The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 34

July 2nd, 2011 // 127 Comments

Welcome to the 34th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that five of you will read because this is a special time in America where we honor Jesus defeating the English with nothing but an AK-47 and privatized health care by shooting fireworks into each others faces. So, enjoy this week’s smattering of comments, and also a tip of the hat to the commenters who brought true hilarity to my blackened heart. Namely every single dude who flipped the fuck out on the ‘Quentin Tarantino Sucked My Toes’ post. Apparently there’s a shocking amount of you who don’t realize women really do care about the size of our peni and tell all their friends how terrible we are in bed. Chances are if you’ve found yourself wondering if it’s too small, she’s told at least five people that it is, and also that time you farted when she took her pants off. Nothing is sacred which is why you should always go into sex like I do: With total disbelief that it’s happening and fully prepared that it won’t ever again because they hold all the vaginas. For now…

Yeesh, that came off rapey,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    +1

  2. Bruce Willis
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yah! Did somebody open the Ark of the Covenant?”

  3. Maynard Krebs

    Why is the other Sasquatch sister all over the page ?
    Attack of the Giant Asses!

  4. Nicole Eggert
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Who ya gonna call?

  5. Cameron Diaz
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    ET… phone home.

  6. Paz De La Huerta
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:
  7. Adrian Grenier
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Possibly the winner!

  8. Paz De La Huerta
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    +1

  9. Verne Troyer
    DKNY
    Commented on this photo:

    Awesome

  10. Lemmiwinks

    One of the better collections of comments in several weeks.

  11. Alanis Morissette
    DKNY
    Commented on this photo:

    +1

  12. Steven Tyler
    DKNY
    Commented on this photo:

    How very… meta.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Drunk
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    weak comment

  14. Tom Hardy
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    i thought it was Vin Diesel with downs syndrome.

  15. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund
    illcutya
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s pretty funny. Good for Hef, though. Chick is uber hot.

  16. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund
    WMR
    Commented on this photo:

    You gotta admit: Hugh gives new meaning to the term “replaceable parts”. The dude gets dumped at the altar and does not miss a beat. Actually, he’s probably relieved that her “mask” came off before he drove her off the lot (excuse the mixed metaphor). Rock on, HUGH!

    • The chicks he bangs all look exactly alike: fake tits, bleached blond hair, dead eyes. He probably doesn’t even realize when the girls change.

      • Gemma

        Maybe it’s not him who switches girls, maybe its his staff.
        You know, kinda lika parents who secretly replace their kids dead goldfish with a new one that looks exactly like the old one.

        Hef probably thinks he’s still dating the same blonde from two decades ago.

      • meh

        HAHAHA!!!

  17. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a damned strong start.

  18. Janet Jackson
    antoine bugleboy
    Commented on this photo:

    brilliant.

  19. Jared Leto
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s funny because it’s true.

  20. Steven Tyler
    Mike Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    The mythical fifth wall… at long last.

  21. Tom Hardy
    The joaker
    Commented on this photo:

    Vin diesel doesn’t have downs syndrome?

  22. krutboo

    “we honor Jesus defeating the English with nothing but an AK-47 and privatized health care ” – the same “private” health care that helps almost 200,000,000 Americans afford their healthcare you retard. Once again, stick to tits and retard celebrities and leave politics to the adults!

    • krutboo = conservatard

      Providing healthcare to half our population and bankrupting many in the process isn’t exactly a feather in our cap, you fucking cretin.

    • LJ

      So she did tell at least five people how small it is……tough when Fish hit’s a nerve.

    • Obz

      What fucking fairyland are you living in you retard. Typical of numbnuts who contribute nothing to society but are overpaid and have no idea about the lives of real people who actually do the work that keeps the country running.
      Just keep looking at the tits that get posted and shut the fuck up cunt.

    • Venom

      I am not sure if you know, but there are over 300 million people in this country, so quoting a statistic that states that over 33% of the country is fucked and cannot afford health care is not exactly a sign of great success.

      If a car dealer sold you a car and said it will work about 66% of the time, or Boeing or Airbus told you their planes only crash 33% of the time, would you be happy about that, and you buy the car or fly in the plane?

      If we can spend a million dollars on one missile and a billion dollars on a fighter jet, then I think it is more than reasonable that 100% of the population should have health care.

  23. Hilary Duff Butt
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Such an old joke…..
    Those are what are commonly referred to as child bearing hips.

  24. Cock Dr

    “and tell all their friends how terrible we are in bed”
    Well, if we tell our friends that there were 4 orgasms in as many minutes & you’re the greatest ever, she’ll be after you.
    Happy 4th ya’ll.

    • BE

      Keep telling yourself that and maybe it will become true. All it gets you is “the legend in his own mind” label. Like you’re the first guy that thought of that one! Hahahahaha! (I needed a good laugh…)

  25. Chris Hansen Cheating
    Marco
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice!

  26. Tiger Woods
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    nice one

  27. BE

    Thanks – fish! I thought I was the only one who didn’t realize that there were that many delusional men out there. LOL.

    Happy Fourth to ya!

  28. Trixie
    Commented on this photo:

    hah, I liked this one.

  29. Tom Hardy
    Trixie
    Commented on this photo:

    Hahh!!!!

  30. Commented on this photo:

    I’m going to suggest a Superficial “Year End Wrapup” edition of most important…this is easily the best comment of the year.

  31. Tom Hardy
    Commented on this photo:

    Another one for the year end wrapup…

  32. Chris Hansen Cheating
    Crystal
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, at least it wasn’t a teenager!! That’s what you get for being a self-righteous idiot!! I like what he does, but he is so smug!!

  33. Octomom Nadya Suleman Hates Children
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one ugly ass woman!! No wonder she had in-vitro, no one could fuck her without 10 bags and being drunk!!!

  34. Jersey Shore Deena Cortese
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    airplane

  35. Selena Gomez
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    She could be Michelle Rodriguez’ kid in this pic

  36. Jessica Simpson
    Jovy
    Commented on this photo:

    Lol

  37. Nicole Eggert
    American Meatgoat
    Commented on this photo:

    Ghostbusters!

  38. Verne Troyer
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    This is mini-me, right? If so, he is a douche bag and I will allow myself to laugh at the caption.

  39. Tiger Woods
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha!

  40. Ashlee Simpson Bronx Mowgli
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, the kid’s head is as big as hers.

  41. Robert Pattinson
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know why, this comment took me a few reads to get. Maybe I just need some coffee.

  42. Octomom Nadya Suleman Hates Children
    ChonchArcola
    Commented on this photo:

    kill it with bleach then fire then cover the entire thing in concrete.

  43. Alanis Morissette
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    Meh. She’s like almost 40, right? And most of her fans are lesbians and Kevin Smith.

  44. Octomom Nadya Suleman Hates Children
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    Nooo kidding.

  45. Josh Hartnett
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know why, but I giggled. I still have no idea who this guy is though.

  46. Janet Jackson
    ali
    Commented on this photo:

    hahaha!

  47. Janet Jackson
    Oz Matters
    Commented on this photo:

    My vote

  48. Cameron Diaz
    Abby Normal
    Commented on this photo:

    “I dug out a giant booger and half my face collapsed. (reporters shout in background) What? Yes, with THIS finger…”

  49. Paz De La Huerta
    Commented on this photo:

    That Far Side cartoon is the best cartoon of all time. OF ALL TIME, SON!

  50. Cameron Diaz
    Step 3
    Commented on this photo:

    She has not aged well, looks like Hillary Clinton

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