The Olsen Twins Just Had To Kill Heath Ledger:
A Review Of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

July 20th, 2012 // 119 Comments
Christian Bale Batman The Dark Knight Rises

If you’ve been living under a rock (I almost said “in a cave” but stopped myself) for the past 18 hours, 24-year-old James Holmes dyed his hair red, called himself The Joker and shot up a Colorado midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises after filling it full of homemade tear gas for reasons police are still trying to determine, but are looking more and more like because he’s goddamn crazy and felt like it. 12 people are dead and 59 injured making it the largest theater shooting in U.S. history. (Silver lining: The three-month-old baby is already discharged from the hospital and home safe, questions about what the fuck it was even doing there in the first place aside.) A few hours later, I saw The Dark Knight Rises and walked out alive without narrowly escaping a massacre, so I feel kind of shitty getting ready to complain about The Dark Knight being better on my little titty picture and dick joke site while others could only be so lucky. So my condolences to the friends and families of the victims, and my even deeper condolences because The Onion nailed it and America isn’t going to learn dick from this tragedy. I’d dedicate this review to my fellow Bat-fans lost today, but that would be horribly egotistical and a slap in the face to their memory. I’m just some douche spouting off on the Internet.

Rest in Peace.

WARNING: Spoilers will abound below, but I’m pretty sure I’m not taking that big of a gamble on most of you seeing this thing within the next 72 hours, you little nerdbombers, you.

The Shit That Worked:
- Let me immediately start off by saying Anne Hathaway fucking killed it as Catwoman. There was a ton of hate out there about her being able to nail the role, and she pulled it off in spades. Yes, there will always be a special place in my boner-heart for Michelle Pfeiffer‘s Catwoman just like there’s a special place in my nerd-heart for the first Tim Burton Batman. Sometimes you just gotta try something new.
- Tom Hardy as Bane. There was no possible way he could match the lightning-in-a-bottle performance of Heath Ledger as The Joker, but he’s pretty fucking hardcore in this thing (Save the out of nowhere crying at the end when he suddenly has a heart of gold and then turns that shit right off.) and, even better, talks like Sean Connery in a Darth Vader mask.
- The first fight between Batman and Bane. Not only is it a worthy homage to its source material, but you just see this thing going south right off the.. bat (I’ll go drown myself in the tub now.) thanks to Tom Hardy’s performance and sheer bulk for this role.

The Shit That Kinda Worked:
- Basically the whole movie in general. It’s a mashing together of The Dark Knight Returns, Knightfall and Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities where Batman ironically suffers a fate Christopher Nolan set out to avoid in Batman Begins: He’s the weakest character. You really aren’t that invested in Bruce Wayne like you are in Begins or The Dark Knight because he’s essentially going through the motions. “Okay, guess, I’ll come back, fight this Bane douche. Ah, fuck, he’s really strong. My back! Never mind, it’s all better because some guy in a medieval prison touched it, I dunno. And now I’m saving the city because apparently I just had to punch Bane in the mask? And, boom, that’s all done. Hey, Catwoman, let’s go bang in Italy. Roll credits!” Batman never really has any iconic “Batman moments” like driving the Batmobile right the fuck over a cop car, dropping Eric Roberts off a fire escape after punching his way through a strip club, or being behind the door in the interrogation room with The Joker the whole time. A scene by the way, that they basically reused when Batman is pummeling Bane yelling, “Who’s the Trigger Man? Who is it? Where is it?” Because that shit worked out so well the first time. Bruce never has any profound character changes that resonate and is apparently half-Wolverine. “All my bones and cartilage are shit? Ah, well, I’ll just tie a strap around my knee. Hey, look at that!”
- The two big things you thought were going to happen happened. Marion Cotillard was really Talia al Ghul, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt turned out to be Robin and the new Batman at the same time. Although, both happened with admittedly neat little twists.
- Christopher Nolan didn’t want to mention The Joker at all out of respect for Heath Ledger, but the whole movie was about Harvey Dent who.. created himself?

The Shit That Shat:
- A bunch of people died last night.
- This fuckhead said it’s because we don’t let kids pray in school.
- An armed 70-year-old stopped two teenage robbers at an Internet cafe, so clearly that means anyone could’ve done the same thing in a darkened theater with a face full of tear gas and screaming people running for the exits because everyone knows crossfire is a liberal myth.
- Nobody’s supposed to “politicize” this tragedy right now even though right now is the exact fucking time to politicize it. God forbid we have a serious debate in this country about making it harder for people to buy insanely and unnecessarily powerful firearms, particularly the mentally ill, because while you’re waiting a few extra days for your tenth assault rifle, that “nigger socialist president” might show up at your doorstep and force you to not go bankrupt from the outrageous cost of health care and then you can’t refresh the tree of liberty with the blood of secret Muslims or however the saying goes. DON’T TREAD ON ME.
- The hype. Part of this is marketing and fanboy fever (Guilty.), but another part is Nolan who knew it’d be a massive (and ultimately impossible) challenge to make a better film than The Dark Knight yet openly set out to pull it off and claimed he did. Did he break the mold for Batman films and try something unorthodox? Absolutely, for better or worse. Although, I kind of hoped part of that would be going balls to the walls and having Bruce Wayne’s Batman die in battle with Bane which Nolan did tease us with, but I will say I was relieved it wasn’t in some cliche, flying a bomb off into the sunset death you saw coming a mile away.
- Where the hell was Alfred during the last hour and 45 minutes?
- The original plan for this movie was to have Heath Ledger’s Joker return.
- The whole “clean slate” thing. Seriously?
- I want to see what happens with Joseph Gordon-Batman.
- And, last nerd-gripe, I promise, you can’t lay the ground work for Damien and then go, “Oh, by the way, we’re done with these and Warner Bros. is doing a reboot. PEACE.”

It might seem like I’m ragging on The Dark Knight Rises, even though I feel it’s the weakest of the trilogy which is still light years beyond most comic book movies, but I definitely recommend seeing it because there are lot of outside factors that could be affecting my judgment. 1. I could barely sleep last night in anticipation of taking a day off to see a new Batman movie. I was like a kid on Christmas eve. My dad took me to see Burton’s Batman in the theater when I was nine which showed me a whole new world to a character I only knew from a campy 60s show. I’ve been hooked ever since. 2. I woke up and found out about the Colorado massacre, and no joke, I literally sat in the theater the whole time eyeing everyone with suspicion. It’s 70-80 degrees here, and a dude walked in with a jacket, sat down and reached into his pocket and I just about shrieked and pissed myself. So perhaps living in irrational fear for my life might have dampened my enjoyment level because, yes, I’m a gaping pussy.

Now for the big question: Is The Dark Knight Rises better than The Avengers? I honestly went into this thing expected it to mop the floor with The Avengers, but now that I’ve seen both, it’s hard to compare the two. Granted, Dark Knight Rises is the better-made, more intelligent film by far and The Avengers is dumb, summer schlock, it’s fun dumb, summer schlock which outside of Catwoman, TDKR was lacking. So, yes, the two are comic book movies by definition, they’re two completely different sub-genres, so you’re back to apples and oranges. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you pull a cop-out.

3.5 out of 5 Bat-nipples.

Photo: Warner Bros.


  1. I’m glad somebody else wondered why there was a three month old there. They’ll sleep through damn near anything at that age but still…

    • Taylor

      Simple, some people would rather force other movie goers to put up with their fucking kid than hire a babysitter. Plus they apparently serve as an impromptu shield when some crackpot opens fire.

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      • Sven Golly

        The Dead Zone, arguably the worst film adaptation of a Stephen King novel (and it has lots of competition). Even Christopher Walken and Martin Sheen couldn’t salvage that stinker.

      • fvalen001

        Thumps Down! Becuz you’re obviously have zero taste in movies. The Dead Zone is arguably the BEST Stephen King adaption for a movie. So…STFU.

      • Sven Golly

        Of course it is ARGUABLY the best but you’d lose that argument. The Dead Zone diverged from the novel in the most hackneyed ways possible. Example, instead of using a random child from the crowd as his shield, the candidate grabs the son of the protagonist’s love interest. It was unnecessary because (as in the novel) using ANY kid as a human shield would have created the tension the scene required, making it a kid with whom the Walken character already had an emotional bond was just a cheap trick.
        I like Cronenberg’s work, particularly some of the later stuff like A History of Violence. The Dead Zone was not one of his better efforts. I will however revise my initial assertion to say that it ties with Pet Semetary for worst film adaptation of a Stephen King novel. I’m guessing that’s another of your favorites.

      • I’m nominating The Shawshank Redemption as best Stephen King adaptation.

    • Bobin

      I know really. Way to kick-start hearing loss. Are they going to get the baby an ipod for it’s next birthday?

    • Sliver

      I also was wondering why they’d bring a 3 month old baby (they generally cry a lot) to a movie theater. Seems like a rude, jerky thing to do. They are lucky the baby survived. It could have easily gone the other way.

    • EricLr

      I can top that easily. When I saw Boogie Nights in the theater, a couple brought their toddler. Yes, two parents who thought that Boogie Nights was a perfectly appropriate movie for their toddler. They probably took him to a Saw movie next.

  2. Blah

    Geez. Either do a movie review or some idiotic leftist rant, but make up your mind. I want five minutes of my life back.

    What a total waste of time.

  3. trutho

    James Holmes = biggest attention whore ever

  4. MyCoworkerIsHot

    I’ve seen people take months old babies to movies but not at fucking midnite. Fucking morons. I loved the movie. Anne was great I was so shocked at how much I liked her. Bane was excellent. Robin was awesome too. Bruce was a pussy most of the film.

  5. Justin Cognito

    “Things I didn’t like about this movie: there was a massacre that happened in a theater playing this movie!”

    What the actual fuck? I mean, come on, you’ve got a whole website to talk about whatever you want…do the Batman review in one post and a rant about how shitty the massacre is in another. Mashing the two together is both jarring and seemingly unprofessional.

    • kls

      The Fish is “seemingly unprofessional”? Do you realize what fucking website you’re on? Stop misquoting what’s written directly above your statement and go douche the sand outta your vag. That “jarring statement” didn’t loosen it enough for you to be able to comprehend his page.

    • Raaaaaaaa

      Justin, Fish. Fish, meet Justin. It appears you two haven’t yet met

  6. Johnny P!

    I don’t know a single one of the victims.
    Don’t even know anyone from Colorado, for that matter.
    But for some reason, this incident has really left me unnerved.
    Peace to the victims, and my thoughts with their friends and families who are going to mourn their loss for a long time to come…

    • mismy

      This is how I felt after the Miami zombie incident. Then I started looking into the reasons why society is decaying so rapidly- and haven’t put down the internet since.
      Mass mind-control & manipulation in the form of the media(obvious), fluoride in water(check your county)- & what fluoride does to your health & brain functions- but hey, it *might be good for teeth (no). Even possible EM radiation mind control if you can believe that…
      I fully believe in the NWO & their insidious plans that are almost completed. I’ve only been aware for a few months, & I’m terrified, & nobody will listen to the “conspiracy nuts”, which is totally ok- if anyone actually bothered to listen or do any research. And I understand the ignorance, seeing as I was blanketed under it for so long, but the luxury of time to learn is running out guys, look up building 7 of 9/11- start there. Once I realized what the government was capable of doing to it’s people, my mind was opened. If you require PROOF of it all, just shake off the cobwebs they have instilled in our brains, & use your common sense. Please. There are many, many people fighting for this, but it’s not enough, and we are ALL running out of time. This is not an America thing, it’s global.
      Not much fun talk from me this Saturday morning, I am desperate to know that someone will hear this & spread the word.

      • mismy

        thumbs-downs with no comments, did I say something offensive? I need Justifiable to put me in my place or at least discuss…

      • JC

        You didn’t say anything offensive, but the aluminum foil hat you’re wearing to block the government mind control is very distracting.

        Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to shoot up some fluoride, or “Special F” as I like to call it. Sweet, sweet fluoride.

      • mismy

        Typical “tinfoil hat” response, but +1 for being funny about it.
        Did ya even look up the health risks from the exact amount of fluoride that we all ingest daily- from the EPA- brain & kidney damage, thyroid problems, used in tranquilizers…
        Or did you just dismiss the “loony talk” with no regard for the health of yourself & family? Stop drinking the kool-aid guys, we are better than subservient slaves to the elite, which is what we are rapidly becoming.
        Excuse me, I gotta go adjust the mu-copper blankets over my windows- i think they heard me…

      • What am I, the fucking bouncer around here?

        I’m not gonna paddle your ass for you because I only take on so much pro bono work, but I do think you’ve got a tinfoil hat on to the extent that you’d actually prefer to believe there are insidious and intricately labyrinthine conspiracies afoot rather than accept the simple explanation that shitty things happen to perfectly good people every day for no fucking reason at all – and what’s more, they always have done. Occam’s Razor, babycakes.
        Societies decay because that’s what they fucking do, because things change and nothing lives forever. And when they inevitably fall down, they tend not get back up again. If you can’t accept this and don’t think our society is any different from any other civilization that’s gone before, and isn’t going to go the way of any other past empire just because we’re Amurricans and God loves us best – then no, we have nothing to talk about, because your mind isn’t just a closed shop, it obviously wasn’t much of a mind to begin with.

        Look, the question of why shitty things happen to people who don’t deserve it has plagued people since the first time some innocent little kid died from an illness or in an accident he had no part in creating. That’s the whole reason the Book of Job was written, and instead of accepting the horrible fact that the world is harsh, life is often brutal, and god may not be protecting you because he may not, in fact, exist, the captive Judeans got creative and came up with the explanation that God and Satan not only get bored easily, they also have a fuck of a big gambling problem, not to mention major attitude when intervention is raised. Hey, whatever.

        As conspiracy theories go, I’ll take that one over yours because it least involves a supernatural element rather than crediting your fellow fuckups with not only an amazing level of gee-whiz abilities, but the awesome capability of keeping their collective pie-holes shut about it all. You’d rather believe that our government and its agencies are not only super-powerful and incredibly efficient, but their machinations are carried out with utmost secrecy and run with absolute dedication and devotion by fanatical functionaries, instead of looking at the reality that our government is inept, corrupt, burdened with inefficiency and red tape, and generally fucked up and broken, and that its agencies are staffed by hacks and functionaries who want to leave the office before 5 and don’t want to have to do a single lick of work more than they absolutely have to.

        I’d gladly refer you to any number of disgusted civil servants I personally know who got burned out and pretty much punished for actually trying to do their jobs because they really did care at some point, but you wouldn’t believe me anyway because black helicopters got to me and flouride ate my brain, yadda yadda yadda.

        Seriously, put down the internet and back away slowly before you end up like this fuckbag in Colorado.

      • mismy

        Amen brother. Yes societies fail, & yes that is what is happening here. However, I believe that we can do better. There is too much good in people to let the evil conquer & win.
        We are killing our Earth for profit. We can do better. The very first step is acknowledging it. Then kick the bums out, like Iceland, & figure a solution.
        If you choose to sit back & watch the decline of civilization into one big mushroom cloud, that is obviously your prerogative (I’m being dramatic, of course that would never happen). I choose differently, I will speak & fight until I can no longer. We are consuming & destroying our natural resources at a rapid rate for cash profit. It can be different too, civilization has advanced light years since the start of the Industrial Revolution, let’s use all this awesome technology to work for us, 15 hour work weeks sound cool to anyone? There are other solutions than the current one- solutions & plans that people much, much smarter than myself have spent their lives figuring out.
        I’m not a fuck-up at all actually, I am a smart, kind, educated person, I work 50 hours a week for pretty good money, and I spend all my free time trying to be a better person spirituality (not to be confused with religion) & through education. I am confused as to why you would hurl insults at me when clearly my intentions are pure. Perhaps I am wrong to believe in the best in people, but you will never convince me otherwise. I see that I have not earned anyone’s respect today, quite the opposite unfortunately, so I will cease to speak my opinion on this website. Please do not let my poor, desperate attempts to speak about out about what millions of people globally believe as truth to deter you from seeking answers if you have any interest. Just keep asking Why, until you find the answers that satisfy your own intelligence about the broken systems of the world.

      • mismy

        Also, if you can look at the Fed- what it does, how it was started, the fact that we know nothing about it- and see no problems whatsoever, then perhaps I am not the one with the small brain & the big mouth, no offense of course because I still adore you Justifiable. The Fed & 9/11- that’s all I need to wonder. Of course there are secret men & groups behind the scene- maybe, just maybe their motives are NOT good for the rest of us.
        There are aliens too, but they are smart enough to stay the fuck away from this mess.

      • Johnny P!

        Hey mismy… I expressed shock and sadness and condolences and a little reflection on this senseless even. That’s all.
        If you want to express your conspiracy theories and rantings about ‘the state of the world’ etc, there are many forums for you to vent yourself.
        Just please don’t tack them on to my comment.

      • mismy

        You’re right and I apologize. I was way out of line today, I did my electroshock therapy, all better now!

        It is terrible what happened, absolutely awful for the innocent victims and their families, I wish them the strength & love to eventually get past the sadness of a magnitude I can’t fathom that is with them now.

      • “if you can look at the Fed- what it does, how it was started, the fact that we know nothing about it…The Fed & 9/11- that’s all I need to wonder.”

        What’s this “we” shit? As for “wonder”? You fucking wish – you’re misusing the term. I don’t see any curiosity at all on your part, just a lazy-ass, immature, half-baked thought process that’s fascinated with shiny objects, and that’s NOT acceptable. If you don’t want to be insulted, then don’t claim that you’re “smart” and then demonstrate a complete inability to question, reason and analyze on your own, let alone an utter lack of any research. Don’t quote me Jefferson’s reworking of Burke and expect to get any credit for it when in the next line you cite what “millions of people globally believe” as some sort of compelling proof that your crap theory is real. Aside from the fact that it’s not even coherent English, if millions of people around the world believe that a demon in my clutch housing is what allows me to shift into second gear, does their belief make it true? You want to trade quotes? As for your “pure intentions” – remember what the road to hell is paved with. Pogroms and religious wars are always started with “pure intentions” – which is why they count for shit.

        I honestly don’t care about your spiritual quests, work schedule, appearance, attitude toward your fellow man, or personal growth because they have fuck-all to do with what you originally posted, and the fact that you can’t keep on-topic and want to take a side trip into those areas, in addition to what technology should be doing for us, is evidence that your mind needs a good set of training wheels.

        You’ve been spoon-fed on the net that no one knows anything about it, and rather than get off your dead ass and do some research on your own so that you aren’t as ignorant as those who claim “we know nothing about it”, you find it more satisfying and entertaining to swallow a lot of half-baked theories about it and regurgitate them here. Or is the idea that Alexander Hamilton, who was the architect of the independent central bank, somehow avenged his untimely death on 9/11?

      • Doc Schweinstrudel

        Fuck you, justifiable, the person was nice and polite, no need to get so personal and insult someone for their belifs. Open your fucking eyes and see the reality around you. Don’t want to believe in world government? Well neither did I! Until I got some friends (bfs) in special services, some ex who is a diplomat working around the world implementing whatever there is for the World Bank. Don’t want to believe whatever the flouride does to a human organism that is in your water? Sure fucking welcome. If you yourself weren’t so fucking lazy as you accuse other people to be and researched on it you would know (but you don’t speak German language, like I do, do you?) that nazis used flouridein water on jews first in camps to sterelize them! I bet you would be able to find this info even in English. Since flouride was used in over the counter rat poison just several decades ago and you can google images of what was sold then and what was written on the tags. Mismy posted that comment about “cospiracy” because maybe Alex Jones suggested the other day that it can be another government red flag operation to cancel out rights of Americans to bear arms.
        I fully trust and believe that there is a big chance that it w.. aaad as wrea

      • Doc Schweinstrudel

        Next time try to check yourself for your own shit before you accuse other people of being lazy and dumb. Of course everyone here is an idiot but yourself who doesn’t know how to think for themselves. For that reason we just all need to accept the official version of this sad event and also of 9/11 -without questioning. What happened to free speech/

      • Eutace Haney

        You should watch the movie ” Dr Strangelove, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Bomb” Brigadier General Jack D Ripper had a similar thought pattern as you . Floridation as the root of all evil? Your critical thinking skills are obviously at a 3rd grade level.You should go out and buy a brain , the diplomas you have also aren’t working

  7. The whole time I’m thinking the Joker wouldn’t let this stand. The movie had its moments.. The Joker needed to be addressed somehow to make this movie great, IMO.

  8. Maybe a post-credits scene where Robin reaches into his pocket for something and pulls out the Jokers calling card?

    At least then I would know the Jokers been watching and waiting..

  9. Marc

    I really enjoyed Rises a lot. I think it’s neck and neck with The Dark Knight as far as my favorite Batman movie. What made it for me was seeing Bruce Wayne a little older, a little less in shape and having Bane be this buffed out psycho killer who was his most savage of enemies. Hathaway was awesome as Catwoman and the rest of the cast was rock solid. I actually glee peed at the end with the Robin/New Batman revelation and I plan on seeing it again this weekend. I woke up to the Colorado tragedy and it did temper my excitement to see it, I honestly wished I hadn’t seen that news before walking into the theater but once I was in the theater and the lights dimmed I was in escapism mode, which is weird to say considering the incident happened in a theater but it’s the truth. I really enjoyed it and encourage everyone to not let the tragedy in Colorado deter you this weekend or in the future. Go out and live your lives, don’t let this sick bastard win by making you scared and stay at your home.

  10. SpareClownParts

    Damnit soup! You made this movie seem like a complete pile of horse hooves! Get photo girls penioche’ out mouthand tighen up!

  11. Lemmiwinks

    It must be like an oven inside that costume. I’ll bet the one thing every superhero has in common is a severe case of crotch-rot.

  12. Bubba

    While i certainly agree that it should be nigh on impossible for a mentally ill person to buy a firearm, your statement on “assault rifles” is quite incorrect.

    An AR-15 is not an assault rifle, as it is a civilian arm, and may only fire in semi-auto. It is a light carbine, and fires a round that is actually quite small and ineffective comparatively to many other types of firearms this psycho could have had access to.

    An AR-15 is absolutely not “insanely and unnecessarily powerful”, as evidenced by the amount of survivors that were wounded. Had this scumbag had a rifle chambered in .308, which he could have obtained just as easily as an AR-15, there would have been far fewer to survive.

    It was a terrible thing to happen, however to limit everyone based on rhetoric and a gross lack of knowledge of the subject matter would be quite unfair to those of us who are responsible firearm owners.

    • DC sniper killed 11 people and used a .223.
      Virginia Tech shooter killed 32 people using 9mm and .22.
      Fort Hood shooter killed 13 people using 5.7mm.
      Aurora shooter killed 12 people and used .223.

      The shooters in the various incidents included black, white, middle eastern and Asian Americans. The list is diverse, like America. The common denominator is guns. The issue is not about self defense or hunting, the civilian ownership of guns is about having the power to topple your own government if it becomes despotic or refuses to transfer power in a peaceful manner.

      You either believe in private gun ownership or you don’t.

      • Mexican drug cartels killed hundreds using guns obtained via the Obama Administration. We don’t know the full details because the “Department of Justice” (lol) refused to hand over all documents to Congress. Just something to keep in mind the next time you hear a politician complain about his opponent not releasing tax returns.

      • [img]×500-340_472.jpg[/img]

      • mismy

        We need the guns. Unfortunately, when the “government” drops the bomb in the form of World War or plague, 80% of the people won’t realize what really happened. And 95% will NEED the government to survive. How many people are actually capable RIGHT NOW of feeding themselves without stores?
        They own our food supply & water supply; they own us.
        Even with automatic weapons & fancy guns, we can NOT fight them when they come for us, their secret & awesome technological advances will not be shared with the public.
        If I end up in Guantanemo Bay for posting on The Superficial, just… fuck! But indefinite detention & murder of AMERICAN CIVILIANS WITHOUT TRIAL was passed into law right under our noses.
        And for what? Those fighting this invisible enemy are NOT promoting violence, exactly the opposite. The human race must evolve & shake off the oppression that has been stifling the creativity & intellectual growth of the species.
        The founding fathers knew it, look up any quote by any of ‘em, they tried to protect this from happening, but they couldn’t fathom the brainwashing of a planet to keep the majority in line. The elite is in control, the poor are losing control, the middle class is becoming non-existent. Let’s do something, who’s with me??;)

      • CranAppleSnapple

        You’re an instigator and a troublemaker. Like Roadrunner. :)

      • mismy

        No trouble, I swear!!
        But I really dig the metaphor if that was your intention : D
        However, me very sad roadrunner:( What a fucking curse it is believing this wild stuff. Society & reality as I’ve always viewed it has become twisted, wrong & blurry. Up is down, left is right. The thing is, I’m an educated, attractive, well-to-do, young, white woman in America… Life is fucking awesome!! I’m not speaking out because of the injustices done to me, or because I want money for free, or a Communist nation. I am speaking out because as the great Thomas Jefferson said, “All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent”.

        I do not, & have not, ever belonged to a church, I do not like tv- perhaps these 2 factors are the only reason that I can now look beyond the reality forced upon us. It is a complex plan many decades in the making, don’t turn the other way because of indignation of being duped- we all were. Becoming aware of it is the first step towards reclaiming our freedom!! I am a patriot, I love America– wtf have these men done to our wonderful country?! :*( We started this country as “the land of the free”, breaking through from Britain’s tyrannical control… we have failed. Time to believe in something, time to let the rest of the world know that we are not power-hungry, global-government- inclined bullies that kill innocent civilians in illegal wars (100,000 + in Iraq). Watch on youtube: Loose Change, Owned & Operated, Zeitgeist, Ethos. Watch while doing your chores, or instead of a rerun or reality show or false news program on tv. Pretty, pretty please?:)

        I’m on a mainstream site today spouting off because I believe in the readers here having a working brain. I will never be on TMZ or typical youtube, no one will ever listen in most places. This website is the only place to go for celebrity gossip, because of the sharp minds of Fish, Photo Boy, & the commenters. The info is out there, & it’s urgent that we all at least go look with an open mind. If you looked 5 or 10 years ago like I did, look again. The facts aren’t in the mainstream media, & you better go gobble up all the information while you still can- Internet Censorship coming soon!!

        Not all conspiracy theories are theories. I’m fully aware of the dangers that political activism can bring to society- IF the cause is wrong. I fucking hope for all of our sakes that I AM actually wrong, and so are the millions of other people screaming the truth from the rooftops- only to be branded & ridiculed by society & media as “nut jobs with foil hats”. Learn the truth, protect yourselves & your loved ones as best you can. Work to preserve the integrity of the human race, none of these things ever mattered to me just a few months ago, now I will gladly die for my sisters & brothers in need. What an amazing change to my psyche that waking my brain up has made. I feel great- and pissed- and so hopeful for us…
        I am sorry for everyone that has “wasted time” reading my rants this afternoon, I am no author, yet I strongly believe that every opinion should be heard & understood for progress to convene, but that’s simply not happening. The fucking rabbit hole goes sooo far, the rants are so long. It takes a lot of time to do the research & ask questions, & I am fortunate to not have excessive obligations that restrict the amount of knowledge I have been consuming to catch up from the decades of lies. They count on you not having the time, they fucking planned it that way guys. I will probably not be back here to speak my agenda, I feel unwelcome & alone. I apologize for intruding, I did my best to refrain from pointing fingers & remain calm despite my anger at the injustice of the few, yet I will point out that most don’t mind the agendas of Obama/Romney Administration being forced on them 24/7- there are other sides to the story, I urge everyone to find them, one love.

      • theoriginal LJ

        Mel, you’ve been drinking again!!!!!

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Yeah I was quoting Seinfeld. :) In a friendly manner. I didn’t really mean you were a troublemaker.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        But I was totally wrong, because I should have said Woody Woodpecker.

      • mismy

        yeah, more accurate for sure.

    • El Jefe

      Hmmm, I wonder what the AR in AR-15 could possibly stand for.
      Hmm, this is very puzzling, I just can’t seem to figure it out. Oh what, oh what could it possibly mean?

      I give up.

      • The AR stands for Armalite, the original manufacturer. The AK in AK-47 are the designers initials, I believe. By all means though make up whatever you want. The G on my Glock 19 stands for Goddamned I’m Handsome the the 15 on my Colt AR-15 represents my penis size in US inches. I know, a dick that size is ridiculous.

      • Sliver

        Guns and a nice…..tell me more about yourself.

      • HerboobsRperfect

        The AR in AR-15 stands for Armalite Rifle. The company that first developed the AR-15/M16.
        It does not stand for assault rifle, that has been it’s designation for many decades.
        Your welcome

  13. Mouse

    Never mind, it’s all better because some guy in a medieval prison touched it, I dunno.

    Even the trade paperback editions of Knightfall gloss over this part. End of part two he’s screwed, beginning of part three he’s healed. They completely omit the issue where the healing takes place.

  14. “Nobody’s supposed to “politicize” this tragedy right now even though right now is the exact fucking time to politicize it. God forbid we have a serious debate in this country about making it harder for people to buy insanely and unnecessarily powerful firearms, particularly the mentally ill, because while you’re waiting a few extra days for your tenth assault rifle, that “nigger socialist president” might show up at your doorstep and force you to not go bankrupt from the outrageous cost of health care and then you can’t refresh the tree of liberty with the blood of secret Muslims or however the saying goes. DON’T TREAD ON ME.”

    Amen, brother…

  15. His Back

    He was in that prison for months.

  16. Jen

    I wrote this on facebook and will repeat this here, promising this is my only serious comment on this site: I know, I know, one more thing and then I will let it go…please, please don’t focus on the mentally ill guy who made horrible choices, focus on the officers who ran INTO the deadly situation to save others, focus on the people who stopped running from bullets to protect strangers, and the friends who stopped fleeing to cover their wounded friends. There is more beauty and love than there is darkness.

  17. The Guy Behind the Guy

    We either need less guns or more guns. Somewhere in the middle isn’t working. All the wrong people have them. Give granny a gun and the nut bags will wonder if they should shoot up a place.

    Anne Hathaway was good. I just don’t think she’s hot… at all. Nolan’s bat chicks have been bad overall. Katie Homly, Jake Gillenhaul (I’m pretty sure Maggie is just Jake in a dress). And now Anne Hathaway. They should have just wheeled in Michele Phiefer.

    Bane wasn’t Bane. Where was the Venom? Is it me or was Tom Hardy bigger in Warrior? He didn’t look that tough as Bane.

    The Bat plane looked more like the Beatle plane.

    The bad guys were lining up to fight Batman one at a time. Hey Batman. I have this shotgun in my hand. I’m going to run to you with it but not shoot you.

    Let’s send all the cops into the tunnels. Good thinking.

    Hurry up and push the detonator before the bomb explodes in 11 minutes was quite anti climatic.

    Joseph Gorden-Levit-Gordon is now Robin, Batman, Cobra Comander, Shia Labouf, Indiana Jones and Darth Vader. He’s also directing and starring as all roles in the next Batman movie. Batman Gordon-Levit Begins.

    Ending was a nice touch.

  18. Catwoman had thigh boots. I almost pulled a Fred Willard.

  19. Oh, no. Please tell me you were kidding when you said this was the weakest of the trilogy. I thought Batman Begins sort of blew. The whole “Bruce Wayne goes to the East to learn martial arts” felt like a retread of Alec Baldwin’s The Shadow (and what a piece of dung that was!). And when Alfred told Bruce about his father nearly bankrupting Wayne Enterprises during the Depression to combat poverty, my brain stopped for five minutes to ponder the question, If Bruce Wayne’s father was alive during the Depression, and Bruce saw him die young, how the hell is this supposed to take place in the present day? (I understand that the geek world insists that Alfred wasn’t referring to the Great Depression, but some other movie-invented depression that Gotham suffered, but even if I were to swallow that horseshit, was I really supposed to figure that out on my own right then and there when that reference to “the depression” just came out of the clear blue sky?)

    I think I more or less threw up my hands at the movie altogether during that scene when the police are blocking access to the bridge so they can raise it and Katie Holmes walks up and says, “I’m from the D.A.’s office, let me pass” – “Oh, go right ahead, miss. It’s not safe for anyone, but clearly you outrank me. And no need to show me proper I.D. or anything.”

    I don’t know, maybe I should watch it again to see if perhaps I can appreciate the film in spite of all that (and probably some other stuff that I no longer remember), but I’m thinking probably not.

    (Yeah, yeah, go ahead and hate me. I don’t care.)

  20. tito

    long time poster, first time being serious: blaming everyone who wants to enjoy their right to own a powerful gun for this shithead killing people is wiggity-wack. why can’t a responsible human being own an assault rifle? because someone else might own one and do harm? that’s an awful precedent to set. the price of allowing anyone to do anything dangerous is that some small percentage of people will get hurt. it’s a fact. driving cars = some people die every year. some of those people die because someone else was irresponsible with a fast powerful car, but no one seriously considers outlawing fast powerful cars. it’s easy for someone who has no connection to guns to figure it’d be easy to “just not have them” but you’re asking responsible people to give up a right because you don’t have an investment in it. again, a horrible awful situation in colorado that wouldn’t be made any better by asking everyone else to give up their rights. dangerous precedent.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      “Why can’t a responsible human being own an assault rifle? because someone else might own one and do harm?”

      Do you use yours to stir the porridge? Roll out some nice dough for croissants? Does it have extra functions other than killing?
      Who’s hungry?

      • How about we just remember to give a shit about the 12 people who will be killed in Chicago and Detroit and Camden this weekend… rather than get on the high horse when it’s politically hip

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Excuse me shithead, I care about people all the time. Nice people that is, not gun-loving fight-picking assholes.

      • Sliver

        Normally I like you CranApple, but this posting about the gun-loving people…nah. When the shit comes down (as it inevitably does in these types of economic and political upheavals) your ass will be clinging to the closest marksman. Despite what you imagine in your head, most gun owners don’t kill people with their guns. I can think of thousands of examples of people I know who are excellent with a gun, but have never murdered. And if you’re ever alone at night in some shitty, greaseball city where you probably live, and you hear someone trying to get in the backdoor, you’ll be the quickest to think “why don’t I own a gun again?”

      • HerboobsRperfect

        Stay in the kitchen and shut your ignorant mouth!
        Your stupid!
        Your welcome


    • CranAppleSnapple

      Of course people die in car accidents, that is extremely sad and DOES NOT NEGATE the fact that guns are dangerous and stupid and violent! That is the same level of stupid as saying “May as well smoke because people fall down and die in the bath everyday”. You don’t have to find ways to speed up the death process. Jackass.

      And I notice no one answered ny query of what their pet gun is actually for. It’s for violence, or why does it even exist?

  21. Cock Dr

    I just don’t understand the fan frenzy for these movies.
    It’s been done over & over & over again. It’s just a great big corporate racket designed to sell popcorn & toys.
    That scene in Colorado…I’m sure that somehow that was Obama’s fault. He should have somehow known that the suspect was an undiagnosed severely mentally ill person & prevented him from purchasing firearms.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      “It’s been done over & over & over again. It’s just a great big corporate racket designed to sell popcorn & toys.”

      Doc, you really need my children in you. Whenever you’re ready.

      • Cock Dr

        900K for each month of pregnancy.
        500K bonus for live birth
        And you have to fnd your own wet nurse. In fact, you’ll be taking over all aspects of child care just as soon as it’s out of the chute.
        Once all the papers are in order and the initial cash deposit has been made I’ll provide the address for Fed Xing the vial of baby batter.

    • mismy

      Gun confiscation treaty to be signed by Obama in 6 DAYS. Yes, it’s a UN treaty mainly dealing with international arms dealing but …Article VI, paragraph 2 of the U.S. Constitution actually stipulates on the issue. All treaties made, or which shall be made, may supersede State Constitutions, but it shall be bound by the U.S. Constitution.
      It is a serious threat to our Second Amendment rights. Romney will do it too. They are where they are to serve someones agenda, that’s for sure, and we’re letting them.

      • Cock Dr

        Been listening to the NRA squawking about gun rights now for decades…..seems like fear tactics to drum up membership & money.
        Obama is a pro gun president…..I guess no one remembers this nice little piece of legislation signed by “B” back in 2010.

      • mismy

        Yes, that was nice of him. Maybe he’s changed? Or maybe he prefers to do things behind the scenes- distracts the NRA while he signs into law The NDAA Indefinite Detention Act, & the UN Arms Treaty…? I can’t tell you what to think about what the Obama/ Romney Administration thinks about American civil liberties. Spend 20 minutes on those 2 above laws. Look at left & right wing sites, & draw your own conclusions.
        Personally, I prefer Democrat ideals to Republican, but thank goodness there’s more than 2 candidates, right??

      • mismy

        I believed in Obama, & I voted for him. I wish that was still the case, though I would never, ever vote for Romney. This is NOT about party affiliation- let’s forget all about that for a little while & focus on the real solutions for our country, & who is best suited for our real needs. I am as worried as anyone about preserving our “natural” rights & “American” rights- these guys paying billions for advertising & campaigning don’t care about us- it’s up to us to do that.

      • Seriously, take your fucking meds and lay off the internet. It’s painful to think my tax dollars contributed to educating you.

      • mismy

        My first comment hadn’t posted when I checked back a while later, and I couldn’t re-create it exactly, hence the 2 following comments. Just like I posted a reply to you up above an hour ago, but it’s still not there.

        You dislike & insult me because I’m insane because I believe in an invisible enemy & their bad motives? You are aware billions of people are perfectly accepted into society even though they believe in invisible gods & devils, right? So, I consider your bias to my point of view to be a form of prejudice. You have provided me with absolutely zero intelligent arguments or debates. You have only belittled and made fun. Your mind appears to be closed and narrow, therefore you are unable to look beyond your own little vision of reality.

        I certainly hope that the men who originally started the banks were good men, not loan sharks and thugs. I also hope that these bank owners, these Federal Reserve owners, were satisfied with simply banking, and didn’t see opportunity in huge corporations. But IF they do own corporations, let’s hope that they are good, pure men who value the welfare of the masses, and wish for them to be aware and functioning in the system. Let’s hope that they haven’t found a way to buy our politicians.

        I agree that many civil servants are over-worked and disgruntled because they try so hard to accomplish so little. They won’t give up and they should have a voice. And they are candidates, but for some reason, we just don’t hear them- and right or wrong, we should. Not just the people searching for it, but everyone. We are all activists during election year; all this awesome mud-slinging & fighting between only 2 candidates, wonder where YOU learned your fancy debate techniques, Justifiable…your education and MY tax dollars spent on in were a waste if you won’t actually use your mind, dick.

      • “I certainly hope that the men who originally started the banks were good men, not loan sharks and thugs.”

        Instead of just rattling on in a misplaced attempt to warn us about nebulous boogeymen and your half-baked paranoiac fears, how about if you actually bothered to learn something about the system you think is at the heart of the evil conspiracy, rather thanjust sitting around hoping the people who started it weren’t demanding a weekly vig and leaving it at that. Jesus Christ, your ignorance is astounding, as well as incredibly depressing, and your reasoning is for shit. It’s great to have “beliefs” when it comes to your spiritual life, moral compass or whatever, but if you’re trying to get people to be activists for your fucking nutbag conspiracy cause and all you have is “beliefs”, ignorance, and fuck-all for actual proof, kindy put on your tinfoil hat, cram all your fingers in your mouth and seriously STFU.

        Whether billions of people are “perfectly accepted into society” for believing in invisible gods and devils/being blithering idiots has got nothing to do with anything – unless you somehow think that the fuckbag that just shot up a cinema should also be “perfectly accepted into society” for his beliefs?

        Stop rallying everyone to be activists for whatever the fuck it is you’re using the Colorado victims to support and educate yourself before you start warning people about shit you know nothing about. You want specifics? There are no “owners” of the Federal Reserve, nor are there “bank owners”, and since the whole concept of the Fed is to operate independent of political pressure, buying politicians is a waste of money. The fact that you’re seriously wasting emotion mooing over your gooey hopes that they’re “good, pure men” rather than bestirring yourself to actually learn how the Fed is structured speaks volumes – and if you truly think they “wish for [the masses] to be aware and functioning in the system”, just imagine how sadly disapppointed they are in you.

      • mismy

        “fuck all for proof”?? Buddy I provided plenty of subjects to look up, and links as well. Google search the matters I mentioned, and get your own fucking proof, because it’s out there. What “proof” have you given for discrediting me- zero, nothing whatsoever. Just because 1 + 1= 3 for you, don’t discount the people with access to a functioning brain and their abilities to draw their own logical conclusions via proof + common sense.
        Hell yes, it is depressing. You’re not helping my brother.

      • Ah, yes – “proof”. When your “proof” doesn’t redirect to a site with “UFOs, Conspiracy Theorists, Lunatic Fringe” on its masthead, call me.

        Oh, wait, you actually believe everything on the net has to be true…


        “fancy debate techniques” = uncomfortable facts and ideas I can’t refute (see: retreat into non-sequiturs as a defense)

        “many civil servants are over-worked and disgruntled because they try so hard to accomplish so little. They won’t give up and they should have a voice. And they are candidates, but for some reason, we just don’t hear them- and right or wrong, we should” = Seriously no fucking clue.
        Candidates for what, exactly?
        And FYI, if you deliberately try hard to accomplish very little, chances are you aren’t exactly over-worked, because that would defeat the purpose, nor are you exactly disgruntled at your lack of accomplishment, since that was the purpose is the first place.

        However, if you meant to write that many civil servants are overworked, and disgruntled because their efforts don’t amount to much, then this is further proof that you not only can’t reason on a basic level, but that you also can’t present a coherent thought to save your life. My tax dollars have indeed been wasted.

      • mismy

        ^ huh?? You’re unhappy with my choice of words, that’s worth 2 paragraphs…
        Well, smart guy, for someone that is so in love with the current system, you certainly come across as an angry, bitter, unhappy little person.
        You can rationalize spending $1 trillion per year on defense all you want (even though your rebuttals haven’t even gone that far in their depth), but SOME OF US don’t think it’s that cool. You love your fucking America the superpower so much, that you are blinded when it falls apart around you with a slim chance to save it. My “ooey gooey sentiments”, aka a conscience, aren’t considered to be bad traits by good people.

        I am hardly surprised that you are so pleased with yourself that you deny the existence of extraterrestrial beings. If you had actually clicked on the links I provided, you would see that there were no UFO’s anywhere in sight!!

      • Again, where does knowing how the Fed operates translate to rationalizing spending whatever amount on defense? The Fed doesn’t dictate that, and if you’d bothered to actually read what I wrote you’d clearly see that championing America as a superpower is not among my priorities. The fact that you seem incapable of staying on point, and actually make a point of being the ADHD poster child for every topic you’ve raised, smells a lot like troll. Seriously, nobody’s as stupid as you pretend to be, so let’s hope whoever, or whatever, the fuck probes you next gives you the attention you obviously crave.

      • “Yes, it’s a UN treaty mainly dealing with international arms dealing but…”

        Moron, you gotta learn to troll better. .

        Get your head out of your ass – there is no such treaty, even in draft form, so if Obama is “signing it in 6 days time” it’s happening in another universe – which probably includes Planet Weebo, where you seem to live.

        Secondly, the Senate has to approve all treaties by a 2/3 majority, the president can’t sign them into law all on his own.

        Any restrictions to international trade would take place outside this country, because, see, that’s what “international” means. Existing US rights and laws – yes, even including the 2nd Amendment – would still apply to domestic sales.

        Lastly, Article 6, Section 2 is the supremacy clause, which means exactly the opposite of what you seem to think it means. Learn to fucking read. It provides the ability for the federal Constitution to supercede individual state’s bills of rights, it doesn’t mean that treaties we make with foreign governments will be implemented in this country, in place of, or in contravention of, our existing Constitution. In fact, in the 1957 decision of Reid v. Covert, the Supreme Court affirmed that the Constitution supercedes not only executive agreements, but any foreign treaties ratified by the Senate.

        The Second Amendment is not going to revoked, nor will Obama be seizing anyone’s guns.

        Athough in your case, it’d probably be a fuck of a good idea.

      • eggs

        Oh justifiable. You’re like a superhero, battling ignorance in lieu of villains. I take my hat off to you, sir.

  22. direchef

    Well done

  23. Chris

    The police in Colorado said it was untrue that he painted his hair red and said he was the Joker. He also didn’t “kick in” the fire door. Rumors, rumors, rumors.

  24. Think about it

    fuck you cunt hathaway sucked ASS worst thing about the movie hands down.
    Hardy knocked it out of the park
    as for your other opinions about the joker or whatever you think you know…go fuck yourself

  25. keibler elf

    I’ve been waiting for this review all day and am so disappointed. It’s a mess. I understand the horrific events must be mentioned, but intertwining them with a half hearted review was a poor choice. No, people, fish is not perfect. All journalists hiccup. This was average writing and lacking in many areas.

  26. LSU Tiger

    Strict gun laws sound great until a disaster similar to Hurricane Katrina happens where the government and local law enforcement is so overwhelmed the only response you get when you call 911 is a recorded message.
    Sometimes shit happens and the government won’t be there to protect you. If you don’t have a firearm when the looters show up, you can only standby and watch them take your things right out of your home.
    Penalties for the misuse of firearms should be severe, there should be checks and controls. Eliminating firearms from citizens altogether is absurd and impractical (not to mention it would set off a civil war).

  27. LadyMoustache

    You American boys and your big bad toys! It is to laugh…

    Meanwhile, guns are illegal in Canada and yet we still had a massive gang shootout in Toronto a couple of days ago — 3 people dead, 23 injured (don’t quote me, I’m bad at stats). Ah, gangs — we Canadians keep our crazy people medicated, thanks to health care. The only armed people here are bloodlusting, drug-dealing, sane maniacs.

    Mind you, the guns used in the shootout *did* come from the U.S…..

  28. YagiSka


    Usually I agree with you, Fish, since I’m pretty liberal myself. But for fuck’s sake, stop the gun-control politicizing. You want to politicize it, how about we talk about access to mental health care in this country.

    Take away all the gun’s in this country. Great. He wouldn’t have shot anyone. Instead he would have brought along his improvised explosives. Maybe we could outlaw all chemical and electrical components with which one can construct a explore or a biological or chemical weapon. Then he’d have brought a sword or knives, but we can outlaw those along with pointy sticks.

    I’m well aware of the problem of “escalation” and “arms races” whether we’re talking about private citizens, cops and criminals, sovereign nations, computer security, political mudslinging, or whatever. But attempting to artificially limit technology by making things illegal only creates black markets unless its done voluntarily by all. This problem leaves us completely shit-fucked on the international front: outlaw nuclear weapons and you end up with rogue states and terrorists you have to wage war against; let it go all laissez faire and you end up with the Cold War; try to do it peacefully by signing a bunch of disarmament treaties and you end up with bastards breaking the damn rules, and that includes the good ole US of A.

    But on the domestic front, there are other solutions. The problem isn’t guns, my mate. I’m just repeating the same old tired argument, but the percentage of people who own guns that use them to perpetuate unlawful violence is pretty low. Usually, gun violence in the scary sense, i.e. mass shootings (I live in Denver, btw), gang violence, criminals, etc has an underlying cause. The gun is just the instrumentality. Treating the instrumentality isn’t a real solution unless you treat the underlying problem. In this case, I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that the underlying problem is a sever mental health issue (healthy people usually don’t go into a crowded theatre, call themselves The Joker, and start executing people randomly).

    I’m not a supporter of total access to guns. I believe violent felons, domestic abusers, the mentally ill, adjudicated drug addicts (addicts, not just users), non permanent residents, and many others should never be allowed to own a firearm. I also believe that military grade weaponry should not be allowed domestically (for both private citizens and domestic police forces). But turning a person in obvious need of serious mental health treatment into “See! Let’s get rid of guns!” is, if you’ll pardon the colloquialism, fucking retarded.

  29. Doozybot

    So I guess I’ll be the one to challenge your opinion that Bruce doesn’t go through any changes in this movie, because I’m pretty sure this is the BIGGEST change he’s gone through in any of the movies. Spoilers or whatever:

    The entire time Alfred had been telling him he needed to change his outlook on his life and begin to see a bright future for himself after Batman because he clearly had a death wish, and then the only way he could get out of the Pit was to finally cherish his own life. They literalize it heavily with the whole darkness and light thing – the first fight against Bane, Batman kills the lights and tries to fight Bane the way he normally does and it doesn’t work, then after he’s gone through his Joseph Campbell resurrection shit he fights Bane in the daylight (the first time Batman has EVER been seen in the daylight) and kicks the shit out of him.

    • This is hands-down the best defense/explanation of the movie I’ve read in the past 24 hours and I’ve been going through any review I can get my hands on. Seriously, thank you.

      I really want to watch it again devoid of the baggage of expectations, Colorado, waiting to see how Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard are going to have their big reveals, etc.

  30. El Jefe

    A fantastic movie, everyone did a great job in it including Anne Hathaway who looked fantastic in it by the way. JGL great, Bane of course and always great actors Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman. I really can’t think of anyone who did a bad job.

    I actually thought it was even better than The Avengers. Very different movies but both excellent. It is nice to see Hollywood is making good movies again.

  31. Fender

    It’s strange hearing some people say that Rises didn’t live up to the great heights of The Dark Knight. Discounting Heath Ledger’s performance, The Dark Knight was a fantasting film, but with more flaws then people are willing to admit. The biggest criticisms of TDK for me have always been the film’s pacing, the glaring plot holes (the every-cell-phone-sonar-software was a total impossibility; the shattered bullet plot device was scientifically paper thin and the fact that every villain is collectively aware that Batman won’t kill them removed the fear element from the Bat’s repitore and spoon fed the audience the differences between the Joker’s and Batman’s morals) and finally the film’s philosophy. At the end of TDK, Batman said that the people deserve more than the truth, but he was absolutely wrong. The truth will set you free and the consequences of living a lie for the greater good meant that evil like Bane managed to do the damage that he did, by way of swaying the weak minded of Gotham in Rises.

    Rises triumphed where TDK fell. Gone are the contrived plot devices, improved is the credibility of Batman’s gadgets (though not everyone will agree on the merits of the winged vehicle The Bat) and beautifully flowing is the film’s pace as it approaches its final act, encompassing elements of both Begins and TDK as the entire trilogy bathes in the sunlight of late Harvey Dent’s uttered words of a coming dawn. Previously, Batman believed that he could use his pain and his darkness to fight evil, he believed that fear needed to be purged in order to fight against those who preyed on the fearful. Over the years he forgot that it was fear that created him and it is fear that will make him stronger and more courageous facing this new evil. The entire thing was spectacular and although the finest moments of TDK are still finer than those in this film; the sntire spectacle is the crown jewel in the trilogy.

    • I’m sorry, but you think the contrived plot devices were absent in Rises? Which movie did you watch?

      Don’t get me wrong, I like the film, but there were a lot of cliches.

  32. Melanie

    I would like to profess my undying love for whoever you are (writer of the superficial)…Thank You!!

  33. MFBINC

    so an unemployed college student collecting unemployment somehow get over $20,000 worth of extremely hard to get military weaponry and armor, creates a series of booby traps that takes experts hours to take down, dyes his hair red and calls himself the joker even though jokers hair is green, shoots up a theatre yet peacefully surrenders to the police and tells them about the booby traps and we’re supposed to believe all this ……i mean…doesn’t anyone thing this is all a little more than just some whack job???

    • The equipment could have been purchased on a credit card, a trust fund, or with school loans. I’m unemployed and I just graduated, I could buy everything he bought right now. Instead of “extremely hard to get,” I think you meant to say, “pick up the phone and order or walk into a store.” I think someone who was accepted into a PhD program for neuroscience can build bombs just like the illiterate Taliban or Timothy McVeigh. The “experts” took days not hours to disable those bombs because they don’t want to become “dead experts.” Professionals take their time. An irrational person created an irrational situation that sane people find difficult to understand, go figure.

      • MFBINC

        unemployed students have credit card limits in the 20k range? and anybody in medicine has the knowledge of how to use sophisticated military equipment to build booby traps…and after you pay all that money and gun down all those people, you surrender peacefully and warn the police that you have booby traps set up? keep thinking this was all just the actions of one lunatic, that’s what they want you to believe…..

      • First. Why insert reality when you can cling to fantasy for answers. Some people have money. Maybe you are broke or maybe you love the mythology of the broke college student but in the real world some people have resources. Second. Nothing he used was “sophisticated military equipment,” including his bomb making supplies. Everything he used can be purchased from stores and the knowledge to build bombs can be found easily. I am pretty sure a person capable of getting into a PHD program can do some research and can build devices, as Ive already pointed out. Third. Giving up and telling the police about the bombs is wacky. So is thinking you are the joker and shooting up a theater. Irrational is irrational. But by all means don’t think any of it through, cling hard to whatever you’ve created in your head. Also be sure to check behind you, they always get you from behind.

  34. What a horrible, fucking wretched pile of stinking shit this movie was. By the end I was relieved it was fucking over. You can tell that not only did Nolan not have a fucking clue as to what this movie was supposed to be about, it’s clear that he didn’t give a shit. Not only that but after all that fucking BULLSHIT about this being the “finale” they might as have well put up a fucking TO BE CONTINUED… at the end just to give the cocksuckers at Warner. Brothers an open door for a fucking sequel.

    Where to begin? The incredibly sloppy pacing. The Overabundances of characters that added nothing to the overall story and who could have been cut out to make this ass numbing garbage go a bit faster. No themes, no subtext, FUCKING NOTHING that warranted my time wasted on this fucking trash. What a fucking letdown, especially after what they managed to accomplish with The Dark Knight. This movie is completely fucking redundant.

    Nolan didn’t have a fucking clue what he wanted this movie to be about. Batman Begins was about FEAR! TDK was about Order, Chaos and Chance which was symbolized with Batman, The Joker and Two-face. TDKR was about putting money into Nolan’s fucking bank account. I’ve complained about BB being to “comic bookish” but TDKR is soo fucking generic it’s unbelievable! After the breakthrough of TDK, Nolan has made a Batman movie with a plot soo fucking clichéd that it makes the “fear toxin dispersal” of BB seem like fucking Shakspeare. There’s a bad guy, he has a nuke, Batman saves the day, BUT WAIT, is he really dead?!? The femme fatale with a heart of gold. The love interest that’s a back stabber. BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!!!

    Nolan fucked this in soo many ways it boggles the mind. And to those of you who say “but, but, but, the final 30 minutes are the awesomz!!!” FUCK YOU! There is soo much inconsistent fucking retardation that I don’t know where to begin and those final 30 were fucking snoozville unless you ride a fucking shortbus and haven’t seen that type of conclusion at least a dozen times in your life.

    8 Years Later – Why did this need to be set that far in the future? Why is Bruce Wayne’s body gimped out? He was only Batman for A YEAR and even though he took a beating, 8 years and the best medicine in the world would have healed him, especially if he hadn’t of been Batman for that time.

    John Blake – A fucking useless character who was there only to set up sequels with him as Robin. I wanted to see GORDON AND BATMAN in action! Not some fucking rookie cop. Fuck JGL and the horse he rode in on. Oh and I loooove that look on his face when he shoots and kills the MEN WHO INTENDED ON MURDERING HIM as if “no, guns bad, I done wrong!”. You’re not a ninja Blake, stick to the bang bangs you fucking pig!

    Mathe Modine – Whose characters name I couldn’t even be bothered to look up as he’s yet another fucking useless bitch who takes time away from what’s important.

    Miranda Tate/ Ra’s al Ghul daughter – Fucking useless love interest who was obviously set up as a literal backstabber. Tell me again, she sets up the scenario where she has access to a nuke and wants to destroy Gotham but why exactly didn’t she just set the fucking thing off considering that she had a fucking death wish and was prepared to die to avenge her father. Speaking of which, even with her dead and Batman believed to be gone, what’s stopping the League of Shadows from trying to destroy Gotham again? The League isn’t tied to one man or his fucking family. If they’ve been around for centuries then I’m sure the efforts of a costumed billionaire aren’t going to stop them.

    Bane – What a piece of shit, even when I could hear him through his fucking gimp mask, which was only about half the time. The character FUCKING SUCKS and all Nolan did was make him a generic thug with a few extra braincells who crushed skulls. Oh and how awesome was it that he basically engineered a takeover of the ENTIRE CITY and conveniently Jim Gordon left a fucking letter of admission about the truth behind Harvey Dent’s death to really rile up the rabble as though it makes any difference to criminals. What fucking difference did that make AT FUCKING ALL?!? They still would have been freed and tore through Gotham. Again, since Miranda Tate wanted to nuke Gotham what was the fucking point of trapping cops in the tunnels and spending months if not YEARS setting up explosives to trap them. You know, for someone portrayed as viciously brutal, I don’t quite understand why Bane would trap all of the city’s cops and not, say, gas them all to fucking death like rats. Talking about gas, I noticed that they didn’t even bother to explain what that fucking mask was for except that he couldn’t breath without it. Except that he could when Ra’s al Ghul found him in the prison with a cloth over his mouth. What did the other prisoners do to him? Fuck his piehole soo many times that he couldn’t take in fresh air?!

    There is just so much stupid fucking shit in this fucking movie!

    Catwoman – Could have been used well if Nolan wasn’t soo fucking obsessed with “realism” that he sucks the life out of everything. What exactly was her storyline? She was being used to secure Wayne’s fingerprints in exchange for a clean slate by Bane? Got conned and then turned good guy to help Wayne in exchange for the same stupid plot device; some sort of software that can erase your identity, unless it’s been recorded on PAPER I guess?! Catwoman’s moral ambiguity was always the backbone of her character and made her contrast with Batman. That’s her strength. But she was basically a pawn between Bane and Wayne. Oh and how nice that she killed Bane FUCKING DEAD because Batman’s “moral code” prevents him from doing so. Except for when he killed Harvey Dent to save Gordon’s kid. I guess Jimmy’s cumstain was more important than the lives of 12 million people who could have been easily saved had Batman not been a fucking PUSSY!

    Batman – I know the he’s against murder but considering the fucking scale and scope of the crisis on hand, you’d think he’d make an exception and start wasting motherfuckers when you take into account that Bane’s men have killed who knows how many fucking people not to mention threatened the lives of everyone in the entire city. The thing about war is that morality is a liability because the people who you seek to defeat might not have such high minded ideals about the sanctity of life and wouldn’t think twice about killing you. In this case Batman’s refusal to kill makes him look like a fucking idiot. It’s not heroic, it’s stupid. But at least in the end he didn’t actually have to “sacrifice” anything as he was able to sit at a table half way around the world without being recognized so that he could exchange a meaningful glance with Alfred, his trusty manservant who had been with him since birth and who Bruce had fired because he had burnt the letter Rachel had left for him which woudn’t have made any fucking difference. Really, if Wayne had read “Sorry Bruce but Harvey Dent’s got a huge cock and licks my dripping wet beaver real good like a child being given an icecream cone on a hot sunny day!” how would it have affected things? He’d still be a miserable little bitch boy billionaire as always. Oh and he didn’t seem to have a problem jumping into bed with Miranda the second that he found out that Rachel was a lying whore and wasn’t going to wait for him. True love my ASS!!!

    This terrible movie will sit in the dustbin of history with the other miserable examples of 3rd Times the Harm alongside X-Men 3, Blade 3 and Spider-man 3. I’m soo fucking pissed right now! That cocksucking limey fuck Nolan had four motherfucking years to make this movie and this was the best that asswipe could do? Too busy jerking off onto his IMAX cameras which should be shoved up his fucking asshole post haste! “IMAX this and IMAX that BLAH BLAH BLAH”, yeah, too bad you didn’t spend as much time working on the fucking script you overrated cunt! What’s clear throughout all of this is that fuckface was less interested in making a Batman movie as he was turning Batman into James Bond. We all know of Nolan’s fixation with Bond but unlike Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, where he managed to merge his interests together by brilliantly using the Batman mythos to convey theme’s and subtext, in the case of The Dark Knight Rises Nolan has not only shit the bed but flooded the whole fucking house with a river of diarrhea, loosening its foundation and sending it floating down the street over the edge of a fucking cliff!

    Suffice to say I didn’t like this movie.

    Except for the bitches as this is the first movie Nolan has made where he hasn’t cast a single fugly woman in any role.

    • MFBINC

      seems someone learned a new word today………

    • Fender

      A comic book film being criticised for having comic book elements? A pretty awful opinion all round, really, but if you think Nolan made this final instalment strictly for the money; you’re about as stupid as your comment is long.

  35. I just saw the film today, and just read several different reviews (I don’t generally read reviews before I see a film). One thing I’ve noticed is that all the reviews said different things, they were wildly varying in more of their praise and criticisms. The only consistent criticism I found was Bane’s voice (although the level of criticism varied as well). I know people have differing opinions, but there is usually some consensus I find.

    As for me. I liked it overall. Selina Kyle was alright, though completely superfluous. The bomb plot strained my suspension of disbelief, but I got past it. The performances were good all around (I’ve never been fond of Bale’s Batman, but he was good as Bruce Wayne). My biggest criticism is that the score and the dialogue occasionally got into fist fights, which the score would invariably win. It’s always irritating when the music drowns out dialogue. It was a good film, I don’t know if I’d call it a great film. I didn’t enjoy it as much as the others in the series (though, technically, it is superior to Begins), but it was still worth watching. At 160 minutes, it’s a bit of a slog at times, but makes up for it with some amazing set pieces and good rising action.

  36. Brianna

    What I learned from this article: You are 32 years old.

  37. payattention

    “God forbid we have a serious debate in this country about making it harder for people to buy insanely and unnecessarily powerful firearms,”

    This country does every fucking thing in its power to make it harder to buy drugs, yet any teenager can obtain any drug he or she wants 24/7. What does that tell you?

    The government can’t make it harder for people to buy insanely and unnecessarily powerful firearms. It is an unsolvable problem. Believing it can is typical liberal “but teh governments can do anything wit moar laws and spending” brainwashed bullshit.

    If this was an island the size of Cuba, and the government was a totalitarian one with the brutality of Hitler and Stalin combined, MAYBE gun control would work. Instead it’s a democracy with literally thousands of miles of borders, shores, and airspace.

    BTW, this psycho was a Ph.D. student in neuroscience. He had no criminal background and little indication of psychosis before this incident. What makes you think he wouldn’t have passed any background check or waiting period you can imagine? What makes you think that he couldn’t have devised a bomb to blow the theater to hell if he had been unable to buy guns?

    Gun control is an illusion. Our time and energy would be better spent on other approaches to the problem.

  38. herbiefrog

    you americans are funny…

    so prudish about sex and yet…

    …lets all blow eac oyther to kingdom cum…

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