The Jesus Penis

January 22nd, 2010 // 242 Comments

For those of you screaming in the comments for me to show some cock, I give you the wang of Jesus Luz. This is a recently-leaked outtake from his infamous W photo shoot that I can’t understand why it didn’t run. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a shriveled, young Brazilian penis and Broomhilda? You’re pretty much hitting all the bases there.

NOTE: The Superficial is not responsible for any women unable to moisten due to the presence of Madonna’s face. Her sorcery is very arid.

Photo: W
superficial

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  3. This is what happens to one’s face after years of dieting and sun worshiping.

  4. Stobi

    Madonna looks like shit and if that’s the dick she’s doing GROSS!!!!

  5. saywha?

    i’m not going to bother checking out the uncensored picture of this dude’s d*ck, so i’ll take everyone’s word that it’s shriveled up & small. at the same time, my dick would probably be all shrivel & tiny if i was banging madonna also. oh well, at least the money is good, so i guess i can’t hate.

  6. Gabby

    I can’t believe she wants a baby. Is she kidding? She looks like my kids grandmother. She is too old and looks terrrible. Madonna needs to find a 50 year old man. Someone her age. That kid is going to leave her as soon as he gets famous from dating her. As to the appendage? EW!

  7. Nameless

    She looks like Lindsey Lohan in that pic. Seriously what purpose does releasing this pic serve except that she’s gotten desparate and he’s got baby dick?

  8. RATA

    It’s not that tiny… it’s just scared. I mean, wouldn’t you be?

  9. J

    This just in:
    The Transylvanian National Public Works Ministry
    has announced that starting Monday, they will be
    using this picture of Madonna to scare buzzards
    and other vermin off their shitwagons.

  10. Milan

    SMALL DICK ALERT!!! THAT THING DOESN’T EVEN DANGLE….LOOKS LIKE A BRAXILIAN COCKTAIL SAUSAGE BETWEEN TWO PINE NUTS.

  11. georgia

    I was hoping it’d be alot bigger..

    Mage looks a bit gross.

  12. lisa

    agree with #76

  13. Bigo

    She seems to be wearing a nun outfit.

  14. Rasputins Liver

    *

    Fish/Superficial: “Her sorcery is very arid.”

    *

    Not only is her sorcery arid, but so too is her face and body. Just as dried up and shriveled as her teenage boy-toy’s pee pee. Not to mention she makes prunes and raisins look full of juice.

    That hobag bitch is hagged.

    *

  15. eeewwwwwww

    SHE LOOKS HIDEOUS. haggered perhaps is the word i was going for….

    lady, you are OLD now.

  16. Elisa

    She is aesthetically crusty.

  17. Rasputins Liver

    *

    I think we can all safely say that after looking at Hagdonna’s aged, elderly face, that no male in his right mind would even want to shove his manhood into that. No doubta about it, Haysoos Looze is as gay as can be as she’s always been most comfortable around non-threatening gay dudes.

    I’ve come to the conclusion he’s merely a beard as it were to make it appear she’s got it going on. It’s all smoke and mirrors bullshit for PR purposes to once again, as per usual for Haggy, to bullshit the world into thinking she’s all that and a hundred bags of chips.

    Only her idiot worshippers will buy into her ever present bullshit. These’re the same folks who likely bought into Dubya’s bullshit and voted for him twice.

    *

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  19. Laura

    By the look on Madonna’s face, she just bit off more that half of Jesus’ penis and she doesn’t like that taste! Lol
    What a small dick for such a sexy brazilian hottie!!!

  20. Amy

    By the look on Madge’s face she just bit off more than half of Jesus’ penis and she doesn’t like the taste lol… For a sexy Brazilian never seen such a small dick!

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  22. Rasputins Liver

    121. Laura – January 23, 2010 10:03 AM

    By the look on Madonna’s face, she just bit off more that half of Jesus’ penis and she doesn’t like that taste! Lol
    What a small dick for such a sexy brazilian hottie!!!

    *

    The old skank probably likes to chew on the smegma from neath his uncut foreskin. I mean, after all, this is the same gutter cruiser who guzzled down Dennis “The Worm” Rodman’s ball snot.

    Just sayin’.

    *

  23. SO RIGHT

    Ever since Guy Ritchie said that Madonna said she was bigger than Jesus Christ, can’t stand her!

  24. Homina homina

    *Brunhilda*

  25. Clarar Peller

    where’s the beef?

  26. shut your cockholster

    @ ‘Rasputins liver’..

    Reposting the same shit repeatedly and changing the verbiage around here and there doesnt make it any funnier or witty. Thats what, 4 or 5 posts in this thread? Either you’re starved for attention, have a secret infatuation with Madonna, or just cant shut up.

  27. Rasputins Liver

    *

    Taking a look back here again (how come we little or nothing fresh on the weekends, dammit) I realize now who, in this photo, Hagdonna reminds me of:

    ANDY WARHOL

    I mean, it looks like she’s strapped on a badly dyed cheap wig and thought she’d be able to make some sort of pro-gay statement with this pic.

    Ha! No wonder the bitch didn’t like this photo. It shows in clarity just what a worn out ugly excuse for a woman she really is. That face looks like Chris Brown’s been beating on it for three fuckin’ days.

    *

  28. yes

    he is hot, look at that fucking body, goddamn

    i’m sure his dick looks wonderful when erect, everyone stop saying it’s small!

    kinda lame that he’s all clean shaven… a tame grooming/trim is always best ;)

  29. Disturbedsir

    ……..maybe the water was cold in the pool????

  30. Rasputins Liver

    *
    128. shut your cockholster – January 23, 2010 3:31 PM

    @ ‘Rasputins liver’..

    Reposting the same shit repeatedly and changing the verbiage around here and there doesnt make it any funnier or witty. Thats what, 4 or 5 posts in this thread? Either you’re starved for attention, have a secret infatuation with Madonna, or just cant shut up.
    *

    Oh now, Hagdonna. Don’t getchyer leather thong inna bunch, old gal.

    Aahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

    *

  31. BaccusVD

    “She’s starting to look like the puppet from saw….” LOLOLOLOL so fucking true.

    I think the plot twist with Madonna is that she actually died 5 yrs ago and this is someone wearing her face.

    Anybody remember the shrinkage episode of Seinfeild? I bet Jesus does.

  32. Superbiggerevil

    Let’s face facts shall we? The only thing making that spic’s tiny dick hard is that decrepit bitch’s bank account.

  33. Steph

    Ohhh my! that is the MOST BEAUTIFUL body I have ever seen…minus Madonna!

    Oh man oh man! Take me now Jesus!

  34. Steph

    Oh my god! JESUS! I want you! take me now!

    Pure perfection!!!!

    ( minus Madonna!)

  35. regurgitated

    Madonna looks very manly in this picture, it almost looks like she has a blonde beard. I’d till hit it.

  36. Katie & Nikki

    He is a tall , big dude but his penis is average #7 inches (hard penis) , not big penis .

  37. netstarman

    What the Hell happened to Madonna!! She has a wonky left eye, extremely over bleached hair, she looks like she sucking on mini jaw breakers to prepare in blowing Little Pablo there coming out of the pool.He could have at least teased the Hag in wearing a speed-o with one nut hanging out to show her that dinners on. I thought she was wearing a cross pendant is that to help out in keeping the spirits away from her acting and singing career .

  38. Slappy san

    Man…she looks awful. I’d think dudes who pose with their penis out would be sporting a bat. Not the case here. A bad pic all around.

  39. yoyoyo

    That must be a cold swimming pool

  40. William Burroughs

    that guy looks awfully dry for someone who has just got out of a swimming pool. maybe the look on Madonna’s face scared the water away?

    christ, she looks rough.

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    The most important thing about the penis is not the size, it is how many wrinkles it has….You can get a surprise

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  43. bella

    His penis looks wierd but I’d still hit it :D
    of course I’d have to drink myself retarded so I won’t havemental images of Madonna’s face, yuck!

  44. Buck Farack

    Someone needs to introduce her to her future life as a recluse.

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  48. Steve O

    132. Rasputins Liver – January 23, 2010 4:10 PM

    *
    128. shut your cockholster – January 23, 2010 3:31 PM

    @ ‘Rasputins liver’..

    Reposting the same shit repeatedly and changing the verbiage around here and there doesnt make it any funnier or witty. Thats what, 4 or 5 posts in this thread? Either you’re starved for attention, have a secret infatuation with Madonna, or just cant shut up.
    *

    Oh now, Hagdonna. Don’t getchyer leather thong inna bunch, old gal.

    Aahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

    *

    Dude, wtf are you saying? Your posts barely register as English.. all 46 of them.

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