The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 7.23.14

July 23rd, 2014 // 366 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ll shoot you straight and tell you I’m about to make nothing but anal sex jokes. First, it’s David Beckham learning the hard way why you never turn down John Travolta‘s invite to a Sea Org cruise, then there’s Richard Gere holding a statuette of a tiny, mythical creature of lore that undoubtedly is going right up his ass, and finally, there’s Young Commissioner Gordon doing this, which isn’t necessarily about the difficult brown, but reminds me of when a dog shits and their legs shake and they look at you like “C’mon man, do you have to giggle like that? Jesus.”

Welcome to the awful, infantile prison from which there is no escape that is my mind,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Emmy Rossum Butt Tight Jeans ATM
    buzz
    Commented on this photo:

    Dammit I bet her atm statement shows that the funds available in her account is higher than the odometer reading in my work truck.

  2. Emmy Rossum Butt Tight Jeans ATM
    Commented on this photo:

    ATM

  3. Vince Neil Fat Belly Motley Crue Final Tour Performance
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m on my wayyyyyy
    Just set me freeeeeee…
    Home Sweet HOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMME (fries)

  4. John Stamos
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    And when you’re flying, Gay Rob Morrow fits right into the overhead bin! It’s that compact!

  5. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Way bad Photoshopping

  6. Jaden Smith Hand Kissed By Dude
    Joe Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    “Welcome to the brotherhood. Just remember, castration first, then drink the kool-aid to cleanse yourself of your Earthly form, then the spaceship will take you to the new world.”

  7. Jaden Smith Hand Kissed By Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Look, I love California and all, but I refuse to use my hair as a walking billboard for palm trees.

  8. Amber Rose Cleavage Bedazzled Fanny Pack Tank Top Yoga Pants
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    How did she get off the Mad Max set?

  9. Vince Neil Fat Belly Motley Crue Final Tour Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    “Thank you! Goodnight! See you at the All -U-Can -Eat buffet!!”

  10. Paris Hilton Holding Baby Extra
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess someone asked her if she’s auditioning to be the world’s biggest douche so now she’s posing with babies for the packaging?

  11. Melanie Griffith Butt Thong See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    The ‘Working Girl’ sequel adds a totally predictable plot twist.

  12. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    maybe if she wore that wig the other way. hahah-ouch!!!
    im sor- oowww!!!!
    please sto- oowww!!!
    no-no- owww!!!!! owww!!!!!!
    eeeiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Vince Neil Fat Belly Motley Crue Final Tour Performance
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    This is what happens when the women stop throwing panties and start throwing cheeseburgers.

  14. Paris Hilton Holding Baby Extra
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    …Now let’s meet today’s contestants on “Guess Whose Finger is Cleaner!”

  15. Emmy Rossum Butt Tight Jeans ATM
    Commented on this photo:

    Surprised the paps didn’t get her pin number.

  16. Dean Cain Fat Untucked Shirt A Horse For Summer Premiere
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    …Well not in a SINGLE bound anymore.

  17. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Grace
    Commented on this photo:

    Genetics has not been exactly kind to those poor girls, and that’s not their fault.
    But the blue hair and get-up is all hers. WHY?

  18. Joe Jonas Tank Top Hawaiin Shirt
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Just two macho guys who love musical theater.

  19. Emmy Rossum Butt Tight Jeans ATM
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    How much do you need? I’ll give it to you!

  20. Alyssa Milano Pregnant Belly Leather Pants Heels
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Those high heels are much stronger that I had ever imagined.

  21. Taylor Swift Legs Heels Minidress
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    So she will have infected our entire planet, and the invasion will come.

  22. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Sunlight Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmm…looks ok…no telltale warping of the background around her waistline…I think it’s legit. I’m going to officially declare Jessica Simpson to again be fuckable!

    Your trophy is in the mail Jessi.

    • Jimmy

      There is massive gut-sucking occurring, however. Which has the added bonus of pushing her big old itties up and out.

      But then after the pic was taken, there was a huge exhale, gut expansion, and boob saggage.

      She really is the poor little low self esteem rich girl. Banged and dumped by Texas coaches and quarterbacks, and settling for a purse carrying second stringer.

  23. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    If her and Kelly Osbourne ever stood next to one another, I’m pretty sure heaven would crack asunder, and angel corpses would rain to Earth.

  24. Vince Neil Fat Belly Motley Crue Final Tour Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    hes not doing a crotch grab cause its cool n beiber n shit.
    hes doing a crotch grab cause old guys n bladder n control.

  25. Richard Gere Giffoni Film Festival Trophy
    Commented on this photo:

    “…and this years winner of the ‘Gay Griffon’ award goes to….Richard Geere!”

    “YES!! wait..what?”

  26. Taylor Swift Legs Heels Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    Interesting shoe style reversal. In a traditional design, the stilletto heel is thinner than the leg.

  27. David Beckham Brown Slime Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, that’s how it feels sometimes.

  28. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    …and she’s the pretty one.

  29. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Sunlight Instagram
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Jessica Simpson start working with JJ Abrams?

  30. Jaden Smith Hand Kissed By Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he not even going to bother *trying* to fend off the mutant tarantula that’s trying to suck his brain juices?

  31. David Beckham Brown Slime Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    Damnit, now we’re going to have to send Victoria in there disguised as a bounty hunter and carrying Khloe Kardashian on a leash.

  32. Paris Hilton Holding Baby Extra
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a public service reminder to please vaccinate your children.

  33. Prince Charles Jamaican Commonwealth Boxing Team Emirates Arena Chris Hoy Velodrome
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hahahaha. What’s this? Shouldn’t you fellas be wearing feathers and a grass skirt?”

  34. Paris Hilton Holding Baby Extra
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    Snot expulsion in 3…2…1…

  35. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you really want to draw more attention to your head, Tallulah? And with a name like “Tallulah” she was guaranteed to be ugly or at least fat.

  36. Vince Neil Fat Belly Motley Crue Final Tour Performance
    famesandwhich
    Commented on this photo:

    All Dr. Feelgood gets him now is alpha blockers for his enlarged prostate. Cuz he’s old. Get it?

  37. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Sunlight Instagram
    MarketingMike
    Commented on this photo:

    I remember her from the Reality Show, back when she
    was married to Nick. I remember the things she did, the
    way she lived, and her general lifestyle. So, no matter
    how hot she is again (and she was very hot back then)
    I can’t help but think back to how she’d wipe the house
    out for 3 hours, when she used the bathroom.

  38. Cara Delevingne Bikini Selena Gomez Parasailing
    Commented on this photo:

    Justin Bieber’s sex swing.

  39. Vince Neil Fat Belly Motley Crue Final Tour Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time I see a photo like this, I feel better that Nikki was always my favourite.

  40. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Sunlight Instagram
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    How long will she be able to remember to “suck in that gut” every time a camera is near?

  41. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Hard to commit crimes against humanity incognito with a hairdo like that.

  42. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Somebody call Bart Simpson and alert him that Sideshow Bob is on his way!

  43. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    I see she finally put her shirt on.

  44. Richard Gere Giffoni Film Festival Trophy
    Marketing Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    If you think it was tough getting the Gerbil out,
    that thing is painted on a piece of glass.
    It’s really gonna hurt this time.

  45. Melanie Griffith Butt Thong See Through Dress
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s called a slip granny, you can buy them all over.

  46. Melanie Griffith Butt Thong See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    If you cover up most of her body, and don’t show her face, she still looks pretty good.

  47. Irina Shayk Panty Flash Upskirt Minidress Extra
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    SanDeE likes to twirl.

  48. Kelly Brook Cleavage Yoga Pants David McIntosh Boner Short Shorts
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Time for gentle stretching, rehydration, sex & cheeseburgers.

  49. Tallulah Willis Blue Hair Cheetah Print Slippers
    Marketing Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Too bad her “Jonah Hill” chin wasn’t painted on
    like her blue hair is.

  50. David Beckham Brown Slime Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards
    Jackmac
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he doing German porn now?

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