The Kardashians Work ’25 Hours a Day’

March 30th, 2011 // 93 Comments

The Kardashian Klan are featured in the April issue of Redbook where they rolled out their usual horseshit about their show being entirely real and how much they love each other despite each of them never being more than a second away from the slitting the others throats to advance their Q rating. Except this time around Kris Jenner wants everyone to believe her daughters are insane workaholics even though Kim is photographed at a nail salon literally every day and Khloe hibernates for the winter:

It’s annoying when I hear, “What do your girls do?” Well, first of all, all of my daughters have jobs. They are fashion stylists and designers; they own a chain of stores. They had the stores before they had the show. And my kids worked from the time they were 13 years old. So to me, that’s a huge misconception — that the girls don’t work. They work 25 hours a day. And that they don’t have any talent? They might not be singers or dancers, but they certainly know how to produce a television show. Whether you want to call it talent or not, they have multiple shows on the air. [I want to say,] How many shows do you have?

So basically Kris Jenner’s defense is, “We’re on TV and you’re not. Nana nana boo boo.” Which might’ve been a slightly valid argument before the rise of reality television and the exact moment MTV decided to outdo themselves by following Jersey Shore with a show glamorizing pregnant white trash teenagers. Which is why my proud response to Kris is, “Oh, yeah, well, I’m not on TV, but you are. I hope you get cervical cancer and die alone.”

(I took the high road here, I know. I’m an old softie.)

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Kris: “I wake up Kendall and Kylie at 5 AM every day to milk Khloe. Don’t tell me they don’t do any work.”

  2. The Critical Crassness

    Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! A Kardashian post! And it is from Redbook no less! I am beginning to think your protesting of my post yesterday was a bit too much like someone in denial about the real motivation for his posts.

  3. Hemingway

    “I hope you get cervical cancer and die alone.”

    My sentiments exactly.

  4. alexandra

    i want to say….fuck you mother k. someone needs to slap these bitches senseless if they think they’ve experienced hard work. what they have is nothing but a product of mindless exploitations.

    fucking drones.

  5. A more cruel punishment for Jenner would be for him to die surrounded by his family.

  6. boner

    Reprobates.

    • boo-de-sac

      I’m amazed that is the first time I’ve ever seen that word used in reference to this merry band of whores. And, it’s perfect.

      • The Critical Crassness

        All they needed to do was add the word “buns” as a play on “reprobate bums” and it would have been over the top!

  7. Drew

    Who knew it would be Redbook to confirm the existance of Bigfoot.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Sorry Drew, but Fish proved that when he first posted pictures of Khloe! Redbook just reaffirmed what the readers of “The Superficial” already knew….Bigfoot Exists and She is Living in L.A.!

  8. Whore, whore, whoremonger, and whore… zzzzzzz

    • The Critical Crassness

      Wordy but true! Perhaps they should change their family name to Whorish! Then their show could be “Keeping It Whorish!”

  9. Made possible by the fact that two out of their three asses are in the Mountain Time Zone.

  10. phd_thc

    If their idea of “work” is to make sex tapes, tip off papparazzi to their future whereabouts, get paid to show up to openings, and be a general fame whore, I would like a job application.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Judgmental much? It’s really difficult finding ways to attract attention without actually doing anything. It is even more difficult to make a porno video in which you show absolutely nothing but your partner’s huge ego and your huge ass! Think not…..try it sometime!

  11. Kardashians Redbook
    Commented on this photo:

    Oompa loomp fuck-off-and-die

  12. lil jonny

    what a bunch of ugly motherfuckers…

  13. mupps

    The one on the far left looks like a shaved Sasquatch.

  14. Jennifer

    25 hours combined, maybe. And guess what, Kris? Cat hoarders, meth whores, and crab fisherman have their own show. That’s not going to increase your level on the celebrity hierarchy.

  15. Nink

    who’s holding the ball?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  16. Rancid

    Advice to Redbook: Let the Wookie win.

  17. Untalented, huh? How long can you hold still while Ray J pisses in your face?

  18. Seriously, they won’t rest until every member of that family has their own spinoff.

  19. zomgbie

    lol @ kardashian body secrets.
    secret #1:
    urine is a great skin moisturizer/sunscreen/wrinkle filler/perfume.

    • Anyone else dying to find out what Redbook thinks is a sex secret?

      I got a funny feeling it’s going to be something like “spray perfume on the sheets”. Somehow chick magazines never seem to have good sex advice…you know, things chicks need to know like “are you touching his dick? If not, you’re boring him”.

      • Jennifer

        I mean, it’s Redbook. They cater to middle-aged women with cats named Peanut. Which says a lot about Kris Jenner if she’s whoring her kids out to them, too.

  20. I would die laughing if it was Yoda holding that beach ball for the Wookie on the far left.

  21. anonym

    chloe still looks ugly

    and god damn, Kim looks so much like her mom. And that’s not a good thing.

    When kim ages another 10 years and cuts her hair short, you won’t even be able to tell the difference.

  22. Daemon8666

    All that Photoshop and they STILL can’t make Khloe attractive

  23. Kardashians Redbook
    geoff
    Commented on this photo:

    WHO IS HOLDING THE BEACH BALL!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!? I MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!

  24. dpbefun

    Chewbacaa just called and said you people keep offending him by grouping khloe as part of his species….please stop…thanks.

  25. Kardashians Redbook
    okkkhoe
    Commented on this photo:

    i didn’t know amy winehouse was actually a kardashian.

  26. Wendy

    Maybe for their next video Kim can get Ray J to pee on all of them.

  27. They have multiple shows on the air? I didn’t realize they were counting Harry and the Hendersons as one of their own now.

  28. I don’t know who’s holding the ball, but I’m pretty certain Bruce ends up holding the bag.

  29. Of course they work long hours…grooming the fleas off Khloe is time consuming, but bonding time too.

    • and don’t forget about shoveling the poop ouf of her stall…oh god, the poop shoveling…so much poop.

      • youcandieNOW

        How about scrubbing all of the piss stains out of Kim’s bedroom? And if Khloe gets a whiff of it she has to go in and mark her territory. I don’t know how they keep up.

  30. jojo

    The poor thing the works the electrolysis works 25 hours a day. It is like when they repaint a bridge. Once you finish, you have to start all over again.

  31. They work 25 hours a day?

    I guess I could believe that the four of them average 6.25 hours of work each…if they had jobs that is.

  32. grobpilot

    25 hours a day? What do you want to bet they really believe that’s how many hours there are?

    • Turd Ferguson

      If not, at least they believe that they work harder than anyone else alive. Not surprising since they have lived a life of privilege and fame whoring. They dont actually know what work is….spending a day at a salon, then hairdresser, then makeup artist to go ‘work’ at some dumbfuck celebrity appearance pimping yet another product.

  33. omelette

    “Khloe hibernates for the winter” LOLOLOLOL

  34. Mike Nike

    Blame the losers who pay money to see Kim Kardashians super huge fat ass. I wish they would go away, along with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lesbo dyke eating crotch licker freckled fire pussy Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, Jeniffer Lopez. All talentless fucktards. I bet Lohans freckles go right inside her stinky ass cunt. I fucking want to hurl just thinking about that dirty red haired pussy. OMG i just vomitted in my mouth.

  35. Seeing Khloe side by side with the others, it is easy to assume there was a rooster in the hen house at some point. And by “rooster” I mean Cape Buffalo.

  36. She went on to say they work “70 minutes an hour, 8 days a week, 400 days a year”… I wish Einstein were alive to do the math for me. This seems to be proof positive that the mass of Kim’s enormously fat ass warps space-time.

  37. Phil

    4 Sisters that Chase Darkies All Day Long!

  38. Dodo Uptown

    Please stop posting stories about these hairy, obese, retarded pig-clown hermaphrodite, drama queen shit whores.

    Thanks.

  39. Minky Wail

    Who knew gold digging was so labor intensive?

  40. Juano

    Got to give ‘em credit, they’ve managed to extend their 15 minutes of fame into what seems like an eternity.

    Blame it on Ryan Seacrest, he’s the one who gave them the show. That, and the complete and total lack of vision, creativity, and intelligence running through Hollywood these days.

    Can anybody name a really memorable movie from the last 5 years? Honestly? It’s all recycled crap, remakes of old movies, sequels to other movies, or stupid 3-D animated junk.

    Yet, we all buy into it.

  41. Phil McCracken

    Replace “day” with “year” and I’d be more inclined to believe it.

  42. Squishy

    When did they stop!!!!

  43. Aggie

    The problem here is that Kris isn’t saying “25 hours a day” as hyperbole, she’s really too dumb to know how many hours are in a day. And she has 6 kids, her genetics are waaaay too widely spread in this world.

  44. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    You can suck a lot of big black dicks in 25 hours. Isn’t that the title of Kim’s next porn?

  45. what the...?

    “The Kardashians Talk!” ?? – They can TALK?!

  46. Kardashians Redbook
    Commented on this photo:

    Three fake smiles and the look of a beast who’s pissed the beef jerky guys keep fucking with her.

  47. That mom is the only one worth boning.

  48. Scully

    Its like the modern day chain of evolution right there

  49. Ian

    Dude the sasquatch on the left straight up looks like predator…no joke

  50. Burt

    Oh, right. Their show is real…As real as the episode that tries to explain that the tall one was arrested for drunk driving because it was near the anniversary of death of her father (and she was so close to him), and yet the anniversary of his death and her arrest were months apart?

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