The ‘Uncut Rihanna Sex Tape’ Some Jackass Just Sent Me: An Open Letter

By: The Superficial / June 22, 2009

Dear HyptroniQ Music,

Today you sent me a video of the “RIHANNA FULL SEX TAPE” that you claim is “NOT lavish styles !! look at it” when, let’s be frank, it’s definitely Lavish Styles. That said, I applaud your attempts in this new version to touch up her forehead then cover it up with a night-vision filter making it slightly more believable than last week’s “teaser.” Good effort.

Now, level with me, what the hell is the point of all this? The first five minutes is a guy walking around in a bathrobe while Arnold Schwarzenegger does a voiceover about Rihanna stealing his wallet and iPod forcing him to seek revenge by posting her “sex tape.” Later, text on the screen encourages viewers to go to Koko Fresh Killa’s website to see the rest of the video which, surprise, is not there. So, obviously, it’s a publicity stunt. I just have one thing to say:

NOBODY GO TO KOKO’S SITE. THERE IS NO NEW RIHANNA SEX TAPE.

Thanks for the tip and I hope you get your cock sued off,

The Superficial

NOTE: Video is extremely NSFW and not Rihanna. Also, don’t go to Koko’s site in case I forgot to mention that before.

Photos: Splash News