The FBI Investigates Scary Phone Calls to Lindsay Lohan Now. Oh, Good.

December 20th, 2010 // 26 Comments

Because I’m not a 60-year-old Kentucky resident on a Medicare-provided scooter, I don’t get overly concerned with government spending to mask my fear of the browning of America. However, finding out the FBI is using taxpayer money to investigate Lindsay Lohan‘s alleged stalker is almost enough to make me turn on Glenn Beck and believe in a world where socialists are hiding in my Corn Flakes. TMZ reports:

The FBI is now in possession of threatening and harassing messages sent to Lindsay Lohan and other members of her family.
As we first reported, Lindsay has been receiving a variety of ominous messages … some of which her people believe came from Britney Spears’ ex BFF, Sam Lutfi.
Sources tell us Dina Lohan and Michael Jr. have also been receiving strange messages — some of which badmouth Dina, others warning them to stay away from Lutfi and Michael Lohan.

Oh, yes, that’s right. Sam Lutfi is back. Sam, if you don’t recall, was the criminal mastermind who spent an entire year drugging an already mentally unstable Britney Spears and was pretty much the entire architect of her predator look. Except now he’s got a new ally, Michael Lohan, who will swear to this young man’s upstanding character, according to RadarOnline:

“I will not judge Sam or the things he is accused of but I know for a fact that a lot of it is lies, put out there by Britney’s “TEAM,” Michael told
“How ironic is it that they are the same people that are around Lindsay?”
As for the rumors swirling that Lutfi is stalking Lindsay, Michael insisted it’s an absurd claim given it’s not one, but two people who are responsible for his daughter’s traumatic experience.
“Someone is trying to say Sam is the stalker and Sam has nothing to do with that and it has nothing to do with Sam or the press,” Michael said. “It has to do with two particular individuals and they [Betty Ford] had to move Lindsay to a secret place because of them, not Sam.”

Two particular individuals, huh? If only I knew of two people who could profit from Lindsay being harassed by a stalker. Two people who would then have an opportunity to shove their face in the press with updates on her safety. Two people who, more than likely, are hiding in plain sight, taunting us at every move. So maybe it’s a good thing the FBI got involved after all because I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. I mean, shit, my first instinct was it’s her parents. Ha, could you imagine?

But, no, seriously, it’s them.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. FattyFatty2X4

    How do you mean “scary”?

  2. Taz

    Why don’t I care about this

  3. Cock Dr

    The subject of this posting isn’t worth the blogger’s considerable effort.
    Let us know when she’s loose again. Then the fun begins.

    • FattyFatty2X4

      Doc, congrats on Most Important award.
      How you celebrating?
      A little off the top?
      Get it?
      So many questions, sorry for prodding.
      Unless you’re into that.

  4. she was removed to a secret location for the safety of the alledged stalker.

  5. GravyLeg

    “…we traced the call….the call is coming from inside the house…”… Dun dun dun dun…

  6. Mitch

    If you want to see large groups of freeloaders on Medicare provided scooters just come to San Francisco. The majority of them don’t even need them and just use them for transportation. I’ve seen people on these things ride up to a liquor store, stand up to walk into the store to get their booze and then walk back to their scooter and ride off. California is full of lazy fucks and retards.

  7. “believe in a world where socialists are hiding in my Corn Flakes.”

    better be a big bowl since u already believe christians are hiding in your cornflakes.

  8. McFeely Smackup

    If this all goes as I hope, Lindsay will finally be able to say “I know who killed me” for real. I don’t even care if that doesn’t make sense.

  9. Collection agencies can be very aggressive.

  10. herbiefrog

    probablty two of your postsres pfish…

    or maybe the fish itself ?

    no… probably her paraents

    [fail of spelling herbie… shhh… cold here

  11. Who the hell would want to stalk her? I bet they are sending the threatening texts to themselves. I like Lindsay’s duck lips

    • offhand most stalkers are usually someone you know. Celebs have less likely to have a stalker. of course there are a few. Actually the guy who stalked Madonna and who harassed her trainer and bodyguard totally ignored her when she was riding her bike back to the home after he just left. pretty much in a real celebrity stalking family members and friends are more likely to get death threats or actual harm than the celeb in question. In reality the ones who have to worry more is her parents,sister,public former lovers and current lover(if any).

      and if someone would stalk brooke Hogan then Lindsay is a step up.

  12. Johnny Cage

    Damn! The feds are onto all those messages I sent her now.

  13. I thought he wasn’t talking about her anymore

  14. C. A. Martin

    Wow…the first sentence of this bit was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read here, including quotes from the Kardashians and/or Paris Hilton.

    Dude, you make it obvious that you’re a full-fledged member of the Liberal Whiner Society with incredible consistency. Don’t work so hard at it.

    • homosapiens

      Actually, one can be concerned with both government spending and the browning of America…one need not be a mask for the other. And you don’t necessarily have to be a resident of Kentucky or any other southern state for that matter. You can even be a highly educated, well traveled, well read, multi-lingual intellectual and hold those same concerns. Maybe you don’t tell your liberal friends about it because they’ll throw you under the bus…but maybe you should so they don’t go on believing that their view point is the only one held by enlightened, intelligent people.

  15. Lindsay’s 2 biggest stalkers are her mother and father. Well put Fish. They probably hired Lutfi to follow Lindsay around and take the fall if and when he gets charged with Stalking. Someone put a bullet through Michael and Dina Lohan’s heads already.

  16. jojo

    Being talentless isn’t enough for this skank. She just had to be soulless too.

  17. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Dear Lindsay.
    I fucking hate you.

    (it will cost millions for the FBI to track me down… MWAHAHAHAH!!!!!!)

  18. linnerd

    Crap! I just bought those boots.

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