is meant to be inteeresting?/funny?

  24. CrunchPop

    Anonymous? Is that you?

  25. phoring

    boring

  26. Nero

    Waste of time folks! His 15 minutes are gone!

  27. william

    i like what he says about kanye west making out with a dude
    i saw it go down last year in monterrey, mx

    i wish i would snapped a pic, but funny stuff

  28. Rihanna Full Home-made hot video i found here:

    http://rihanna-sex-video.blogspot.com/?id=thesuperficial

    U have to see it,really hot video!!!

  29. blueyeswill

    what a crock of shit. leave her alone ffs, get on with your own silly pathetic lives. im sure there are a lot of YOU out there that film your own private sex lives, rihanna would not be the bad person in this scenario, but the person that leaked it. but it isnt real, you lot are so gullible! grow up!

  30. why would you want to see this .leave the babe alone.Rihana we still have ur back.

  31. varcitygeekxd

    hmmm so this is rihannas sex tape…….
    WOW it looks exactly like her O_O
    geeze shitty site Dx

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