The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 7.10.13

July 10th, 2013 // 359 Comments

Welcome To Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where we take a brief pause from drinking bourbon out of a coffee thermos our daily lives to collectively hate people like Rob Kardashian. And not because he somehow gained forty pounds in a week, which is undoubtedly hilarious, but because he’s the failure of a family who continues to be famous based solely on the time his sister got banged on camera. The same goes for Justin Bieber, or wait, maybe this is just what he sees in the mirror, Shia LaBeouf, who’s as American as fatigues, Bud Light and penis butterflies, and Ben Affleck already knowing where the text I can see you MOTHERFUCKER!!! on this girl’s phone came from.

In every Kate Upton photo, there’s always an Asian guy in the background saying everything with his eyes that the guy in skinny jeans says out loud in front of his boss during golf,

- Photo Boy

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Rob Kardashian Fat
    Commented on this photo:

    His bitch tits are coming in nicely.

  2. Lea Michele Butt Bikini Instagram
    Skeeter
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like to pummel her asshole and launch my seed up in there.

    • Right. We all would. But it’s sort of rhetorical. You don’t need to state it on a website comment section.

      • Skeeter

        Thanks for the tip. Perhaps, I’ll follow your lead and post lame attempts at humor that would best be left unsaid!

      • Skeeter

        No offense, of course. But just saying that if we’re really gonna judge the value of things stated on the comments section of a website (especially a celeb gossip site such as this—and I do enjoy this website so that’s not a knock at all on this site), there’s bound to be plenty of things not necessarily up to snuff/worth posting. To each his own, I say.

      • Well, there’s also not posting something that makes you sound like the internal monologue of some fucktard in a strip club with a handful of sweaty ones who thinks the stripper might really like him because she keeps coming over and taking his money.

      • pavement_smear

        Wait, so you mean that line DOESN’T work on women? Wow, who knew? People totally underestimate the educational value of this site.

      • Contusion, can you tell us more about how we’re never going to get with the fit female tennis players we’re slobbering over—and how they’ve been eliminated in the latest tournament anyway?

  3. Amy Smart Thick Lower Half Tapestry Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Back to the farm, Mormon wife #8.

  4. Ben Affleck Posing With Young Woman
    Someone Else
    Commented on this photo:

    They’re both checking out a Matt Damon weiner pic on her phone.

  5. Kate Upton Cleavage Legs Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s used to that happening all the time by now.

  6. Rob Kardashian Fat
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yo…you got the goods?”

    “Yeah bro….10 pounds of crystal clear steak fat. Organically raised. This shit melts in your mouth man, no aftertaste, nothing.”

    “Meet me behind the bushes.”

  7. Ben Affleck Posing With Young Woman
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Methinks yet another night of telling a screaming Jennifer “I swear, she was just a fan, I just posed for a picture, that’s all!!” is rapidly approaching.

  8. Tulisa Contostavlos Bikini Hookah Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Dennis Rodman quit drinking?

  9. Shaquille ONeal Derpface Team MMG Guest Coach
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like the black Joe Don Baker.

  10. Pete Wentz Girlfriend Meagan Camper Legs Spread
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s so lady-like.

  11. Brandy Headwrap Oversized Sweater
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn it! Erykah Badu found my time machine again.

  12. Wilmer Valderrama Hipster Clothes
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Ocean’s Three:
    Breaking into a most secure high school in Hollywood is the easy part. Getting out without a statutory rape charge is where it’s going to take three…

    Coming this summer!

  13. Lea Michele Butt Bikini Instagram
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    SUPER HOT! Until I read who it was and imagined what is on the other side….

  14. Michelle Rodriguez Butt Tight Skirt Turbo Premiere NYC
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, in this pic she actually looks like someone you could date without ending up with a stab wound.

  15. Wilmer Valderrama Hipster Clothes
    broduhjenner
    Commented on this photo:

    “let me see…hmmm. how many ways can I be a douche today? 1) white lacoste polo. check. 2) rolled up jeans. check. 3) untied ankle boots. check. a personal best”

  16. Maitland Ward Bikini 7-Eleven 86th Birthday Party
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like Renee Flemming. HAWT!

  17. Prince Charles Masquerade Mask Elephant Family Reception
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Mummy never let’s me attend the Eyes Wide Shut Ball. But this year, I’m just going to DO IT, by George!

  18. Nicole Kidman
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    The TSA kicked her out for carrying more than 3 ounces of Botox in her face.

  19. Nicole Kidman
    Commented on this photo:

    well, she definitely is reprising her role in to die for. only now she’s dead.

  20. Iggy Azalea Buttcheeks Eyeball Shorts Dynamo Secret Party
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mom! Iggy’s staring at me again!”

  21. Ben Affleck Posing With Young Woman
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that the nanny?

  22. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Combat Boots Budweiser Shirt
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    He thinks he’s going to war with Coors.

  23. Berenice Marlohe Swimsuit Eres Ad
    Commented on this photo:

    Wiiiiiiide hips, plain girl.

  24. Maitland Ward Bikini 7-Eleven 86th Birthday Party
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Girl Meets Saline.

  25. Soulja Boy Saggin Skinny Jeans Boxers Hanging Out
    Commented on this photo:

    sigh..ok, just imagine something kind of racist, but really funny. Then imagine that I said that.

  26. Rob Kardashian Fat
    Commented on this photo:

    look, you guys. kevin federline is simply doing the best with what he’s got. his exwife is crazy and he is juggling two kids. cut the guy some slack.

  27. Ben Affleck Posing With Young Woman
    Commented on this photo:

    Every man can read it in his face: *yeah, my wife is hotter…but strange is strange!”

  28. Brandy Headwrap Oversized Sweater
    Commented on this photo:

    she thinks the African princess slot is open now that lauryn hill is in jail. at least lauryn was supremely talented.

  29. LaLa Anthony Cellulite Spandex Pants The Game
    Commented on this photo:

    LaLa has gone way downhill from the Teletubby days.

  30. Soulja Boy Saggin Skinny Jeans Boxers Hanging Out
    Commented on this photo:

    At the risk of sounding like the old guy in the room, how do they actually stay up at that level?

  31. John Travolta Straw Hat Small Goatee Commercial Set Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    What is that patch of shit on his face? Barf.

  32. Nicki Minaj Posing With Strippers Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Her tongue looks stumpy and weird. Somehow that’s what jumps out at me.

  33. LaLa Anthony Cellulite Spandex Pants The Game
    Commented on this photo:

    Is his first name “The” and middle name “Game?” Or is “The” more of a salutation, like “Mr.” or “Professor?”

  34. Lea Michele Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, where is a “mid shoulder blade snap kick launching her into the needle sharp giant Aloe fronds” when you need one.

    • crb

      Nah, use a kicker’s tee and a Field-Goal style Instep-kick to get under that taint and really get her some air, so the damage is unrecoverable.

  35. Soulja Boy Saggin Skinny Jeans Boxers Hanging Out
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope someone hits him with a car. Isn’t this that little douche who shit-talked the military? He sucks ass.

  36. Wilmer Valderrama Hipster Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    …and the Valderrettes!

  37. Shaquille ONeal Derpface Team MMG Guest Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    His only coaching advice is to be a physical freak so you don’t ever have to develop any actual skills or post moves. Oh, and training camp is where you lose all the off-season pounds.

  38. Michelle Rodriguez Butt Tight Skirt Turbo Premiere NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy crap she’s smiling…that means she either caught Portia de Rossi taking a dump in the ladies room, or she just saw a man get his testicles bitten off by wolves.

  39. Hugo Bachmaier Fondling Micaela Schaefers Breasts P1 Summer Party
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Stay sleazy, my friends.

  40. Prince Charles Masquerade Mask Elephant Family Reception
    Commented on this photo:

    All funny captions aside, seeing these photos of what this guy actually does every day of his life is pretty incredible. Just when I think it can’t get any dumber, there’s a guy with a puppy on his head and it’s so not the weirdest thing there that no one is even looking at that guy.

  41. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Combat Boots Budweiser Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Okay, he’s definitely a douche, but I’ve been seeing a lot of pictures of him in camo lately. I hate to admit that I would… as long as he’s wearing camo. ONLY if he’s wearing camo. And not talking.

  42. Prince Charles Masquerade Mask Elephant Family Reception
    Commented on this photo:

    British royalty seems to take saving the Asian Elephant exactly as seriously as I would have guessed that they would.

  43. Kate Upton Cleavage Legs Minidress
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that guy wearing yoga pants?

  44. Shia LaBeouf Fatigues Combat Boots Budweiser Shirt
    pavement_smear
    Commented on this photo:

    These do not appear to be elastic cuffs, so you really have to appreciate his attention to detail. The tuck, especially useful for keeping the hot sands of Studio City out of your boot, are juxtaposed against the freshly laundered (but not pressed) Bud Light T and black wide-band watch in a look that just screams “will never see any real service.” Kudos, Mr. LeBeouf, for taking douchery to a stylistic level where once only Ed Hardy would tread.

    • I kinda feel like if he wanted to go Full Douche, the T-shirt would have the name of some obscure microbrew, not some corporate megabrand.

      • JustSomeAholeOnTheInternet

        He’s ironically wearing a megabrand, he’s making a douchey statement on corporate wars.

  45. Wilmer Valderrama Hipster Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    If that girl looks at his left hand, she’s getting punched in the shoulder.

  46. Hugo Bachmaier Fondling Micaela Schaefers Breasts P1 Summer Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh my goodness… I almost just projectile vomited.

  47. Pete Wentz Girlfriend Meagan Camper Legs Spread
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Now there’s a classy lady. $5 says this picture was followed by a belch.

  48. Maitland Ward Bikini 7-Eleven 86th Birthday Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Oddly, it’s not their 75th Birthday or some sort of anniversary…it’s just 7-Eleven having an 86th birthday party in Malibu. Makes perfect sense.

  49. Soulja Boy Saggin Skinny Jeans Boxers Hanging Out
    Nonnie Moose
    Commented on this photo:

    This is just like the Patterson-Gimlin Bigfoot video.

    Except this is Tardfoot.

  50. Maitland Ward Bikini 7-Eleven 86th Birthday Party
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s a total butterface.

    By which I mean it looks like she’s got butter on her face.

    • geek-news.mtv.com//wp-content/uploads/geek/2013/05/arrested-development-debrie.png

      To me the meaning of the term had already been changed to just that.

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