The Whole World Got Married

December 29th, 2010 // 27 Comments

Add Reese Witherspoon to the list of 800 celebrities who got engaged/married/pregnant over Christmas. By my count, here’s the current death toll:

Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth – Engaged.
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian – Engaged. For real this time.
Lily Allen and I Have No Fucking Clue. – Engaged.
Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky – Married.
Natalie Portman and Benjamin Thousand Legs. – Engaged and knocked up.
Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris – Engaged/Attempting to mask blatant prostitution.

I’m sure I’m leaving off half of Hollywood, but let me just say this, you know what else makes a great Christmas present? Keurigs. A.) They don’t get pregnant. And B.) You don’t have to hire a lawyer when you realize only having one vagi coffeemaker is a crime against nature. Food for thought.

Photos: Getty


  1. First


  2. Reese Witherspoon
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s hot, but her chin reminds me of the mask from Scream.

  3. Reese Witherspoon
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    “Um, Reese…can you look down for us? Your chin is in the other room.”

  4. Reese Witherspoon
    Commented on this photo:

    Lady Gaga’s tit stalker strikes again.

  5. All the rough moves

    Buncha posers. LeAnn is the only one who swallows out of the whole bunch…

    Good luck crazy kids…

  6. shorty

    A Keurig is indeed the perfect christmas present.

  7. anyhow I guess this is the breeding season and engagement season for celebs. in a fewmonths it will be the break-up and divorce season as wellas the birthing season. so far there wasn’t a miscarriage season. only one or two celebs miscarried.

    anyway for normal single mothers it’s a pain to raise one or two kids. i know one woman before being single working 40+ hours when she was married. now she works 33 hours.

    I think that’s one of the perks of being a celeb.

  8. I will never leave my Keurig. My wife on the other hand…

  9. Reese Witherspoon
    Commented on this photo:

    suck it in

  10. Cock Dr

    One would think that that blogger doesn’t believe that twu luv exists for the rich & famous.
    Nah, me neither.

  11. Reese Witherspoon
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Such a jawline this woman has.
    She must have the bite power of a great white shark.

  12. Ken

    “Benjamin Thousand Legs” ; that cracks me up.

  13. Bringbackbabalu

    What a whore you are, Reese. She just broke up with her last husband like a week ago, no? Another ugly, no-talent bitch…I don’t see why she is any better than Lohan or the others.

    • let’s see. Reese did nudity ONscreen not for the stalkaratzi . Lohan only did teased.

      Reese never did upskirts on purpose. or get exposed as a druggie.

      also she did movies where jerking off to her wasn’t the main intention of her reason to be in the film.

  14. ad nasuem

    Benjamin Thousand Legs – Absolutely brilliant

  15. nano

    I don’t have a problem with Reese Witherspoon, other than the fact she agreed to be Jake Gyllenhal’s beard/fag hag for so damn long.

  16. Pangulin

    Celebrities are like pussies…they all come into heat at the same time. If that isn’t true why would they all get engaged at the same time.
    Oh and LeAnn isn’t the non-poser in Fish’s list. Natalie is, since she not only managed to get engaged but also sperminated at the same time! Beside that, there is the fact that it is very difficult to swallow anything when his dick is in your butt, which I am sure is where Eddie’s is located since LeAnn’s ass is her only attractive feature!

  17. hmm… no one commented on her weird ponch? mind you she looks great! but in that one sideways pic its like she is hiding her 4/5 month old baby… like really trying to hide it. But c’mon,,, it’s there.

  18. Reese Witherspoon
    Commented on this photo:

    preggs? Hence the engagement, I’ll bet money.

  19. Fancypants

    Bitch looks like a Gremlin.

  20. Mer-a-keurig

    He knows keurigs are the best and better than most partners. They make whatever you want and deliver a consistent perfect performance every time.

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