Welcome to the 34th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that five of you will read because this is a special time in America where we honor Jesus defeating the English with nothing but an AK-47 and privatized health care by shooting fireworks into each others faces. So, enjoy this week’s smattering of comments, and also a tip of the hat to the commenters who brought true hilarity to my blackened heart. Namely every single dude who flipped the fuck out on the ‘Quentin Tarantino Sucked My Toes’ post. Apparently there’s a shocking amount of you who don’t realize women really do care about the size of our peni and tell all their friends how terrible we are in bed. Chances are if you’ve found yourself wondering if it’s too small, she’s told at least five people that it is, and also that time you farted when she took her pants off. Nothing is sacred which is why you should always go into sex like I do: With total disbelief that it’s happening and fully prepared that it won’t ever again because they hold all the vaginas. For now…
Yeesh, that came off rapey,
- The Superficial
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Photo: Splash News
Maaaaan.
I liked Fish’s comment better – about Octo calling her kids a-holes because they won’t all pic in one pic.
That’s great.
*crickets chirping*
agreed.
Best one so far.
I stand corrected; this is the best comment so far.
Maybe there’s a “shocking amount” of male readers of The Superficial who honestly didn’t realize that girls talk to their friends about how terrible some guys are in bed. How that could be the case in our post-Sex in the City junk culture is beyond me, but I suppose it’s possible.
I’d say it’s more likely the case that the readers in question weren’t “flipped the fuck out” over what anyone with access to The Superficial already knows (that girls talk to their friends about how terrible some guys are in bed, that size matters, etc., etc.), but were simply disgusted with Shah’s vain, catty, snotty, narcissistic, and just plain annoying attempt, via a supposedly “leaked” (like the sex videos of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Pam Anderson) email/tabloid-article, to make a grab at what she apparently hoped would be her 15 minutes.
no amount of money in the world would enable me to suck on his wrinkled old sausage
bullshit …. everyone has a price
nope – I’d be set for life by now if I’d cashed in on a “price”
this needs to be in the year end edition. outstanding.
I think we should all just assume there will be a year end edition and make nominations…eventually Fish will have to do it whether he wants to or not.
the fact that i got the joke instantly makes me feel old and better than other people who did not get it.
“Touch your balls! Get your balls touched here! One dollar!”
I still think about that “Puh-in onna Rihhhz” quote on a daily basis and cringe in jealousy that I didn’t think about it first. Best quote of the year.
Pure genious.
Can’t believe this old windhag still around.
Have a seat Chris, this is going to be a long painful divorce
She has aged 20 years….. She hasn’t realized yet that if she plays ‘hard’, she’s going to look ‘hard’ & she is already. No ‘youthful glow’, just a pasty alcoholic complexion….Hang on to those walls, LiLo. That’s all that’s going to help keep you from completely falling down drunk…..not attractive…..
Cover your butt, PLEASE!!! This should never be allowed in public!! It’s painful on the eyes…..I suppose there is someone somewhere who likes rump rolls falling down the back of someone’s legs….
That is what is commonly referred to as a nice ass.
So long, gay boy!
Hasn’t she learned yet that horizontal stripes make you look wider that you already are?
Haven’t you learned that she is willing to go to any length to look make her ass look as wide as possible?
That’s what you call being poured into ones pants…either that or they’re painted on…
Average. Plus, I’ve seen thicker.
he is like a sugar daddy to her………………
Now that Game Of Thrones season is over, I wonder how much longer we’ll get our Daily Dinklage? I love this little guy!
That’s totally true and hilarious!!!!
Awesome.
Funniest one so far!
and i hear i though one of the most important people on the internet was me…………
QT post revealed how many superficial male readers have tiny fragile egos and small peens.thats why they post here regularly right, i mean of course i knew that.
Wow, she looks so different from every other ho he has bedded
Hey look, it’s Abby!
Happy Birthday, USA!
I had a shirt with that on it in 7th grade…
Why all Hef’s hooker only brown eyed girls. All all brown eyed girls becoming Hos now. Is this some new evolution thing? It’s just too weird to be a coincidence!
Because Hef knows that brown-eyed girls like to “go down on the old man with a transistor radio.”
Sorry, for all you grammar Nazis out there, I meant HOOKERS!
Sorry, I also have a hangover -
Why all Hef’s hookers only brown eyed girls. Are all brown eyed girls becoming Hos now. Is this some new evolution thing? It’s just too weird to be a coincidence!
yes sir, childbearing hips adn the shoulders of a line backer
WHO IS THAT?????????????
You’d be surprised by how much peen detail we girls discuss. :)
Pleashh, pleashh, I swear to you I’m famous. Just give me a bump, I’m good for it, my name is, uh, uh, Meryl Streep. Shh, shhh, it’s true, I’m her.
prad bitt hahaha classic shit
idiot didnt he learn anything from the show and at least learn to hide his tracks? amateur!
bahahahahahaha classic!
looks like he has shaved his beard underneath to create an illusion of a smaller face
haha nah i love it ..
omg how do ppl come up with this…i need to be friends with these witty ppl..
wtf IS UP WITH HER FINGERS
hahaha awesome!
please, someone smack the smug grin off that old bastards face.
HEY!! That’s what *I* was going to say!
and yet, she still turns her head to the side, just like that dog, whenever she hears that sound…. beep..beep..beep..beep whenever she happens to walk backwards….