The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.22

August 23rd, 2014 // 29 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet our weekly grab-bag of all the horrible shits you say in the comments that I love as if they were my own children. You’ll notice there’s two Morgan Freeman comments this week, and that’s because you can’t read them without hearing them in his voice making each one awesome. On top of that, a bunch of you went fucking bananadong over Russell Mcjimmy‘s review of Nicki Minaj‘s “Anaconda” video, so I posted that in its entirety down below which reminded me of McFeely Smackup‘s epic review of Farrah Abraham‘s sex tape from May 2013. I could’ve sworn that shit happened just the other day. You’re all growing up way too fast. I don’t like it!

 

Nicki Minaj Butt Anaconda

A review:

Ms Minaj has produced a masterpiece, combining social commentary and a tasteful display of sexual liberation. Her video somehow manages to touch on and criticize many facets of modern life, ranging from architectural references to the fungibility of the English language.

Sexuality is omnipresent in this video, but it’s definitely sub-textual. She’s so demure and coy, especially the banana-eating and whipped-cream smearing. Such a clever metaphor! How does she manage to keep the interest of her viewers with such a prudish portrayal of sex? It’s a shame, though, that she thinks of her vagina as a boring sleep-aid. She’s apparently stupefied enough sexual partners that she’s earned the moniker “NyQuil.”

Minaj also uses her sexuality to promote a message of positive body-image. She points out that Micheal “love my sex appeal” despite (or perhaps because of?) it being clear that Minaj “ain’t missing no meals.” This provides the aforementioned Micheal with “something he can grab.” It’s quite a relief that she has the courage to show women can have a healthy appetite and still be both sexual and objectified.

The juxtaposition of slang and proper grammar is exciting and indicative of both complex lyrical development and an underlying post-modernist disdain for the structure and stricture of an imposed set of rules for speaking . The line, “he toss my salad like his name Romaine” shows that proper regard for the spelling of vegetable names can mix well with a complete disregard for verb tense.

When she compares Micheal’s penis to a tower, not Eiffel, it’s clearly a ploy to pique the listener’s curiosity and push the listener to expand their architectural knowledge beyond a stodgy old French landmark. I myself wondered if Micheal’s organ was more comparable to the Space Needle in Seattle with it’s thin shaft and wide top, or the Sears Tower in Chicago with it’s thick base and thinner top. Who knows? Perhaps she’s thinking of the Burj Dubai?

And let’s not forget the date-rape commentary. Surely when she mentions that she’s on “some dumb shit” and is “high as hell” despite only taking “half a pill,” she’s warning other women that some nefarious man might try to use drugs in order to initiate sexual congress.

All told, this video serves to provide a fantastic model for younger women. They should be sexual, yes, but not overtly so. They should be well-rounded in their vocabulary and diction. They should understand that the world is quite large and that one person’s vision of a large penis or a boring vagina may not be in congruence with the views of another. And above all, she is clear that women need to be careful as they go thru life; some people are out to exploit their sexuality and take advantage of their naivete. This is a fine set of lessons, most definitely suited for the pre-teen audience at whom it’s undoubtedly aimed.Russell Mcjimmy

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  1. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Zebra Skirt Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Best one.

  2. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Zebra Skirt Teen Choice Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    MOO

    • Marketing Mike

      Damn you, damn you to Hell!
      Even on my day off, you beat me to the first MOO!!!!!
      Oh well, MOOOOOO……
      : )

  3. Cock Dr

    Thanks Russell for that review. Awesome content & effort there.
    I think we all feel somewhat enlightened after reading it.

  4. Morgan Freeman Hugging Young Female Fans
    oldfool
    Commented on this photo:

    With those gloves on, he looks like he’s ready to tap dance with Shirley Temple.

  5. Gary Busey Crazy Face Celebrity Big Brother House
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Funny because it’s also true.

  6. Gary Busey Crazy Face Celebrity Big Brother House
    Commented on this photo:

    Appropriate.

  7. War Machine
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice reference.

  8. Chloe Grace Moretz Licking Lips GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL!

  9. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Checking Watch
    Commented on this photo:

    LMFAO!!!!!

  10. Morgan Freeman Hugging Young Female Fans
    Commented on this photo:

    This was the best one.

  11. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Checking Watch
    SD
    Commented on this photo:

    JH at his comedic peak

  12. Gary Busey Crazy Face Celebrity Big Brother House
    Commented on this photo:

    I knee this one would make it. It was to good not to. Well done Steve Jakob.

  13. War Machine
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha!

  14. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Zebra Skirt Teen Choice Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like to see that happen.

  15. excellent work by Mcjimmy!

  16. for me Russell made a highlight of the year

  17. Morgan Freeman Hugging Young Female Fans
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s right, my little lotus flowers, I got Jello chocolate pudding for everybody.”

  18. Gary Busey Crazy Face Celebrity Big Brother House
    Marketing Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    The scary part is it’s true. I wouldn’t want to be in that room.
    All kidding aside, Hell No! You go for me, tell me how it went.

  19. Morgan Freeman Hugging Young Female Fans
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    Winner. Reading that with Morgan Freeman’s voice in my head made my evening.

  20. Karlie Kloss Taylor Swift Matching Turtlenecks Instagram
    Pikachu
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d pay to watch them getting on.

  21. Morgan Freeman Hugging Young Female Fans
    Commented on this photo:

    Ohhhhhh man- funniest one, for sure.

  22. Karlie Kloss Taylor Swift Matching Turtlenecks Instagram
    Back pain
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like taylor took one up door #2 for the first time by the look on her face

  23. War Machine
    Shelby
    Commented on this photo:

    Ew.

  24. Jennifer Nicole Lee Buttcheeks Bikini Bottom Undone Hammock
    Commented on this photo:

    damn what a beautiful sight. Only a gay dude wouldn’t want to do this woman.

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