That Lindsay Lohan/Cash Warren thing might have actually happened.

December 4th, 2009 // 79 Comments

Lindsay Lohan has issued an exclusive statement to E! News addressing rumors she’s been getting her coke hooks in Cash Warren:

“Cash Warren is a BUSINESS partner, nothing more, nothing less. And I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work, as well as my family, and getting everyone holiday gifts! Eeeks-stressful!”

Here’s the original report from Us Weekly:

Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan “ignored friends and just chatted.” The real trouble began half an hour in. “Lindsay and Cash started making out,” an onlooker tells Us.
“Lip on tongue,” the eyewitness continues, “It was raw. They were not shy!”
Another Villa patron that night gasped, “It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real.”
Those close to Warren and Alba worry that their marriage is already on shaky footing. “Jessica is not as into Cash as she used to be,” one source says. And the ever-fragile Lohan “becomes easily attached to everyone she meets and gets close to,” one friend says. Adds another: “she’s falling for [Cash].”

You know why I believe this happened? Because Lindsay claims to be “BUSINESS partners” with Cash Warren. Nobody ever has a bunch of money lying around and says “You know what? I want Lindsay Lohan near this.” To put things in perspective, Cash Warren could’ve flushed 50 grand down a truck stop toilet, made a YouTube video of himself rubbing his testicles around the seat and still came out ahead both physically and financially. True story.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. Don

    UGH. Going from Alba to Lohan is like going from ribeye sirloin steak to feces.

  2. Don

    I meant sirloin. I didn’t mean to type ribeye. I guess I was a little excited at being FIRST on a post dealing with Jessica Alba… sort of.

    I just didn’t want to type FIRST cause that’s kinda lame.

  3. whatever

    Redheads should NEVER go blonde.

  4. JohnnyBGood

    I keep telling people! The pretty ones (in this case Alba) are rarely a good lay. I’ll take a 7 that’s good in the sack over a dime any day.

  5. Jim

    Lindsey’s face looks like my taint after I have been in the woods for a week or so with no toilet paper.

  6. in the sack

    thanks god she looks nearly normal in this last pictures. less boose?

  7. Spoonman

    I’m confused as to what exactly a “Cash Warren” is.

  8. dee

    #5 ——- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    But, seriously ALBA to LOHAN????????????? Lohan looks like my GRANDFATHER! LITERALLY.
    Alba is a Goddess. U dont go frm Grandpa to Goddess.

  9. dee

    #5 ——- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    But, seriously ALBA to LOHAN????????????? Lohan looks like my GRANDFATHER! LITERALLY.
    Alba is a Goddess. U dont go frm Grandpa to Goddess.

  10. dawsonn1488

    Will she just OD and die already? She looks like she’s already got one foot in the grave.

  11. Jacq

    I am devastated that she’s drinking Sunkist. I love Sunkist and she’s ruined it for me. Roooooeeeened (copyright: Stewie Griffin). I guess it’s Orange Crush from here on out…

  12. Donnie Brassballs

    I think Cash likes the red carpet over the tamale.

  13. #7

    @#7

    A Cash Warren is a a male gold digger. He’s basically what Tori Spelling’s husband is, only more Mexican.

    For further reference please see Nick Cannon, Mariah’s sometimes husband/toy dog.

  14. iop

    poor alba/warren baby.
    cash is fug too…

  15. gotmilk?

    well it’s obvious she’s lying since she said she has no interest in anything except focusing on her career/work. bitch hasn’t worked since Mean Girls, unless you count being coke head work.

  16. Nameless

    If he his hooking up with Lindsay, this would be the DUMBEST move EVER in the golddigger’s guide to becoming a successful golddigger.

    You don’t go from a woman with big bank to a woman with no bank.

  17. Chupacabra

    Did she FINALLY get BOTOX!?!?!? I mean, look at that formerly wrinkled, wretched frowning forehead, people. When was the last time she looked that frozen in surprise/feigned happiness?

  18. Luis

    barf…..wouldn’t fuck hr with a stolen dick mang

  19. kate

    Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I met a man who are 6’3″ now on a dating service. He wants to see me and even have fun with me, but i am only 5’6″. I don’t know whether I should go to see him.
    He said to me that all girls on that site ~~ T a l l h u b . c o m ~~ are seeking fun.. why am not I?

  20. Mal Carne

    Is this bleed over from the Tiger Woods story? You know what we learned there: “No matter how hot a girl is, there’s a man somewhere sick of having sex with her.” Add seeing a baby come out of her vagina, and settling for a broke, coked up Lohan is pretty much fulfilling the prophecy.

  21. DT

    BRAaAAaAAaAaaaAAiinss…..

  22. whoretta divine

    her clip-on hair is bothering me.

  23. N

    #13 —— How is he a gold digger when he A. Comes from money and B. Makes his own money?

    He is anything but a gold digger. He’s a really great family guy. He rarely even goes out at night….this story is utterly false. He loves his wife and daughter more than life itself.

    Get the facts straight before you post malicious things.

    I am IN the know. You are not.

  24. Dear gawd Lindsay just looks like a big bag of shit.

  25. Alright I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna stick up for Lindsay Lohan. Points:

    1. Nobody who comments on this blog could nail Jessica Alba OR Lindsay Lohan
    2. In all likelihood, even if Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan WEREN’T FAMOUS, most people commenting on this blog couldn’t nail either of them.
    3. IMHO, Lindsay Lohan used to be drop dead gorgeous. She’s surely lost a little bit of that youthful shine or whatever the fuck, but come on guys, she’s still pretty good looking.
    4. I like drugs too. Are you telling me you don’t?

    5. I’m not repulsed by junkies. Again, IMHO. And if that discredits me, so be it.

    Okay flame away.

  26. Danklin24

    Mother fucker she looks like shit in these pics

  27. Danklin24

    #1………best comment ever!

  28. Big Ben

    #25—Jeff

    1. I’ll agree with U on that.
    2. Once again, I’ll agree w/ you. Unless someone had heroin…LL would lift up her skirt.
    3. She was never “DROP DEAD GORGEOUS”. Yes, she was cute, even pretty back in her Mean Girls days. She never was fug back then. Now, though…the girl looks like a walking corpse. She looks far worse than my mother who is 55 years old. And that comes frm drug use, no sleep, partying, putting nothing healthy in her body. Look @ Alba. She is one of the healthiest celebs out there, and IT SHOWS. Girl is freaking perfection.
    4. No, I dont like drugs. I’d like to stay youthful looking, and i’d like to live out my years and not die at a young age.
    5. A junkie is LL – and yes I am repulsed by anything that looks remotely even close to that nasty.

  29. cc

    Those pics of Lindsay Lohan are a real one-two punch…she looks stoned or drunk of her ass and she looks about as appealing as what I scoop out of my cat’s litter box.

  30. Mr.Mr.

    I didnt even bother reading this…

    but when is she going to kill herself??

  31. justifiable

    #15 Of course she’s lying. BUYING holiday gifts? Srsly, Linds? That’s the best one I’ve heard this week. It’s well known that she makes it a point never to buy ANYthing – if she doesn’t outright rip off a coat she wants, she armtwists and tantrums everyone to comp her drinks, food and merch for appearances . Anything she wraps up and tosses at a recipient is a “regift” of something she got tired of or couldn’t sell or trade for blow. Expect to get Ungaro remainders for the hols, people.

    She hasn’t got the funds to invest in any business, so Cash would be footing the bill for any biz association with her. And since he’s married to Alba who already has successful commercial endorsements – unlike Lohan- I find it hard to believe he’d be taking on freeloading Lindsay for any enterprise.

  32. Jrz

    Is that the White Witch from Narnia?

  33. Melissa

    She just gets shittier and shittier looking… god damn

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  35. #23who is in the know

    Finally, someone on this site who knows a celebrity, personally.

    How nice of his umbrella person to come an defend him.

    Please don’t make me come to the shelter for celebrity go for’s and slap you.

  36. #23who is in the know

    How nice for Mr. Warren’s umbrella person to comment.

    I am sure Cash love’s his wife and daughter, is as deep as Tiger’s love for his family, except without the money part.

  37. N (#23)

    #35 or 36
    Why don’t you check to see if your comment posts before you comment two idiotic things that you have no clue about.
    Or do you know Cash? Jess? Lindsay? Ok, thought you didn’t.
    Anyways, i’m going to let you slide since I see from your hideous grammar that you aren’t from the USA.
    So think what you think. You obviously have nothing to back your comments up with…so in the end we will just feel sorry for you :(

    IN the know.

  38. #37

    bothered by my grammar umbrella boy? Blow me.

  39. N (FKA #37) -- #38:

    Once again….lowering yourself to such grammar/filth. You must be frm France?
    Poor thing.
    You are in my (OUR) prayers.

    IN the know.

  40. what a moron

    You couldn’t point out France on a map, I’m surprised you can spell it.

    For a gay guy, you come off as very aggressive.

  41. subo

    Laughed my fucking ass off at the comments! I love you guys. Happy Holidays.

  42. EricLR

    Is “getting everyone holiday gifts” the latest euphemism for “desperately searching Hollywood for a heroin dealer who will take an IOU or some skank sex in lieu of cash”?

  43. N (to#40)

    Same to you, gay man. I am suprised to see you learned the proper placement for a period (.) and a comma (,). Very good.
    C+ for you!!

    IN the know.

  44. Dean DeLuca

    #40 ————- learn to spell a** hole.

  45. don’t think it happened. He can’t be that stupid to make out with her in front of friends and gawkers. They would have gone to lindsays favorite gas station bathroom or something.

  46. Lux

    It’s not that her attractiveness is up for question. Cheating on someone with a wife and kids is just so disgusting.

  47. Robot

    ” I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work” Come on you think that she would be a better liar considering she was a actress. Can ANYONE tell me what “job” she has?

  48. Homeless

    I think i saw her down my street asking me if I wanted a BJ…busted face, chewed nails, dirty looking body, i busted a nut in her face.

  49. abc

    THIS STORY WAS DEBUNKED BY X17 AND PEOPLE MAGAZINE, IT”S AL MADE UP.BUT IT”S FUNNY THOUGH.

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