The Jesus Penis

January 22nd, 2010 // 242 Comments

For those of you screaming in the comments for me to show some cock, I give you the wang of Jesus Luz. This is a recently-leaked outtake from his infamous W photo shoot that I can’t understand why it didn’t run. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a shriveled, young Brazilian penis and Broomhilda? You’re pretty much hitting all the bases there.

NOTE: The Superficial is not responsible for any women unable to moisten due to the presence of Madonna’s face. Her sorcery is very arid.

Photo: W

  1. Willie Dxion

    Jesus better learn to walk on water, because swimming in it didn’t make his wang any larger. I mean shouldn’t a Brazilian guy know this?

  2. George Costanza

    I was in the pool! I was in the pool!!!

  3. Caroline

    I bet that wang expands quite a bit. It’s really hard ( no pun intended) to tell how big a guy’s dick will grow to. Seriously could be grow-er not a show-er.

  4. mort

    it looks like a penis only smaller

  5. Smarm

    “36. Leslie – January 22, 2010 5:23 PM

    I have moistened…going to change my panties

    Lies. Pics or it didnt happen.

    And for whoever said he looks better than anyone here…I’d rather be average or even above average looking and have cock the looks like a babys arm holding an apple, than an adonis looking mofo w a clit.

  6. gen


    Mmm, yea I remember that. That was pretty hot. Guys shouldn’t shave down there. I love the little trail from the belly button down. It’s so sexy.

  7. Puke

    His penis is scared it’s about to go back into that thing, maybe it is just trying to hide!!

  8. alisa

    oh god nothing is wrong with his dick. its just not hard and you can see his balls hang behind it. hes still fuckin hot..

  9. um

    wow… is it me or does madge look just like lindsay lohan in this pic? yikes.

  10. um

    wow… is it me or does madge look just like lindsay lohan in this pic? yikes.

  11. Sasha

    Oh my god, either his body is massive or that is the tiniest penis I’ve ever seen!!

  12. o neg

    madonnas got more hair on her upper lip than brazil dude has between his legs.

    and neanderthal feet much ffs?

  13. wo dong

    TINY haha

  14. Schnib

    I just got out of the pool. Don’t they know about shrinkage? I was in the pool!!!

  15. canuckchick

    Nonna, is that you?

  16. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    Its a fake. Now, if Madonna was showing her dick, I’d believe it.

  17. Manny Things

    Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson …

    Anne Bancroft was hotter.

  18. chachou

    Maybe the pool water was cold ..

  19. aury

    that’s just sad…

  20. AnnaDraconida


  21. really?

    Pfft, I know someone who is smaller than that when down and ‘grows’ up to over 7 inches (and thick) when excited! You can’t judge an up size by a down size.

  22. pepper

    Look at the girth…I bet that thing turns into a monster when he’s hard.
    The worst cock configuration I’ve experienced is long and skinny– guys with pencil dicks take out their rulers and think they’re above average, so you get all the arrogance with none of the circumference to back it up for a decent fuck.

    I’d do the brazilian in a heartbeat, even with the exaggerated muscles.

  23. woodhorse

    That’s Madonna’s pesary ——you know, to keep her uterus from falling out.

  24. Rasputins Liver

    Hmm….well, couldn’t care less about the naked teenager behind her, but I gotta say Hagdonna looks like total shit.

    Talk about not aging well and we’re talkin’ about the hobag broad, Hagdonna, who let Dennis “The Worm” Rodman pork her and shoot his ball juice all over her. Not to mention she gargled and swallowed his cock snot.

    Neve could understand how that limey director could actually put his British manhood into that skank knowing that The Worm’d been at her.

    Fuckin’ crazy people, man.


  25. Lux

    Ugghhh, uncircumcised. You better be fucking Monk about cleaning that thing, because nothing tastes worst than dirty dick.

  26. Woo

    Meh, men always look better with their junk covered up. Sorry, shit is not pretty.

  27. How I Rough your mother

    Did Madonna plucked him by a nuclear plant in Brazil, why does he have 6 toes in each feet…

    Keep selling out Fish…

  28. dontlooknow

    Hahahahaha!!! It looks staged, but still, hahahahahahaha!!!

  29. Teri

    Oh no, SHRINKAGE… poor guy. cold pool.

  30. Cristobal

    @ #3: BEST…COMMENT…EVER! -hahaha- I love it.

  31. Jamie

    Eek…minus madonnas ugly ass face, this man’s body makes for a hot picture, oh wait…& minus the shriveled penis.

    So disappointed!


    doesn’t anybody see what is going on here? Madonna(mother of Jesus)is screwing Jesus(son),and that jewish witch is wearing a does not get anymore satanic than that.she sold her soul along time ago for fame and fortune and now that is not enough, any chance she gets she wants to throw Christianity under the bus.burn witch burn.

  33. The Listener

    Uhh…Ladies, the guy just came out of a pool. Cold water is a naked guy’s enemy. His penis and balls shrank to maintain heat. In all fairness, this is not going to be a good time to assess the size of the guy’s package.

    Besides, some guys grow more than others when aroused.

  34. I Wish My Dong Was Larger

    I have a 3 inch penis…needless to say, I don’t get much ass. Except from gay whores…

  35. I Wish My Dong Was Larger

    I have a 3 inch penis…needless to say, I don’t get much ass. Except from gay whores…

  36. lucas

    he makes me realize how small my penis really is

  37. ====Its your time to get your cheap deal

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  38. Cher

    FOTFLMAO!!! She is a fucking seahag, just as I suspected. He has a shriveled up dick. I love it.
    Madonna is a fucking phony, just as I always suspected.

  39. buenaventura

    for everybody who wanted dicks in the superficial: there you go a really smalll and tiny preview

  40. Cher

    OOPS… ROTFLMAO, still

  41. da truth hurtz

    anyone who is looking at madonna is crazy

  42. jacknasty82

    Do people seriously not understand that the size of a penis when it’s soft isn’t really a good way to judge how big it is when hard? My penis is smaller soft but bigger when hard than the majority of guys I’ve been with

  43. Shrinkage?

    He has a tiny little weiner.

    Maybe he’s not fully functioning sexually.

    That might clinically be a micropenis.

  44. voiceover

    madonnas face may cause serious side effects…

  45. Jill

    horrid Madonna…poor Jesus and his lil’ shrived peepee and old hag

  46. heythere

    I do enjoy that Madge is still trying to piss people off by wearing a nun’s garb with a headless statue of David that’s twelve years old in the background but..
    I think she’s just trying to piss off her ex husband- that’s pathetic. Also- she’s not sooo bad, because I think her Lilo, and Brit spears all look equally rough.

    I like that Madonna works out but it’s unfortunate that when we women age and go through “the change” we begin to look like her when we work out. Men with popped out veins and mustaches. I never thought she was attractive, even as a young lad. Now that she’s an older man though, she needs to hurry up and crawl in a casket instead of allowing people to take photographs of her. I feel like i just watched the “ring” and I’m going to die in seven days by looking at her photo.

  47. x

    why is everyone complaining about the size of his cock?
    madonnas the one with the strap-on.

  48. In George Costanza’s voice: “It’s shrinkage! SHRINKAGE!”

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