The Superficial News

Dusted off an old feature today just for the hell of it. Think of it like a delicious pizza with all your favorite toppings – provided you enjoy the taste of Amy Winehouse slathered in Aniston sauce. Bon appetit:

- Britney Spears’ cousin Alli Sims says Britney isn’t fit to tour. But still fit to buy her a car; how ’bout it? [NY Daily News]

- Blake Fielder-Civil makes love to Amy Winehouse in her hospital bed before being carted back to jail. Wins coveted “Most Effective Way to Make a Passionate Prison Shower More Enjoyable Award.” [The Sun]

– Sean Avery apologizes for calling Elisha Cuthbert “sloppy seconds.” Says she’s more like a “beautifully recycled flower – that you can have sex with.” [People]

- Jennifer Aniston admits to wanting a baby and “longs” for motherhood. Somewhere, John Mayer is performing the world’s first guitar string vasectomy. [EW]

Photos: WENN