The Situation Has a Book Cover

October 21st, 2010 // 61 Comments
Here's The Situation Book Cover

What you’re looking at is the cover to “Here’s The Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore.” Or “Douchebag Sandwich,” from here on out. According to a review posted by Jezebel, this epic tome clocks in at a massive 133 pages, most of which involve shopping for clothes:

No matter what T-shirt you select, whether it’s fitted, graphic, sequined, bedazzled, crew-neck, deep-V, wifebeater, or what-have-you, it’s about being proud of who you are. If you want to bust out a deep-V that’s safety-cone orange because you think that’s your color, then wear the hell out of that fruity shirt so everybody in the club knows that nobody owns it like you do. Set the trends, don’t follow them. I wear what makes me feel good because I’m at the tip of the spear—the cutting edge of fashion that’s fresh to death. When I see something I like, I grab it. My only system when I shop for fresh apparel is my own primal reaction to what I see, the moment I see it. When I enter a store, I trust my eye to zero in on what’s mint. That’s the single most effective system I have for knowing when to pull the trigger on a purchase. If I find myself hemming and hawing, that’s a clear indication that the garment in question is not destined to make my rotation. I walk away from the rack because I’ve failed to make a connection to those threads. On the other hand, if I know from the moment I see it that that particular piece is going to make me look awesome, I trust my instinct completely and it comes home with The Sitch.

If Hemingway’s corpse doesn’t headbutt its way out of his grave just to punch this kid in the guido-hole, I’ve lost absolutely all faith in the written word. In fact, I already feel cheap using it now. Everyone meet me out back so I can yell penis jokes at you.

*lights keyboard on fire*

Like JLo in Enough, words… OW!

Photo: Amazon.com

superficial

  1. Smaug

    Douche Alert!

  2. dung dong

    Chapter 1: How I enjoy being butt-banged and then sucking my own feces of my man’s penis

  3. Colon Worm

    Fish you are the shit!
    The Shituation is gay.

  4. Sheena

    Oh the pain… the pain!

  5. BigDaddy

    GAY,GAY,GAY, Have you ever heard this homo talk. He is no doult gay. He is incharge of giving all of the blowjobs in the house.

  6. Randal

    Here’s a man that I could love, his penis fits my ass just like a glove……

  7. Ash Bones

    YEAH!!!

  8. Snowball

    That’s beautiful, man.

  9. OLAF

    MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK
    BERZERKER

    WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING FUCK
    BERZERKER

  10. gogo

    this crap is unworthy of the name “book”

  11. LOL

    “If Hemingway’s corpse doesn’t headbutt its way out of his grave just to punch this kid in the guido-hole, I’ve lost absolutely all faith in the written word.”

    Nice one, Fish!

    And I like how the girlie-hands are featured prominently on the cover, so as to signal all the young dudes that he’s carrying the news. The news being: THESE GENTLE HANDS WILL MILK A MEAN PROSTATE!

  12. More like a guide to being considered Creepy by chicks …

    Somewhere in Heaven or Hell, the classical writers of history are spiritually pissing and shitting down on us. This is the 6th sign of the apocalypse. the 7th? Snookie makes a work out tape. In full spandex.

    • GravyLeg

      Your dream that she will be in Spandex (or anything else) is wishful thinking….

    • Drew

      The chicks he picks up are ones with low self esteem that want to be picked up by douchebags like him. It’s unfortunate, but the type of girls he goes after want this sort of “creeping” behavior.

      The thing is, it works. He might be a complete douche bag, but he’s also getting slut pussy all over the place. He doesn’t give a shit about wholesome women, he wants sluts, and his method is how you get sluts.

      Who doesn’t like a good slut once in a while? Hell without them, half of the people here would never get laid.

      Sluts.

  13. Objac

    You have to give him credit, he has in theory read a book.

  14. jonesy

    Is this fucking twat with steroid cheeks really trying to bring back the half-shirt on the sly? God, how I would love boot-fuck his nuts while he’s sleeping.

  15. If there’s a God then The Bitchuation will follow another of Hemmingways feats, namely his final.

  16. Compound9

    Before seeing this book I was very much against book burning.
    After seeing this book I am very much for book burning and oddly enough this book made me okay with the death penalty.

  17. Rush

    YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. kurgen99

    Uh, “real” men don’t care that much about freaking clothes douche bag.
    If I said any of that shit, my wife would laugh her ass off and hand me a tampon.

    • Drew

      He doesn’t want stuck up tightwads like your wife.

    • gack69

      I was thinking the same thing reading that, kurgen99. I don’t know ANY man who enjoys shopping, much less talking about it in such ridiculous detail. Shit, I’m a woman and I love shopping, but not as much as this douche apparently does.

  19. Rough skills & power tools

    Well you can call him Huckleberry retard all you want. Isn’t creeping on women is how mark twain got started?

  20. Lady Blah Blah

    I wish the govt. could get a list of everyone who buys this book or borrows it from the library, and with the exception of those who can prove that they got it solely for the purpose of destroying it and/or writing a negative review, they should be “disappeared.” (I think it’s horrible that South American dictators “disappeared” people by having them pushed into the ocean from helicopters, but this present “situation” is different.)

  21. you dumb assholes

    I can’t believe how much money this turd made last year, when respectable people can’t even pay their bills.

    Between Jersey Shore and The Kardashians, this world has gone to hell.

  22. TAB

    Tim Gunn has officially turned straight after reading this garbage…

    Sadly it will end up on The NY Times best seller list…

    Stepping out in front of the ’1′ train going downtown…

  23. The only thing dumber than the idea for this book, is the guys who will inevitably buy it.

    The end has got to be near…..

    .

  24. art geier

    That assbite couldnt string 4 words together without a pause – someone wrote that piece on shopping while he was looking at himself in the mirror

  25. NACHO

    uuuuuu now i can see the minde os the ultra dush the sad thing is that i can bet you that he had a ghost righter and the poor guy most have wanted to kill him self after this GENIUS finished the first draft

  26. Here's The Situation Book Cover
    nick
    Commented on this photo:

    FUCK YA

  27. you dumb assholes

    Nacho, I hope English is your 2nd language. If not, then you are not one to make fun of people who can’t write.

  28. killer

    Someone needs to kill this cunt plus the other dumbshits in that show

  29. JH

    One word…TOOL!

  30. Liz

    I just think it’s important to point out that Hemingway couldn’t do much damage headbutting this guy because he blew his skull open with a shotgun. Or maybe he still could, since Hemingway is so manly. He was the Chuck Norris of his day, if, you know, Chuck Norris had been raised as a girl, too.

  31. Rhialto

    New rule: When there isn’t regular direct, real contact,there’s nothing.

    If you happen to know my MSN you can add me! Be sure i’d recognize it’s you!

  32. 'Repo'

    This guy is a frigging genius.

  33. Chris

    “I trust my eye to zero in on what’s mint. That’s the single most effective system I have for knowing when to pull the trigger on a purchase. If I find myself hemming and hawing, that’s a clear indication that the garment in question is not destined to make my rotation.”

    The incongruity of this sentence is amazing. Imaging this douchebag combining his annoying guido slang with the proper grammar and style of this sentence just won’t stick in me brainpan.

  34. Mary Kumstein

    I am amazed so few people mention HOW FUCKING UGLY HE IS!

  35. Io

    isn’t he pushing 30? so why then is he acting like tween?

    • Madam Ex

      Because he’s a jerkoff and a nobody till this show started, and too bad he was older when it started, so he’s trying to go backwards.

  36. Io

    Mary Kumstein, that’s because it goes without saying

  37. Madam Ex

    This douchebag doesnt deserve to make this type of money, he’s very fucking retarded as far as reading, writing and speaking. Canadidians, WTF is that?
    What a scumbag, douchebag the way he talks and treats women. He is a piece of shit and deserves to be shit….I cant believe they are allowing him get a book deal and deal with DVDS on abs. This is how society works, and its very sad.
    They are all talentless bastards who deserve nothing but that show that is a complete trainwreck you just have to watch, like severed heads in the street, you cant stop looking. But to give this asshole all that money…and now I read he has a special line of Bentleys with his name on it. SHAME ON GREED!
    I cant stand him, he needs his pigeoned toe ass kicked big time, just case he has a nice body doesnt mean he can fight.

  38. Io

    most ‘grenades’ won’t openly admit they are ‘grenades’. they spend every breath of their lives trying to convince the world they are in fact ‘the bomb’.

  39. ummm

    did anyone else find this absolutely hilarious? it sounds to me like his ghost writer is pleading for mercy. also, this proves that “the Sitch” shops the same way everybody else does – buying what he likes. Is this supposed to be a secret?

  40. Willy Wonka

    This guy sucks so much cock it’s sad…

  41. Katy Perry is Trash

    What a fucking douche.

  42. douchey

    the guy is so talented and he is smart. You may think he is dumb but he uses what he has to his advantage and is making the best of it. He knows how to pimp the hoes like no other. All you haters suck at life. Maybe you should read his book. HAHA

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