The Superficial Will Return Monday

October 1st, 2010 // 56 Comments
Batman Riding a Bear

If you’ve been listening to me whine/caterwaul out of my sandy vagina on Facebook, you’ll know my beach vacation has been a goddamn rainy mess the entire week on top of the joy-buzzer MacBook. (Turns out it was not faulty wiring. I just got Steve Jobs’d by an AC adapter that shit the bed after barely five months of use. Whee!)

At any rate, Friday is finally going to be 78 and sunny, so I’m making the most of my last day here by letting random beach-goers find out what happens when I drink canned beer for eight hours straight. I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but a seagull gets pregnant. Twice.

See you Monday,

- The Superficial

(Thanks to Brian for pointing me toward the bitchin’ Batman art. Screw Paris and Kim.)

Photo: Steve Seeley


  1. Johnny Cage

    I love his music, I do, I’m a Michael Bolton fan.

  2. appreciate the “real” batman. sorry it pissed down half ur vac that blows. btw its not just a mac attack, am picking up an adapter for my neigh’s toshiba today, same fuckin thing happened. they must make em so they fray inside after a few months. the money’s in the accessories..

  3. casey

    Well there’s a surprise. The author of this blog actually has a life?

  4. Kill'em with Roughness

    Batman hasn’t look this gay since, him and Robin synchronously shimmying out of a lasso trap, set by the Riddler…

  5. Ms. Rosen

    And I will return … NEVER.

    UN-BOOKMARK this piece of shit, jumped-the-shark, Snooki-and-Heidi website.

    • urmomma

      well said and I will also take a forever vacation from this site. I have learned that I prefer real boobies versus store bought plastic ones plus I’m uninterested in any of your advestisers so I don’t want you to make money from them anymore.

      See you at dinner Sunday. – urmomma

      • KennyRogersRoasters

        True, this place has fallen far from what it once was. It used to be funny at one point, now it’s nothing but Speidi, Snooki, Kim K, etc. Not to mention about 75% of what’s posted here can be found elsewhere written much better, with writing that’s actually funny…

      • Is it sf or celebuzz who call the shots? Gossip sites in general look as candid as politicians. Probably earn their keep off lobbyists too, of a sort. Follow the money..

      • afroballz

        @dude I think the 75% he mentioned was referring to YOUR posts.

  6. All of Us

    Nobody cares if an anonymous commenter dies. So imagine how little we care if you “leave” this site.

  7. Rhialto

    I’m getting a bit tired from all the obstacles to take.The final solution could be a brandnew website. . .

  8. Nancy Pelosi

    Glad to see that your demanding schedule of blogging about douche bags and upskirts has required some R&R.

  9. Nancy Pelosi

    Batman on a bear. Is that a veiled reference to the US domination of the USSR during the 1980′s era cold war? “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”

  10. Kimia

    I really wish I knew you personally. I am a lawyer and find you incredibly funny and intelligent… only if there were guys like you in my town. Enjoy the vacation… I mean it in the most non-harmful, non-psycho way, but wish I was there with you!!!

  11. RandomG

    The bear’s chest is made from a bald vagina. I thought it was one of those find the vag in the photo pictures.

  12. Kill'em with Roughness


  13. Kill'em with Roughness

    This site is acting weird…

    Correction of previous comment

  14. Kill'em with Roughness


  15. Ms. Rosen

    When I first started visiting this site a few years ago, I was loving the vicious humor, sharp writing, mean jokes, and interesting updates.

    These days, I am sick of seeing Jersey Shore girls, the fucking Kardashians, and reading the non-jokes buried in a paragraph of filler text.

    Seriously: What the hell happened to this website that was once so cool and is now so utterly forgettable?

  16. mark

    Enjoy the rest of your vacation, Fish.

    Request: please quit posting about Snookie, Paris, Lilo, the double douchebag blonde couple, and the Kardashians. They’re all boring f**ks. Do a little digging for Chrissakes. It’s not like you’ve got a real job bogging you down.

  17. Gando

    The bear is looking quite handsome and well-mannered!

  18. Why are you under Adam West?

  19. The Real TAB

    Enjoy what you can of your vacation and just come the fuck back.

    Have a nice weekend!

  20. Vivian

    I hereby declare, the Fish has neglected his fans and was punished with computer failure and rain during his vacation. Haven’t learned his lesson,he proceeded to ditch us once again following his hedonistic urges.

    As if it weren’t enough, he left us with this joke of a post for the whole weekend.

    You cannot do this much wrong to your fans without consequence, expect some more misfortune in the coming days.

    • What, you don’t like the big beautiful bear?
      Threatening to quit visiting the website doesn’t seem to get the results people have aimed for. But I do like these vague & ominous sounding “consequence” & “misfortune” predictions.
      Sand in the urethra? Bedbugs? Erectile disfunction?

  21. MileyCyrusPokies

    In other news, Miley Cyrus has perky pokies!!! She’s a total slut, but she has great boobies.

  22. fap

    Heathens. The writer of this site shares this delightful commisioned portrait of himself as a way to be there with us while he’s away recuperating before returning for some more insightful, hardhitting reportage, and all you people can do is QQ about /ragequitting the site and show pictures of Miley Cyrus’s pokey nipples.

    • GravyLeg

      For the record… I was unable to discern a single pokey nipple in those pictures…
      And if the Fish won’t be my pusher, then don’t blame me if I get my fix elsewhere….

  23. Vandy Sagina

    Fuck you Fish, I;m glad your vaca was ruined.
    What are you gonna do ban me again?
    I give a fuck.

  24. Ash Bones

    I waited all day before checking this site, hoping for something entertaining.. So disappointed, i don’t know how to fill this void now.. at least a thong, buttcrack, underboob, nipple slip, cameltoe, see-through top, fuckme boots, bikini, booty shorts, boy shorts, short shorts, panties, lingerie, upskirt, stockings…… just something :(

  25. RasputinsLiver


    Hope the rest of it goes good for ya, man.

    And by the way. The last several months or so the snark and the overall quality of commentary has been excellent. Great job, man.


  26. captain america


  27. Drivel Lady

    Apple power cords for Mac have been seriously shit for years :(

  28. Bunny Foofoo

    More of this, less of paris and lohan.

  29. notthelimejuice

    Enjoy the rest of your vacation Fish. We’ll all be here when you get back on Monday…even the trolls.

  30. Drink a 12 pack and feed the seagulls Alka Seltzer…..

    They love it!


  31. Rick

    Dang, I was really hoping to read some more essays by commenters who were rejected from graduate programs in political science.

  32. Peterock


  33. Excellent ideas throughout this post, personally Im gonna have to bookmark this and come back to it. Im curious if you have any follow ups to this post?

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