Meet Kristin. Kristin sent me several pics until she realized there’s a simple and direct route to my heart: handjobs bikinis. Sure, this might be a contest that’s looking for the best face, but that’s like saying racism is just about hating people that are different than you. There’s an art to it- Dammit, Mel, get away from the keyboard!
Anyway… added five more ladies over on Facebook which is apparently shitting the bed today. So if you’re not seeing thumbnails, take hostages and refuse to negotiate:
Facebook: The Superficial Banner Girl Contest
As always, submissions are being accepted until Monday, so keep sending them in. Even if you’re a porn star like Ryan Keely, I’ll gladly take a look at them for such is my generous nature:
ms. v | July 1, 2010 at 5:29 pm
why is she wearing a bra under her bikini? weird.
McFeely Smackup | July 1, 2010 at 6:19 pm
why does she have a ring in her nose? If you answer that “she’s stupid”, the rest all falls into place.
Richport's Ghost | July 1, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Because she’s a dumb emo cunt. Boo hoo. So introspective. So troubled. So much to deal with in this cruel world.
Now shut up and go make my Frappucino, bitch.
# | July 1, 2010 at 10:09 pm
It’s a booger collector. Nasty retarded bitches.
Next.
ffff | July 2, 2010 at 5:47 pm
You’re all fucking stupid. It’s a fucking piercing. holy balls get over it, it doesn’t mean shit.
impy | July 4, 2010 at 4:12 pm
yes emo is annoying but everyone basically has a style, but i see a lot of anorexia. SUPERFICIAL, I BEG YOU DON’T GIVE THE BANNER TO SOME ANOREXIC OR BULIMIC! Please, let there be tits and not THIS bullshit.
eeeeew. EXACTLY CINDY. a thank you
V | July 1, 2010 at 5:36 pm
I was going to say the exact same thing Ms.V.
Taz | July 1, 2010 at 5:38 pm
I think its another bikini
jason | July 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm
1. Ugly
2. Anorexic
3. Looks like a coke addict
4. The nose ring just reinforces #3
Cindy Elmwood | July 2, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Ugly? Come on. Her eyes looks great, as does the rest of her face.
Ok, noah has a point that her rib cage is looking a bit odd.
noah | July 1, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Her rib cage is weird. Pretty sure an alien baby is going to pop out any minute now… wait for it…
Cardinal Fang | July 1, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Damn! I’m switching to brunettes.
Deacon Jones | July 1, 2010 at 6:04 pm
FISH you fucker!
Post the pics here too, some of your readers have jobs….most workplaces have banned Facebook due to something called productivity…
Cock Dr | July 1, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Don’t you get it? “Fish” doesn’t care. If you want to see all the freaks & pretty girls then “Fish” wants you to over over THERE.
I feel your pain, seriously.
Jen | July 2, 2010 at 8:53 am
AGREED! facebook is blocked at my office :(
Ppai Neg | July 1, 2010 at 6:07 pm
You are LOOKING THE WRONG WAY. AGAIN! How fucking hard it it to follow the instructions!
barroom hero | July 1, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Nice.
My vote is still for the day two feature.
huh? | July 1, 2010 at 6:22 pm
Did Superficial suddenly change the criteria to Crack Whores? I walked past dozens of women on the street today who blow this one away. Next!!!!!
wtf. | July 1, 2010 at 6:25 pm
“meet kristin. kristen…”
lonelyinjapan | July 1, 2010 at 6:32 pm
I want Fish to be the banner girl for a week.
Maybe.
Unless he looks like Harry Knowles. (Sorry, dude.)
Captain Awesome | July 1, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Where can I see more of Kristin? In fact, how can I go about proposing to her?
kristin | July 2, 2010 at 1:34 am
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=34005258
I do!
lol wut? | July 1, 2010 at 6:36 pm
this girl is beautiful. it’s 2010, every 14-year-old has a nose ring; time to start getting used to it.
Douchariffic | July 1, 2010 at 6:45 pm
Looking in the same direction is not part of the rules. It just has to be a side profile in the style of the current one, pictures can be flipped if he needs it to go a certain way. Unless I’m missing that the comment above is actually mocking those worried about the rules.
And speaking of the rules, a good half of the Facebook photos are not a freaking side profile. If I can see both eyes, it’s not a side profile. Inconsistency, thy name is Fish.
iamhomosquirrel | July 1, 2010 at 6:52 pm
I have the same bra. It squishes your titties and makes C cups look like small Bs. That’s what you get for buying bras from target.
Elle | July 2, 2010 at 11:04 pm
LMAO
Apple | July 1, 2010 at 7:12 pm
I bet if you throw her overboard that she’ll sink because of that heart shaped anchor thing around her neck. You know, the whole Natalie Wood thing, when you get her on your boat and she won’t let you touch her inappropriately, you can toss her overboard, at night of course, and then say she was drunk and fell. HA HA HA…. how funny is that….
noah | July 1, 2010 at 7:45 pm
That gold heart chain is clearly a “Daddy never loved me” cry for help.
Alli Watermelon | July 1, 2010 at 7:42 pm
I think she’s cute, but doesn’t really exert sexiness…and I think that’s what this site is going for. Cute, a little too thin…but cute. Better than #2 with the Photoshopped face and baby hand (and ratty hair). #1…is still best so far.
Tim | July 1, 2010 at 8:43 pm
This girl is hawt!
BC | July 1, 2010 at 10:39 pm
The nose ring is questionable, but she does look pretty and it’s actually a profile shot.
Erin from the Facebook collection could look pretty good in a banner, even though that’s just the opposite of what you asked for.
I still want to see all the ones that didn’t make the cut.
Chris | July 1, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Gorgeous! Love her!
thebitchisback | July 1, 2010 at 11:34 pm
wow lot’s of haters, I like the hipster chic thing she has going
Michelle | July 1, 2010 at 11:35 pm
No!
captain america | July 1, 2010 at 11:40 pm
……PLEASE CONTINUE THE SEARCH!!
Jon and Kate plus Haiti | July 1, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I wonder if her knees are too sharp and her toes are shaped like thumbs or versa visa. Oh and I bet she has at least one misspelled tattoo
Gene | July 1, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Now we’re getting somewhere. The Day Three girl is a serious keeper.
Queef | July 2, 2010 at 12:04 am
She is gorgeous. She just needs to lose the nose ring.
kristin | July 2, 2010 at 12:39 am
My ribs just look like that. They are weird and I am skinny so it shows.
To the haters: I knew what I was getting into when I entered, so continue hating, I expected it fully.
To the lovers: thanks for the support! Keep posting!
kristin | July 2, 2010 at 12:40 am
Also, I ditched the nose ring quite a while ago
Matt | July 2, 2010 at 9:27 am
NOOOOOO DON’T DITCH THE NOSE RING!
It looks great. Hair and jawline, too.
Mike Walker | July 2, 2010 at 12:57 am
Yer lookin good babe. Now, how about a full facial… er, face shot.
jay | July 2, 2010 at 9:24 am
i think u look awesome. terrific sense of style, young, hip, very pretty, u say u ditched the nose ring but i like it on! mmm mmm mmm, u look yummy!
BC | July 2, 2010 at 10:27 am
By the way, not everyone has a Facebook to stalk you with. I’d recommend Photobucket if you’re after further judgementalness.
Cough. Jus’ sayin’.
RoughRomantico | July 2, 2010 at 12:43 am
Hey who’s the chick with the clock work orange ciel blue thingy around her eyes? I like that pic base on the requirements. She and dildo girl must be neck and neck…
strelnikov | July 2, 2010 at 12:51 am
I’d pee in her butt!
sobrietyisacrutch | July 2, 2010 at 1:00 am
I think she looks like Penelope Cruz. Which is a good thing. She just said she ditched the nose ring so give her a break! That being said – NEXT!
Mike Walker | July 2, 2010 at 1:07 am
She looks like a less ethnic Shannon Sossamon. Slurp…
Sexy | July 2, 2010 at 1:26 am
I really want to see her vagina. Landing strip? I’m betting landing strip.
ambrosia | July 2, 2010 at 8:59 am
i like her.
I can understand some of criticism here but her ribs aren’t -that- bad, and the whole “the heart necklace is a daddy didn’t love me enough” bullshit is just fucking stupid.
you’re lovely kristin, good luck.
jay | July 2, 2010 at 9:17 am
kristin is really hot. she looks totally different than the rest which makes her even hotter. i think she has a perfect tight little body. hipster chics always got it going on without all that fluff in the head, she looks like she actually thinks! isnt that a good thing. she fucking gorgeous! Kristin, i hope u win cuz u look goooood.
Lilly | July 2, 2010 at 11:09 am
pretty face, but do you really need to show us the rest?
I find it potentially a bit scary that you think it to be a good idea to indicate that anorexics in a bikini (+bra) are winners…..
Rhialto | July 2, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Wow.Just wow.
Galtacticus | July 2, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Damn! She’d have a perfect jawline!
hateyoufornoreason | July 2, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Her head is too big for her scrawny, drug-addled body.
poop | July 2, 2010 at 2:53 pm
lol @ internet standards.
I wouldn’t think twice.
missthang | July 2, 2010 at 6:13 pm
kristin wins.
If she sent multiple pics why can’t we see mooooore???
Michael | July 2, 2010 at 10:40 pm
My gosh. Perfection.
Elle | July 2, 2010 at 11:12 pm
She is pretty, I like this look. but why is she wearing two bikini tops or a bra with a bikini.
delaylee | July 3, 2010 at 4:31 am
most original/glamorous so far. winner
I still can't believe its not butter | July 11, 2010 at 1:40 am
BOOOOST
tony | July 3, 2010 at 5:07 am
winner winner winner
why are we even still looking? and there are the other pics she sent in????!!!!
tony | July 3, 2010 at 5:11 am
*where
tony | July 3, 2010 at 5:16 am
or where can we find more of this girl??
s01o | July 3, 2010 at 5:25 am
for a win!
Kaz | July 3, 2010 at 10:07 am
hi u bring me food right now.
Kaz | July 3, 2010 at 10:09 am
U big head im so hungry
Kaz | July 3, 2010 at 10:10 am
Give me mony
John Schmitz | July 3, 2010 at 10:59 am
Does she do anal?