The Situation Jokes You Didn’t Hear on The Donald Trump Roast

March 16th, 2011 // 90 Comments

As previously reported, The Situation was invited to the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump last week where he not only bombed but managed to piss off Snoop Dogg in the process by making a joke about slavery. Immediately there was talk of The Situation being edited out, but within 24 hours Comedy Central began running on-air promos highlighting his onstage flameout. Except not all his “jokes” made it to last night’s broadcast, including the Snoop slavery one, so here they are for your reading pleasure. Via TMZ:

“I’m not from New Jersey … I was born in Staten Island which is a New York borough … not to be confused with the burro Marlee Matlin bl*ws onstage in Tijuana … “
He continued, “Relax, she didn’t even hear it … I mean hey, at least her mouth is good for something right? Hey, that was definitely some great work Marlee … have you ever done anything else actually?”
Sitch ignored the boos and groans and continued …
“Larry King is rockin’ the Armani diaper … Seth MacFarlane is sporting Victoria’s Secret … panties. And Snoop is wearing a Louis Vuitton condom … nah, I’m just kidding, he don’t wear condoms, you know that!”
And it just didn’t stop …
“I like Larry King … he’s a playa … he actually wrote a book named ‘Mr. King Is Having a Heart Attack’ … he got that title from a hooker he was f**king.”
One last parting shot for Trump:
“Trump is a good looking dude … if your eyes are like Marlee Matlin’s ears.”

Is it me or are none of those jokes really that bad in the context of a Comedy Central roast? I don’t want to defend The Situation because the fact there’s a real person on television called “The Situation” is proof that we’re a nation teetering on the brink of collapse, but someone more than likely wrote these jokes for him and he had the balls to perform them in front of seasoned comedians. Except that’s not entirely true because there’s a difference between balls and fully believing you’re Ab Jesus who thinks he should’ve been paid for this gig instead of beaten out back with a pipe. Although, that’s more of a statement on how soft Snoop has gotten. I guess my point is, black guys used to shoot people more often for way less, and now thanks to talk radio, white folk took that from them, too. You gotta fight the power or else we’ll take all your cool shit. That’s the thesis here.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. IntelligentAsFellasGet

    That was not a good situation.

    • He must just not have any delivery? Or people booed cos well we just think he sucks in the personality dept. Tough call. Time to find the promo..

      • ihateemo

        The Larry King joke about him having a heart attack actually made me laugh (which leads me to think he probably didn’t even write it), but from the video I saw of the roast his delivery is awful and just comes across as him wanting people to like him.

        Greg Giraldo is missed.

      • Parker

        I admit that was a good one except everyone knows Larry King doesn’t buy hookers. He only buys wives.

    • eatme

      this dood always makes me laugh. maybe the prob is that he actually wrote jokes before hand, because he is unquestionably a witty guy on the spot. Obviously he is very low brow, and obviously the jersey shore crowd is no competition, but he consistently says shit that makes me laugh. What’s great about hi is that he has no problem playing the numbers game and doesn’t give shit when people don’t like him cause he keeps his head up and keeps the jokes/lines/put downs flowing and he KNOWS that eventually he’ll impress someone and entertain along the way. I think that he and Charlie Sheen should form a duo.

      • Reading is Sexy

        eatme, you’re paid by a PR firm representing this guy, right? That’s the only explanation for that screed.

      • ihateemo

        Thanks for your input, Snooki.

      • eatme

        …like i said: haters. people hate him in principal without ever even watching him. because he plays the numbers game he doesn’t really care about who he turns off because there are always plenty of people drawn to him. but now there are legions of potato chip eating, couch surfing automotons who hate him just cause the fish says to, when in truth the jokes/lines/put downs of the fish and my boy the situation are markedly similar. I guarantee that if you went out as a crowd you would love to hang out with the guy, that is unless you’re a born hater.

      • Fist

        “people hate him in principal without ever even watching him”

        Yeah, I mean, give the drunk douchebag drama queen guildo a chance. I promise he’s a lot more down to earth than all the other drunk douchebag drama queen guildos out there.

      • noooooooo

        @eatme

        Here yo go bro, think you forgot to use this instead.

        Butthurt complaint form
        http://uboachan.net/x/src/1296923633603.jpg

    • THE SITCH IS EATME’S BOY! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

      • Digdugbaba

        Does “LOLOLOLOLOLOL!” mean that you laughed out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud? I don’t get it

  2. God Damn! Every one of those jokes made me laugh. Who wrote them, i hope not him..

    • Hugh Gentry

      did you get this story from TMZ?????? It was on their site about an hour before here. You suck Fish. Show us boobies!

  3. JC

    It’s hard to judge these jokes because I ALWAYS want to beat The Situation with a pipe with broken glass glued to it, not just when he’s trying to be funny.

  4. Any Guy

    seriously though – Clay Aiken looks more manly than this eyebrow-waxing queen.

  5. kara

    it’s “you’re” ab jesus, not “your”.

  6. bday55

    Look, he’s trying to do something before that jersey shore show ends. Can’t blame him for that. Maybe he’ll try singing next?
    That kind of fame doesn’t last that long.

  7. miles

    haven’t seen the roast yet, i hope to tonight.

    when i heard about the slavery joke, i thought it was pretty funny. i bet that any of the roast regulars could have said it and gotten away with it. maybe it was his timing, or just the fact that everybody does/should hate him. what i wouldn’t give to see greg giraldo tear “the situation” to shreds.

  8. Dutch

    Pauly Shore?

  9. noooooooo

    His delivery was crap, his composure on the platform was garbage. He was trying to mimic what he saw from everyone else and it lacked any sense of personality, assuming there is one to be found.

    Fortunately everyone can talk circles around him because there isn’t a translator on Google for breaking down normal language into moron.

    • Reading is Sexy

      Comedy is all in the delivery. Anyone can read jokes from the teleprompter. True comedians are funny even when the jokes bomb.

      • noooooooo

        Very true, I still remember catching the second act of a Colin Quinn show where I wasn’t sure if he planned to blow his head off after his set because of how drunk and emo he was getting about his current career options.

  10. adam

    Its more about the delivery, and deliverer, than the jokes themselves.

    He tended to ruin jokes by being a douche.

  11. tits

    why the hell was he even there?? That’s what bugs me most.

  12. D

    “Is it me or are none of those jokes really that bad in the context of a Comedy Central roast? ”

    I watched this travesty. This question kinda highlights how embarrassing this dude’s routine was. Yes, the jokes were similar, but the sadness was all in the delivery. You really just gotta watch it to see how sad it is.

    • Deuce

      I watched it too and i totally agree, there were some good jokes in there but his delivery was so terrible that it ruined them. Then there were some terrible jokes that didn’t even seem like jokes, more like setups to jokes that he forgot to read the punchlines to.
      What a jackass

      • Peanutty

        Did her really bomb? I mean look at all the press this is getting. I have not heard any of the other jokes that were made at that roast, just his. Andy Kauffman anyone?

      • No, not “Andy Kauffman” at all. Just worst natural comic sensibility I’ve ever seen. The other comics tried to cover for him at first. The crowd didn’t really give him much of a chance, but the silence really rattled him and he got worse.

  13. Ed

    Whay so much hate for the cute deaf girl?

    • JC

      He’s just pissed because, as a handicapped performer, she has and will continue to be more successful than him. Her handicap is deafness. His is doucheness. And an IQ that probably puts him firmly below the line for autism.

  14. some of them were good and some were not.

  15. Mike The Situation Sorrentino Donald Trump Roast
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me, or are his index and middle fingers on both hands really crooked? If so, this confirms that putting your fingers in a Jersey girl’s cooter is about as safe as putting them in a bear trap.

  16. Mike The Situation Sorrentino Donald Trump Roast
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Good God! Tony Soprano, take this douche out already!

  17. Rough pops culture, right in the ginocchio tappi

    He was beating up on a deaf Jewish woman no one laugh? Where has the humor gone, I ask!!!!

  18. Ever watch something so bad that you think it had to be done this way on purpose?

    Greg Giraldo is spinning in his grave.

  19. Nathan

    It wasn’t just that his delivery sucked, it was that his jokes weren’t even jokes really. He told the one guy that he knew he must be funny, because a supermodel laughed when he told it to her while he was fucking her on a stack of money. Seriously? WTF? None of his shit was a joke except him.

  20. Jen

    The main problem was nobody respected him. The audience would crack up and applause the other comedians even if their jokes weren’t really funny. He was not “one of them”. I have to admit his joke about banging a super model on a pile of money in his mansion made no sense and I couldn’t find the funny in that one. It seemed he couldn’t really redeem himself after that one. I did feel kinda bad for him though since it got pretty awkward!

    • Deacon Jones

      Awww, you feel bad for him, Jen?

      • Jen

        ok I FELT bad and then recovered quickly. Someone like him should not be bragging about his money in front of real celebrities and expect to be taken seriously…

    • Emm

      Ugh, that “joke” made me cringe, too. He just bragged about himself and his money the entire time he was up there. I admit, I almost started to feel bad for him too because the audience CLEARLY hated him from the moment he stepped up there. And then I remembered how much money he makes merely for acting like a douche in front of a camera and all that pity went away.

    • Heather

      The respect part makes sense. At the Roast of Charlie Sheen Jackass star Steve-O was part of the dais and was new to stand- up comedy. Everyone has seen or at least heard of Jackass but it’s a prank show. The Jersey Shore on the other hand is looked down upon because we’re making stupid people famous (I guess?)

  21. Kevin

    I watched the Roast twice last night and I stared at the screen blankly when he told his jokes. They were not jokes, they were not funny, and didn’t make any sense. At best they were flat out insults. I mean Jeffery Ross had to come up and save him.
    Why was he even there anyways? At least the other people on there that I hadn’t heard of were actually funny…
    Please die Jersey Shore.

  22. Deacon Jones

    I can’t wait until this fucker is opening Subway restaurants for a free lunch.

  23. Gerbil in my Butt

    What is with the Marlee Matlin reference? Anyone? Anyone?

  24. AJ Thompson

    That’s what happens when you give no-talent, no-credibility, no-anything wanna-be actor douche-bags a mic and put them in front of a camera, and tell them to be funny.

  25. Give him some slack, he’s made out with Snooki. Imagine the night terrors he has to live with.

  26. Kamrynne

    The only thing funny about this douche bag …Is he truly believes he has talent .and a “career” in front of a camera I hope his 15 minutes of fame is long gone …

  27. Anyone getting butt hurt over poor taste roast jokes has no business watching a roast in the first place. The whole intent is bad taste and insulting…grow up, or GTFO.

    That being said, Sitch could fuck up the delivery of a pizza.

  28. He better hurry up and get a “beard” because this guy is so gay he sneezes glitter.

  29. Kimarie

    So…where’s the Snoop Dogg slavery joke, you didn’t post it? I don’t think any of the jokes were offensive, it’s just the stupid way he read them like he didn’t realize they were supposed to be jokes. I think they were actually written by comedy central, though, I just don’t think The Situation understood them.

  30. Kimarie

    Marlee Matlin was on the dais for some reason. She was pretty funny for not being a comedian.

    • Deuce

      She’s on this season’s Celebrity Apprentice. I guess that’s why she was there, I don’t honestly know for sure. It was good Gilbert Godfrey showed up to yell as loud as he could into a microphone.

  31. Nicole

    you actually forgot one.. i read it on the news .. he said to snoop dogg

    “you and trump have one thing in common, he owns a lot of property and your ancestors WERE property”..

  32. Mandy

    The Marlee Matlin jokes were too distasteful, but the rest wasn’t so bad. Didn’t seem like anything you wouldn’t hear on the Comedy Network anyway..

  33. The Critical Crassness

    WTF? You expected real classy humor from one of the Jersey Shore morons?
    Anyone who did is even dumber than they are! Proving once and for all, “You can put a guido in a suit but you can’t give ‘em class!”

  34. anonym

    Marlee looked sweet on the side platform.

    I think the parrot guy from Aladdin is more annoying than the Situation.

  35. eatyou

    only explanation: eatme is the situation.

  36. Bill Clinton's alter ego

    Quite the gay blade !

  37. Nick4ca

    Hey all, Im late to the conversation, but for these roasts, Comedy Central has professional writers, and they write 100′s of jokes about all the invites to the roast, and the guests pick and choose what they want to use, the professional comics always get to add their own jokes, most guests use the pre-written ones.
    I heard an interview with Jeff Ross or someone talking about these roasts and they are set up.

  38. Emy

    These jokes are actually better than the ones that made the cut. I think his choppy delivery/lack of comedic timing made it all that much worse. He probably didn’t even really get most of them.

  39. I’m sure he kills when joking with his friends. You’ve seen his friends, though, right?

  40. Seriously..

    This howdy doody retard wishes he could make as much money as Marlee Matlin has. His jokes were just outright stupid.. not that I expected anything good from him.

  41. Mike The Situation Sorrentino Donald Trump Roast
    Commented on this photo:

    “…So there I was, with a penis in each hand and a dumb look on my face…”

  42. The bottom part of this post sounds like a joke even The Situation was smart enough to pass on.

  43. the captain

    you mean “The” donald trump?
    haaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

  44. Jackie

    Christ, he looks like Pauly Shore!

  45. Mike The Situation Sorrentino Donald Trump Roast
    Anthillmob
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it possible to be a bigger DOUCHE than this waste? Uhhh No!!

  46. Steelerchick

    I didn’t know insulting the deaf was suppose to be funny!!!

  47. Corii

    The situation is such a Douche! egh.

  48. terry

    He’s a worthless piece of trash!!!
    This just goes to show how fucking pathetic them losers on jersey shore are. Juts pure garbage.

  49. missbee

    Ugh, Ice-T’s facial expression during the Roast was perfect for this whole train-wreck of a Douche being, well, a douche. The only thing I could do, aside from cringe and thank my parents for immigrating to Canada instead of America, was literally facepalm.

    I kept waiting for that one moment when someone from the audience would shout: BOO, YOU SUCK! GTFO!”

    This just proves how far society has fallen from greats like Monty Python to this…

    In my final words: GTFO, MTV, YOU’VE BEEN DEAD SINCE THE 90′S!

  50. The Rectification

    Believe it or not, I have devoted a great deal of thought to this.

    1. People WANTED this guy to fail. Therefore the best strategy would have been humility: read the jokes, be gracious, move on.

    2. Apparently Mike collaborated with Comedy Central writers, I dunno, to give it a more personal touch…? Mistake. He should have left it all to them.

    3. The Marlie Matlin joke was ill advised, especially early in the set. There’s no logical humorous connection to her and oral sex with donkeys. Even the meanest roast jokes are relevant to the recipient.

    And of course I agree with everyone who said his delivery was terrible. He was trying to be The Situation (whatever the fuck that is) and not just some nobody with 5 minutes under a spotlight. Like I said, a little humility, a little lower-key.

    Props to this loser for toughing it out, though. Have you ever bombed in front of a big audience? It’s really unpleasant.

Leave A Comment