The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 39

August 6th, 2011 // 96 Comments

Welcome to the 39th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, populated by your comments because, surprisingly, not all of them are a strange, disturbing outlet for gratuitous racism and homophobia to hide one’s inadequacies, just 99.9% of them. (I say that with love.) On that note, here’s one that I hope is real because it’s proof that reality is always way more hilarious than manufactured comedy. From LuLu on the Samuel L. Jackson golfing post:

I was actually at a charity golf tourney in Portland, OR years ago and he was playing. After every shot, we heard him say ’solid gold!’…its was fucking hilarious!!!

Somebody find out what deity I need to offer a sacrifice to to make that true. I’ll be out back hosing off the altar from when I made those Blake Lively nude pics happen which I probably should’ve got around to sooner, but my neighbors threatened to call the Homeowners Association and I’m a spiteful motherfucker.

Rectus dominus,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. bing

    Lady Gaga Forever !!!

  2. Amanda Seyfried Short Dress
    rantatonne
    Commented on this photo:

    had to think about it for a sec but thats a good one

  3. Lady Gaga
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s fuckin funny!! hahaha! don’t give her any ideas!!!

  4. January Jones Pregnant Tight Dress
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    No shit! This woman has been pregnant for about 2 and a half years now.

  5. Amanda Seyfried Short Dress
    Fester
    Commented on this photo:

    Funny true story. Amanda’s sunglasses were custom built by some guy in his garage. When they were finished it turned out they were too wide to fit through the door so the guy had to remove an entire wall just to get them out.

  6. Rihanna Drunk Bikini
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    holy shit, i never saw this one, nice !

  7. Satan

    Her career will fade sooner rather than later. She just rips off other artists songs, ideas, and styles. She lacks originality.

    • WYK

      madonna did the same, and she s still around, this bitch will be around for a long time i m pretty sure of that… unless, she decide to join club 27, wich will be amazing for her career, she ll sell millions of albums !!! also, she ll finaly have the time to help amy winehouse with her addiction, they might even become friends and switch wigs LOL

      • Satan

        I guess it’s because people like to listen to crap.

      • If “still around” = being alive, then she is. And when did her last album drop? When did she last tour? Three years ago. That’s like 15 in artist years. While Madonna may have ripped off others, she did put a new spin on everything, whereas Gaga is following in Madonna’s wake and taking from what SHE ripped off. That’s originality twice removed, and I’m not so sure there’s enough there to sustain everyone’s attention. Blue pubic wigs? Being carried in inside an egg? Meh, all that’s left is to a Madonna-reprise of outraging the Catholic Church (yawn) and the shock value just isn’t there any more. While I think Gaga actually has a better voice than Madonna I see her as trying far too hard and burning out that much sooner, since I think she has health issues that Madonna didn’t have.

  8. Britney Spears Lap Dance
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Who ya gonna call?

  9. Josh Groban
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    +100

  10. Pete Burns
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Eeewwwww! who the..i mean-what the fuck IS that??

  11. Rihanna Drunk Bikini
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, this statement is pretty much true, i have to admit…

  12. Mariah Carey Swimsuit
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    i’d like to give full props to Little Richard for setting me up for that.

  13. Zac Efron Playground Workout
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Also:
    drooping sweatpants with Hello Kitty boxer shorts visible above waistband
    (okay, I made up the Hello Kitty part)

    • TomFrank

      Change “Hello Kitty” to “Garanimals” and I don’t think anyone could say you were making it up.

  14. Melanie Griffith
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    ”HEY! You with the elephant penis neck!’

    Man, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve yelled that…

  15. Natasha Henstridge Darius Campbell
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice suit, Saville Row?
    No, Pee-Wee Herman.

  16. Criss Angel Pec Implant
    djs
    Commented on this photo:

    I love Dr. Rey….wonder if he’s still married to that bitchy chick

  17. Mohammed Akbar

    I will ask her to perform in my country. Afterward, we will enslave her and force her to perform degrading acts on my fellow royalty

    • Cakeflourz

      What country are you from and can I become a citizen?

      Btw, do you have kin in the Rebel Alliance? An Admiral, I beileve?

    • WYK

      mohammed, no need to force her to perform degrading acts, she already does that, and she likes that :D i bet she could behead a camel and wear his head as a hat just to get attention

  18. Rihanna Drunk Bikini
    Uncle Jemima
    Commented on this photo:

    The AIDS parade started out trying to prevent AIDS but ended up spreading it some more.

  19. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    Birds thinking, I ain’t going in there!

  20. Samuel L Jackson Golfing
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    ” You just jealous cause you didn’t think of it and no I won’t share with you”

  21. Anthony Kiedis Shirtless
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Keanu doing porn now?

  22. Melanie Griffith
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    McFeely has no mercy for the old, sick or those celebs less than 100% fabulously attractive.

    • TomFrank

      McFeely has no mercy

      *fixed

      • Cock Dr

        McFeely has no mercy on this site.
        Of course we don’t actually know he/she.
        They may be a little old lady who volunteers once a week at the local animal shelter, cradling orphaned puppies to their bosom.

    • Nope, when we’re talking about people who earn millions of dollars to be “pretty”, they don’t get a pass when they look like shit. They’re not curing cancer…they’re celebrities. Being a punching bag for our abuse is what they’re paid for.

  23. Britney Spears Lap Dance
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    Now that’s sad when it takes two grown men to shove your fat ass up a short pole.

  24. Pete Burns
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently it’s a gay man who had too many plastic surgeries.
    I had to look it up myself. Very confusing.

    • TomFrank

      It’s sort of how Michael Jackson tried to morph into Diana Ross, only this is 80s British rocker Pete Burns trying to become Angelina Jolie.

  25. Rihanna Drunk Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    What a great headdress. That’s something you NEED to be drunk to wear it right.

  26. Kelly Osbourne Squeezing Cocos Butt Twitter
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    The huge ass seems to have possessed this innocent stranger and turned her into an ass clown.

  27. Pete Burns
    reformed_druid
    Commented on this photo:

    Madonna stalking her next victim?

  28. Illuminati

    SPAM!

  29. Taylor Swift Upskirt
    WYK
    Commented on this photo:

    the girl is falling and all you guys do is taking pictures of her crotch instead of helping her ! some people ! haha ..

  30. Anthony Kiedis Shirtless
    Nug
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone forgot to tell him that the movie “Machete” had already been made.

  31. Mariah Carey Swimsuit
    WYK
    Commented on this photo:

    right mariah, you re thin from the waist to the head !…. congratulations..

  32. Anthony Kiedis Shirtless
    Nug
    Commented on this photo:

    I believe the band “Queen” is still looking for a lead singer though.

  33. Criss Angel Pec Implant
    Nug
    Commented on this photo:

    Since when did Snookie and J-Wow switch hotness?

  34. Josh Groban
    Nug
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, losing “The Bachelorette” really made his standards slip.

  35. Melanie Griffith
    Nug
    Commented on this photo:

    Having a hard time deciding which leather bag is more attractive.

  36. Pete Burns
    Nug
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I really know why Megan Fox wasn’t in the last Transformers movie. They’d have to spend more money on CGI’ing her face than on the Transformers.

  37. Melanie Griffith
    Loulou
    Commented on this photo:

    Elephant penis neck? That’s real nasty… She’s like 70 yrs old, you jerks! Of course she’s gonna be wrinkly!

  38. Britney Spears Lap Dance
    buttface
    Commented on this photo:

    funniest one i’ve seen in a while on here.

  39. Samuel L Jackson Golfing
    lori
    Commented on this photo:

    haha hahhhahaha!!!!!!

  40. Zac Efron Playground Workout
    lori
    Commented on this photo:

    Who IS that??????

  41. Haley Joel Osment
    Fig
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh snap.
    Wait, can unemployed people say, “Oh, snap.”?

  42. Lady Gaga
    GuEsT
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, a funny one for a change. Too bad it”s the only one.

  43. Samuel L Jackson Golfing
    bbiowa
    Commented on this photo:

    best of the week.

  44. Hugh Hefner Planking
    Commented on this photo:

    Quality :)

  45. Samuel L Jackson Golfing
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice one McFeely. You can practically hear it.

  46. Samuel L Jackson Golfing
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice.

  47. Rihanna Drunk Bikini
    De Vo
    Commented on this photo:

    And yet again the black women in back is saying it all with her eyes.

  48. Rihanna Drunk Bikini
    De Vo
    Commented on this photo:

    Snoop is tearing it up! Hardley even spilled any of his jin and juice on Rihanna’s ass.

  49. TacoMaco

    Hmmm buying products from a spam posting sure sounds like a great idea to me -sarcasm-

  50. Lady Gaga
    i forgot my name
    Commented on this photo:

    and she can see… how?

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