The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 8.3.11

August 3rd, 2011 // 566 Comments

I have no idea know how, but this photo is way more awesome than it has a right to be.

Welcome to the mid-week/Hump Day/teachers can’t wait for the weekend, too, because they’re giant fucking slackers, spoon-feeding our children Communism and gay marriage’s The Crap We Missed brought to you at a reasonable hour because it’s a pretty desolate celebrity landscape out there as you’ll learn by the last five photos of this post. (Do I know how to sell, or do I know how to sell?) On that note, your assignment is to tell me the word I’m trying to think of when I look at this pic of Mariah Carey doing her “ocean workout.” Whatever the technical term for battleships approaching a shore is. Beaching? Berthing? Vinnie Sandbarino-ing? I suck at military lingo.

Drop and give me 20,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Paula Labaredas Cleavage Tight Dress
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Let me guess, she shakes her tits on TV and is on some Spanish news station?

  2. Brigitte Nielsen Harald Gloeoeckler
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s right, Gl-o-e-o-e-ckler. Fuck you onomatopoeia.”

  3. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Tad Bit Tipsy
    Commented on this photo:

    Can we just start calling her Harry Carey…. Makes so much more sense in conversation.

  4. Orlando Bloom
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re no Mickey Rourke.

  5. Orlando Bloom
    sc4play
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait…..this gets to bang Miranda Kerr at will? I’m going to kill myself now!

  6. Paz De La Huerta Tight Dress
    Tad Bit Tipsy
    Commented on this photo:

    All I can think of is Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie before he hits the makeup truck.

  7. Lil Wayne
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll take Tattoos for Five Hundred Alex.

    What semi-famous shit bag has $100,000 in tattoos with not a single one being anything discernible.

  8. Kelly Osbourne Coco Ass Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    Pictured left to right: a big ass, a bigger ass.

  9. Brigitte Nielsen Harald Gloeoeckler
    Commented on this photo:

    This Kama Sutra crap is waaaaay harder to do than I thought it would be.

  10. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    The sea was angry that day, my friends.

  11. Paris Hilton Nicky Hilton
    LJ
    Commented on this photo:

    I keep getting the feeling that we’re close to the day when Nicky Hilton is going to start wearing a “I’m NOT with stupid” T-shirt.

  12. Ben Stiller Paddle Boarding
    gagh
    Commented on this photo:

    Push him off. Push him off!

  13. Jennifer Lopez
    Commented on this photo:

    I got 2 on this one:
    1. Holy crap she has a bag for each butt cheek????
    2. “Jijijijijiji I can’t believe he fit in this carry on… That’ll teach him to call me Tee-la!!”

  14. Brooke Shields
    Commented on this photo:

    Sam Neill with long hair.

  15. Orlando Bloom
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah keep laughing assholes… I may look like a douche but see pic #4 to see what I come home to every night”

  16. Paula Labaredas Cleavage Tight Dress
    Tad Bit Tipsy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ass Shot, love it! Keep it up.

  17. Demi Lovato
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Her simple but brilliant disguise earned her the name ‘the Lampshade Burglar’

  18. Paula Labaredas Cleavage Tight Dress
    Louwww
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry sweetie, but if I Google your name and a Wikipedia article doesn’t come up on the first page of results, you’re not famous

  19. Ashley Tisdale Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    we know Ally Michalka ruined your show now smile.

  20. Brooke Shields
    Eddie
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Criss Angel’s happy about his latest magic trick/

  21. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    AC
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh shit a beached whale, anyone wanna push her back in?! lol

  22. Taylor Swift Upskirt
    The Critical Crassness
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh great..now they’ve gone and made “Creature from the Black Lagoon Meets Rosemary’s baby” starring Courtney Love…..

  23. Zac Efron Playground Workout
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok, they’re making an effort, but it’s still not right what they do to Veal

  24. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Eddie
    Commented on this photo:

    Umm, Maria…….your water broke.

  25. Melanie Griffith
    DamnFoolMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember when she was hot ?

    Me neither.

  26. Hank Azaria
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that an Okapi or a Giraffe? I think it’s an Okapi. No, it’s a Giraffe.

  27. Paz De La Huerta Tight Dress
    ugasean
    Commented on this photo:

    “This boot-face is made for walking, and that’s just what it’ll do….One of these days this boot-face is gonna walk all over you.”

  28. Ben Stiller Paddle Boarding
    Eddie
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Ben was momentarily possessed by Casey Anthony.

    • Colin

      Nah, there’s no opportunity for a bloody corpse in the trunk. This is more of an Andrea Yates move.

  29. AnnaLynne McCord Cleopatra
    Commented on this photo:

    “yes,I am holding the last condom used on me.”

  30. Jimbo

    Fish dude, The word you are looking for is “beached whale”…. That is the proper military term for this.

  31. Paula Labaredas Cleavage Tight Dress
    The Critical Crassness
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, now we know what the latest “Hooters Bobble-Head” looks like!

  32. Brooke Shields
    Poison Ivy League
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s always looked like a man. Now she just looks like an old man.

  33. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    You wanna kiss me or heh heh ‘kiss the gun’?

  34. jonny

    Kelly Osbourne is the ugliest cow int he world. And is still fat!

  35. Paula Labaredas Cleavage Tight Dress
    DamnFoolMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm. Fringe famous. Smoking hot.

  36. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Compared to her that’s a whole ocean of smart water.

  37. Kelly Osbourne Coco Ass Twitter
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Can’t you see Kelly is grieving? She just lost her “best friend”.
    This will help the healing process, and Coco doesn’t seem to mind.

  38. Brooke Shields
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I recommend bangs….BIG bangs.

  39. Miranda Kerr Silk Robe
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s rubbing it in….so you guys out there can rub one out.

  40. Mariah Carey Swimsuit Twitter
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Please, don’t come any closer, and thank you photographer for not zooming in.

  41. Kelly Osbourne Coco Ass Twitter
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Weird. If you stare at Kelly’s head long enough you can see a beautiful young woman.

  42. Taylor Swift Upskirt
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The DC area is under assault. First Brit Brit a few days ago and now this.

  43. Demi Lovato
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Large and in charge.

  44. Ricky Gervais
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    “Any americans here want to redo my interview so it’s funny?”

  45. Nicole Richie Yoga Pants Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s thinking “Cocaine is so much easier than running a gauntlet of paparazzi to go sweat up a storm on stupid exercise equipment”.

  46. Ian McKellen The Syndicate
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Gandalf has started to branch out into brighter colors.

  47. Ben Stiller Paddle Boarding
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Very cute…now show us more pain & depravity.

  48. Scott Disick
    Oh No
    Commented on this photo:

    I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust.

  49. Brigitte Nielsen Harald Gloeoeckler
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I viewed this full sized….but it still didn’t help my understanding of the content at all.

  50. Paula Labaredas Cleavage Tight Dress
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Goin’ home alone, where she will let the Labrador hit her on the Labaredas

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