The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.30

July 21st, 2012 // 58 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you later than usual to give The Dark Knight Rises review room to.. spread its wings? (Innocent people were senselessly murdered in a movie theater, yet I’m alive to make that pun. That’s how you know there isn’t a God.) So keeping that ball of horrible going, here are the comments from throughout the week that broke through my jaded heart and brought brief joy where there was only dick jokes and hate. Also, a special shout out to mismy on the TDKR thread for literally suggesting the government caused the Colorado shooting because it can control our minds via fluoride in the water and now Obama’s all set to sign a treaty with the U.N. in six days and take our guns. That’s the funniest shit I’ve read all week, and I’m not just saying that because the nano-bugs in my Starbucks told me to. (Those mostly just make me shop at Target instead of Walmart and act all prissy about it.)

Haha! We’re a nuclear superpower,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. Mischa Barton Wide Eyed
    Gin&Tonic
    Commented on this photo:

    amphetamines just kicked in

  2. Tom Cruise Carrying Suri Fist Visit Since Divorce
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    If the pap had stepped back you’d realize Suri is carrying Tom.

  3. Jessica Simpson Fat Huge Post-Pregnant
    Dick Hell
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t ever change, Jessica. For the first time in your career I’m finding you entertaining.

  4. Tom Cruise Carrying Suri Fist Visit Since Divorce
    Joaquin ingles
    Commented on this photo:

    Fantastic!

  5. Michael Lohan Kate Major Pregnant
    Mike Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    Great comment, but I can’t find it on the original page.

  6. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    Shasta
    Commented on this photo:

    Soon.

  7. mismy

    Nice burn Fish! but…I didn’t actually suggest anywhere that the government made that man shoot innocent people in a theater though. I did skew the message I was trying to portray by mixing conspiracy talk with that particular post, today just happened to be the day that I felt like speaking up, & with the all the gun talk occurring, I thought it was valid to point out the UN Gun Treaty & how it relates to one world government. I also didn’t say they would snatch our guns in 6 days, the treaty doesn’t say that either, but the lines are getting fuzzy on our Amendment rights all across the board, thought you should know.

    I apologize for spewing on your webpage if you feel that I speak of a negative message. I want the best for us all, & I want it to be our choice, I don’t want our children assembling iPhones for the Tiger Mom’s cubs.
    Good day sir.

    • Maria de angeles

      I’ve never gotten the conspiracy theorists fluoride in the water argument. In countries where the water has no fluoride people die from parasites , diarrhea and dehydration. So if our water was left as is and people were dying then what? Then there would be a conspiracy theory about population control.

      • Benjamin Franklin

        Flouride has absolutely nothing to do with parasites etc. in the water. Flouride is a by product in the industrial process of paper mills, and it is poison, so it can’t be dumped into a stream untreated, it must be disposed of as toxic waste – unless, of course, you can sell it to municipal water authorities and convince them it’s a good thing to put in the tap water. Which, to some degree, it can be beneficial in preventing tooth decay, but, it’s a naturally occurring substance that most people that eat reasonable healthy get enough of anyway, without it being added to the water supply. It’s not very useful, it’s not a big hazard, it’s just a stupid scam that allows paper mills to be rid of their crap byproducts.

  8. Jessica Simpson Fat Huge Post-Pregnant
    jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    did he say dynamite? cause i thought he said napalm. then again, i was barely paying attention, so…

  9. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    mark
    Commented on this photo:

    Kid will end up a wreck.

  10. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    So horrible! I love it!

  11. Tom Cruise Carrying Suri Fist Visit Since Divorce
    downwithmuffins
    Commented on this photo:

    pure win.

  12. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    von
    Commented on this photo:

    red-rum…

  13. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    Blubbo The Clown
    Commented on this photo:

    Spoiled. Fucking. Brat.

    Katie may have planned everything but the one thing I guarantee she didn’t plan for is this little spoiled twat who will run to Pope Tom and his stupid cult because he’s ready to give her Elron’s Magic Pony as long as she doesn’t talk to the press about “Uncle Jerry” who only comes over after midnight.

    • Burt

      Trashing an innocent little girl on the internet. What a sorry waste of space you are.

      • JK

        He may be trashing on her and it’s a dick move, but around that he has a point. Tom spoiled her rotten, horribly so, and kept almost no rules either. She could ask or cry for whatever and get it, and now someone is putting their foot down (mommy) and she doesn’t like it. if any of the stupid rumors online or print are true, odds are when he can come out to see her a bit he’ll give her all sorts of crazy stuff and have her hang around with some of his cult following buddies or his two kids he turned against his last wife. All that adds up to trouble.

        That said, if this isn’t puppy related I wouldn’t blame her for being pissed at a bunch of stalker assholes with flashbulbs always following her around — I’d be annoyed too.

  14. Tom Cruise Carrying Suri Fist Visit Since Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    Ha!

  15. Adrianne Curry Cleavage Abs Christie Monteiro Cosplay Comic Con
    Commented on this photo:

    Ack. If I start having dreams about menstruating marshmallows I am holding you guys accountable.

  16. Michael Lohan Kate Major Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Abortion should be legal until your 60s, where be just rename it assisted suicide.

  17. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    So much win.

  18. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    Beaver Underground
    Commented on this photo:

    How low has she sunk. Now copying Lindsay Lohan.

  19. Tom Cruise Carrying Suri Fist Visit Since Divorce
    Tinka
    Commented on this photo:

    I dreamt about Tom last night. I traveled back in time to warn him about his future. He already knew the movies he was going to make, so I was like “What? That Scientology crap really works?” and then told him what it’ll do to his relationships. Saddened, he quit acting and decided that he should become a surgeon. Realising my mistake, I had to talk him back into acting, telling he was one of the greatest. I think the dream ended with him having sex with some random chick. So, long story short: I spend way too much time on this site.

  20. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    FanGirl
    Commented on this photo:

    awww she’s so cute

  21. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    FanGirl
    Commented on this photo:

    do it!!!
    do it!!!!

  22. President Barack Obama Vice President Joe Biden
    Carla
    Commented on this photo:

    A+ !

  23. Mitt Romney Batman Dark Knight Rises
    Carla
    Commented on this photo:

    AAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Bring on the teabagging trolls!

  24. Ian Somerhalder Comic Con
    Carla
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, that’s exactly who I thought he was.

  25. Maria de angeles

    Arent the bastards who hijacked the planes on sept 11 proof that evil crazy people don’t need guns to do harm? Gun control wont do anything..

  26. Tom Cruise Carrying Suri Fist Visit Since Divorce
    rospo
    Commented on this photo:

    So the mighty garbage truck will now follow JC’s car..

  27. grobpilot

    Little Suri looks like she’s about the set somebody on fire with her mind.

  28. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    fvalen001
    Commented on this photo:

    Suri practices mind control that she learned from her dad. “What? Yes, of course I will buy you a pony.”

  29. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    claudia
    Commented on this photo:

    We need to talk about Suri

  30. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    Fucked up and amazing at the same time.

    My kinda comment. This woman irritates me.

  31. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    Suri is so cute.

    She probably just made the paps pee their pants but… she’s still so cute!

  32. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    quoi?
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s going to grow up to be insane.

  33. President Barack Obama Vice President Joe Biden
    doogleberg
    Commented on this photo:

    The winning caption makes me laugh…the picture itself makes me vomit.

  34. Ian Somerhalder Comic Con
    Michelle
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmm so cute, but would say he looks more like Rob Lowe.

  35. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    Tyler Perry
    Commented on this photo:

    no comments on the black guy saying it all with his eyes? “bitch, you crazy!”

  36. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    The odd part is that she was singing Holiday at the time.

  37. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    herbiefrog
    Commented on this photo:

    someone’s a little princess… : ) )0

  38. President Barack Obama Vice President Joe Biden
    the crazy betty
    Commented on this photo:

    these two ass hats are disgusting looking. what a creepy photo… biden and his big fake teeth and parrot tongue. and obama looks like satan…

  39. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    duder
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn that was a good one.

  40. President Barack Obama Vice President Joe Biden
    Commented on this photo:

    Capitalism, BWAHAHAHAH………………

  41. Mitt Romney Batman Dark Knight Rises
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice Photoshop, but I think his head is a little left.

  42. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    Militia
    Commented on this photo:

    Incorrect- Katie has no soul.

  43. Madonna Bra Underwear Guns MDNA Tour
    popy
    Commented on this photo:

    Magnificent

  44. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    kym
    Commented on this photo:

    asian girl looks like kate & jon kid!!!!!

  45. Suri Cruise Katie Holmes Puppy Car Accident
    Martina
    Commented on this photo:

    turns out it’s too late to save Suri

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