The Superficial News

December 4th, 2008 // 36 Comments

Dusted off an old feature today just for the hell of it. Think of it like a delicious pizza with all your favorite toppings – provided you enjoy the taste of Amy Winehouse slathered in Aniston sauce. Bon appetit:

- Britney Spears‘ cousin Alli Sims says Britney isn’t fit to tour. But still fit to buy her a car; how ’bout it? [NY Daily News]

- Blake Fielder-Civil makes love to Amy Winehouse in her hospital bed before being carted back to jail. Wins coveted “Most Effective Way to Make a Passionate Prison Shower More Enjoyable Award.” [The Sun]

– Sean Avery apologizes for calling Elisha Cuthbert “sloppy seconds.” Says she’s more like a “beautifully recycled flower – that you can have sex with.” [People]

- Jennifer Aniston admits to wanting a baby and “longs” for motherhood. Somewhere, John Mayer is performing the world’s first guitar string vasectomy. [EW]

Photos: WENN

  1. mimi

    First again you piles of shit.

  2. Anexio

    Xomg brit butiful and everything here. she is the top of all the pop stuff and dnanceing. everyone else is nothing compired to her. brit newist abum is the bes t by far and will outsell all of the copiests who steal from her all the time.

  3. mimi

    second too, I am such a winner

  4. Ted from LA

    Damn mimi you spoiled my comeback. She’s lookin bangin here as usual.

  5. mimi

    Third rhymes with turd.

  6. I'd knock her up

    I’d take Aniston over that bag of bones, veiny, brother making out with whore Jolie

  7. libtard

    Does the Fish have a new writer? It’s much better than normal.

  8. Concerned for mimi

    Mimi I have been reading your various posts of late and can’t help wondering if you are on some serious medication or are you a triple amputee or serious scarred inside or out. What is making you say all these crazy things to a group of people that could care less what you have to say?
    Have you tried going outside this week?
    A pen pal?
    Adding larger vibrators to your collection?

  9. D4P

    Hard to believe women like Aniston expect men like Mayer to stay with them after the child/children arrive. But then, maybe they don’t: maybe they just want the kid(s) and don’t care what the guy does after they get what they want.

  10. someguy

    Re: The walking corpse and the nasty hospital sex…

    Uh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit.

  11. She is so fat.

  12. jennyjenjen

    @8.. Mimi is growing increasingly more combative and hostile. She hasn’t taken your suggestions but she has welcomed 7 more cats to her home. She’s a proud new momma..

  13. blp

    I just watched “Britney: For The Record” and feel the need to say Leave Britney alone! Leave her aloooone! She can’t even go out for a walk with her friends or go shopping when she wants. Leeeave Britneeeeeey alooooone!!!

  14. Andy

    “Hard to believe women like Aniston expect men like Mayer to stay with them”

    Agreed. Especially if by women like Aniston you mean bitter dried up castrators and by men like Mayer you mean Tom Cruises.

  15. p0nk

    maybe it’s just a combination of weird posture and weirder outfit, but she really looks like shit here.

    /praying for mimi

  16. blp

    Oh, and what the fuck are “cheese grits?” Her dad was making them for her and said thats what southern girls eat for breakfast. It looked like porridge (or vomit) wwhich he added processed cheese slices to. What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

  17. Sport

    Elisha is fucking hot.

  18. blp

    Britney, Elisha and Jennifer look splooge worthy, Amy not so much.

  19. p0nk

    i mean seriously, wtf? black leather girdle up past her belly button, and that red … whatever that is … rip-away turtleneck football jersey. If you need to hide all the cellulite britBrit how about just wearing normal clothes.

  20. Barry

    Oddly enough, if you stick your finger up each girl’s ass and then put it in your mouth, Amy’s doesn’t taste the worst.

  21. p0nk

    barry, i’m just going to have to trust you on that.

  22. Jackson

    It looks like she is wearing Kim Kardaskanks girdle lol!

  23. ummm...yeah

    ALL I can say is: WTF! OMFG!!FISH! You just keep getting worse!
    mimi, lay off mixing meds and booze ok?

  24. Kostitsyn

    For the love of all things good and decent, do NOT allow Aniston to multiply. The kid will be the ugliest, whiniest thing this side of, well Aniston of course.

  25. janice

    this is stupid. you’re becoming like the rest of those stupid sites………

  26. kt

    there are some really immature people on here…..

  27. honkeybrown

    What’s up with this format? Was the Fish just bought by dlisted?

  28. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?

  29. My goodness goodness deary me . . .

    . . . but Jen looks good there. I’d just like to pry those legs apart a bit, scooch right up, and just kind of lower Jen down on my . . .

    Mmmm, baybeh . . .

  30. moobs

    Britney isn’t long away from the “Mom jeans” look.


  31. Rachel

    Want a date with Britney Spears? Of course yes, but mostly only can be aspired in spirit. Take more choices into consideration. Beauties, handsome boys, sexy babies and millionaires,etc, come together and date at ^_^****** ^_^

    Do not let your opportunity flow. Now, it’s in your hand! What more can you expect?

  32. Magma

    The new writers (owners?) suck. Bring back the old Superficial!

  33. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?

  34. Just unbelievible that this WHORE is still accepted by most americans, folks!!

  35. JPRichardson

    Seems she thinks she is cute….

  36. herbiefrog

    we gave her a repeiev >

    not responsible for how she interprets it… : )_

    speak out

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