The FBI Investigates Scary Phone Calls to Lindsay Lohan Now. Oh, Good.

Because I’m not a 60-year-old Kentucky resident on a Medicare-provided scooter, I don’t get overly concerned with government spending to mask my fear of the browning of America. However, finding out the FBI is using taxpayer money to investigate Lindsay Lohan’s alleged stalker is almost enough to make me turn on Glenn Beck and believe in a world where socialists are hiding in my Corn Flakes. TMZ reports:

The FBI is now in possession of threatening and harassing messages sent to Lindsay Lohan and other members of her family.
As we first reported, Lindsay has been receiving a variety of ominous messages … some of which her people believe came from Britney Spears’ ex BFF, Sam Lutfi.
Sources tell us Dina Lohan and Michael Jr. have also been receiving strange messages — some of which badmouth Dina, others warning them to stay away from Lutfi and Michael Lohan.

Oh, yes, that’s right. Sam Lutfi is back. Sam, if you don’t recall, was the criminal mastermind who spent an entire year drugging an already mentally unstable Britney Spears and was pretty much the entire architect of her predator look. Except now he’s got a new ally, Michael Lohan, who will swear to this young man’s upstanding character, according to RadarOnline:

“I will not judge Sam or the things he is accused of but I know for a fact that a lot of it is lies, put out there by Britney’s “TEAM,” Michael told
“How ironic is it that they are the same people that are around Lindsay?”
As for the rumors swirling that Lutfi is stalking Lindsay, Michael insisted it’s an absurd claim given it’s not one, but two people who are responsible for his daughter’s traumatic experience.
“Someone is trying to say Sam is the stalker and Sam has nothing to do with that and it has nothing to do with Sam or the press,” Michael said. “It has to do with two particular individuals and they [Betty Ford] had to move Lindsay to a secret place because of them, not Sam.”

Two particular individuals, huh? If only I knew of two people who could profit from Lindsay being harassed by a stalker. Two people who would then have an opportunity to shove their face in the press with updates on her safety. Two people who, more than likely, are hiding in plain sight, taunting us at every move. So maybe it’s a good thing the FBI got involved after all because I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. I mean, shit, my first instinct was it’s her parents. Ha, could you imagine?

But, no, seriously, it’s them.

Photos: Pacific Coast News