The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 8.3.11

August 3rd, 2011 // 566 Comments

I have no idea know how, but this photo is way more awesome than it has a right to be.

Welcome to the mid-week/Hump Day/teachers can’t wait for the weekend, too, because they’re giant fucking slackers, spoon-feeding our children Communism and gay marriage’s The Crap We Missed brought to you at a reasonable hour because it’s a pretty desolate celebrity landscape out there as you’ll learn by the last five photos of this post. (Do I know how to sell, or do I know how to sell?) On that note, your assignment is to tell me the word I’m trying to think of when I look at this pic of Mariah Carey doing her “ocean workout.” Whatever the technical term for battleships approaching a shore is. Beaching? Berthing? Vinnie Sandbarino-ing? I suck at military lingo.

Drop and give me 20,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Jennifer Lopez
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    Those boots get you in the expectant condition.

  2. AnnaLynne McCord Cleopatra
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    She knows J.Lo’s ex is not THE Marc Antony … right?

  3. Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how the hell he’s going to squeeze that voice of his into Spektor’s squeeky soprano.

  4. Melanie Griffith
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    She is fast reaching the Paz de la Huerta stage.

  5. Hank Azaria
    Commented on this photo:

    I love this guy.

  6. Jennifer Lopez
    Commented on this photo:

    Starting to look like Doña Florinda…, not that that means anything to y’all North of the border.

  7. Ben Stiller Paddle Boarding
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    Quinlin could very well have a double dose of Focker in him.

  8. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    sc4play
    Commented on this photo:

    Not 100% sure on that military term, Fish, but I think it has something to do with dragging da bottom!

  9. Paris Hilton Nicky Hilton
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    Herpes and heroin.

  10. Leelee Sobieski
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    The Miley Cyrus look works here.

  11. the one

    she can’t be an american.
    AMERICANS AREN’T SLIM, folks!!

  12. AnnaLynne McCord Cleopatra
    Commented on this photo:

    Full metal j… headband.

  13. Miranda Kerr Silk Robe
    Arzach
    Commented on this photo:

    I just stopped to drool

  14. Kelly Osbourne Coco Ass Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    Kelly Osbourne, seconds away from eating Coco’s ass-soul.

    Alternatively,
    “So will mine ever get this big?”
    “Get?!?”

  15. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Nanook026
    Commented on this photo:

    “All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in [Mariah Carey] Moby Dick.”

  16. Miranda Kerr Silk Robe
    Commented on this photo:

    God bless us, every one.

  17. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    Great, now the whole ocean smells like fish.

  18. Hank Azaria
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a smile? Or just gas?

  19. AnnaLynne McCord Cleopatra
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the second stupidest headwear I’ve ever seen.

  20. Commented on this photo:

    Cruella de Ville, Cruella de Ville . . .

  21. Lil Wayne
    Commented on this photo:

    That shit in his teeth has some shit in its teeth.

  22. Kelly Osbourne Coco Ass Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    The saga continues with Twilight: Breaking Wind, introducing the newest of the undead, the Nosilicano Vampira…a vampire that feeds only on silicone ass implants.

  23. Zac Efron Playground Workout
    Commented on this photo:

    Zac, seriously, if I’ve learned one thing about being an adult at a playground it is this: keep your pants on.

  24. Brooke Shields
    Commented on this photo:

    are we sure this isn’t Brooke Shields greasy meth-head brother Tweak?

  25. Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s styling the new Colin Farrel line of douchewear.

  26. Ian McKellen The Syndicate
    Commented on this photo:

    Captain America is totally played out.

  27. Miranda Kerr Silk Robe
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah twitter…how did narcissistic attention whores get along without you? Well, you and camera phones.

  28. Kelly Osbourne Coco Ass Twitter
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    That must be the Coco-Demon, trying to steal that poor woman’s backside.

  29. Brigitte Nielsen Harald Gloeoeckler
    Commented on this photo:

    TOUCH MY MONKEY!

  30. Brooke Shields
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Ridden hard and put away wet.

  31. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    I just watched a video of a diver getting his face bitten off by a shark he was trying to kiss. I could have watched it twice, but instead I came here…you win some, you lose some.

  32. Ashley Tisdale Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    get to the gym fatty!

  33. Ricky Gervais
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s straight? No kidding.

  34. Emmy Rossum Sports Bra
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s shooting Shameless? Why is she clothed then?

  35. Miranda Kerr Silk Robe
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Gorgeous Lady with ET fingers. She sure knows how to phone home.

  36. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    I think making the ocean work out using Mariah is just cruel. The ocean looks great just the way it is.

  37. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Close to perfect photo. To make it an A+? All you see is her head as she is sucked in by a riptide.

  38. Taylor Swift Upskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    yes, yes…we ALL want to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes

  39. Ashley Tisdale Sports Bra
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Cinderella body, step-sister face.

  40. Paz De La Huerta Tight Dress
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    Did somebody screw with the perspective on this photo because it looks like her feet are closer to the camera than her head…or, wait…she just has a tiny head.

  41. Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok he is filming a film, right? Cause he was Tony Manero last week.

  42. Taylor Swift Upskirt
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah, now we know this is the epicenter of the Zombie apocalypse.

  43. Jennifer Lopez
    Commented on this photo:

    Jenny from the Block showing that Hollywood hasn’t changed her, she can drag her own bag with the wheels not touching the ground like a person who has never touched luggage before just like everyone else does!

  44. Paz De La Huerta Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    say what you will, I think she’s hot. In that special “it’s last call and there’s a chick who looks drunk enough to blow me in the parking lot, but not so drunk she can complain to the police when she sobers up” way.

    • I’ve tried to explain it to girls but they never get it. There’s traditional hot, but then there is not-attractive-but-clearly-dealing-with-daddy-issues-and-definitely-attainable-and-is-probably-up-for-some-really-gross-stuff hot, and men will gravitate towards the latter almost every time.

      If you get hit on, congrats, you’re a woman. If you get hit on a lot, congrats, you’re a mess.

  45. Zac Efron Playground Workout
    Commented on this photo:

    Really? Can you still call it “working out” when you’re doing it at a playground?

  46. Jennifer Lopez
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I know she is filming a scene. There is no way she would push her own luggage.

  47. Paz De La Huerta Tight Dress
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a burn victim. Scratch that. That’s rude to burn victims, they look better.

  48. Thugnificent

    I never read what the SW writes, so whose ass is getting squeezed?

  49. Nicole Richie Yoga Pants Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    She ought to invite The Vintage Don to her gym before he has a Contemporary Coronary Episode.

  50. Zac Efron Playground Workout
    Lolli-Pop
    Commented on this photo:

    So, does this mean he’s too broke to build something like this at home?

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