The Superficial Ketchup

May 23rd, 2006 // 77 Comments



  1. Astriastar

    Madonna is revolting. Why is she still relevant?

  2. IFuckingHateYou

    There needs to be a law that if Madonna climbs up on a cross again, she’s not allowed to come back down until the crucification is complete.
    I personally don’t find it offensive, but I really jjust wish she would die & go away.

  3. Feel the Velvet

    Yeah, yeah…mock crucifxion, piss off Christians…blah blah. It’s been done, by her, even.

    Madonna ought to anally violate an effigy of Muhammad with a strap-on dildo. That’ll spark some real controversy.

  4. Sheva

    she”s utter garbage. Wanna be brave McWhoranna?
    Do your simulated sex act with ole Mohammed on stage.

    Then let’s see how cutting edge your head is.

  5. gossipmonger

    Nicole is starting to look like a model??? Maybe one of those skeletons you see in med school… Thats about the only “model” she resembles…

  6. Madonna was sort of hot, about 20 years ago when her stuff was cutting edge. Now it’s just blatantly stupid. I wish she’d kiss Paris Hilton and they’d kill each other with viral diseases.

    I’m glad Michele Rodriguez can live the stereotypical Mexican life.

    As long as Sam Jackson’s character of Zeus (as in shove a lightning bolt up your ass) gets brought back, I’m good.

    DJ AM decided that with the recent ex-boyfriend crap going on, he now has a chance with Paris and then Lindsay.

  7. BEAM

    Is there anyone left who still thinks Madonna’s whole “controversy” scthick is brave?

    Wow, youre poking fun at christianity…. again…. wow. So brave.

    I’m not even religious but her whole act is so tedious.

  8. Captain Call

    if she really was harsh, she’d hang cartoon drawings of the prophet Mohammed behind her instead of a cross.
    these days it’s nothing to bash christianity.


  9. chryssy11

    Please tell me she is doing a scene in “Jesus Christ Superstar”. Next thing we’ll hear is “Madonna has been reborn….again”.

  10. CancerNipples

    Er actually the latest news is that the engagement is back on, but okay. Then again, by the time this comment is “approved” (YAY SF CENSORSHIP!) they may have broken up yet again.

  11. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I thought that Madonna was starting to tone it down after she had Lourdes, but now this is a really disgusting attempt at getting attention. She’s trying to recreate the buzz she got after she did “Like a Prayer” or whatever the hell that song was called, but now it’s just pathetic.

    And I agree, please tell me how exactly Nicole Ritchie looks like a model? She’s an emaciated twig who probably doesn’t even get her periods anymore.

  12. BarbadoSlim

    I think #2 summed up the Madonna situation quite nicely.

    Michelle Rodriguez on the other hand, is really going to be enjoying her summer, you GO gir..l…err doode.

  13. CancerNipples


    You must be so proud…Let me say that if this retarded censorship system stemmed from Edna Bambrick I will be pissed. I thought SF had more balls than to pussify their site like this… It’s SF, for *crap’s* sake (ooh don’t want my post denied because of potty-mouth!)

    Second of all, Nicole Richie and DJ FormerFATTY are engaged and about to get married.

    However, by the time this post makes it through your censorship machine (if it ever does, you commie bastards), the engagement may be broken off yet again.

    I love you, Superficial. I hope you lose even more traffic over this. Thanks for bending over.

  14. 86

    What is wrong with her?? We all wrote her off as a English chateau dwelling horse let out to pasture. She had a good run for 20 years. Give it up! Usually she’s so in tune with what will grab your attention, but this is just crap.

    I recall an interview in which she said, “I will never repeat myself (stylistically).” This is so Like a Prayer! Who wants to see that again? Except now she’s on a cross in business attire? Please feed this woman a cheeseburger.

  15. PapaHotNuts

    I hope she imitates Joan of Arc next.

  16. Madonna needs to give it the fuck up already. The only people who like her anymore are gay men. She should do a Tranny-Tour with Cher.

  17. BarbadoSlim

    See the classy thing for her to have done would’ve been to pass the torch to the new breed skanks, take herself above them all, retired in England with her piehole tightly shut.

    But to do the classy thing, you sort of, need to have class.

  18. Michelle felt she needed to get some more time in jail to garner more “street cred” so she could start getting the tough girl Hollywood roles that she has been missing out on.

  19. Ari

    Madonna is old and obsolete. She should just do what every other bored, rich, middle-aged matron does: decorate her house with ugly, uncomfortable yet horrendously expensive and “stylish” furniture and accessories, and exist on a steady diet of valium and chardonnay.

    Michele Rodriguez needs to get her ass kicked good and proper while in jail. I think one ass-whoopping after each meal would about do it.

  20. Tai!

    Who the hell cares?
    No one is being forced to go to her concert or listen you her music.
    If she likes to hang around on crosses it is her business.

  21. Tai!

    Who the hell cares?
    She is not forcing you to go to her concert or listen to her music.
    If she wants to hang around on crosses it is her business.
    She gets paid to do these things
    Having such a hissyfit over this is just going to sell more tickets.
    Even if you and your friends decide you are not going to any Madonna concerts in the name of “jesus” and whoever the hell else.

  22. SparklingStarlet

    Madonna’s such a fame whore. [Famewhore? W/e.] It’ll be hilarious when something REALLY bad happens to her, like she comes down with a life-threatening illness, or one of her children is in danger, and magically she turns Christian and asks God for support and help. She knows, deep down, that she’s a ticking time bomb – she has something bad coming to her.

    I have no clue who Michelle Rodriguez is, outside of her double jail-time sentences. Sounds like this one needs to be assasinated for being such a moron.

  23. Italian Stallion

    I wish God was alive to see this………

  24. gogoboots

    Madonna’s SO OVER…DJ AM breaking up over Nicole’s control freak eating disorder…it’s deja vu all over again!

  25. Michelle Rodriguez is to hot to be in jail! She just forget about her probabtion And NO she did think jail was “fun”, it just was as bad as those other Prisons on a “hot” night…

    Why don’t they put people in jail who deserve it like Madonna for being an old hag and ruining Guy Ritchie’s life. So old, so lame, so freakin’ what?!


  26. BarbadoSlim

    @16 Important people are assassinated, in Michelle’s case news would read as “bitch got shot” or “bitch got stabbed”

  27. Ari

    Yep, bitch got stabbed while IN JAIL for doing something utterly moronic.
    I can only hope.

  28. DancingQueen

    Madonna should just go away and count her money. How much f-ing money does someone really need anyway? It’s obviously all about the ego with her. What a dried-up, has-been haus frau.

    Michele Rodriguez is a fucking dumbass. Who the hell says they “like” jail? She needs to go to the real jail, not the minimum security white collar kind. This bitch could have killed someone on the road and she gets 65 hours? Meanwhile Martha Stewart was in there for months for something that was trivial in comparison. This country is fucked up.

  29. Heather

    Um…doesn’t Madonna practice Kabbalah, a sect of JUDAISM!? Why is she hanging from a cross? Wouldn’t that imply belief in Jesus? Why does she do this back and forth shit between “Like a Prayer,” expensive red strings, and mirrored crosses? Is religion a hobby for this bitch?

  30. Oh, this makes me want to kick Madonna in the teeth so fucking bad.

    Listen to that fake accent.

  31. Wouldn’t it be awesome if Madonna pulled that crucifixion number during an outdoors show and that cross served as a lightning rod to a bolt out of the blue, electrocuting her STD-riddled ass into a memory? And she was reincarnated as a dung beetle, living by rolling her shit all over the place (wait, she does that now). And to those people who opine how great she used to be because even they are embarassed at the Streisand-depths to which their idol has plumetted, remember her early, tarted-up days? Was she honestly that good? Holiday – come fucking on. True Blue – a shit sandwhich on rye. Express Yourself – no thank you. Borderline – if that isn’t the single worst vocal track laid down by a major female artist I don’t know what is. All those people shelling out the cash to see this mediocre moron need to stay home and watch Oprah and let this sad piece of shit have her Norma Desmond moment and get off the stage.

  32. BoognishRising

    Kinda reminds me of a Salvador Dali painting. Anyways Madonna, if you ever want to do it Caviezel-style with actual nails and a good flogging beforehand, I’ll be more than happy to assist…

  33. DancingQueen

    Unwashed, thank you for that! You said it all! Fucking brilliant!

  34. BarbadoSlim

    @22 wait wait wait, ain’t this bitch from Michigan?

    She’s trying to pass herself off as some “lady” from Cambridge.

    better check yo’ self ho.

  35. leahdeadly

    Look, Nicole Richie thinks the same way all girls think….if anyone tells you that you’re too thin, they’re just jealous. They say that because they want you to start eating and gain weight and be fatter than them.
    That’s how we think, right? Or just me and Nicole? ….what would kate moss do?

  36. Member #19

    Oh yes, Madonna. You’re SUCH a martyr. You’re worth hundreds of millions of dollars and you haven’t been lampooned by the media since Bush I was in office. Quick! Remind everyone how persecuted and controversial you are!

    PS – Worst Bond song EVER.

  37. BarbadoSlim

    Kate Moss would dive head first into a tub full of cocaine.

  38. Ari

    …….and then beat the hell out of somebody.

    It’s the diet and workout secret of the stars.

  39. Stephani Hagood

    Did I miss something? Nicole Ritchie and DJ AM broke up AGAIN? Over her weight issues AGAIN? I keep looking at the date and thinking that I’m reading last year’s news but… I’m not right? Cuz that whole “mirrored cross” thing just happened… right? This isn’t Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” tour is it? *lol*

    But really… didn’t they break up once because AM thought Nicole was way too thin? And then he started dating slightly.. thicker chicks?

    …..who the fuck cares anyway. I can wave better than Paris Hilton and no one’s throwing cash at ME! That’s what’s REALLY important here. ;)

  40. Grphdesi23

    Is Madonna trying to ‘justify her love’ for Jesus?

  41. @25 – Yea, she IS from Michigan…she’s just a big fucking skanky fake.

  42. herbiefrog

    re madonna )

    …hello :)
    …actually her songs arent for you
    they are
    dont fall
    out of your high chairs
    lol bitches :)
    suck that cock :)

    tc believes a science fiction writer :))

  43. Star Maker Machinery

    Madonna crucifies herself? *yawn* Her antics are so banal she can barely keep herself awake on that cross. Someone should let her know that the “controversy whore” schtick stops working after 20 years.

  44. BarbadoSlim

    #32 How did that Family Guy joke go?

    Oh yeah, “shallow and pedantic”

    hehehehe, all of Madonna’s shctick has become (or always has been) shallow and pedantic.

    Michelle Rodriguez’s “acting is also shallow and pedantic (and more than a little dykey).

    yes, yes shallow and pedantic.

  45. Pearly

    That fake British accent is just plain offensive..she’s from Detroit for gods sake…she is making Americans look stupid once again..nice “mirrored cross” skank.

    Nicole Ritchie is just a q-tip with extensions, I’d dump her too then blow a puff of air at her and watch her fly away…

  46. saltpeanuts

    Bruce Willis…old guy…Die Hard…viagra…

    C’mon, you guys are just making this too easy…

  47. Binky

    I’ve often wondered :
    ‘Where would I be without Madonna’s artistic vision ?!’

    …then again…

  48. Stephani Hagood

    Lemme try again….

  49. Shelley Bonnechance

    The first time I heard of Madonna was when I was a college freshman and she was featured as a club act to see in Mademoiselle magazine or something like that. “Lucky Star” hadn’t yet hit the radio. I remember reading that she was this up-and-coming talent at, like, 28 years old and I thought, “Geeezzz….she’d better hurry and come on up then, because she is OLD and the clock is TICKING.”

    So now she is still older than I am and still in that sad, dumb stage of life where being shocking is cool. I feel sorrier for her kids at this point than I do Britney’s. Kids just want their parents to be normal people. What kid would ever want to go to school and hear the other kids say, “Our parents think your mom is a real dumbass for that fake crucifixion thing she did.”

    Not to mention that ridiculous “British” accent. Please. We all know you’re from Detroit, Madonna. Idiot.

  50. gas_up_the_hrududu

    #11: You kill me! I always look forward to your posts.

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