The 2009 American Music Awards

November 23rd, 2009 // 62 Comments

I’ve barely been awake for a few hours and already I’m tired of the American Music Awards, so here’s a huge pic gallery so we can move on with our lives. Sadly, none of these people fall on their asses in a hilarious YouTube video, but they did achieve some form of musical greatness. Whatever that’s worth.

Rihanna
Alicia Keys
Shakira
Janet Jackson
Whitney Houston
Carrie Underwood
Kelly Clarkson
Pete Wentz
Val Kilmer & 50 Cent
Morena Baccarin
Sofia Vergara

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. I loved Rihanna in The 6th Sense!

  2. bdog

    Not in the least related to this particular post… but I just have to say this is the best site on the entire internet! Love it.
    Makes my day tuning in here. thx :D

  3. Bite Me or Fight Me

    Rihanna won for roundest ass. Well-deserved award.

  4. Is Carrie Underwood wearing one of Carol Hannah’s Bryant Park designs from Project Runway?

    And now I’m off to kill myself for even caring enough to ask that question.

  5. Me

    Urban Dictionary’s definition of Rihanna, which last nights performance confirmed without a shadow of a doubt:

    “Proof that the music industry is no longer a raw, gifted talent extruder. More like a money sucking, take-a-quasi-supermodel chick-between-the-ages of 12-21-sex her up-record her horrible voice-and-use state-of-the-art equipment to alter her voice into sounding like pre-21st century Whitney Houston-Shoot a video of her masturbating-and-force youth to buy the album through brainwashing promotion-mechanism. ”

    If you are a fan of Rihanna as a musician, and you are over 16, congratulations, you are retarded.

  6. Lauren

    JLo fell on her ass…

  7. Dave

    OH dear GOD Kelly Clarkson is the size of a manatee. What a blob.

  8. um

    Kelly Clarkson is still fat. Carrie Underwood looks beautiful. Rihanna is a whore. Shakira is hot as hell.

  9. It's Me Fuckers

    *weeps* WTF has happened to Val Kilmer?!?!?!?! Jesus mother-fucking Christ he used to be so HOT. Now look at him…

  10. Justin

    @#2: Fifth Element. Not 6th Sense.

  11. T&A

    WHERE IS OUR DAILY DOSE OF NAKED CELEBRITY T&A?
    WHERE IS OUR DAILY DOSE OF NAKED CELEBRITY T&A?
    WHERE IS OUR DAILY DOSE OF NAKED CELEBRITY T&A?
    WHERE IS OUR DAILY DOSE OF NAKED CELEBRITY T&A?
    WHERE IS OUR DAILY DOSE OF NAKED CELEBRITY T&A?

  12. bluecalypso

    Good one #6! That was funny! Rihanna has gotten so weird too.

  13. Morena Baccarin can back it in on my c**k

  14. wow

    kelly clarkson… not looking so healthy, oof :x

  15. Flower

    Ummm…actually, Jennifer Lopez did indeed fall on her ass.

  16. Flower

    Ummm…actually, Jennifer Lopez did indeed fall on her ass.

  17. Dolly

    Where is your usual post on Kelly Clarkson’s whale-like appearance?

  18. omg

    J-LO did fall on her ass…. LOLOLOL Her feet just go flyin out from under her…

  19. i think

    shakira looks damn good.

  20. LPB

    Any idea where we can find out about who won these “awards”? As opposed to the hangers-ons, the “seen withs” and “performers”?

    You’d think someone would have talked with Kelly about “wardrobe” choices. And steered her away from that (in the same sense that I no longer go around in cutoff football jerseys).

  21. Nome King

    Did most of these people try and look as unattractive as possible? Looks like it. Stupid, stupid outfits.

  22. haveapez

    Did most of these people try and look as unattractive as possible? Looks like it. Stupid, stupid outfits.

  23. tired boy

    this is the best of the best? Yawn.

  24. kramer

    Holy motherfuck! Sharika is so HOT!

  25. Crabby Old Guy

    To paraphrase John Lennon, the “performers” in the AMA are Muzak to my ears.

  26. KIKI

    Does anyone remember the pool chairs they used to have at the public pool? RiRi seems to be wearing one.

  27. stupid

    Sofia Vergara has got the most amazing body of all the woman last night. Google her photos & you will understand what I am talking about.

  28. Marlynn

    Leave Kelly Clarkson alone…she’s got more talent in one roll of fat then all these people combined.

  29. Manuel in

    ALICIA KEYS!!!!!!!!!!!
    I want you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOMBON!!!! que buena estas!!

  30. Mike Walker

    Val Kilmer is turning into Van Morrison.

  31. Tanzarian

    So this is American music today. It really is all ridiculous garbage, with a bunch of clowns in costumes trying to be relevant by wearing clown costumes.

    PS WTF is wrong with Val Kilmer.

  32. Jamie's Uterus

    J-Ho falling on her fat ass was hysterical. It proves how untalented she is, she can’t sing (didn’t on this show) or dance. Her acting and clothing lines have bombed. Its finally over J-Whore. Admit it, and go home.

    And by the way, wasn’t she trying to prove that she was ‘so real’ and was just ‘jenny from the block’ – now she’s singing about Christian Loubitin shoes? What fucking hypocritical piece of shit she truly is!

  33. Xanthia

    someone needs to call a priest in – Marlon Brando is possessing Val Kilmer. He is starting to morph into Brando. And so not in a good way……………wtf?????

  34. Martin

    Kelly Clarkson was one of the very few who could actually sing. I don’t care what she looks like, as long as she keeps sounding like that. Besides, she doesn’t look that bad.

  35. Dispickable

    AS I’VE ALWAYS SAID, YOU’VE ALL GOT IT WRONG. IT’S Carrie Underwear!!!

  36. rakau

    So basically American music has become a nonstop of parade of talentless sluts with awful manufactured music who, with very few exceptions, couldnt sing their way out of a paper bag, and dress like blind whores. Great. 5 stars for you, music industry. And people wonder why no one buys CDs any more. Their music is only good for 16 year old sluts with no concept of decent music who think anything with a “beat” and a voice enhanced with equipment is awesome. Listen to it once or twice and the next fame whore with the IQ of spinach whose sole talent is having self dignity so miniscule that they banged some music exec to get their shit album sold at walmart comes along, and no one gives a shit about them anymore and no one will unless they go the route of britney spears or lindsay lohan and make such desperate fools of themselves that people wonder how much fame is worth that these dumbass sluts will sell their dignity for it and do anything in the world to get on the front of trash magazines people pick up when theyre waiting at the check out aisle at the grocery store to laugh at the misfortune of these wastes of sperm and wonder who they fucked to get famous. they sold their soul to the public to be famous and the public will rip them off the role and wipe their ass with them and flush them when they’re no longer relevant and the next plastic-enhanced spray-tanned slut will come along with more “kool musick!!” with “kool beatz!!” and lyrics about fucking random people and how much it sucks to use the money you made off the portion of the public who are completely incapable of distinguishing people with musical talent from a cheese grater and knowing how things work in the music industry today to deck your whore life out in material comforts and get your fugly mug plastered with surgery and fake smiles. Beautiful America, beautiful. the best of american music, right here folks. if you’re a fucking retard.

  37. minx

    @9 it’s like I said it myself

  38. Steve Dood

    POST #6 rules. You are right 100%

    Would Janis Joplin have ever made it further than short porn blowjob clips?

    Nope. Butt ugly.

    Politicians, Musicians – all fake fucks. Fight the power!

  39. Jess

    Yes, Shakira is hot. But her performance was unbelieveable crap. Any originality she used to possess with the latin singing and belly dancing has completely evaporated in favor of Single Ladies style choreography and Lil Wayne cameos. Yuck. America ruined her as an artist, but gave her great extensions and makeup.

    On the other hand, everyone is criticizing Kelly Clarkson, but she was the ONLY talented singer there that night. She did not resort to any theatrics, she just stood there and sang beautifully (much better than “legend” Whitney Houston, I may add).

    But no one cares because “she’s fat”.

    God, you are all dumb.

  40. Janet keep her clothes on?

    Shakira looks spectacular. Now if we could get her to be quiet.

  41. sarah

    kelly clarkson what are you doing?? don’t you know famous people aren’t allowed to be fat!?!

  42. Lucky Breaks

    I’m with #10.. Val Kilmer has always been my favorite actor (and not just for his looks) but seriously.. he used to be rly f’n hot!

  43. Kathleen

    Rihanna looks retarded.

  44. jondavis142

    Rihanna looks in great shape.she’s my on of the favourite singer.
    biodegradable plastic

    biodegradable plastics

  45. Ice1

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  46. Ice2

    Here is a great place——- Cougarmatching.com ——- It’s a premiere cougar dating community for older women seeking younger men and young men seeking cougars. Come in, post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the hot photo galleries. You will find someone you like here…

  47. cc

    Me @6. Everything you said. The music industry sucks now. Remember when it was populated by people who spent years toiling away in bars and lounges, writing their own songs, and often playing two or three instruments? Instead they are totally manufactured, no talent shits. Even by those low standards, Rihanna sucks.

  48. cc

    Also, Shakira is fucking stripper who yodels. And Sofia Vergara is whacked but hot and if she moved in with me I’d forbid her to spend money on clothes unless you count lingerie as clothes.

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