The Superficial Quickies

January 13th, 2006 // 19 Comments



  1. Commenting on any 3 of these celebs would be pointless.

  2. eyespy27

    i hate gwyneth paltrow. yep. just because. i bet chris hits it doggy.

  3. tess

    I can’t stand Gwyneth. I can’t even bear looking at her. I think she’s one of the most overrated celebrities on earth.I can’t get of she manages the nail contracts with
    Estee Lauder and suff I mean,she’s not even pretty. I hate her face and her squarred jaw. To me she’s just plain. Plus, I find it quite troubling that she chose to announce her pregnancy just one day after Angelina did. Maybe there’s some sort of unhealthy competition going on….

  4. LoneWolf

    I saw David Hasselhoff in a gym once. He was on his cell, screaming at the top of his lungs, “Nick? HASSELHOFF!! How ya doin’?” while pretending he didn’t know he was making a spectacle of himself. What an attention whore.

    His wife probably dumped him. Now she’ll be getting easy Night Rider/Baywatch vagina-mony for the rest of her life.

  5. Quarterican

    Not that I want to get in the way of Milla Jovovich wearing tight leather costumes. And not that the trailer doesn’t look reasonably cool as movies like that go. But:

    How many times in one career can she play a genetically engineered superweapon (3rd character, 4th movie, by my count)? I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that she might be slightly too good an actress to have to make the same movie over and over.

  6. susie-q

    Sometimes when you look at Gwenyth she is stunning and other times blah. The baby’s name is gonna be Capone and then TheSuperficial will be vindicated. You heard it here folks. I really sensed her heartbreak with the Brad Pitt split up. Seems there’s a pattern there … Angelina watch out … and Katie Holmes too.

  7. A-Bomb

    Paltrow is having another kid eh? great just one more spoiled little f*ck whom we get to see about 17 years from now on E!’s THS. ah all of the coke, meth, boozing and sex we can possibly handle is just around the corner. i mean this bitch is such a control freak, that you know her kids are going to just take the money, rebel and become the greatest form of entertainment. Just seeing her crying and talking with her fake British accent will be hilarious. Milla as another genetically altered human is fine with me and btw she looks f-n HOT. Look guys, try and sit through an interview of her and your ears will bleed, just let her do action flicks where there are less lines for her and LESS CLOTHING (=perfection). As far as Hasselhoff goes… WHO GIVES A FLYING “F”!

  8. At least Hasselhoff can goof on himself. Check out his shirt –

  9. L.Lohan

    Whats wrong with coke, meth, booze, and sex? I guess meth is a little fucked up but whatever.

  10. A-Bomb

    well LLohan its pretty f-d up because you know these kids are going to start early and that makes for great entertainment. Coke booz and sex are great (if thats what you areinto) but not at like 12 years old. Hell just their f-d up names alone are driving meto drink heavily on this saturday morning.just think about it, daddy is a rockstar and mommy isa die hard Holly-wierd pre-madonna… they are destinded for future rehab. plus they get Paltrows bitchy attitude and Martins nasty teeth.

  11. HelpingOutTheMorons

    Did anyone see Hoff in the Spongebob movie? Lordy, lordy does that guy need a tit lift.

  12. nichole

    That David Hasstlehoff movie is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time! omg. I really hope that’s not a serious video, not meant to be funny.

  13. CheekyChops

    Germans love David Hassstlehoff. Word.

  14. HollyJ

    Yeah, Cheeky. Not sure WTF is wrong with the Germans.

    They have the best beer, dog breeds, sausages, and cars, but their taste in entertainers blows dugong dingdong.

  15. here

    G.Paltrow, platrow, whatever. I guess she’d be OK if she were a dentist.

  16. moomoovacaroo

    Imagine if David Hasselhoff, Ricky Martin, and Tom Cruise got locked in a windowless room for 3 days with nothing for entertainment.

    No reason for imagining that, other than I just thought it would be fun to plant an image in everyone’s head of 3 straight men desperately trying to keep from humping each other.

  17. Ben_Danglin

    somebody owes me five bucks or two minutes of my life back for reading that crap

  18. SpecialK

    Gwen’s a bitch. Nuf said.

  19. i think some little secret in the Hoff’s house got out…any guess which?

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