The Whole World Got Married

Add Reese Witherspoon to the list of 800 celebrities who got engaged/married/pregnant over Christmas. By my count, here’s the current death toll:

Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth – Engaged.
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian – Engaged. For real this time.
Lily Allen and I Have No Fucking Clue. – Engaged.
Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky – Married.
Natalie Portman and Benjamin Thousand Legs. – Engaged and knocked up.
Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris – Engaged/Attempting to mask blatant prostitution.

I’m sure I’m leaving off half of Hollywood, but let me just say this, you know what else makes a great Christmas present? Keurigs. A.) They don’t get pregnant. And B.) You don’t have to hire a lawyer when you realize only having one vagi coffeemaker is a crime against nature. Food for thought.

Photos: Getty