The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 3.28

August 31st, 2013 // 61 Comments

I always know it’s going to be a goddamn awesome week for The Most Important People on The Internet when it’s only Monday, and I’ve already set aside 10 comments. (Also, I heard a rooster crow three times, and when I texted Simon Peter he wrote back, “Wasnt me bitch LOL.”) So huge thanks to everyone who brought their A game, and stay tuned for a big announcement next week where someone will be chosen to join me at my side until I pit you against Photo Boy in The Ring of Jealous Feelings and grow turgid from the heat of conflict.

Mmmm, that’s good decadence,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. Ireland Baldwin Butt Bikini On Top Giant Rock Instagram
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    M. Smackup had yet another fine week trashing celebrities & famewhores.

    • thanks, it’s what I do. and by that I mean “saying horrible and shocking things about people who never did anything to me”. but fuck em, they’re rich and I hate them.

  2. Richard Dean Anderson Fat Jowls Fan Expo Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s what MacGyver looks like now?! No wonder Patty Bouvier went lesbian.

  3. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a handbag.

    • Jenn

      It’s a murse. And it doesn’t match at all. He should check out Magic 3′s accessories and copy them.

  4. Roman Polanski Woody Allen Blue Jasmine Paris Premiere
    Yugo Igo
    Commented on this photo:

    Awesome!

  5. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Commented on this photo:

    Pig + lipstick + nepotism = this beast.

  6. Alec Baldwin Attacking Paparazzi Hilaria Baldwin
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha!

  7. Busy Philipps Post Baby Body Comedy Central Roast Of James Franco
    Commented on this photo:

    I had to google this chick because that name, can’t believe it’s real. Naming her Busy doomed her to a z-list life of un-busyness. Well-played, Busy ho’s parents, well played!

  8. Richard Dean Anderson Fat Jowls Fan Expo Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    This brings tears to my eyes — both McFeely’s words & Ridhard Dean Anderson’s formerly hot ass blowing up like this :’(

  9. Justin Timberlake Looking Terrified Of Guy In Military Uniform
    Commented on this photo:

    ahaha!

  10. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom
    Commented on this photo:

    *dead from LOLing*

  11. Sandra Bullock George Clooney On Boat 70th Venice Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL! It looks like he’s really saying that.

  12. Alec Baldwin Attacking Paparazzi Hilaria Baldwin
    Commented on this photo:

    Great!

  13. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    MCFeely’s on a roll!

  14. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom
    Commented on this photo:

    Brilliant!

  15. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom
    Commented on this photo:

    I fucking love his username too.

  16. Brooke Shields
    Art-Girl
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha! It’s funny ’cause she looks like a dude in the picture….

  17. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    oldfool
    Commented on this photo:

    Gramma forgot her wig.

  18. John Travolta Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    oldfool
    Commented on this photo:

    Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-berino.

  19. Miley Cyrus Buttcheeks Bangerz Shirt Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    those middle fingers are insanely long. alien-like.

  20. Dick Van Dyke Screaming
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL! That one made laugh pretty dang hard.

  21. Roman Polanski Woody Allen Blue Jasmine Paris Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I need a dry pair of shorts. Thanks for that. Hilarious!

  22. John Travolta Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice one!

  23. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    brian
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugliest fucking woman I’ve ever seen. Yes, worse than SJP, Sandra Berhart, Courtney Love and Madonna. Something about this pig makes my skin crawl and eyes puke.

  24. Roman Polanski Woody Allen Blue Jasmine Paris Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    That was completely awesome, as aforementioned. :D

  25. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    Awesome

  26. Roman Polanski Woody Allen Blue Jasmine Paris Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Hilarious but not something I would put in my mouth

  27. Lady GaGa
    Commented on this photo:

    Nah. This one needs to end up in a tuna can.

  28. AnnaSophia Robb Butt Tight Minidress The Carrie Diaries Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Some of the horse jokes are getting old, but this is awesome.

  29. Ireland Baldwin Butt Bikini On Top Giant Rock Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    One can only hope.

  30. Justin Timberlake Looking Terrified Of Guy In Military Uniform
    Dick Dangles
    Commented on this photo:

    “You mean I don’t need to KEEP suckin’ dick to keep from being drafted?”

  31. Tricia Helfer Side Boob Cleavage Riddick Premiere
    Laredo
    Commented on this photo:

    Tall, beautiful, wonderful voice, in better shape than 99% of the young bimbos in hollywood. In one word: majestic.

  32. Lena Dunham Carrying Food And Drinks
    Commented on this photo:

    fuck the haters. at least she looks like a REAL person. Not some orange “lady” with yellow hair, duck lips and fucking balloons on her chest.

  33. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Ozzy
    Commented on this photo:

    This pig is so rotted, its not funny. No matter how much wait this dog loses. She’ll still look fat. Maybe its the head.

    She, and Lohan are tied for the ugliest smiles known to mankind.

    Ozzy is still a God!
    \m/

  34. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Ozzy
    Commented on this photo:

    *weight!

  35. Tricia Helfer Side Boob Cleavage Riddick Premiere
    Ozzy
    Commented on this photo:

    Agreed. Still beautiful

  36. Brooke Shields
    Commented on this photo:

    WOOHOO! I was as funny (once) as Mcfeeley Smackup (four or five times, I lost count laughing at the 90-year-old junk gag)!”

  37. Michael Bay Transformers 4 Set
    Commented on this photo:

    WOOHOO! I was as funny (once) as Mcfeeley Smackup (four or five times, I lost count laughing at the 90-year-old junk gag)!”

    There. RIGHT post.

  38. Roman Polanski Woody Allen Blue Jasmine Paris Premiere
    meowtrix
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the only one that made me laugh out loud. Hilarious!

  39. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    Best one.

  40. Roman Polanski Woody Allen Blue Jasmine Paris Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Legendary.

  41. Tricia Helfer Side Boob Cleavage Riddick Premiere
    unableunwilling
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, that stripper outfit with saggy sideboob is really majestic.

    • Lizzie

      Gawd I get irritated by criticism for real breasts. only silicon stays perky as you age. you’re the reason many women hate themselves.

      • Mama Pinkus

        the gal needs a bra – they’ll be touching her waist in a few years

      • unableunwilling

        Please. I’m a woman and I hate fake breasts, but that doesn’t mean I have to advocate a 40-year-old woman displaying her saggy boobs as if they were hot. They’re not. Don’t be so sanctimonious; if she weren’t dressing like a streetwalker, there would be no comment to be made.

      • Digger

        Not hot? Hawt as hell!

      • Bob

        Well, I’m a 40ish man who looks better than most guys in their 20s and I approve of that breast. That toothy smile, on the other hand…

  42. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Duke Steele
    Commented on this photo:

    And she thought she should be in Playboy. What a beast.

  43. Lena Dunham Carrying Food And Drinks
    Karl Urban
    Commented on this photo:

    The sooner this talent-less fuck’s unwatchable show gets cancelled and she becomes a distant memory the better.

  44. Tricia Helfer Side Boob Cleavage Riddick Premiere
    Allion
    Commented on this photo:

    Oink-oink.

  45. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Allion
    Commented on this photo:

    Oink-oink.

  46. Carla Howe Melissa Howe Bikini Hugh Hefner Playboy Mansion
    Commented on this photo:

    HAHAHA thats funny you think they have a father

  47. Vin Diesel Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star Ceremony
    DOUBLE FUCKED BY GOOGLE ADS
    Commented on this photo:

    The Giant Fucking DoubleClick Rich Media by Google Ad is taking over the whole usefulness of this site and it WON’T FUCKING CLOSE!

  48. Tricia Helfer Side Boob Cleavage Riddick Premiere
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    tricia milfer

  49. Miley Cyrus Buttcheeks Bangerz Shirt Instagram
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    So now justin beiber isnt wearing pants?

  50. Justin Timberlake Looking Terrified Of Guy In Military Uniform
    some black dude
    Commented on this photo:

    why is that black dude sensually stroking his forearm from behind

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